The Stadium Tour Hangover

We realize that it's the end of January and you've yet to see a single piece of writing regarding Cincinnati. It's just that...we're suffering from a stadium tour hangover. We could not possibly have picked a better way to go out with our thirtieth ballpark, so you'd think that we'd be flying high. But we're not. We're back at work. We're not flying high. And no one gave two sh*ts about our accomplishment.

You know what people have been doing? Stealing our f*cking idea and not even acknowledging that they got the idea from us. They're walking around planning sh*t as if we didn't just do the exact trip that they're planning. Bunch of thunder stealers.

No one met us at the airport with a limo and Cristal.

No one threw a f*cking party.

No one made us a cake. Lisa should not have to make us our cake. There is a line in the sand. She shouldn't have to cross it. It's like making your own birthday cake. A plate of cookies would've been fine as well.

No one cast a bronze statue replicating this moment:

It could've been placed outside the doors of the Baseball Hall of Fame.

We didn't get free stuff or brand sponsorships. There was a plethora of marketing opportunities for companies. Lids, Nike, crossbody handbags, ponchos, wine, Ray Ban, beer (any brand really), ice cream, coffee, travel wine cups and other assorted tailgating goods, the VW Bug, vacation hot spots, takeout food, Taco Bell, blow dry bars, and dry shampoo. Especially considering we pulled off a record breaking six days without washing our hair during our recent Midwest swing. Dry shampoo companies should be banging our damn doors down for publicity like that.

Maybe we had a great idea for a baseball stadium tour app, but no one would know that because no one has asked us.

ESPN, MLB, FoxSports. They gave zero f*cks. No late night talk shows. Not that we'd stay up that late to be on them in the first place, but it's always nice to be asked.

No one threw a parade. Every culture in existence in New York City, even the antiquated ones, gets a parade starting in April and ending in October and we got d*ck. If the Yankees and Giants get a Canyon of Heroes parade when they win the championship, we should get one as well. What the hell did they do? They won a bunch of games. Who cares? They're rich, work part time, and they're being rewarded for one season of work. This took us ten years, a sh*t ton of money we didn't have because we're one step above poor, and we work full time jobs. F*ck those guys.

It took Mamadukes three days to congratulate us. It's not like she wasn't texting the entire time about other stuff that didn't matter like Serena's wedding. Who cares about wedding planning? WE CRUSHED THIRTY BALLPARKS!

So, that's where we're at right now. Hungover and disappointed.