Use the Force for Good!

I am just a lonely co-pilot today. Captain Serena is off working the Autism Speaks walk at Jones Beach today. There she is helping to raise lots of money and awareness for a great cause as well as stalking Star Wars storm troopers and jumping on jump jumps. They are so conveniently part of the entertainment for today’s event. I wonder who was in charge of hiring them. Mhmmmmmmmm! In the fine words of your brother “Serena your five”! I too helped out for the Autism Speaks foundation by being the honorary bagel delivery girl! My car now has the tantalizing scent of garlic from picking up 5 large garbage bags of bagels that was so nicely donated from Town bagel of Bellmore and Plainview for the walk. I wish Autism Speaks lots of luck on the walk today!!

Moving onto our poll results. Glad to see there is only one a**hat among the voters last week. We had asked you minions “Who had celebrated victory better? Six of you voted for “The Diamondbacks were so dull it makes me think the entire roster is bad in the sack” We agree! Not to be dirty birds but shaking a champagne bottle is the same motion as well…. You do the movement and let me know what it reminds you of. Go ahead do it now I’ll wait… Now that we all have perverted thoughts in our heads we can go on. If that’s a glimpse of what’s going down in the boudoir then it’s true you all must be bad in the sack. One malicious person voted for “The TBB are stupid. Go Diamondbacks!” Well we think you’re stupid AND were pretty sure you’re probably bad in the sack. You seem to be taking out your sexual frustrations on two innocent females. I mean c’mon did you see our Epic photo. If that photo does not scream celebration then I don’t know what does. We are too legit too legit to quit. Shakalaka Shakalaka !

Baseball Notes:

Jose Reyes needs a lesson in baseball etiquette. On Wednesday at the last NY Mets game of the season Reyes bunted the second pitch he got in the first inning once he was safe at first he then took himself out of the game. This sneaky move basically won him the Nl batting title as well as the first batting title for the NY Mets team. Reyes was up against Milwaukee Brewers Ryan Braun who would have had to have gotten 3 hits on Wednesday night and sadly went 0-4. It was reported that fans booed Reyes which I could not agree more. Fans pay a lot of money to go to these games and to even hope to witness something special and you pull that bullsh*t. This is why it makes it so hard for me to be a fan of you again. Who are you Reyes? I feel like I don’t even know you anymore.
When Reyes was asked about his covert operation he was quoted as saying this- “They have to understand what's going on," Reyes said. "They have to feel happy if I win the batting title. I do it for the team and for the fans, too” No you did not do it for the fans. I am pretty confident that most Mets fans like me could careless if a Mets player took the NL batting title. I would much rather see hmmm… I don’t know maybe a miraculous appearance in the playoffs and for the team to win the NL East Division again. Let’s not kid ourselves Jose you did it so that you could get more money from hopefully some other team next season now that you have this lame title under your belt. Don’t use us poor fans as an excuse for your poor sportsmanship! I am making Ryan Braun Super Hero of the week for when he was asked about the situation he was extremely classy about it something Jose Reyes knows nothing about!

Besides buntgate happening on Wednesday. Wednesday night proved to be quit the entertaining night. Many baseball fans eagerly waited to see the playoff matchups with both Wild Card division titles still up for grabs. The St Louis Cardinals would go ahead and lay the smack down on the Houston Astros winning 8-0. The Cardinals eagerly awaited the results of the Braves vs Phillies matchup. A Braves lost would send Albert and the boys on there merry way to the playoffs and that is precisely what had happened. Atlanta lost 4-3 to Philadelphia in 13 innings. Speaking of Extra innings the Rays were battling it out with the Yankees while Boston went on and lost to the last place Baltimore Orioles. Boston’s only hope was ironically to root on their arch nemesis the Yankees for a Tampa Bay loss would cause a one game Wild Card playoff between them to decide the AL Wild Card winner.

As we all know since it is Sunday and the playoffs are happening as we speak that did not happen. Evan Longoria crashed Boston’s pipe dream when he hit a walk off homer. I am so happy that for once it was not the NY Mets that CHOKED this year! They took themselves out as early as opening day so I was well prepared for failure this year. Feel my pain Braves and Red Sox fans. Doesn’t feel so good does it? So ladies and gents our first round playoff match ups are as followed.

Tigers vs Yankees

Rays vs Rangers

Diamondbacks vs Brewers

St Louis vs Phillies

On Thursday it was announced that the Chicago White Soxs have parted ways with manager Ozzie Guillen by trading him to the Florida Marlins for two minor Leaguers Jhan Marinez and Osvaldo Martinez. Marinez, a 23-year-old right-hander, finished the season in Double-A Jacksonville. He went 3-8 with a 3.57 ERA and three saves in 56 games. He struck out 74 and walked 42 in 58 innings. Martinez, a 23-year-old shortstop, hit .245 with three homers and 26 RBIs in 88 games with Triple-A New Orleans this year. I had no clue you could trade a manager. If I knew this I would of so tried to talk the Mets into trading Jerry Manuel for some little league players.

Terry Francona manger of the Boston Red Sox who led the club to its first two World Series championships since 1918 will not be returning next season. Francona said multiple times it was his decision not to return. The Red Sox held option years for Francona for the next two seasons, and had until Oct. 8 to decide to pick up the 2012 pact, which would have paid him $4.25 million. Francona met with general manager Theo Epstein on Thursday which just so happened to be the day after the Red Sox managed to blow a 9 game lead in the standings in September and not make it to the post season. Now that’s an Epic collapse!! I’m thinking that’s far worse then any Mets collapse I had to deal with. Francona was asked if he would consider improving some of his techniques, rather than stepping down. He indicated that one reason he didn't do that is because he didn't know if ownership was as much behind him as in years past. Farewell Francona I wish you well!

Exciting news is that the TBB attended game 1 of the Yankees vs Tigers game not once but twice. Due to the Asstastic weather in New York our game was postponed and we had to trug on out to the boogie down Bronx again on Saturday night. Keep your eyes peeled for that post!

So as of Saturday night here are the teams that have taken the lead. The Yankees took game one last night against the Tigers. The Rays and Rangers are now tied after playing game two. St Louis disappointed me losing to the Fugly Phillies. Phillies lead 1-0. The Brewers won last night and lead the series against the Diamondbacks.

Late breaking news here! I got a text from Serena that Darth Vader is at the Autism Speaks walk at Jones beach! Go get Darth Serena! Use the force!

That’s all folks enjoy October baseball!!!

-Lisa

Celebrate Good Times…and Mean it

Last week’s poll told us that our readers are selfish d*cks. Here’s why: apparently no one had in their possession that kick-a$$ “Use The Force for Good” t-shirt, but here’s the worst part. 2 of you decided that even if you DID have it, you wouldn’t give Serena the shirt. Who does that? Who even admits that? What if she smiled at you? Is that enough of an exchange? 2 of you are just plain boring and don’t have the shirt. You’re just a bunch of useless individuals. That’s the conclusion we’ve come up with. We give you priceless literature and infinite humor and memories and in return, we get nothing from you. You don’t even post comments on our blogs!

Enough with the insults. We have exciting news for you! The TBB are going to their first playoff game together! Hooray for you! We know how much you love our game-time pictures! We’re going to Game 1 of the ALDS at Yankees Stadium on Friday! Unfortunately, we won’t be able to post a blog about it until after Sunday because Serena will be working for the Long Island Walk Now for Autism Speaks all weekend. Don’t worry. You’ll still get a weekly post from us, but it will be done by just Lisa.

Speaking of the Division Series, we’re pretty much wrapped up in terms of teams that have clinched. In both leagues, the only spots pending are the Wild Card teams. Just a quick rundown in terms of who we’re above and beyond sure is going to get their a$$es kicked: the Diamondbacks. Every other team has got a fairly decent chance at advancing to the Championship Series. Allow us to explain. The Phillies and Brewers are both very strong teams. Let’s say the Braves take the Wild Card. Since the Phillies have the best record, they’re supposed to be matched up against the team with the worst record, which would be the Braves. The Phillies can’t play the Braves because they’re in the same division, which leaves the Diamondbacks. There is no way in hell that the Diamondbacks are winning that matchup. If the Cardinals take the Wild Card, the Phillies will play them and leave the Diamondbacks to the Brewers. We repeat, there is no way in hell the Diamondbacks are winning that matchup. Dear Arizona, Good luck experiencing your future sweep. Embrace your Cardinals now. PS – your players are the world’s most boring partiers we’ve ever seen. The TBB party harder than that and we’re not rich pansy athletes who’ve just clinched a title. People masturbate with more enthusiasm than the way the Diamondbacks shook their champagne bottles. It was sad. This is what victory looks like (and we weren’t even playing):



Photo taken immediately following a New York Giants victory over the New England Patriots during the 2008 Superbowl

On Monday night, we chowed down on sweet potato fries and amazing 20 cent wings at Croxley’s Ale House while watching the Giants/Rams game. Our feeding frenzy was briefly interrupted (and very much interrupted by our very own Long Island-based Wolf Pack) by the breaking news that Mariano Rivera surpassed Trevor Hoffman for the all-time save record. Congrats to him. Go on, Mo. You can TBB Super Hero of the Week again. Also while watching Monday Night Football, there was one jack ass that apparently was so invested in the MLB that the bartender was forced to waste one television on the Braves/Marlins game. Just wasteful. Pal, we live in New York and the Giants were the MNF game. Let’s get our priorities in order here. Even when the Giants are terrible, we still watch them over an Atlanta/Florida baseball game.

Last but not least, this video is literally one of the funniest things we've ever seen. Jayson Werth, in an attempt to help Teddy win the Presidents' Race (because he never wins), enlisted the Nationals' bullpen to thwart the other Presidents. Werth ended up winning the race. This sh*t was 100 times better than the Diamondbacks celebrating their title.