Mets vs. Marlins 8-6-19

Lisa filled out a survey emailed to her from the Mets and as a thank you gift, the Mets granted her two field level seats to select mid-week games of her choice. At the time of the survey, the Mets were still sucking a bag of d*cks, so it was likely that the Mets' offices were simply trying to put butts in the seats. By the time the game rolled around, the Mets were contenders again, which means that this is the first time something actually worked out to our advantage. Serena found player t-shirts on sale at Modell's, so we finally got ourselves adorable Mets and Yankees shirts to wear to the games.

 

(FYI: this photo was featured on @MetsHotties on Instagram. That's how cool we are. And it basically means that we're famous).

Also at the game, we got suckered into signing up for Clear so that we can get into the New York ballparks faster (and also through airport security). It's amazing. We've already used it once at Yankee Stadium and we plan on using it for our Disney trip in October. Lines will be a thing of the past! At least at airports and local sporting events.

Thanks to Clear, we flew into Citi Field and headed right for food. We had a difficult time deciding what to eat so Lisa stood on the Blue Smokehouse line and ordered the mac and cheese topped by brisket and Serena stood on the taco stand and ordered the nachos topped by barbacoa and two bottles of water. Blue Smoke cost us $13 and the nachos cost us $24.

In retrospect, this was probably too much food.

Afterwards, we headed to our seats.

 

The Marlins had a pretty rough night. Both Wilson Ramos and Pete Alonso hit home runs in the 5-0  beatdown.

 

Remember how we ordered too much food? Then we did this:

 

We've been dying to get these home run apple cups since Citi Field started serving them, but every time we've gone, it's been a little too chilly for ice cream. Our only complaint is that we had to get soft serve, which Serena finds incredibly irritating. She thinks it's fake ice cream. One step above those ridiculous Dip N' Dots. Lisa doesn't mind it as much. They should offer legit ice cream as an option. Citi Field already has legit ice cream at other concession stands. This was also a $24 expense. Apparently, we like to throw money away like we're Antonio Brown. At least if it was real ice cream, $24 would have been less offensive.

NYM Star Wars Day 2019

May 25, 2019

We arrived at the game way later than intended and Lisa was convinced that we weren't going to get our Robinson Cano-bi bobblehead (although truthfully, at this point, he had been such a dumpster fire for the Mets). We headed to our new secret gate and there was hardly any line! We got our bobbleheads easily!

We immediately rushed to the Bullpen Plaza because that's where the characters always go to take pictures. When we got there, there was no one there but a bunch of little leaguers and an adorable bullpen cart.

After a very intense line of questioning in which we water boarded several employees while forcing them to listen to Justin Bieber, we discovered that none of the characters would be taking photos or coming to the Plaza at all. The Plaza was for the little leaguers today. While we do not have anything against little leaguers, why would we want to hang out in the Plaza with them? The Star Wars characters are more important than the stupid bobblehead! This was devastating.We headed toward Mr. Met's spot, hoping that all was not lost.

Behold! He was there and dressed as Luke Skywalker! It would've been better had he chosen Yoda or Darth Vader or even Han Solo again, but we suppose that beggars can't be choosers. As soon as we jumped on the line, Mr. Met's handlers declared us the last. For once, someone was out there keeping an eye on us and wanted us to be happy on Star Wars Day. Or that person didn't want to read yet another blog post of us belly aching about bull sh*t that doesn't matter to anyone else.

 

Lisa made it a point to purchase tickets with access to the Jim Beam Suite so that we could sample new food items. Apparently, we decided to go ape sh*t while we were there and ordered everything. Pepperoni cupcakes were 3 for $10 and a double order of the Destination Dumplings with two flavors (Korean bbq and jerk chicken) for $15. 

 

 

When we finished eating all of that, we decided that we also needed churros and mini doughnuts, but thankfully for our figures and wallets, they ran out of mini doughnuts. That didn't stop us from buying the churros though.

 

We couldn't just leave it like that like normal people. We had to keep going. Money was apparently burning a hole in our pockets. The bar served beer in a collectible stein for $18/each and we had to have them.

Finally, we headed towards our seats (but not before double checking the mini-doughnut stand again to make sure that they didn't get a miraculous shipment in). On our way, we happened by a small team store selling Mr. and Mrs. Met foam fingers. Prior to this discovery, Lisa had specifically requested that Serena prevent her from spending any more money on random souvenirs because she spent $54 on two different Mets' hats on Game of Thrones Night. Yet, here we were standing in another team store with Lisa holding two foam faces that were $15/each. Serena dutifully reminded Lisa of their earlier conversation (albeit, not very sternly). We tried to negotiate with the cashier because $15 for both foam faces is excessive. He found us hilarious, yet denied us anyway. We asked for coupons. There were none. So, Lisa paid full price for both of them because how do you pick one over the other?

They're pretty magical, but jeez. $30 for two round orange sponges? Are you serious, Mets?

We arrived at our seats.

 

Our seat neighbor was super friendly and loved baseball and the Mets. It was adorable. We weren't too sure about his situation as he was sitting with five other people - two younger kids, two women, and another man. We couldn't tell if they were family, friends, or if one of the women was a spouse or girlfriend. The woman disliked us for whatever reason considering our behavior during the game was relatively mild for us. He was nice enough to take a bunch of ridiculous photos of us for the blog.

 

 

 

 

 

Serena spent the entire time talking in what she deemed "Mrs. Met's voice." She spoke in that voice for so long that it took her two days to stop.

You may or may not be surprised to hear that we got hungry again and ended up getting wings in a collectible helmet because we needed another helmet. Obviously.

 

And also more beer.

The game went into extra innings, which is borderline offensive because the Tigers are so bad this year, but luckily we had new toys to keep us occupied as the game lingered on.

 The Mets won because Serena forgot her hat, which we're starting to suspect is hexed. She can never wear the hat again...unless of course, the Mets suddenly lose a game she attends without her hat. Then all bets are off.

Mets' Opening Day 2019

April 4, 2019

Due to the Opening Day fiasco that required us to be shuttled from Queens Park to Citi Field two years ago, Lisa is now paranoid about the parking lot clothing before our arrival, so she picked up Serena from her place of employment at 10:30 am in order to get to the game. Citi Field opened their parking lot at 10:10 and their gates at 11:10 for a 1:10 pm game start. We arrived at the exit by 11:15 and didn't get into a parking spot until 11:50 am. This is the sh*t show we sat in:

 

Lisa was having heart palpitations from the PTS that she experienced from the shuttle. She thought we'd be on line behind the final car allowed into the lot and therefore be forced to park in the shuttle lot once again. However, that did not happen. We did get into the lot. And we saw why it was so difficult to get cars into the lot in a timely basis.

 As you can see in the photo below, people tailgating were total a-holes and took up more than one parking spot. When your team is god awful and people stop going to games or when you're attending a game that no one gives a f*ck about, you can take up multiple spots in the parking lot. When it is opening day and your stupid team chose to sell SRO seats like royal dick f*cks, then you absolutely, positively cannot take up multiple parking spots because those spots need to be taken by all the f*cking cars trying to get into the lot from the Grand Central Parkway. You stupid, selfish d*ck.

ANYWAY, once inside the parking lot, we popped Lisa's trunk open and started our own mini tailgate the included delicious wine and cookies. And chips. This amazing cooler from Reduce kept our wine cool and tasty. It's amazing. Jess bought it for us for Christmas and it is one of the best tailgating investments ever made. It's genius. Whomever is responsible for this invention is genius.

The Jinx arrived at the game with her lovely son, Ethan. The Jinx also adored the Reduce wine cooler and she enjoyed a cookie with us before we all walked toward the stadium together.

The line to get through the front gate was incredible, but the security check was relatively quick as opposed to the games we went to last season. This is what the crowd looked like from the escalator of the Jackie Robinson Rotunda.

Lisa was unable to take any photos of the Opening Day ceremony except these due to our ADD:

The Nikon booth convinced us that we needed to do a photo shoot with props and we heartily agreed. This featured a moving montage and crowds cheering, but we couldn't get that to save for some reason.

Our delay also meant that we missed the ceremonial first pitch thrown by Gil Hodges Jr. Since we missed the entire ceremony, we figured, "why not stop and get food?" Lisa had screenshot a lot of new options for us to try:
Pizza cupcakes
Cheeseburger dumplings
Chocolate covered marshmallows
Mini Nathan hot dog sliders

It turns out that the pizza cupcakes and dumplings can only be found in the Jim Beam Highball Club, which we did not have tickets to. Horse sh*t. So, we had to improvise, but not before we took a video of this chump being suckered into doing pullups at a baseball game.

We found a burger stand that we'd never seen before in right field, but the line was annoyingly long. Luckily for us, there was a second burger stand with no one on the line.

We also noticed that the rice ball stand added new rice ball options, so while Serena paid for our delicious burgers, Lisa got on the line to buy rice balls. The mushroom steakhouse burgers cost $12.50 and the rice balls were six for  $13.50. The new flavors we chose were french onion, pizza ball, and strawberry cheesecake.

One bite of the burger and we knew something was off. It just didn't taste like a normal burger. It wasn't bad. It just didn't taste like it normally does. Then we questioned what that giant "V" stood for. Victory? Vaccinate? Vengeance? No. None of those things. Vegan. In further examination of the stand's sign, we noticed that cheese was listed in quotation marks. As in, "cheese." How did we not notice any of this? Also, the strawberry cheesecake rice balls were horrendous. French onion delicious. This creepy pile of pink goo was not.

After food, we finally went up to our seats. The Mets were already losing to the Nationals 1-0. We're not sure how that run scored because we were too busy eating vegan burgers.

 

The people sitting behind us were worse than we are in terms of ripping apart their home team. They had nothing nice to say about anything except Jacob deGrom, who wasn't even pitching. Everyone loved Lisa's Elmer Fudd hat (another gift from Jess). Someone even offered her $10 for it, but she simply could not part with it.

We left in the bottom of the 8th inning with the Mets losing 3-0,  no one out, and men in scoring position because Lisa had no faith in her team. Before turning her back on the stands, she shouted a slew of not nice things at Jeurys Familia, who'd gotten the Mets into that particular predicament. We also snapped this photo:

The Mets ended up losing 4-0. Lisa was somewhat positive about it though. Since the Mets have the best Opening Day record in baseball, but not such a great track record at following through for the rest of the season, perhaps losing their home opener means that they'll have a successful season.

Mets Opening Night 2016

April 9, 2016

You might notice that our blog post title has the word, "night" instead of "day" in it. Thanks to all of the fake Mets fans that have cropped up since last season, we were unable to acquire Mets Opening Day tickets. Instead, we had to settle for Opening Night. Initially, we thought we outsmarted the Mets. Opening Night was STAR WARS NIGHT, the greatest night in all of baseball. However, as per usual, the baseball gods laughed in our general direction. Opening Day was a beautiful, warm and sunny day. Opening Night was freezing, wet, and depressing. In fact, the weather was so miserable, the Star Wars characters didn't factor into the game's festivities as much as usual. Which is horse shit. The Mets won Opening Day and lost Opening Night. So, thanks for that, Mets. You're awesome.

We're getting ahead of ourselves. Let's start from the beginning.

We each wore two pairs of pants (which made maneuvering difficult), two pairs of socks, and several layers of sweatshirt-type materials. Both of us received the following advice from two totally different people: "Why don't you just wear a coat?" To which we replied, "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Who wears a coat to a baseball game?" The men in question replied back, "Actually, you're pretty stupid." Well...fine.

Just as we entered the stadium and stepped onto the escalator, a bomb went off. Okay. Maybe not a bomb. But something definitely went off because it was loud, there was smoke, and a piece of Citi Field fell to the earth. We feared for our lives. We still don't know what it was. We were told to move it along. Our panic remained until we found the next distraction: Lisa's next lease.

It's possible that we need to be medicated for ADD. Before heading to our seats, we stopped off at the team shop because Lisa HAD to buy a Mrs. Met doll for her mascot collection. It was a moral imperative.

Despite having quality seats, you'd think we'd be surrounded by quality people.

 

We were not. In front of us sat a loud, obnoxious man. He ate peanuts. That in itself isn't offensive. The woman in front of him was supposedly "deathly allergic" to peanuts. She asked him to stop eating them, which is ridiculous. It's not like he was throwing the peanuts at her. He was just eating them. And shouting obscene things at the left fielder. She was in a public space, specifically at a baseball game, and people are going to eat whatever the hell they want. You can't control that. It's like asking people not to eat popcorn at the movie theater. She made a big enough stink that security relocated her and her husband closer to the Mets' dugout. Instead of just letting things be, however, our peanut eater couldn't stop. He informed the entire section (and the left fielder) of the incident and concluded that, "she did this intentionally so that she could get better seats."

The Mets now have a specific hashtag that can potentially get your photo posted to the jumbotron (#nikonmets). We followed the instructions, assuming that we wouldn't get on the board because we never do, BUT our picture was actually shared! Unfortunately, we were so apathetic about the entire situation that it took us a moment to realize that we were even up there (the people sitting behind us pointed it out to us) and then Lisa's gloves prevented her from swiping her smart phone in order to photograph it. Fame fail.

A little something new for the top of the 5th at Citi Field. Ford sponsors some kind of car race in the top of the inning now. We're not sure the purpose of this race, but that didn't stop us from filming it. For you, of course. We're selfless reporters. The FDNY car won by a long shot. It was kind of embarrassing. NYPD should be ashamed.

After the race, we went in search of food. Our fancy seats allowed us access to the Promenade, Foxwoods, and Acela Clubs. The Acela Club didn't seating after the 4th, so we blew that taco stand. Sidebar: that's bullshit. We ended up at the Foxwoods Club, where we ordered specialty grilled cheese sandwiches. The sandwiches had kale pesto, three types of cheeses, broccoli rabe, and brisket between two slices of thick, sourdough bread served on a bed of potato chips. The sandwiches were so filling that we didn't even get to eat the chips.

 

The bill came to roughly $30 for both of the sandwiches and two water bottles. As we stuffed our faces, one of Serena's co-workers contacted her on Facebook. Not only was he at the game with us, but it turned out that he was sitting five tables over from us. We met up with him and his friend with enough time to watch the Mets lose and to find seats to sit in while we watched the post-game fireworks display. Strangely enough, it opened up with Adele's "Hello."

 

 

Thanks for further depressing us, guys.

Here's a video we filmed in the parking lot.

Also, this guy:

It's clearly not a lease.