The TBB’s Guide to Crashing Other People’s Stadiums

Sadly, only 3 people voted on last week’s poll. Kinda makes us think you didn’t like last week’s post about Ryan Braun’s Graffito AND it’s pretty clear you think we’re a-holes. We asked if you felt that we were overreacting about our Super Waiter and 2 of you actually said, “Yes. He’s just a very nice boy. You guys are bitches.” 1 person at least agreed that the waiter was a level 5 who probably collected strands of our hair after we left. You people are mean, mean, mean! And we thought WE were bad. Jeez.

So we’re assuming that everyone’s either seen or heard of the basic concept of the movie, Wedding Crashers. If not, please head to your local Blockbuster and rent it so that you’re better able to understand this week’s post. Or order the movie from Netflix. Whatever works for you. If you’re familiar, you might remember that John and Jeremy live by a set of rules for crashing weddings. During our recent trip to Minneapolis, we realized that we lived by a certain set of rules when traveling to other people’s stadiums as well, so we decided to adapt John and Jeremy’s rules to reflect our own. It turns out that John and Jeremy live by 115 rules. We’ve got ADD, so there’s no way we’re coming up with 115, but here’s what we got:

1. Honestly, John and Jeremy’s Rule #1 is pretty much the same as ours. “Never leave a fellow Crasher behind. Crashers take care of their own.” You know what happens when you leave a fellow Stadium Crasher behind? One of you gets roofied or worse. Then you might accidentally roofie your fellow Stadium Crasher. Trust us, it’s not worth it.
2. Never root for the away team unless they’re your REAL team. In order to really experience another person’s stadium, you have to buy into their culture and you can’t do that if you’re rooting for the other team.
3. When visiting Cleveland’s Progressive Field in the future, be adequately prepared to quote Major League I and II incessantly.
4. Always leave behind your TBB business card in key locations to draw out-of-town traffic to your blog!
5. Never let a MLB pitcher come between you and a fellow Stadium Crasher…or your significant other for that matter.
6. Do not bash the stadium or team in any way in front of the locals. Lisa complained that our tiny, wooden seats at Fenway were uncomfortable and Maria and Serena thought that the unhappy-with-life obese man behind us was going to crack a beer bottle over her head for her insult.
7. Blend in by wearing the merchandise of the home team’s heroes. For example: in Minneapolis, we wore Morneau and Mauer shirts. While walking the streets of the city, everyone and their mother asked us about that evening’s game. Why? Because we looked like ONE OF THEM!
8. Be the life of your section and participate with the local cheers and The Wave. DON’T be a party pooper.
9. Whatever it takes to get tickets to your desired game, get the tickets! Whether it be via the team’s website, StubHub, or prostituting yourself on the street corner. You don’t want to travel all the way to Toronto for a Blue Jays game only to not be able to get into the stadium!
10. Bringing your own sandwich is for pansies. If you’re traveling to another stadium, you need to truly embrace what that stadium has to offer and that includes their food!
11. Always have a camera on hand for unique stadium moments like the fireworks display during a home run or victory.
12. When it starts to rain, suck it up, cupcake. You’re in for the long haul or until they call the game due to weather. You may never get the opportunity to visit this stadium again. Enjoy it while you can.
13. If you’re offered free team merchandise in exchange for little to no effort, TAKE IT! We currently possess an assorted array of A’s, Angels, Mets, and Yankees free t-shirts and have sported Brewers and Mets temporary tattoos. Oh, yeah. We blend.
14. Be respectful of any memorial service for the dead. DON’T be an a-hole.
15. Fight the urge to tell the Phillies/Red Sox fan leading a “Mets/Yankees Suck” chant to go f*ck himself. Remember: you’re incognito.
16. Always be ready to chase a mascot for a photo opportunity. A Lou the Seal baseball card is an unacceptable alternative.
17. Everyone deserves the free giveaway, but we promise you that if it’s 14 & under night, you’re definitely not getting one. They’re pretty strict about that stuff.
18. You love the home team’s colors even if it’s the most disgusting color combo you’ve ever seen…like Oakland’s green and yellow.
19. Don’t ask foreigners to take your picture unless you can speak their native language WELL. There’ll be an utter breakdown in communication and that’s how you end up with a photo of the Phillie Phanatic’s ass and Lisa clapping instead of a nice, smiling shot of the two of you with the entire Phanatic.
20. $50 gets you “okay” seats in New York. If you can pay $50 or less and score amazing field level seats at another team’s stadium, make the investment!
21. Definitely make sure you have your tickets with you before you leave the hotel.
22. You have the entire game to seal the deal as the team’s #1 fan. Extra innings may be applicable.
23. There’s nothing wrong with having seconds provided you have enough money and appetite to go around. Eat as much as you can financially and physically handle.
24. If you get outed, calmly hand over a TBB business card and explain yourself. Do not run. The locals can sense fear. Besides, you could make a follower/fan this way!
25. You understand that you paid $15 for essentially a garbage bag, but you feel strongly that you look like a #1 fan wearing that White Sox poncho.
26. Of course you love *insert home team name*
27. Don’t over drink. It’s too damn expensive and you have to remember that you’re rooting for the Phillies/Red Sox, not the Mets/Yankees.
28. Make sure you know where your closest restroom and hot dog/desired food (whether it be Italian sausage, bratwurst, taco) stand is located.
29. Always be a team player. Every TBB needs a little help once in awhile.
30. Know the team’s lineup so you can cheer appropriately.
31. Never eat the $1 hot dog. You’ll regret it. There’s a reason they’re only $1.
32. Never commit to a player unless you know he’s still on the team or that he left on friendly terms (like when Torii Hunter left the Twins for the Angel and UNLIKE when Alex Rodriguez left the Mariners for the Rangers…or when he left them for the Yankees for that matter).

And now for last week in baseball:
Joe Mauer returned to the Twins’ lineup on Friday night and went 1-4 with an RBI and run scored. Unfortunately, Serena forgot to start him in her fantasy lineup that night…like a true a-hole.

Marlins’ manager, Edwin Rodriguez, stepped down this morning. In the interim, the team’s bench coach, Brandon Hyde, will be taking over management duties.

Albert Pujols left today’s game against the Royals with a sprained left wrist and will be reevaluated tomorrow.

TOWSNBN is still recovering from a stress fracture in his lower back. All he’s been physically able to do thus far is make 20 throws and take ground balls on his knees. He’ll be seeing a doctor later this week in order to get clearance to start a rehab program in Florida.

Lastly, Happy Father’s Day to all the daddies out there, especially Papadukes and Papa L.!

MLB Goes Hollywood…Sort of

Before we get into how truly spectacular Epic Serena’s birthday weekend was, we need to have a discussion with you people. And that discussion is regarding how disturbed you are. We asked you what you thought would happen when we got drunk and 3 of you assumed that “someone” was pissing in the sink. We spent the night at the Waldorf Astoria. We’re classy bitches. We would NEVER piss in the sink at the Waldorf. Perhaps at a Howard Johnson Motel, but not at the Waldorf. You’re some sick, twisted people. Only 1 person voted for Lisa dancing like an a-hole, which is completely absurd because it’s basically a guarantee that Lisa dances like an a-hole when she drinks. Actually, it was the only option listed that was a guarantee. Do you even know us? It’s this kind of crap that makes us think that you’d bring us the wrong garbage can if we had to puke. 2 people thought that Serena would bowl a 124 just like she did in Foxwoods. While Serena appreciates your enthusiasm for her drunken athletic abilities, we can’t help but notice that we did not list bowling in our weekend’s itinerary!!! Are you literate? 2 people thought we’d go all The Hangover on everyone and steal a cop car and Mike Tyson’s tiger. Okay…we can’t really blame you for thinking that considering how often we reference the movie. Jess and Serena did think we lost Lisa when we woke up in the morning (much like Stu, Alan, and Phil lost Doug), but it turns out we didn’t. And there was no jungle cat in the bathroom. Finally, 2 of you thought we’d end up in Canada, which is just plain weird.

So we have to be honest. None of that crap happened. In fact, the last time Serena bowled somewhat under the influence was about 2 weeks ago and it wasn’t pretty. She thinks the score was about a 55, but her memory of the evening isn’t too clear. Perhaps her magical bowling prowess only happens when she drinks Blue Moon, not vodka and Dr. L Riesling. We also couldn’t find Mike Tyson or his tiger, so….yeah. Nevertheless, the weekend was fabulous! Maria came down from Boston as a surprise and Jess ordered champagne and chocolate covered strawberries to be delivered to the room, which is always super sexy. We began drinking at approximately 3:30 in the afternoon and we took a limo to Ninja New York for dinner at 8:30. If any of you are in town, you must check this place out. It’s amazing. Lisa was nearly stabbed by a ninja with a sword on multiple occasions and Serena ate a chocolate ninja star. After dinner, we got sexified and went out for drinks and dancing at Stir where Jess had another bottle of champagne waiting for us. It seems that Jess is “connected.” The following morning, Maria headed home, we found Lisa, and then ate a second breakfast at Serendipity 3. It was great!

We do have an actual purpose to our blog today, however we have to inform you of a few things first. As you may recall (or not if you don’t really give a crap), Serena will be leaving our current employer in a week. This means that our last Friday post (yes, yes, we know we’re late this week) will be this Friday, the 25th. Going forward, all posts will be done on Sunday (just like today). Considering how easily distracted we are (we began this before 2:00 and it’s now after 3:30), it’s best that we moved from a lunch break to an entire Sunday anyway. Since we’re now blogging on Sundays, there are a few TBB frequently used phrases that will need to be retired:

Ben Affleck - The person or incident that has driven our Friday lunch time blogging sessions from Serena's cubicle and into Mother Nature. It in no way shape or form refers to the real Ben Affleck, actor. The two are unrelated. Which is precisely the point.
Mobile Blogging - When our blog session takes place in either Lisa's Toyota or Serena's Ford. It does not mean that we are blogging from something technologically advanced like an iphone.

Let us hold a moment of silence for these dying phrases and pour some wine on the floor for the “homies that will no longer be with us.” Right. Moving on.

Just a brief update regarding our contest. We now have two entries. One is from Uncle Pat and the other is from a retired KGB Agent. The deadline to enter is April 1st, so you still have time!

Now for our true purpose. Has anyone noticed the recent influx of hilarious commercials starring baseball players? While there are a ton in existence, we selected a few of our favorites. Our original was Tim Linecum’s commercial for MLB 2K9 (meaning in 2009) in which Lincecum educated his digital self on how to…be him. This opened the floodgates for baseball shit that made us laugh (honorable mentions going to the commercials that feature mascots). Tim Lincecum’s Sportscenter commercial in 2010, featuring Lincecum trying to record his voicemail message and of course, Joe Mauer’s MLB The Show commercial that featured the amazing, “well played, Mauer.” That quote doesn’t get old. In fact, we’re pretty sure that we’ll be annoying our “fellow” Twins fans at Target Field by repeating it…over and over and over and over…

2011 has brought us a “Well Played, Mauer” sequel, which is pretty funny, but doesn’t have the same spark that the original did. Quite like most sequels. However, it has also introduced the star power of Brian Wilson (and his beard) and a glimmer of a sense of humor in David Wright. David Wright advertises Vitamin Water by joining forces with that douchenozzle, Mike “The Situation,” to train for the upcoming baseball season. It features a quick flash of Wright in the tanning booth, which we’re not exactly confident he does on a regular basis considering how white he is, but he’s definitely “girly” enough to do it. It’s pretty obvious to us that he gets his eyebrows waxed. No man has well-shaped brows like that unless he gets them waxed. We’re chicks. We know these things.

Brian Wilson’s MLB 2K11 commercial is…fantastic. We’re not even sure where to start. His cell phone looks it came from Night at the Roxbury or the original Wall Street. Plus he claims that no one can touch his beard “because there is too much magic inside.” We’re not looking to start fights or anything, but we’ve been claiming magical facial/body/head hair for seasons now. Wilson is a plagiarist. It’s that simple. It’s a good thing he’s funny or else we’d never forgive him. We might’ve considered suing. We know a lawyer, okay? He’s Serena’s real uncle (unlike Uncle Pat), so he definitely would have supported our case and he wouldn’t have charged us.

Our goal for 2011 (among the other retarded shit that we strive to achieve) is to make our own hilarious MLB commercial. Who would like to donate a camcorder to our cause? Anyone? Email us. We’ll talk.

The Origins of Mr. Met

After giving you a half-assed posting last week and totally forgetting to post one the day after New Year’s (Serena’s bad again. Though in her defense, the night before was New Year’s and expecting her to remember to post something after a night of sangria drinking is a little ridiculous), you’ll be pleased (or disappointed, depending on how you feel about us) to see that we have something with a little more pizzazz for you this week. But first thing’s first. Poll results. Two Friday’s ago, we asked you what you wanted most for your team to get this holiday season. Everyone wanted pitching, pitching, and oh…more pitching! And by everyone, we mean all 3 folks who actually took the time to vote. Lame. Since no one cared to choose the other options, we’re not going to even bother listing them here since there were apparently too bogus for words.

Since we have two week’s worth of baseball notes to cover before getting into “The Origins of Mr. Met”, we’ll break them down for you. Last week’s notes: On Monday (12/28), the Mets signed a 1 year contract with RHP Kelvim Escobar. He will most likely be utilized out of the bullpen. An older pitcher prone to injury? Cringe. Awesome time, Minaya. Monday was also the day that the Giants reached an agreement with Mark DeRosa on a 2 year contract. DeRosa passed his physical later that day and the team formerly announced the details of the agreement on Tuesday morning. DeRosa is slated to earn $12 million over the course of his 2 years in the Bay Area. DeRosa has claimed that he’s always wanted to pitch in San Francisco, citing that he’s enjoyed the vibe of the city during his travels. Well, we know of one Giants fan in particular who is not fond of this signing. Our hearts go out to you, Mamacita. Finally, in an attempt to negate the perplexing Escobar acquisition, the Mets and outfielder Jason Bay have agreed to a 4 year, $66 million contract.

This week’s notes: On Saturday, Blue Jays’ infielder Edwin Encarnacion was released from a Miami hospital after being treated for minor facial injuries caused by fireworks during the New Year’s festivities in the Dominican Republic. Seriously, dude? What are you doing fooling around with fireworks? We leave playing professional baseball to you. You should leave fireworks displays to the professionals as well. May we suggest that next year for New Year’s, you hit up Disney World for some pyrotechnics? We hear it’s fantastic and no one gets fireworks thrown in their face! An all around good time.

On Tuesday, free agent third baseman, Adrian Beltre reached a 1 year, $10 million contract with the Red Sox. Previously in the off season, Mike Lowell appeared to be heading for Texas, leaving a vacancy at third for the Red Sox to fill. Once the Rangers determined that Lowell would need surgery on his thumb, they intelligently called the deal off. With the signing of Beltre, the Red Sox now have two competent third basemen on their hands, but Beltre’s arrival makes it pretty clear that the Red Sox are still planning to move Lowell once he’s deemed healthy. Despite his enemy garb, Serena is actually pretty fond of Lowell and this prompts us to wonder how smart of a business decision this is. Since Beltre is a capable infielder (though Serena feels that Lowell is the stronger defensive player), let’s compare the men’s offensive stats. In 449 AB’s during the 2009 season, Beltre posted 119 hits, 27 doubles, 0 triples, 8 home runs, 44 RBI’s, 19 walks, and 74 strike outs. His season average worked out to be .265 with an OBP of .304 and a SLG of .379. Not exactly outstanding overall, but not bad either. The Red Sox certainly didn’t sign a hack. Now for Lowell’s numbers. In 5 less AB’s during the 2009 season, he managed 129 hits (10 more than Beltre), 29 doubles, 1 triple, 17 home runs (more than twice than Beltre), 75 RBI’s (this number isn’t as jarring as it may suggest if you take into consideration that the Red Sox more than likely gave Lowell more RBI opportunities than the Mariners gave Beltre), 33 walks (almost double Beltre’s walk total), and 61 strikeouts. He ended the season with a batting average of .290, an OBP of .337, and a SLG of .474. In 5 less at bats, Lowell posted a batting average 25 points higher than Beltre, an OBP 33 points higher than Beltre, and a SLG 95 points higher than Beltre. We’d also like to point out the fact that Lowell posted these numbers in the AL East, a division that is much more competitive than the AL West, from where Beltre hails. These numbers are just food for thought. Chow down on them and mull them over as you will. We’re just saying…

The big news for the week is that after 22 seasons playing for the MLB, Randy “The Big Unit” Johnson has announced his retirement via conference call on Tuesday. His resume is pretty phenomenal and we’re confident that he’ll be able to find a part time job without any sort of difficulty. He leaves the mound with a record of 303-166, 4,875 strikeouts in 4,135 1/3 innings, and 5 Cy Young Awards! His strikeout total is the most by a LHP and second only to the great Nolan Ryan’s 5,714. His career has spanned both leagues and included the Montreal Expos, Seattle Mariners, Houston Astros, Arizona Diamondbacks (where he earned a World Series ring and co-MVP honors in 2001), New York Yankees, and San Francisco Giants. In addition, he’s thrown 2 no-hitters, including a perfect game. Come to think of it, Serena does enjoy creating resumes for others and will be happy to take on the task of crafting one for The Big Unit should he so desire. It will probably be the easiest Curriculum Vitae she’s ever had to write. Hey, Randy? If you’re reading this, send an email our way. We’ll talk.

After a lot of BS and speculation back and forth, Matt Holliday finally announced on the Doug Gottlieb Show on ESPN Radio that he’ll be resigning with the Cardinals. The deal is for 7 years and $120 million with a team option at the end of the contract. Did anyone really think that Holliday was going anywhere other than St. Louis?

As you may recall, a few weeks ago, we had written a follow-up letter to TOWSNBN asking to reschedule our rendezvous in the city. Our proposed time frame was for the second week in January…which is next week in case you didn’t notice. We had requested that TOWSNBN send us a quick note via email to confirm a date, location, and time. We’ve yet to hear from him. We’re not going to jump the gun and assume that he’s ignoring us. Not yet. Maybe he needs to get his calendar in order before penciling us in. However, it should be noted that Lisa has already begun to collect her TOWSNBN memorabilia and pile it in a corner of her bedroom. The bonfire, should he fail to contact us, is scheduled for Martin Luther King Jr. Day. We figured that in addition to eradicating TWOSNBN from our life, we’d also celebrate the holiday with a bang…or a huge mound of burning TWOSNBN paraphernalia. Lisa is actively seeking a replacement for TWOSNBN. Right now it’s between Daniel Murphy and Jeff Francoeur, though she does have in her possession a Johan Santana jersey.

On a stadium touring-related note, while waiting for regular season single-game tickets to go on sale, we have been preparing for our May trip to visit Hot Mama Erin, her man candy, Matt, and the remaining California stadiums on our list. Granted, our planning hasn’t involved buying baseball tickets (because they’re not available), booking airfare (because we can’t until we buy baseball tickets), or booking hotel (um…see last comment) so it may not seem like we’re doing much, but trust us. We are. For example, we’ve taken the proposed week off from work. See? That’s definitely progress! Also, we’ve researched airfares, which is always a pain. However, the most important thing we’ve done thus far to prepare for our upcoming trip is collect spare change. Last year, we earned enough to pay for two nights in Chicago. Pretty impressive, right? In 2008, we scraped enough change together to pay for our rental car in San Francisco. As you can see, we’ve gotten progressively better at change saving. This year, we’ve implemented a new change accrual strategy that we hope will blow last year’s accomplishment out of the water! In addition to our regular way of change collecting (left over from purchases made with cash, stolen from the washing machine, picked up off the sidewalk, found in the couch cushions, etc.), we’ve started collecting recyclables to deposit. We’ve already raised close to $30 this way! Below, we’ve enclosed a photo of what our change jar currently looks like. We still have the rest of January, all of February, March, and April, as well as part of May to amass more change. We’d like to say that we had a reasonable goal in mind like…$400 (last year, we came up with $300 toward our hotel bill), but we don’t. We’ve gone completely insane. We’re estimating that with our current rate of change accumulation that we should be able to hit $800 without difficulty come the time for us to fly out to LA.
Since we (okay, Serena) f’ed up last week’s posting, we’ll say it now: Best wishes for a Happy, Successful New Year!
Now. The moment you’ve all been waiting for. After almost a year of reading our ridiculousness, you may have noticed that Mr. Met is in many of our photo albums. You might have wondered how his presence in our entourage came to be. Fear not, our curious followers. Today we are going to satisfy your thirst for knowledge by sharing with you the story of Mr. Met.

We should begin by specifying that this is not the creation story of the Mr. Met who shakes his groove thang on the Mets dugout at Citi Field. You can read that Mr. Met’s story here. Our story is about the birth of one of the founding fathers of the Traveling Baseball Babes Mascot Association. Yes, they are unionized, but we’re not going to go into details about that right now. That’s a different blog for a different day.
Mr. Met currently lives in Serena’s department on a bookshelf in MJ’s office. In case you’re wondering why he resides in MJ’s office and not in Lisa’s apartment with the rest of the mascot gang, the reason is a very simple one. We don’t actually own Mr. Met. He belongs to MJ. In fact, we literally have to steal him from MJ’s office every time we hit the road. It’s a very complicated process that involves waiting for MJ to leave for the evening, sneaking into his office, kidnapping Mr. Met, and then pretending like nothing went down when MJ returns to the office the next day. We’re not gonna lie to you, but we think that MJ actually gets annoyed when we do this. This kind of sucks, but we’re not going to stop stealing him. It’s just the way it goes. He is a founding father and therefore needs to join us on our travels. To be fair, Yankees Bear, the other founding father, doesn’t live in Lisa’s apartment either. He lives on Serena’s bed. We suppose then that it’s only natural Mr. Met should remain with MJ during the rest of the non-traveling year.

Mr. Met came into our lives one rainy day in June of 2006. MJ was kind enough to give us tickets to see Barry Bonds and the San Francisco Giants take on Tom Glavine and the New York Mets. We’re talking pre-Zito days. During this time, Zito was still sporting the green and gold, rocking sexy facial hair and tussled locks, and not pitching like a complete ass clown. Also during this time, “Tiny” Tim Lincecum was underage and unable to party hard with us. These tickets were our first experience in field level.

Thanks to a heavy rainfall that lasted most of the week, we were blessed with the opportunity to catch a double header. Unfortunately, as with most of our situations, rain plagued us that day as well. Since we were in the midst of a three-hour rain delay, we decided to visit the Mets Team Shop behind home plate. While roaming around the merchandise, we found a bin filled with beautiful, adorable happiness. It contained a sea of Mr. Met dolls. One in particular spoke to us. We felt that because he was so perky and cute, it was our duty to bring him home with us. Serena rationalized this purchase by declaring that she’d give it to MJ as a “thank you for the awesome seats” gift because he clearly needed a Mr. Met doll in order for his life to be more complete.
On the way back to our seats, we picked up our usual food source (Premio sausage sandwiches). In order to protect him from the persistent downpour, Serena tucked Mr. Met safely into her purse. It also became quite obvious that eating a sausage sandwich while holding an umbrella is next to impossible and you need the umbrella because no one likes a soggy sausage bun. Thankfully, the creepy three musketeers sitting in front of us came to the rescue. We like to refer to them as “Jay,” “Frank,” and “Dog Walker.” How did they earn these nicknames? “Jay” looked like Jay from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, “Frank” looked like Lisa’s ex-boyfriend, Frank, and the “Dog Walker” was…well…a dog walker. Literally. As in he walked dogs for a living. In fact, he had gotten those tickets from a client. There’s truly nothing quite like having three strange boys holding your umbrellas over you and staring intently at you as you try to enjoy a sausage sandwich.

By the time the rain dissipated and baseball began, the boys were heavily intoxicated. It became clear that “Dog Walker” had major “female issues” when in the 4th inning, he broke down into tears, muttered curse words, and ex-girlfriend lamentations. Can we say stage 5 clinger?

Jay nearly choked on his poncho and became quite incensed every time a fellow fan yelled at him to sit down. He shouted back that he “was unaware that you paid the mortgage on Shea Stadium!” He also shouted to TOWSNBN that Lisa wanted to do…um…er…extremely obscene and perverted things to him, which we’d like to point out was very untrue. Still untrue. Since the seats we were sitting in were situated about five rows from TOWSNBN, we’re pretty sure that he not only heard everything Jay said, but that this is probably the source of his animosity toward us.

Frank thought that ever ball hit was destined to him “in the coconut” and therefore, with every crack of the bat, he ducked and screamed like a giant pansy.

The rain returned in time for the second game to roll around. We were in no mood to sit through more rain and another 9 innings of drunken idiocy, so we decided to leave. For some reason, Dog Walker felt that he need to go home with us and began to follow us from the stands. This prompted us to…well…run away. As we sprinted as fast as our heeled boots (why we wore heels, we’ll never know) could carry us, a figure in white glory emerged from nowhere with his Pepsi Party Patrol. The Kingdom of Heaven hovered just above his enormous baseball-shaped head. It was to be our first encounter with the real Mr. Met! Sadly, we had an insane man on our trail and could not afford to dilly dally. We could only slap Mr. Met’s large, white fuzzy hand and not look back. Hence the blossoming of an obsession with that delightful mascot.

On the drive home, we discussed how serendipity must have brought us from the purchase of Mr. Met to actually meeting Mr. Met. This Mr. Met doll must be a good-luck charm, we felt. He obviously needed to join us on all of our stadium expeditions. Little did we know that it would be an entire year before we would get another photo opportunity with Mr. Met. Now we can’t stop getting our picture taken with him. We’re like crack addicts…only we don’t do crack. Let us repeat that and be perfectly clear on that subject: The TBB are drug free.

And so began the ballad of Mr. Met, written and performed by the talented Lynard Skynard: “Mr. Met was born a travelin' mascot, that's all he'll ever be. Moving around from town to town is what makes him so free.”