Last Christmas

It's that time of year again, folks. A time of magic, Mariah Carey, jingle bells, sugar cookies, and our annual TBB Christmas carol. This year, we'd like to share with you our rendition of Wham's Last Christmas. We actually just watched the video. It's incredible. We're going to post the link here so that you can experience its majesty as well.

Last Christmas, we asked Beltran to go away, 
but the very next day, he stayed with the Yankees.
This year, to save us from tears,
we'll ask for someone special. 

Once bitten and twice shy, 
we've made mistakes, 
but select players still catch our eye.
Max Scherzer, 
do you recognize us?
We write a blog and are clearly very funny. 
(Merry Christmas) - we creepily whisper in your ear

We're going to wrap a sexy contract and send it
with a note saying, "We'd love for you to come to New York."
We mean it. 
Now we know what fools our teams are, 
but if you sign with us now,
we'll give you an autographed picture of Alyssa Milano.

Last Christmas, we asked for better players,
but the very next day, we got a sh*t load of outfielders. 
This year, to save us from tears,
we're begging something special.

Oh, oh, baby.

A crowded stadium,
fans with tired eyes.
You're hiding from us
with TOWSNBN
(because he's a dick) - we whisper creepily in your ear.
Holy sh*t balls, we think you could be someone to rely on. 
Us? We promise not to make fun of you so you won't need a shoulder to cry on.

An arm of a pitcher with a fire in his heart.
If you go to another team, it will tear us apart, ooh-hoo.
New York could be your real love, you'll never want to leave again.

Last Christmas, we asked for a playoff shot,
but the very next day, they gave it away.
This year, to save us from tears,
we'll settle for not coming in last. That would be special.

(Special) - we whisper creepily in your ear.

"Carlos Beltran, It's Cold Outside"

It's that time of the year, folks! Christmas songs are aplenty this time of year and we want to contribute to the joyous melodies that grace your radio stations. We bring to you our special rendition of the beloved classic, "Baby, It's Cold Outside."

You really can't stay.
      Baby, it's cold outside.
You've really got to go away.
       Baby, it's cold outside.
Your past seasons in NY haven't been -
       Been hoping you'd take me back -
so very nice -
       I'll try to win your hearts, even though they're just like ice.

Your mother will start to worry (because we're going to dick punch you).
      Beauties, what's with all your fury?
Papa L. will be pacing the floor.
      But listen to the NY crowd roar!
Yeah, sure. Maybe have another drink more.
      Put my favorite song on while I rob the poor.

Everyone seems to forget -
      Baby, it's cold outside -
how bad you were when you were a Met -
      There's no other teams to be had out there -
We wish we knew how -
       I am a Yankee now -
to break this spell -
       I'll wear this hat, don't these pinstripes look swell?

We've been saying no, no, no -
      Mind if Jete and I get closer?
At least we're gonna continue to try -
     What's the sense in hurting my pride?
You really can't stay.
      Beauties, don't hold out. You know you want to wear my jersey.
We hope you get Herpes...it's so cold outside.

You've got to find a new home.
       But I'll freeze out there!
We really don't care.
       It's up to my knees out there!
You've really never been grand.
       I'll promise to catch the ball when it's fair!
Why don't people see?
       How can you do this thing to me?

You're bound to disappoint us tomorrow -
      Think of my three-year sorrow -
It seems that in St. Louis, you already hit your peak -
       if you made me A-hole of the Week...every week.
You really can't stay.
      Can't you forgive me for that strikeout?
We need really need you to go away.
      Beauties, you're so cold inside.
Die. And take Jacoby with you.

This will be our last blog of 2013. We know you're disappointed. To make you feel better about this whole situation, we'll post pictures of our New Year's shenanigans to Instagram and Twatter. If you're not already following us, do so. @TravelingBBabes. Don't miss out. We'll see you in 2014. Happy Holidays and May The Force be with you.

Jingle Balls!!

Last week, we provided you an in-depth look into the future friendship between Serena and RA Dickey (which will now be long distance). We asked you if you felt that Serena and RA would make a great dynamic duo like Batman and Robin (Serena being Batman...OBVIOUSLY). 1 d*ckhead said no. Well, you suck balls. And you're probably going to get your way, which is extremely dissatisfying for us. 2 people said, yes because they're both nerds and 4 of you said that they should be friends as long as they let Lisa join in their reindeer games. Like that was ever in doubt.

It's that time of year again. That time where we butcher a well-loved Christmas song and post it here for you to enjoy:

Dashing through the off-season
in a V4 4-door sedan,
oh, to the bars we go,
laughing all the way (HA, HA, HA!).
Shots on losers' dime
make our spirits bright.
How unfun it is to watch our teams
waste money and die!

OH!
Jingle Bells, Youkilis smells,
RA got away.
Oh, how sad it is to ride in a New York open sleigh, HEY!
Jingle Bells, Youkilis smells,
RA got away.
Oh, how sad it is to ride in a New York open sleigh.

Anaheim got Josh,
Los Angeles got Zack,
and soon Flushing will be French
with David seated by his side.
The Bronx is lean and lank
at the hot corner spot,
they dipped too much in the bank
and that's why Ichiro got f*cked!

OH!
Jingle Bells, Youkilis smells,
RA got away.
Oh, how sad it is to ride in New York open sleigh, HEY!
Jingle Bells, Youkilis smells,
RA got away.
Oh, how said it is to ride in a New York open sleigh.

This week's baseball notes:
Shane Victorino apparently couldn't pick worse baseball teams to play for. First, the Phillies. Then, the Dodgers. Now, the cherry on top of the douchey team sundae. On Thursday, the Red Sox officially welcomed Victorino to Fenway Park. Victorino signed a 3-year contract worth $39 million. The Red Sox also recently resigned David Ortiz for 2 years, added Jonny Gomes, and possibly Mike Napoli.

Further south on I-95, the Yankees finally announced the signing of Kevin Youkilis to a 1-year contract worth $12 million. Are you freaking kidding us? What happens when Alex Rodriguez comes back from the DL? Are you not going to play Alex? You're paying him an awful lot not to play him. Eric Chavez signed with the Diamondbacks for a whopping $3 million. Who is running the Yankees' check book? They should've snatched up Chavez when they had the chance. He would've been a bargain. Plus, he's a kick a$$ third baseman AND not a douchebag! WTF? Additionally, the Yankees are toying with paying anywhere between $12 and $13 million to sign Ichiro Suzuki for another 2 years. Ichiro is WAY better than Youkilis and we're giving him less money?! Does that make sense? New York Yankees, give us a call, we'll handle your budget and balance your check book. We feel strongly that you're one mistake from receiving a $35 overdraft fee postcard from Bank of America.

Josh Hamilton has signed a crazy 5-year contract worth $125 million that includes a no-trade clause. It also fails to include any form of protection for the Angels should Hamilton fall off the wagon again. However, the Angels appear to be taking no chances. They've brought on board Shayne Kelly, Hamilton's mentor, to help keep Hamilton on the straight and narrow path.

We seem to keep getting closer and closer to watching RA Dickey fly north of the border. Apparently, a trade is in the works between the Mets and Blue Jays that involves at least 7 players and will send Dickey and Josh Thole to the Jays and Jays' top catching prospect, Travis d'Arnaud to the Mets. This trade supposedly involves 3 catchers, but we can't figure who the third guy is. All we know is that if this Travis fellow really does end up with the Mets, he will be henceforth known as "d'Frenchman."

With the holidays upon us, we regret to inform you that this will be our last blog of 2012. We'll see you again in 2013. Try not to weep too much. We'll post an oldie, but goodie next week to keep you company in our absence. We're accepting requests. Should we agree with your opinion, we'll post your request. Should we feel that your choice is stupid (and there's a very good chance that we will), we will pick another post that we deem suitable.

Happy Holidays!