Georgia On Our Minds

We have to apologize for the nonsense that was last week’s blog. We’re not sure what got into us or why sausage was on the brain so heavily, but…well…here we are now. To make matters worse, we asked you what type of sausage YOU prefer. 6 of you prefer the Italian sausage (we like the Guineas too). 1 person enjoys the Spanish sausage and 1 other person likes the American sausage (also known as a hot dog). No one chose Polish sausage. Not sure what’s wrong with the Pollacks, but whatever. 8 votes is a lot. We’re somewhat impressed that you guys were interested enough in the sausage phenomenon to vote on it, but we’re really not all that surprised. You tend to vote on the stupidest sh*t. Heaven forbid you vote on a poll that actually has something to do with baseball.

In just a few short weeks, we’ll be departing for our Atlanta stadium tour. This trip will have a bit of a twist to it. Instead of staying in Atlanta, we’ll be crashing with Lisa’s family in Cleveland, Tennessee just a two hour drive from Atlanta. Since two hours is totally manageable, we’re hoping to make another side trip to Atlanta (in addition to the Braves game) to visit the Georgia Aquarium, which has been hailed as the largest aquarium in the country. Following the Braves game on Saturday afternoon, we’re going to check out a sexy place to eat. Any locals who have recommendations for us? We found a few options on the Google Machine, but it’s always nice to have the voice of a local offer suggestions.

While in Tennessee, Lisa’s family will be taking us to Ruby Falls where we’re seriously considering attempting to zip line. This will either be amazing or the hugest fail of our lives. It could go either way. Naturally, we will post pictures for you. We’ll probably be sporting a stink eye in every single photo. We apologize in advance. We did agree that Lisa will no longer take photos of Serena from behind as it is one of the worst angles of her in history. Going forward, Lisa will only take photos of Serena from the front. Even if she has to run ahead of Serena and turn around in order to do this. We briefly contemplated a trip to Graceland (you know how much we love Elvis), but it turns out that despite the fact that we’ll be in the same state as Graceland, it’s actually quite far of a drive. We apologize, but there’ll be no pictures of the Jungle Room for you. There will also be no video feed of our rendition of a “hunk of, hunk of, burning love.” We’re All Shook Up. Thank you. Thank you very much. Insert lip curl.

Exciting stuff is going down today. So exciting that Serena thought for a moment that we should cancel Mother’s Day so that we could stay home and watch the Yankees game. What could possibly be so exciting that we’d ditch the Celebration of Motherhood for? ANDY PETTITTE returns today! Serena’s “Big Texan” (as she says…he doesn’t really belong to her) is back! While she doesn’t expect him to pull a complete game shutout out of his ass, he definitely brings a sense of yogic calm to Serena…which ironically yoga does not do for her.

Lisa is somewhat annoyed with TOWSNBN today. On one hand, he’s been performing exceptionally well at the plate for the Mets. Which is a good thing. On the other hand, he’s playing for Lisa’s fantasy arch nemesis, The Riverdale Rebels (aka: Roberta). So now Lisa’s relationship with TOWSNBN is in a Mexican Standoff. TOWSNBN isn’t talking to Lisa because he thinks she’s a psychopath. Lisa isn’t talking to TOWSNBN because he’s helping Roberta win. Normally, Lisa would just switch to Derek Jeter, her new BFFer, but he ALSO plays on The Riverdale Rebels. Lisa has no backup plan for when both Golden Boys fail her.

Next week, we’ll be posting about our Yankees Stadium adventure that we’ll be embarking on Saturday afternoon. Serena promised Lisa Guido Fest 2012 (Fist Pumpers unite!) and Lisa has not ceased to remind Serena of this promise. As she says, “you made promises, daddy. Promises you better keep.” We suppose this means we’ll need to be at Yankees Stadium by 10 am for a 1:00 game. And there’s a very good chance that Serena will end up attending this game alone if everything goes according to Lisa’s plan.

Finally, Happy Mother’s Day to Mamadukes and Mama L.!! You’ve clearly birthed the best children ever. Just look at us. We’re special. Here’s to you, mom!

The Traveling Band of Misfits 2011

With the playoffs fast approaching, we gave your our postseason picks last week, along with the rationale behind our decisions. Since we’re not fascist dictators, we politely asked if you disagreed on the three teams that the TBB happened to share. Apparently, you people got very excited about this poll because 12 of you responded. 3 of you disagreed with us that the Rangers were going to take the AL West. May we ask why? They’re blowing the Oakland Athletics out of the water in this race. How could you possibly think that the A’s are going to make a run at the title being as far back as they are. Are you in possession of some sort of secret intel that says that Gordon Bombay is taking over as A’s coach and they’re going to sail into first via the “Flying V.” Perhaps with a few triple-deeks thrown into the mix? 3 people disagreed with us regarding the Giants, but considering that division is so tight, we can accept your opinion. No one disagreed with us when it came to the Twins, probably cos’ they’re amazing. Lastly, 6 of you voted, “Actually…and let me start by saying this extremely rare…I agree with you on all 3 of these teams.” Wow. We’re both flattered that you agree with us and insulted that this is a rare occasion.

Exciting news, sports fans! The MLB released its 2011 regular season schedule, which means that we can start planning our traveling activities. As usual, we’ll be hitting up our local baseball teams. A few options that we have for the Mets are the Giants series in early May, the A’s series in mid-June, and if we want to risk total unhappiness, we might hit up a Subway Series 4th of July weekend. For the Yankees, we’ve got the Twins at the start of the season, an unfortunate Subway Series in late May, and two Oakland series: one in late July and the other in late August.

Of course, we’ll have to plan our local games around our Road Warrior experiences. For Toronto, we tried focusing on their weekend series, since that will be a quick trip for us and it won’t require taking much time off of work. We’ve got the Twins and Rays in April, the Tigers, Astros, and White Sox in May, the Red Sox in June, the Philles and Rangers in July, the Angels in August, and the Orioles in September. If we want to really creep out Vin Mazzaro and Craig Breslow, we can hit up yet another A’s series, though that series takes place in the middle of the week. We’ll investigate the price of hotel and airfare during the week versus the weekend and most likely make our decision based on that.

We plan on hitting up Minneapolis and Milwaukee during the same trip. Therefore, in reviewing their schedule, we have the following options:

April
Twins/Indians
Brewers/Red

May
Twins/Tigers
Brewers/Pirates
OR
Twins/Mariners
Brewers/Giants game and a potential Barry Zito stalk-fest

August
Twins/Orioles
Brewers/Cubs

September
Twins/White Sox
Brewers/Phillies
OR
Twins/Mariners
Brewers/Marlins

Plenty of options. Please be aware that the MLB has not released its promotional schedule yet and this may factor in when we make a decision as to which games we choose. Plus, these trips must be planned around our second annual Fred K’s Cancer event, which will take place on the 4th Sunday of June.

The 2011 schedule has also told us that the Cubs will be traveling to Fenway Park this year during interleague play. Very, very cool.

Baseball notes! Johan Santanta underwent surgery on Tuesday morning to repair a torn anterior capsule in his left shoulder. The Mets hope to have him back by Opening Day next season, but it’s not guaranteed. We’re currently working on a “Get Well” care package to send him. It will include our panties, an autographed picture of us doing an Elvis impersonation, Fred K’s Cancer beaded bracelets, a Serena-hand drawn picture of a T-Rex devouring Carlos Beltran, and a pair of Lisa’s mismatched socks…complete with holes. We’re sure it’ll cheer him right up and prompt a speedy recovery.

Prior to the Yankees being ass clowns and losing yet another series (and first place) on Wednesday, Joe Girardi announced that Andy Pettitte would be rejoining the rotation on Sunday. Thank f’n God for small favors.

Last night, the Giants finally slid into the first place slot with a 10-2 victory over the Dodgers behind Jonathan Sanchez’s 12 strikeouts. The win gives the Giants a ½ game lead over the Padres, who had lost to the Cardinals by a score of 4-0.

Next week, we’ll have some ridiculously awesome pictures from our trip to Yankees Stadium on Tuesday night. We’ll be in attendance for what we’re positive will be a kick-ass display of baseball. The Rays will be in town AND we’re getting a free Snoopy Doll. Not gonna lie. We’re not quite sure which part of that sentence we’re more pumped about.

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Iron Man is this week’s Super Hero. Serena didn’t even run that by Lisa. She just decided it. No, he has nothing to do with baseball, but Serena saw the costume at Party City yesterday and started getting ideas. None of them good, we assure you.

“Wheel in the sky keeps on turning, we’ve been trying to make it to the Midwest. Wheel in the sky keeps me yearning, don’t know which stadium we’ll be at tomorrow.”