2011 Championship Series

We’re bringing you a post 1 day early this week because tomorrow, Serena will be walking in the Long Island Making Strides Against Breast Cancer event at Jones Beach with Mamadukes, Auntiedukes, and Aunt Cathy. If interested, you can support their team, Mema’s Lasses (“Mema” is what Serena used to call her grandma) by clicking here. If you enjoy boobies, you should consider supporting. Just sayin.’ Much thanks in advance.

Our ADD is in full effect tonight. It’s not helping that Serena has gotten a new cell phone that plays Star Wars sound effects either. It is 7:00 pm.

The Championship Series are quickly coming to an end. At blogging time, the Rangers lead the ALCS 3-2 and the Cardinals lead the NLCS 3-2 after destroying the Brewers 7-1 last night. Since the opponents haven’t been determined yet, we know you didn’t cheat on our poll. 3 of you felt that the World Series matchup will be between the Brewers and Tigers whereas 2 of you felt that the matchup will take place between the Brewers and the Rangers.

It is 8:42 pm. We’ve made some nice, hot tea. Lisa changed into comfy clothes. The Tigers are winning 2-0. Oh, and Serena posted something to our Twatter account with her new portable internet machine.

While both series have been exciting (being that neither teams have been swept), we can’t help but feel slightly disappointed. Both of us want the Tigers to win the ALCS, but for some reason, they’re struggling. Justin Verlander had an uncharacteristic performance in Game 1, where he appeared either rusty or nervous, which put Detroit in a 1-0 hole at the start. However, facing elimination in Game 5, Verlander returned to his old self and Detroit’s bats came to life. Tonight, the Tigers are hoping to push for a Game 7. If they win, there’s no telling where the cards will fall in Game 7. Who has the staying power? Detroit or Texas? And can’t there be some way to make it so that Verlander just pitches every game?

8:47 pm. Serena giggled because her text message notification went off and it’s been programmed to sound like R2D2.

On the NLCS side, while Lisa feels like the Cardinals are going to take the series, she’d really prefer the Brewers win. Serena is no longer sure what to think. One second the Brewers are dominant and the next, the Cardinals are. It’s like watching a ping pong tournament. It’s been a very emotional experience. She’s begun drinking excessively and eating Taco Bell late at night due to the turmoil…at least, that’s the excuse she’s using for behaving like this. Nevertheless, she too is rooting for the Brewers.

9:02 pm. Lisa gave Serena the idea to download the Jurassic Park theme song, which Serena then set as Brother’s ringtone. And then Lisa convinced her to look up Madagascar and Muppets ringtones. The Rangers are now leading the game 3-2. By the way, what’s with the random cheerleaders running around the field with Texan flags every time a run scores?

9:11 pm. Sorry. Spaced out.

Lisa just walked away from the internet machine in frustration because she’s sick of the playoffs and just wants the World Series to start again. Now she’s complaining that regardless of who wins the World Series, we can’t go to the parade because all of the cities are too far. This blog is now turning into Serena cataloging all of Lisa’s random thoughts.

Serena is also sick of all of her teams playing like a-holes. The Yankees, Giants, Islanders, Tigers Love Pepper…why can’t one team she cares about do a good damn job these days? Even her “back-up plan” teams (Tigers and Brewers) can’t even close the deal.

9:21 pm. Sherzer was just taken out of the game in favor of Schlereth. This game is looking bleak. Like this blog. Texas is winning 5-2. Schlereth needs to shave. Serena might start drinking soon…

Jim Leyland’s also had enough. He’s calling the bullpen and there’s a good chance he’s booking a flight to New York so he can join Serena in hitting up the liquor cabinet.

9:28 pm. F*ck balls. This game is toast. 7-2 and we’re only in the 3^rd inning.

Speaking of ultimate team failure, we couldn’t help but wonder how many of you are actually watching this game right now, not counting legitimate Rangers and Tigers fans. We watch because we like baseball (most of the time, when the MLB isn’t raping our bank accounts) and Serena is most definitely harboring a crush on Verlander, but she’s refused to admit it. Any day now, she’s going to demote Justin Morneau to Future Ex-Husband #3 and promote Verlander to Future Husband. Lisa’s just waiting for Serena to come to terms with this reality.

It’s 9-2. We’re going to go ahead and assume that the Rangers are going to the World Series. At this point, are any Tigers fans still watching this game?

Do fans continue to watch the playoffs after their team’s been eliminated from contention? We think we’re going to conduct an experiment during MNF this week. We’ll get back to you with the results next week. Feel free to email us with your input and thoughts. We know you’re not going to because you never do, yet we continue to be nice and offer this option to you.

It’s 9:36 pm and the inning is finally over. F*ck sakes. Ooooh, Aaron Rodgers is really adorable without his helmet on…

Armed with a new stupid project that excites us (because we’re borderline idiots and Serena has the maturity level of a 5-year old boy), we’re going to end this blog now. In all honesty, we probably should have put it out of its misery several paragraphs ago, but for some reason, we just couldn’t let go.

Peace out, bitches. We had a sick night.

PS- We'll be at Foxwoods again next weekend. Bet you can't wait for that blog, huh?

The West Coast Has the Sunshine & the TBB Will Get So Tan

We were unaware that our readers think that we’re No Talent A-holes with severe mental issues. Exactly why do we even have readers if you think so poorly of us? Are our mental issues that comical that you need to tune in every week to see what nonsense we speak next? 7 of you voted on last week’s poll in which we asked you if MLB players should accept us as friends on Facebook. Let’s just say the results have not been kind. For starters only 1 felt that we seem like nice girls, therefore players should definitely accept us. 3 of you seem to think that we’re so crazy that no MLB player in their right mind should accept our friendship. All because of Tim Lincecum Appreciation Day. We just don’t get it. He absolutely loved this holiday. Why would you think it’s crazy? The remaining 3 voters chose the option, “Forget answering the question. Why are you Facebook stalking strangers?” For you three, we have only one thing to say to you: if you are going to try to tell us that you don’t Facebook stalk strangers, then you sit on a throne of lies and you smell like beef and cheese. Okay, so maybe you don’t try to find Justin Morneau’s non-existent Facebook page and maybe you’re not upset that you found The One Who Shall Not Be Named’s page and saw that his profile picture was of him and a scantily clad hot chick. But we’ll bet that you’ve at least Facebook stalked your exes! Or spouses of your exes (who are definitely most likely strangers)! Don’t deny it. The good news is that no one voted for us being ugly. We may need to take prescription drugs, but at least we’re not “ugly.” Granted, it doesn’t mean we’re good-looking either. Just not ugly.

Onto more important matters! On Tuesday night, the MLB released the 2010 regular season schedule. Clearly this means TBB preparations may begin. We will either be visiting Erin and the West Coast in either April or May. The series in question are:
Angels vs. A’s 4/9-4/11 (before you accuse us of stalking Brad Ziegler, let us just tell you that this is how it worked out! Why would we stalk him when he can’t even tell his #1 fans about Root Beer Float Day, $1 Hot Dog Day, Pink Pashmina Day, or Player T-Shirt Day? We have to hear about it from the A’s mass email distribution)
Dodgers vs. Diamondbacks 4/13-4/15
Padres vs. Giants 4/19-4/21 (potential reunion for the TBB and Tiny Tim. BONUS: Barry Zito, which is actually only a bonus for Serena)
OR
Angels vs. A’s 5/14-5/16 (Yes, the A’s again. Shut up, you skeptics! We’re not stalking)
Dodgers vs. Astros 5/17-5/18
Padres vs. Cardinals 5/25-5/27
Now…there pros and cons for both of these options. Pros for April? Our trip would be right around the corner! Serena would get to see Erin that much quickly. Tiny Tim Lincecum and Barry Zito! Cons for April? Sister is pregnant. She is potentially due 4/8 and for some selfish reason, she’s asked Lisa to be her support system during the birth. Please keep in mind that Lisa has no children and has no idea what the labor process is all about. Pros for May? Lisa doesn’t miss the birth of her godchild. We have more time to collect spare change…and that’s basically it for pros. Cons? There doesn’t seem to be any cons for May with the exception of not being in the same stadium as Tiny Tim and Barry Zito. Oh! If we go to LA in May, we’ll miss the Twins/Yankees series at Yankees Stadium, which will be a bummer. Either way, providing nothing sends him to the DL or another team, we’ll be in the same town as BFFer.

Other fun items from the 2010 schedule include the knowledge that the Twins will be playing the Mets at Citi Field and Serena will no longer have to Google Justin Morneau because he will be in the New York area. Hopefully, he won’t bring his cute wife. Other good news regarding Citi Field is that the Mets will FINALLY be home on Lisa’s birthday. Can we say, Happy Birthday to Lisa on the jumbotron? Perhaps a Mr. Met visit to our seats?

Major props to Serena’s co-worker, MJ (father of the Shea Stadium Mr. Met in our mascot entourage), who was nice enough to give Lisa an autographed photo of Ron Darling. His charity does not mean that we will stop stealing Mr. Met from his office for our stadium trips, but it was still a good deed. As you can see in the photo, Ron has been added to Lisa’s blossoming Mets memorabilia collection. Can you find the TBB in the picture? Hmmm….
Speaking of charity and good deeds, on October 18th, Serena (and her friend, Maureen) will be participating in the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer Walk at Jones Beach State Park. If you wish to contribute to the cause, click here. The walk prompted us to think about what the TBB can do together (other than Serena being a cruncher for St. Jude’s and Lisa being a counter of crunches) to be people helping people. Both Papadukes and Papa L are named Fred and are cancer survivors. We felt that since it was an issue close to our hearts, we would walk in their names for testicular and oral cancer. Unfortunately, after conducting all sorts of research, we couldn’t find anything geared specifically to these diseases. So…our options are to walk for cancer in general (which we cannot find a walk for either! If you know of one in the New York area, please email us!) or do something on our own. We wanted to be called Team Fred, but apparently some guy from Sloan-Kettering runs for cancer and is “Team Fred.” So not only can we not find a walk to participate in, but we also no longer have a team name. We think we need some community service guidance because apparently we’re not very good at it.

Today’s Baseball Notes: As all you probably already know, Derek Jeter broke Lou Gehrig’s Yankees franchise all-time hits record on September 11th against the Orioles. On September 13th, Ichiro Suzuki of the Mariners set the MLB record for having a 200-hit season for the 9th straight year against the Rangers. Fellow TBB, Tiny Tim returned to the mound on September 14th against the Rockies. He lasted 7 innings, allowing 6 hits, 1 run, giving up 4 walks, and striking out 11. We’d say his back’s no longer bothering him. The Giants defeated the Rockies 9-1. Justin Morneau is out for the rest of the season (SOB!) with a stress fracture in his lower back (which Serena would love to fix for him). He’ll have to rest the back for three months, but surgery does not appear to be necessary. In further Bay Area news, the Giants activated Randy Johnson from the 60-day DL on Wednesday night (September 16th) and plan to use him out of the bullpen. Finally, Mike Hampton of the Astros is apparently the equivalent of being the Bella (from Twilight) of baseball. He underwent surgery for his torn left rotator cuff and other damage (what this exactly means, we don’t know). He will miss the entire 2010 season. Mike Hampton, you may be good-looking and when healthy, a kick a$$ athlete, but damn! When do you actually play????

We part ways with you with the inspiring words of LL Cool J. “We’re going back to Cali, back to Cali…to see Erin.”