Why Can’t We Be Friends? (Part 2 in a Series)

Before we get into today’s post topic, we have some housekeeping to take care of. For starters, poll results. Last week, we d*cked you over with a BS post because we are lazy. Yes, we can blame it on Chipotle and yes, we can blame it on the serendipitous timing of an Archer marathon, but really it just boils down to the fact that we’re lazy. We were curious to know if you guys would even notice that we blew you off, so we asked “do you feel like we gypped you this week?” Only 2 people voted, which makes us think that no one really noticed our absence, BUT the 2 people voted for “no, you DID promise us a video in the near future.” And we aim to keep that promise! Just not this week. The video content is totally unrelated to today’s blog post AND we’ve relocated our blogging headquarters this weekend and since Serena’s apartment is still in shambles, there’s not much space for us to film the footage. Hopefully by next weekend, we’ll have enough room cleared out that we can shoot us performing the different stages of burpees. Try not to piss yourself with excitement. This would be a good time to mention our Super Hero of the Week. This week’s honor goes to Jerry for moving Serena’s dining set like a f*cking champ. He basically carried it on one pinky held above his head. He’s pretty much the strongest man alive. Stronger than Thor even.

2013 Stadium Tour Update: Our tickets to the Cardinals/Padres game on July 19^th have officially been purchased!! Even better is that our tickets are actually physically being mailed to Lisa’s house. Random side rant (RSR): we totally hate the fact that 90% of events these days force you to print your tickets at home. The sheets of paper are big, easily damaged, and simply not sexy. Tickets used to be a memento of a fun time. How are you sticking a piece of computer paper in your scrapbook? To top it off, Ticketmaster CHARGES you a convenience fee to print off these tickets on YOUR printer, with YOUR ink, and YOUR paper. So the fee is for what? Converting the ticket into a PDF file? We can do that ourselves with our Adobe. We’re already doing everything else here, why not just have us convert the file as well? And that’s all we have to say about that.

Next item on our stadium tour to do list is to purchase tickets to a stadium tour of Busch Stadium (that’s what he said…har har). We’re trying to sex things up for you. Change it up a bit so our relationship doesn’t go stale. Second item on our to do list? Actually get the time off from work for this trip. We’re sitting here planning and booking an entire vacation and neither of us have the time off approved. We MAY be scheduling a tragic illness for the month of July…

Finally, today’s blog topic. Last year, we talked about how we were going to start a series of blog posts covering rivalries entitled “What Can’t We Be Friends?” Can you remember how many of these posts we actually produced last year? One. That’s it. Just one. Our bad. We vowed to rectify the situation and today we’re covering the Mets/Phillies rivalry AND we’ll soon be covering the Yankees/Red Sox rivalry, so that should be exciting for you.

Like last year’s Subway Series blog, we needed to conduct research. Finding Mets fans to speak to was fairly simple. Phillies fans, on the other hand, proved quite challenging. We put out the call on Facebook, Twatter, and even sent personal emails to the few Phillies fans we knew. Guess how many Phillies fans answered that call? TWO. Technically, they only count as one because it was a married couple and they answered together. Needless to say, this experiment was a fail. Phillies fans, this was YOUR chance to shine. To potentially dispel the rumors going around that you’re all a bunch of f*cking a-holes. You failed miserably. This is why you guys are the a-hole of the week (except for Melissa and her hubby, who actually took time out to answer our questions, despite Melissa’s trepidation that we were “going to make fun of her”). To keep things consistent, we asked the same initial 4 questions and then asked follow-up questions based on their answers if we deemed it necessary. We also kept our own opinions out of the equation (no matter how difficult it was at times) so as to a) prevent anyone from feeling like they’re being picked on, b) promote total honesty, and c) prevent our opinion from swaying anyone’s responses.

Being that we only have one legit Phillies fan’s feedback, it is hard to draw concrete conclusions on the mindset in the City of Brotherly Love, but we’ll do our best to portray everyone fairly. The first question we asked our participants (Melissa/Hubby, Randy, Daniel, Kevin, Joel, and Pete) was “Do you hate the Mets/Phillies? If so, why do you think many Mets/Phillies fans hate the Mets/Phillies?” We specifically asked them not to reply “Mets/Phillies suck” because that is the reply of drunk, ignorant f*ckheads and vacant morons of that kind are not welcome on this blog. And they just can’t sit with us at the bar. We’ll not tolerate that kind of nonsense. Our only Phillies fan, Melissa and Hubby are confessed Mets haters. Their reasoning started off so logical by talking about the Mets and Phillies being division rivals. Then things went below the belt: “We hate the Mets fans coming to our stadium to watch a game (this is not the hitting below the belt part…we actually hate when our stadiums are invaded by the opposing fans as well) because their stadium is garbage and overpriced.” Ouch. In Citi Field’s defense (and this is hardly a defense), EVERYTHING in New York is overpriced. A hot dog from a street vendor is too much damn money, nevermind the crap that’s got a price tag on it at sporting venue. Perhaps Mets fans are traveling to Philly to catch a game AND a cheesesteak sandwich? Don’t get us wrong. The sandwiches at Citi Field and Yankees Stadium are delicious, but they simply do not compare to the ones we chowed down in Philly. Regardless, this is their opinion and they’re entitled. Let’s discuss what our Mets fans had to say about the Phillies, shall we?

The common consensus with the Mets fans we polled is that they don’t necessarily hate the Phillies per say. Their problem lies with the fans of the team. The most common term thrown around to describe the fans was “arrogant a-holes.” The second most used term was “ignorant.” Randy didn’t always hate them, but recently they’ve become “those annoying newbie Boston Red Sox fans that suddenly appeared…arrogant like they have won back to back to back World Series…unearned arrogance.” Pete cited the fans as having “short term memories and don’t seem to remember how many years/decades their team was at the bottom of the heap” as well as harboring an inferiority complex toward New York City in general because “they’re jealous of our city.” Joel (yes, the same Joel that hasn’t registered for the Spartan Race at Citi Field) corroborated Randy’s and Pete’s feelings by stating that “the Braves win 14 or so Division titles in a row, but the Phillies fans are acting like the Phillies are a dynasty.” Joel took it one step further and approached the topic that’s heartbreaking to most Mets fans: the historic collapse of 2007 (Lisa didn’t want to talk about it). “Phillies fans will always have that to harp on and of course, still do…I am just disgusted with the Mets in general for that year, but the Phillies are forever linked to it.” Daniel (GM/writer of the blog, “Mets Are Better Than Sex” –check it out) didn’t bother beating around the bush, stating right out the gate that “their fans are arrogant a-holes, to put it bluntly. I understand that not all of them are a-holes, but for the most part, their reputation precedes them.” At least acknowledged awareness that not ALL fans are a-holes. “For a team with the most losses in MLB baseball history, they have no business puffing up their chests the way they do.” What have these conversations taught us? The Phillies, as an organization, isn’t always so bad, but their fans are. In short, the fans talk the talk, but the team doesn’t necessarily walk the walk.

Our second question was “Have you personally had a negative experience with a Mets/Phillies fan?” Melissa/Hubby had admitted to never personally speaking to a Mets fan before, but had the displeasure of having loud-mouthed Mets fans sit near them at the game. We wanted to find out more about this particular experience, but unfortunately, Melissa/Hubby didn’t have the chance to response to our follow-up questions regarding this instance. We simply have to assume that they were typical obnoxious fans.

Pete and Joel both had very specific negative experiences with Phillies fans, whereas Daniel replied simply: “No and let’s keep it that way.” Pete took his 8-year old son to a Mets/Phillies game at Citizen Bank Park, thinking that a child in Mets gear would be off limits to razzing. It turned out not to be the case. Among the “vulgar” comments directed toward them was “Hey, f*ck you, Mets fans, go back to New York!” It’s safe to assume that the phrase “Ear Muffs” wasn’t said prior to the F Bomb drop. Joel attended a Mets/Phillies game at Shea Stadium back when the Mets were experimenting with Mike Piazza at first and Jim Thome manned first for the Phillies. During the 5^th inning, Joel snuck down to some empty seats on the first base side because Piazza and Thome were two of his favorite MLB players. Not only did a nearby Phillies fan rag on Piazza on every single play, but he also ragged on Thome!! His own player! Joel thought “in a nutshell, he is a good representation of the perception I have of Phillies fans and fans of Philidelphia sports, in general.”

Our third question was “Do you look forward to games in which the Phillies and Mets face off?” Finally, at long last, we had unity across the fan bases. Everyone polled look forward to the matchups (unlike Lisa, who dreads it), citing the division rivalry aspect. Kevin ( @MrMetKevC on Twatter – look him up), in particular, explained its excitement stems from the fact that “in recent years, they have been Division leaders and always tough to go up against a tough starting rotation. Nice measuring stick per say” (that’s what she said…sorry, it couldn’t be helped). Being that the games are between two Division rivals, Daniel added that, “I feel fans get extra motivated on both sides, the passion comes out, and this is what rivalries are all about.” Joel went beyond the excitement that comes with facing a Division rivalry and added that since the Mets haven’t been real contenders of late, “if the Mets are only gonna win 70-75 games [in a season], I would like as many of them [the wins] as possible to be against the Phillies, Braves, and Nationals within the Division.” He also explained that “the rivalry is nowhere near the relevance of some of the more recognizable rivalries like say, the Red Sox-Yankees, but the animosity is pretty real. Nice to quiet the Phillies faithful down a bit, plus awesome to see how quickly they turn on their own and eat them.” Our token Phillies fan, Melissa/Hubby, looked forward to the games only when they had meaning to the standings.

We blindsided our Mets fans with our final question: “Do you hate the Yankees more than the Phillies? Why or Why not?” (Melissa/Hubby were asked, “Is there a team you hate more than the Mets? Why or Why not?”). All of our Mets fans, except Randy, hated the Phillies more than the Yankees, but some walked a very thin line in their hatred. Animosity toward the Phillies tipped the balance because as Kevin states, “their success directly impacts where the Mets finish up in the standings and what moves they may or may not need to make in the offseason.” Ask why Randy hated the Yankees more. “Cause they suck!” A-hole. Though we’ll acknowledge that he DID follow-up that statement with, “LOL.” Randy cites, “Mets little brother syndrome” as the reason behind his dislike for the Yankees, but we’re not sure why the Yankees deserve his anger more than the Phillies. Sadly, we failed to think of this at the time of the interview, so we never asked the follow-up, so Randy, inquiring minds want to know: “Why do the Phillies get a bye over the Yankees?” Daniel and Pete pulled a Johnny Cash and walked the line between the Phillies and Yankees. Pete went so far as to basically pretend that 2009 World Series did not happen. An Urban Legend, if you will. However, his hatred can’t be that intense because he went a married a Yankees fan! Awwwww, harmony among the subways. In Daniel’s opinion, “real Mets fans hate both [Phillies and Yankees]…with the Yankees, it’s more of a ‘they have what we wish we had’ type of hate.” Naturally, since this blog is built on the platform that Yankees and Mets fans truly can love one another, Daniel’s statement prompted immediate follow-up: “Are we not real fans?” Daniel quickly whistled a different tune (but it might be because he finds us incredibly intimidating as we ARE Spartans-in-training) and explained, “that it was the passionate fan in him speaking. The rational fan in him has grown to respect the Yankees fan (or Serena’s overwhelmingly large biceps and ninja-like skills, perhaps? We think so. We’re watching you, Daniel. We. Are. Watching. You. You better call Kenny Loggins cos’ you’re in the Danger Zone). We have to live with them, so we might as well hold a truce. This city is big enough for both teams and their fans.”As for our Phillies fan(s), Melissa/Hubby hate the Braves even more than the Phillies because “Ted Turner is an a$$...and the tomahawk chop is annoying.” Melissa and Mr. Melissa? Can we get a CHUUUUUUURCH for that one?

In conclusion, we feel strongly that we’ve gotten down to the root of the problem in Flushing. We have a deeper understanding of what motivates the typical Mets fan (and by “typical,” we do not mean the “Blah Blah Blah SUCKS” people, who are a drain on our society as a whole and not very creative cheerleaders). As for the City of Brotherly Love, we are no further along in understanding them than before, but the evidence strongly suggests that it does not bode well for Brotherly Love. More like Brotherly Hate. If only you people had answered our request. You could’ve defended yourselves to our entire community – all 10 people based in the Bay Area (and Michigan).

We want to extend a major thank you to our participants for taking the time out to answer all of our questions thoughtfully and willingly braving an appearance on the blog. You’ve just committed social suicide on our behalf and we appreciate you for that.