Chronicles of Narnia

First things, first. We asked you if you felt that the TBB would make excellent MLB mascots. All 4 people voted, “Yes! You have such sparkling personalities!” We’re so pleased with this response! Does this mean you really like us? Not a single vote was devoted to the other choices: “No. You’re mascot stalkers,” “No, but it’s not because I don’t like you. It’s just that I don’t feel you’re smart enough to handle the t-shirt gun,” or “Maybe. Only if it’s for a minor league team.”

We do have one slight, unimportant confession to make to you. In fact, it’s so silly and insignificant, you can go ahead and skip over this and continue on to the next paragraph. So…okay…one of the votes was made by Lisa. There. We said it. Moving on…

We’re practically already on our way to sunny California! We can almost smell the coconuts hanging from the palm trees. We can imagine the ocean breeze skimming through our hair, the warm sand beneath our toes, the salt water rushing up our noses as a gigantic wave sucks us under, and Shamu sailing through crystal blue water and not chewing on his trainer. Ah. Vacation. Good times. As you may recall, we booked our flights and Tier 2 Wyndham Reward San Diego hotel last week. Apparently, among the local tourist attractions near this hotel is Tijuana. Yes, you read that correctly. We are not only within driving distance of Sea World, the San Diego Zoo, Lego Land, and Petco Park, but we’re also just a hop, skip, and a jump from tequila, a naughty donkey show, sombreros, and jalapeno peppers. In spirit of this fantastic development, we've decided to grow fake mustaches. You know how we love fake facial hair...

We’ve also purchased our tickets to the 5/15 Angels/A’s game and the 5/20 Dodgers/Padres game. Tomorrow, while we get our hair colored by awesome Dave (#1 Fan Steph’s husband), Padres tickets are going on sale. We’re gunning for the 5/18 game against the Giants. Preparations are almost complete.

Now, we personally feel this one’s a gem: Milton Bradley seems to think that “unrealistic expectations and poor communication” are to blame for his poor season with the Chicago Cubs. Really? Does poor communication prompt you to throw the ball into the right field stands with less than 2 outs and while runners round the bases? That certainly explains the idiotic behavior then. Thank god we finally got a reason for that. Bradley was dealt to the Mariners during the off season in exchange for pitcher, Carlos Silva. We pray that Ken Griffey straightens the idiot out. Jr. won’t be tolerating no balls thrown into the stands with men in scoring position. No way.

Yesterday, during the 1st inning of a spring training game against the Brewers, Barry Zito (Serena’s future husband…she’s hoping he looks for a sense of humor in a gal and not so much looks and physique) plunked Prince Fielder in the back in retaliation for an over-the-top celebration at home plate concluding a Fielder walk-off home run on September 6th. Zito denies that he’d been trying to send a message, but let’s get real. He can’t exactly admit that he did it on purpose. We are proud of the fact that he finally grew some balls on the field and stuck up for his team. We hope to see some more feistiness out of Zito during the regular season.

Speaking of balls, in Fred K’s Cancer related news, Lisa’s friend, Nicole has set up an event through her Avon page in order to help support Fred K’s Cancer. Simply visit her site (which we’ve included under the Fred K’s Cancer section on our sidebar) and use the promotional code, “FREDKCANCER5” at checkout and 5% of the sale will be donated to Fred K’s Cancer. Nicole is the TBB’s Super Hero of the Week…which is a new award that we just made up and will be continuing the tradition going forward.

Joe Nichols conveyed the essence of this upcoming trip in his best cowboy drawl when he sang, “tequila makes people’s clothes fall off. We said we’re going out with Erin and Matt, margaritas at the Travelodge. Swingin’ Friar, have mercy, our only thought was, tequila makes people’s clothes fall off.”

Home Run Derby & All Star Game

Greetings fellow mobile bloggers. Thanks to Ben Affleck’s miserly ways and the intense humidity, we’re sitting in Starbucks. Funny thing is that Lisa just spent the equivalent of 2 gallons of gas on an iced coffee so that we can sit in the air conditioning only to discover that blogger is down for the count. Does it get any better than this? Seriously. You’d think that by now we’d be used to our bad luck bears ways, but no. It still manages to shock us. So now we're blog in Microsoft Word to the likes of Frank Sinatra. We’ll have to copy and paste it into blogger later when the site is behaving.

On to our last week’s poll results. We managed to get a total of 9 votes. Apparently, in a landslide, Milton Bradley was voted on as the player most missing from the All Star Game. Was this supposed to be funny? We hope so. We sincerely hope that you thought that based on his performance at the Wrigley game we went to, it would be hilarious to send him to the All Star Game. In fact, we’re going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you’re all a bunch of comedians.

The Home Run Derby on Monday night was pretty lame and boring. Prince Fielder won the tournament by edging out Nelson Cruz with a whopping 6 home runs. 6?! Really? 6?! Last year Josh Hamilton hit almost 5 times that many in his first round alone. If you put Fielder’s and Cruz’s total final round homers together, they still don’t come close to Hamilton’s first round total. Also, why was Joe Mauer asked to participate? Everyone knows he’s not a home run hitter. RBI’s? Yes, he’s your man. Kick butt catcher? Yup, that’s him. Hell, he’s Baby Jesus! But home run hitter? Uh, since when? Was it absolutely necessary to have a Twin participate just because Justin Morneau declined? Did they have no other options? What exactly were they thinking? Perhaps they need to revise the rule that all participants must be a part of the All Star Game. Then they'd have a bevvy of options.

Not only was the game duller than a piece of driftwood, but the announcing was even worse! Back, Back, Back, Back….SHUT UP! You sound like a rooster cackling! It’s annoying and doesn’t make the ball go any further. If you left it up to these men, Albert Pujols would be voted President of the United States. Apparently, this man can do no wrong. He’s like the Derek Jeter of the entire MLB. He’s more than Baby Jesus. He is Baby Jesus’ Granddaddy. When he retires, they’re going to build pyramids for him in memory of all that he’s accomplished. To hear them talk about him, you’d think that Joe Morgan was having a secret love affair with Pujols. We’re shocked that they didn’t start talking about his deep, inviting brown eyes or how similar to cinnamon his tanned skin is. Barf. Yet, Pujols barely managed to get into the second round of the Derby. He probably got distracted by the announcer crew sending him love notes with their adoring eyes.

The All Star game also failed to live up to last year’s excitement. The AL defeated the NL 4-3. The last time the NL won an All Star game was in 1996. Lisa was heart broken because she really wanted the Mets to have home field advantage in the World Series this year. Insert obscene gesture and sarcastic face here. The NL was so pathetic that AL pitching retired 18 batters in a row. Joe Nathan of the Twins finally broke the streak in the 8th when he walked Adrian Gonzalez. Wait a minute…these are All Stars. Supposedly, the best of the best of the best in baseball. How do 18 players in a row not make it on base? Did the AL team have Superman pitching for them? Perhaps the Flash or Batman? Wonder Woman?

Today’s baseball notes: On Wednesday, the Phillies announced that they’ve signed Pedro Martinez to a 1 year/1 million dollar contract. We really wish that our company would sign us to a 1 year/1 million dollar contract that would consist of us working every five days and starting after the All Star Break. We’d also like to make sure that we got paid even if we spend the entire time on the DL hanging out with our midget and/or not performing well. We’re sure his charming personality will fit right in with the likes of Jimmy Rollins. Carl Crawford earned the MVP award for the All Star Game for his outstanding home run robbing catch in the 7th. Also on Wednesday, Jim Riggleman took over for the fired Manny Acta as Nationals skipper. It seems a lot of crap went down on Wednesday. According to the espn.com rumor mill, the Giants may be looking to unload Zito. Now who the hell is going to take that contract off of their hands? Oh, wait…the Mets are infamous for that.

Now that our lunch break is essentially over, we must leave and head back to our job that does not pay us $1 million/year. Next Friday, we’ll post our blog about our first trip together to the New Yankees Stadium and hopefully, our reunion with Brad Zeigler…provided we don’t get rained out again. Wish the TBB luck!

Frankie said it best when he said, “we did our blog our way (despite Ben Affleck and blogger).”