Cooperstown Strikes Back & May The Fort Be With You

Since our retirement from baseball stadium touring, we've decided to visit forts. We are now the Traveling Fabulous Fort...Folks. As you know, we previously traveled to the Alamo, so Fort Ticonderoga being our second fort pretty much makes us fort experts now. 

Fort Ticonderoga is close to 5 hours north of us. In other countries, if you drive 5 hours north, you'd probably hit another country. Here, you're still in New York. Unfortunately, the circumstances of the current pandemic basically ensures that crossing state borders ends up being more of a pain in the a$$ than it's worth, so this summer's travel plans had to be relegated to the great state of New York.

It would probably be odd if all we did today was post about forts...or would it?

Just kidding. We did actually do some baseball related activities this year against all odds. From Fort Ticonderoga is 3 hours from Cooperstown, but it took us close to 4 hours because the GPS led us up the hill and back down like the Grand Old Duke of York on a single lane road. We felt that the Hall of Fame was due a second trip, because of Mike Mussina's and Mariano Rivera's recent inductions. 

Due to COVID-19 protocols, this visit was definitely different. For starters, we had to reserve a time slot for our visit. We had to wear a mask while inside the building as well as on the streets of town. Everyone was given styluses at the entrance in order to utilize the touch screens at certain exhibits and markers were on the floor and in sitting areas to designate social distancing. Despite the restrictions, it was actually quite peaceful and enjoyable. We never felt that we couldn't get to an exhibit due to crowds. 

In addition to our stylus, the man at the front desk assessed gave us a team-specific scavenger hunt based on our clothing. This plays right into our wheelhouse because then the Hall of Fame suddenly became a competition for us. A competition that we'd win at all costs. Even if it meant knocking a small child over to do so. 

We will now share with you the results of the scavenger hunt that we won fair and square, but was not given a prize for at the end. In fact, we aren't even sure that we were congratulated on the victory. 

First up for the Yankees is Lou Gehrig's locker and for the Mets is Pedro Martinez's 3,000th K jersey.

Second is Joe Dimaggio's retired #5 jersey and Tom Seaver's 19-strikeout game baseball cap.

Third is Mariano Rivera's World Series cap and Dwight Gooden's rookie jersey.

Fourth is Babe Ruth's Home Run Record Crown and Tommie Agee World Series glove.

Fifth is Yogi Berra's perfect game mitt and Ray Knight's 1986 World Series helmet. 

Sixth is Aaron Boone's ALCS home run bat and Johan Santana's first no-hitter ball.

Seventh is Mickey Mantle's rare 1952 Topps card and David Wright's final game helmet. 

Eighth is Aaron Judge's 44th home run (of his rookie season) jersey and Pete Alonso's rookie batting gloves.

Ninth is Derek Jeter's World Series jersey and Casey Stengel's retired number. 

The real reason of visiting the Hall of Fame has nothing to do with the scavenger hunt, but that was a bonus. The real reason was not to celebrate Derek Jeter's induction (even though there's an entire display for him). If you don't know how Serena feels about Derek Jeter by this stage of our blog, we don't know what you've been reading. 

The real reason was to visit the plaques of these two men:

Before you assume that Serena's animosity prevented from taking a photo of Derek Jeter's plaque, we'd like to inform you that there was no plaque due to COVID-19. There was a sign that said so and everything. 

Sidebar: these two signs hung in strategic locations made us laugh. 

You're welcome. 

We're No Longer Friends

Derek Jeter is dead to us. He's been pretty dead to Serena for awhile now, but Lisa's maintained a pretty close relationship with him ever since she saw that HBO documentary about him being a peeping tom. That all changed about two weeks ago when Derek snubbed Lisa. Not just a little snub, but the worst possible snub imaginable. He neglected to invite her to his wedding to Hannah Davis (but according to Instagram, he apparently didn't forget to include Andruw Jones in his pre-wedding festivities - what. the. f*ck???). As per gossip mongers, Derek and Hannah tied the knot in an intimate, classy ceremony. Was he afraid that we (because clearly, Lisa would've taken Serena as her date) weren't classy enough to be able to handle that kind of party? We'll have you know that we might suffer from Functional Alcoholism, but we can be plenty classy!

Not for nothing, but Lisa has stood by his side as his #1 BFF even through thick, including the Minka Kelly fiasco. When people (aka: Serena) hated on him, Lisa defended him and his honor even though she's a Mets' fan. That's true friendship. Not many people can say the same about their friends. She appreciated him for who he was despite the fact that he played for the "crosstown rivals." Not only should she have been a guest at the wedding, but she should've been a part of the wedding party. At the very least, the flower girl if the role of Maid of Honor had already been filled. Lisa even had easy access to the the bridal party dress because Serena wore the same exact one in a wedding two years prior!! That's bordering on "meant to be."

Since Lisa is so hurt, she refuses to send a wedding gift to the couple. However, she will forgive Derek (but not Hannah because CLEARLY this is all her fault) if he sends her a wedding favor. She'll also consider being the godmother of their unborn child. She DID retire from godmother duties, but she'd make an exception for Derek since they were once such dear friends. We're pretty sure that Derek wouldn't even ask her to buy the baby's outfit or cross, which means Lisa would just have to stand there, look pretty, and smile for all of the cameras. Lisa's also willing to remove her Invisalign for the event and risk tooth shifting because this is such a special event. Also, this is a chance for Lisa to meet a potential husband. Perhaps, she can get her own $300,000 engagement ring.

Disclaimer: Lisa is and has never been friends with Derek Jeter. This has been an ongoing joke since the peeping tom documentary. So...a long time.

2016 Expectations

Here's what we're expecting to take place this year:
1. We will purchase Opening Day tickets. We will continue to bitch about our lack of Opening Day tickets on this blog until we actually acquire tickets.
2. The Yankees will suck major donkey dick.
3. It will take precisely one month for the Mets to alienate and lose all of the bandwagons that hopped on last year. While the Mets' performance will greatly disappoint Lisa, she'll be delighted to finally be rid of all the ass clowns that clogged up her online ticket purchasing.
4. Derek Jeter will become a coach of some kind. Serena will vomit.
5. We will travel to Miami to see the Marlins with Mamadukes. We will most likely not like the stadium.
6. Serena will drive her roommate and his girlfriend from the apartment single handedly.
7. After which, Lisa will move in and we'll turn that back room into the Traveling Baseball Babes' Babe Cave.
8. We will not play fantasy baseball. We just don't have the bandwidth and truth be told, Lisa doesn't remember her password to get into the league.

9. Our Halloween costume will be even more epic than years' past. We know, we know. You're asking yourselves, "how is that even possible?" Well, we're telling you. It is.
10. Potentially participate in a New York City-wide pillow fight.

Don't even bother asking why we're still single. This list should cover the answer to that question.

Derek Jeter is a friend in my head

So as you all know by now the beloved captain of the Yankees and my bestie Derek Jeter has announced his retirement. In honor of this dismal event the TBB have decided to each write a Derek Jeter blog post. I can assure you right now that mine will not be as amazing as the post you read about last week. So if you would like to stop reading now I understand and I also encourage it. My tale is simply how I became to having a whole new understanding of Derek Jeter and now Serena makes fun of me every chance she gets. You are probably wondering “how is she going to write an entire post about Derek Jeter when she is a Met’s fan”, but that’s the beauty of how awesome the TBB are we can appreciate other players that don’t come from our favored team.

In the past I never disliked Derek Jeter nor did I love him he was just there a good player face of the franchise type of guy. It was one day that I became deathly ill (in my mind it was one of three things Spinal Meningitis, The Bird flu or Bells Palsy) in actuality is was a sinus infection. I tend to be a hypochondriac which is just another great quality about me. While lying on my couch thinking about my funeral arrangements and what I was going to leave to Serena and my family I came across the documentary about Derek Jeter’s quest for his 3K. I thought to myself well if I’m on my death bed at least I am watching something baseballs related. Little did I know I would come to realize that I would find out that in real life Derek Jeter and I would make great compadres. 

We had so much in common and he seemed so down to earth and he really was a “good guy”. I so saw myself texting him if he was my friend all my guy problems and he would probably fix them by telling me what an epic catch I was and cheer me up by buying me a Rolex. We then could plan prodigious (bet you didn’t know I could us big words. I used the thesaurus for that one) dinner parties with all our friends. I love to throw dinner parties I just don’t because I am broke and I live in a small apartment. I instantly tell Serena how I watched this documentary on Derek Jeter and how amazed I was that I enjoyed it so much. I also told her that I didn’t think I was going to the light anymore. She texted me back “Oh god your in love with Derek Jeter “and behold the on going joke of Lisa is in love with Derek Jeter was born. Just to clarify I am not in love with Derek Jeter I am not attracted to him and his bald head and only see him as a friend in my head. 

In his retirement statement on Facebook he said:“Now it is time for the next chapter. I have new dreams and aspirations, and I want new challenges. There are many things I want to do in business and in philanthropic work, in addition to focusing more on my personal life and starting a family of my own. And I want the ability to move at my own pace, see the world and finally have a summer vacation.”

Being his number one amigo I could potentially help him out with some of his retirement resolutions he stated above. I have a lot of time saved up at my job so much that they force me to take time off. I am throwing it out there friend in my head that if you need a travel buddy I am your girl.  I already have a passport which currently only has four stamps two of them are from a layover to get to a final traveling destination point. You can help me fill up that passport book think off it as “philanthropic work” as said in your statement. It should be noted that Serena has to come with us on vacation. Derek will have to put up with her constantly making fun of him but I assure she is an all around good time and I need her she’s very organized and makes itineraries of our activities it’s extremely helpful. When I go on vacation without her I wind up losing my luggage and getting lost. Take this offer and that would be already one goal down on your retirement bucket list. Secondly you stated more things you want to do in business. The TBB are great entrepreneurs. I am currently baking sweets and Serena does the Yoga. Why not invest in a Yoga studakery? (That’s a studio and bakery combined I made it up just now and it’s on this blog as proof) I guarantee you there is no such thing. If you haven’t noticed I am making sure Derek and Serena are friends it may be against her will but I think we can be the three best friends that anybody could have. BOOM! Another goal bites the dust on your retirement list. Lastly you said you wanted to start a family. Lucky for you I currently have an empty uterus at the moment and for a small fee and because I am such a great friend I could house your child(ren) for 9 months. That’s a win, win situation right there. Think about it.

Now in honor of Derek Jeter’s final season I will wear a Jeter shirt that was so kindly given to me by Serena to every Yankee game I attend. I can’t wear it to every baseball game I attend that would be just weird and make no sense kind of like this blog post.

-Lisa

I Met Derek Jeter

In light of Derek Jeter's recent announcement of his intention to retire at the close of the 2014 season, we decided to bring you two special edition blog posts. Today's blog post, written by myself, and next week's, written by Lisa. I suggested that to Lisa that her blog post be entitled, "I Knew I Loved Derek Jeter When He Started Losing His Hair," but she didn't go for it. Sorry, guys. I tried. I felt that you would've really enjoyed that discussion.

I thought that I would share with you the story about the day I met Derek Jeter. Or otherwise known as "the heart-warming story about a girl in her pre-flatiron era fro on her quest to meet Bernie Williams."

You may have recalled that fun fact from this blog post last year. I think I was about 12 years old when Mamadukes won an auction that allowed me to be the honorary bat girl for a day for the Yankees. All I wanted was to get my picture taken with Bernie Williams. That is all. Before I continue with this story, I have to emphasize the fact that the Derek Jeter I met was not the Derek Jeter that sh*ts bricks of gold according the the media. He was just a newbie.

I didn't have my very own Yankees jersey until high school, so Mamadukes loaned me her Don Mattingly one. I spent batting practice sitting in the dugout with a Yankees' Suit and a photographer. I specifically stated that I wanted a picture with Bernie Williams. Multiple times. I was introduced to Joe Torre, Mariano Duncan, and Tino Martinez. I was appreciative of all of these moments, but continued asking for Bernie Williams (after the Yankee of the moment had already departed, of course).

Jeter had just taken the field to take a few warm up throws when the Suit asked, "Hey! Do you want to meet Derek Jeter?" I didn't even know who "Derek Jeter" was. Clearly, this man was either hard of hearing or a total d*ck.
"I guess." I looked to the outfield where I could see Bernie Williams shagging fly balls.
The Suit was seemed totally thrilled because he hopped off the bench, bounded up the steps, and trotted over to Jeter. "Derek? Do you mind taking a photo with one of our biggest fans?"
Jeter looked at me and smiled. "Sure."
The Suit eagerly waved me over as the photographer jumped to action. They positioned me next to Jeter and Jeter placed his hand on my back. I tried to smile. To the best of my ability. PS - I also had braces.

The photographer snapped several photos. "It looks like you'll need to get yourself a Jeter jersey now!" he declared cheerfully from behind his camera.
Jeter patted me lightly on the back. "No. She's got a good one on."
"Exactly," I blurted out. Which was super sweet of me.
He chuckled. The Suit and photographer chuckled as well, but I think theirs was more awkward and forced.

When we returned to the dugout, I checked the outfield again. Bernie Williams was gone! In the time we had wasted with the new Yankee, I'd missed the only man I wanted my picture taken with! I felt my stomach turn.

I turned to The Suit and said, "we missed Bernie."
He frowned. "So we did."
My heart sunk. I felt my shoulders sag.
"Why don't we see if we can grab him before he makes it to the clubhouse?" he suggested.
"Really?"
"Sure."
The photographer was now focused on photographing the action around the batting cages, so it was just me, clutching my little cheap camera, and The Suit hurrying through the halls to in an effort to reach the clubhouse in time.

At the double doors, The Suit turned to me and said, "wait here." He opened the door and disappeared. As the door slowly swung closed, I could hear him shout, "Bernie?"

It felt like I waited for hours. I thought that I'd been forgotten. Then the door swung open and The Suit emerged with Bernie. My face hurt from the smile that erupted on it.
"Nice to meet you," he said, shaking my hand. To me. He spoke to me.
I grinned. All I could do was grin.
"I know you don't have a lot of time here, but do you mind taking a photo with her, Bernie?" The Suit asked. "That's all she's been asking for."
"Of course, of course!" he said. He spotted my camera and took it. He put his arm around my shoulders and flipped the camera around to face us. He pressed the button to take a selfie of us before "selfies" even existed. I think my smile was so big that my eyes had squinted shut, but it didn't matter because the camera never went off. He frowned and examined the camera before trying again. Nothing. He fiddled with it some more. Nothing.
He frowned and handed the camera back to me with an apologetic frown. "I'm very sorry. It's not working."
What I would've given for a smart phone back then.

I've been asked by people who I told this story to, "why couldn't you just be a little nicer to Jeter?" I'm pretty simple and I'm pretty relaxed about most things, but I also want what I want and that's that. Once I decide that I want something, nothing is going to deter me from that task. I didn't want Jeter. I wanted Bernie.

Since that season, not a year has gone by when Mamadukes has suggested, "I don't know why you can't just marry Derek Jeter? What's your problem?" Because Derek Jeter has asked me on a date and I blew him off. Or something. Now he's retiring. I've single-handedly blew Mamadukes' chance at field level season tickets. I'm a life ruiner.

But Jeter would always be Mamadukes' favorite potential future son-in-law and to prove her love,
for my 16th birthday, she blew up what must be one of the Top 5 Most Heinous Photographs of me in existence, had Derek Jeter autograph it, and then framed it. Exhibit said photo below:

I mean...she didn't have to blow it up. Really. It was unnecessary. I think it's safe to say that when he saw this photo in its massive size, he didn't feel like he made a poor decision allowing me to walk away without getting my digits.

-Serena

Being Thankful

As Thanksgiving approaches, we decided to share what we're thankful for this holiday season.

1. Opening Day. Each season, Opening Day brings new hope. Our team hasn't behaved like buffoons yet. They haven't fallen into a 10 game losing streak. Our team hasn't already mathematically eliminated themselves from playoff contention by June. Opening Day is one day of the year that the stadium is sure to be full, brimming with shared excitement. In some cases, for one moment, your team is undefeated. Your team might even be in first place...along with 4 other teams. 
2. The Yankee Stadium Italian sausage sandwich. Literally and figuratively. 
3. The Mets' ballpark frank, sabret onions in red sauce, and jalapeno peppers.
4. Derek Jeter's widow's peak because it amuses us. Mr. Perfect isn't so perfect, is he? Mr. Perfect is going bald. So there. 
5. Beer
6. Mascots
7. When REAL tickets to our stadium tour games arrive in the mail (NOT those fake, bullsh*t tickets that we have to print out on our own damn printers, which the ticket gods charge us $2 to do).
8. Free giveaways
9. The Yankees and Mets. Some states in this country don't even have a baseball team and we're lucky enough to have two. 
10. Fantasy baseball. To quote Pete Eckhart, "There are many things a man can do with his time. This...is better than those things."
11. Ken Griffey Jr.'s Instagram account. His #throwbackthursdays are epic. 
12. We're thankful that the Yankees and Mets still allow us to attend games at their stadiums after all of the sh*t talking we've done on this blog about their golden boys. And also about their franchises.

In conclusion, we know that you are thankful for us. The End. Happy Turkey Day. 

Dazed and Uninspired

Well friends we knew this day would come it was just a matter of time. It seems that the TBB have hit a block in the road and what we mean is we don’t know what to blog about. It’s just that we are so uninspired lately with what’s going on in the baseball world. This years World Series match up really took a toll on us. Don’t get us wrong we could sit here and type up amazing stories about how hilarious we are and the epic things we have done, but they would all be unrelated to baseball and would that be fair to you our fans who look to us for our wise intel on baseball. No it wouldn't it probably would just make you mad and jealous that you can’t hang out with us.  

We will give you an example of just how unmotivated we are. Last night with full intentions to blog we did the following:

• Got beer
• Hit up the dollar menu at McDonalds
• Laughed at some people on Facebook.
• Drank the beer while watching Iron Man 3
• It is after Iron Man 3 that Serena closed her laptop down realizing we were not going to blog.
• Watched the cat be an a-hole
• Thought we heard an intruder washing the dishes.
• Watched this week’s episode of The League while drinking more beer.
• Lisa went home.

 Now we know everyone can relate to holding things off for Robert Downey Jr and his oozing hotness in Iron Man 3. That is a legit distraction but the rest is just unacceptable and we apologize. This brings us to today. Serena is busy training to be Master Yogi Jedi and Lisa is busy baking treats in her kitchen to pay the rent but has time to give you this quick solo blog. With this is all happening we are still unable to come up with a baseball related topic that would consist of more then one sentence and seem interesting enough to hold not only your attention but ours enough to write it. Perhaps you guys could help us. Is there a topic that we have yet to cover that you’d like to know our asinine opinion on? Maybe you want us to write a letter to your favorite baseball player concerning an issue that’s bothering you? A Best and Worst list of (insert topic)? We will take any suggestion to get our writers block going. So feel free to comment on what topic you would like us to cover and if we like it enough it will be next week’s blog post .Then you can brag to all your friends that your idea was a topic on this amazing blog. Just think of how many facebook likes you will get on that status.

We do have some baseball related news so all is not lost. The New York Mets on Friday have officially declined Johan Santana’s option on his contract. This made Lisa very sad but Serena tried to make Lisa feel better and clarified that it was a good business decision on the Mets part. It still hurts. Lisa’s Santana jersey will hang lonely in her closet until she can find an acceptable Met that deems worthy of being displayed on her back. Also being declined like a friend request from a Facebook stalker is Barry Zito. The Giants have declined the 2014 contract options on him this week. Both pitchers had their ups and downs with their teams but they always remained ever classy and we wish them the best of luck on all future endeavors.

The Yankees have re-signed the Captain golden boy Derek Jeter for one year at $12 million. Like no one saw that coming. As you all know Derek is Lisa’s friend in her head so she was happy for him. Serena rolled her eyes.

Yours truly,
Lisa 

2013 All Star Crap

As threatened by a recent Facebook post, the two a-holes that write this blog registered for the All-Star Game 5K (to benefit Sandy victims, by the way) in order to hang out with MLB mascots. And also to blog about it for you people. Yes, that's it. We do all of this for the blog. Not because we're creepy or that we enjoy running. If there are no mascots at the end of this finish line slapping us high-five, we will have legit bitch fits. We will throw ourselves on the ground kicking and screaming, causing the runners behind us to trip over our flailing bodies. MLB, you've been warned. Make our desires happen. Oh, and PS? We're making special shirts for this run. Granted, we lost the directions for the letters and numbers, so this is sure to be interesting. Stay tuned for grandness.

We are trying to partake in as many activities as we can since the game is local to us this year (and also, we totally failed you when the circus came to town for Yankee Stadium's last hoorah so we're trying to make it up to you). The 5K was the easiest activity for us to join since it's on the weekend, we work during the week, and we still don't understand what the FanFest Expo is all about. The website and ticket options were confusing. In addition to the 5K next weekend, we're also going to partake in something fun that we'll share with you on our Twatter and Instagram pages (@TravelingBBabes), so be sure to follow us so that you can stay connected.

Speaking of All Star Game, MLB has finally released its rosters! Hooray. In the great words of Harry Doyle, "We think we'll wet our pants." Behold your 2013 all stars:

AL:
Joe Mauer (MIN) C
Chris Davis (BAL) 1B
Robinson Cano (NYY) 2B
JJ Hardy (BAL) SS
Miguel Cabrera (DET) 3B
Mike Trout (LAA) OF
Adam Jones (BAL) OF
Jose Bautista (TOR) OF
David Ortiz (BOS) DH
(This is such BS. There are no other players that strictly career DH'ers and yet we have a category to accommodate the fact that this man can't bend over to field a ground ball)
Clay Buccholz (BOS) P
Brett Cecil (TOR) P
Bartolo Colon (OAK) P
Jesse Crain (CHW) P
Yu Darvish (TEX) P
Felix Hernandez (SEA) P
Hisashi Iwakuma (SEA) P
Justin Masterson (CLE) P
Glen Perkins (MIN) P
Joe Nathan (TEX) P
Mariano Rivera (NYY) P
Chris Sale (CHW) P
Max Scherzer (DET) P
Justin Verlander (DET) P
Jason Castro (HOU) C
Nelson Cruz (TEX) OF
Edwin Encarnacion (TOR) 1B
Prince Fielder (DET) 1B
Alex Gordon (KC) OF
Torii Hunter (DET) OF
Jason Kipnis (CLE) 2B
Manny Machado (BAL) 3B
Jhonny Peralta (DET) SS
Dustin Pedroia (BOS) 2B
Salvador Perez (KC) C
Ben Zobrist (TB) 2B

NL:
Yadier Molina (STL) C
Joey Votto (CIN) 1B
Brandon Phillips (CIN) 2B
Troy Tulowitzki (COL) SS
David Wright (NYM) 3B
Carlos Beltran (STL) OF
Carlos Gonzalez (COL) OF
Bryce Harper (WAS) OF
Madison Bumgarner (SF) P
Aroldis Chapin (CIN) P
Patrick Corbin (ARI) P
Jose Fernandez (MIA) P
Matt Harvey (NYM) P
Jason Grilli (PIT) P
Clayton Kershaw (LAD) P
Craig Kimbrel (ATL) P
(Quick, say the last 3 pitchers' names 3 times fast. Let us know how that goes)
Jeff Locke (PIT) P
Cliff Lee (PHI) P
Adam Wainwright (STL) P
Travis Wood (CHC) P
Jordan Zimmerman (WAS) P
Pedro Alvarez (PIT) 3B
Domonic Brown (PHI) OF
Everth Cabrera (SD) SS
Matt Carpenter (STL) 2B
Allen Craig (STL) 1B
Michael Cuddyer (COL) OF
Paul Goldschmidt (ARI) 1B
Carlos Gomez (MIL) OF
Andrew McCutchen (PIT) OF
Buster Posey (SF) C
Marco Scutaro (SF) 2B
Jean Segura (SD) SS

Our 2013 stadium tour is only 12 days away and we've barely prepared for anything. We started searching for activities to do via the internet machine today. Here's what we're thinking (in addition to the stadium-related stuff):

• Tour of the St. Louis Arch (duh, this is like a must) and a sightseeing riverboat cruise on the Mississippi River.
• Checking out the 360 Rooftop Bar at the Hilton St. Louis at the Ballpark for pre or post-game drinks...or both. Cos' we love the taste of alcohol on our lips.
• Tour the free local breweries because we're the Traveling Beer Gut Babes. Who doesn't like to be drunk at 11 am? Let's face it, awesome things happen when we're drunk and wandering around unfamiliar cities. Just ask Milwaukee, Paris, and Toronto.
• A Haunted History walking tour of St. Louis.
• Check out a blues show at a local oyster bar.
• Riverboat casinos. They have table games. We may never make it home.

Since you guys love our videos so much:

10 Baseball Facts About the Traveling Baseball Babes You Probably Didn't Know

Let's just get right into it. Based on the online quiz we made you a few months back, it's clear you don't know us as well as you think you do. In fact, we're pretty confident that you're still not entirely sure which of us is Serena and which of us is Lisa when you're looking at our pictures. Hopefully, this list of random facts about us (related to baseball, of course. This is a baseball blog, for a lack of a better description), will provide you with more insight.

10 Baseball Facts About Us You Probably Didn't Know
1. Our first baseball game together was a Mets/Braves game at Shea Stadium on September 17, 2005. Adam LaRoche tossed Serena a baseball during batting practice. Here is the view of the field and Mike Jacobs playing first base from our stolen seats:

2. We have been to a total of 48 baseball games together. 29 of these games took place in New York. Our 50th game together will be in Kansas City. Behold our collection of New York ticket stubs:

3. Lisa's first baseball game ever was with Fred #2 at Shea Stadium. The free giveaway was a David Cone poster.
4. Serena's first baseball game ever was (contrary to what many of you may think) was ALSO a Mets game at Shea Stadium with Fred #1.
5. Lisa's favorite Met/Yankee is David Cone.
6. Mamadukes won an auction at a charity in which Serena was able to be bat girl for a day for the New York Yankees. During that experience, she took a photo with a then unknown rookie, Derek Jeter. Since then, Mamadukes has blown this photo up to unnecessary proportions and framed it for Serena, much to her chagrin. The photo has got to be one of the Top 5 Most Heinous Photos of Serena in Existence.

7. We have only been on the jumbotron together twice. Once at the old Yankee Stadium and once at Shea Stadium. Both during rain delays, so they barely count.
8. Serena's family used to have season tickets to Yankees' Saturday home games. The seats were located on the first base side because Mamadukes is madly in love with Don Mattingly. And his Tom Selleck moustache.
9. Lisa's friend was once escorted from Shea Stadium on Opening Day for passing out drunk in the ladies' room. Lisa left her friend in the car so that she could continue enjoying the game.
10. We once spent an entire game flirting with a player in the A's bullpen at Yankee Stadium from the left field bleachers only to discover via The Google later that day that he was just a bullpen catcher who had only seen 1 inning of MLB action.  We should point out that HE'S the one who started it!

What Would Make This Day More Special?

Sooo, you guys are no longer getting polls. Last week's poll was blantantly ignored and previous polls received minimal feedback. Congratulations. You get nothing and like it.

Stadium Tour Update: up until yesterday afternoon, we had almost nothing booked for a stadium tour that's taking place in two months. All we had was tickets to the stadium tours and the games. No plane to get us to and from St. Louis. No place to stay. No mode of transportation to get us to and from Kansas City. The worst part is that we didn't even realize that we haven't done anything until two days ago. So that's swell. Yesterday, Serena booked our hotel (the lovely Hilton St. Louis Downtown within walking distance of the stadium) and our rental car for the Kansas City trip. We still have no flights to get us to and from St. Louis, but at the very least, when we get there, we'll have a place to sleep. Win.

It's too early in the season for a "Facial Hair Around the League" post, but we assure you that when the appropriate day arrives, THIS is going to be addressed:

The Google/Bing is referring to this snazzy style as a "skullet." Whatever the f*ck that means. All this "do" seems to accomplish is make Bryce Harper look like an a-hole. He already IS an a-hole, but that doesn't mean you should LOOK like one too. Harper, we forbid you to continue taking shaving advice from Jayson Werth. The Nationals do not need 2 Missing Links playing for them. At this rate, the entire bad segment of facial hair blog post is just going to consist of Nationals players.

This week's baseball notes are riddled with injuries:
The big news is that Derek Jeter will most likely not be returning to action until after the All Star Break, which is later than initially anticipated. Turns out that Jeter had re-fractured his ankle and he'll be unable to resume rehab activities for at least 4-8 weeks.

The Nationals have placed Ryan Zimmerman on the 15-day DLbecause of a strained left hamstring. In his place, the Nats have called up prospect Anthony Rendon from Double-A.

The Indians have placed Brett Myers on the 15-day DL with elbow inflammation.

Kevin Youkilis has back problems, but who cares? From what Serena can tell, he's not that impressive of a first baseman. Perhaps if he removed the pole from his ass, his back would feel vastly improved. Shane Victorino is also suffering from back issues and at the very least, was benched for the first game of today's doubleheader.

A's Brett Anderson supposedly "feels a lot better" since being removed from his start in the first inning on Friday with a sprained ankle. Well, congratulations, Brett. Glad you're feeling "better." Your presence on Tigers Love Pepper has been entirely useless. He'll be evaluated before his next start, which is on Wednesday.

By the way, the answer to this blog title's question is if SpikeTV followed up Temple of Doom with Last Crusade. It certainly isn't Harper's skullet.

Why We Don't Belong on Film

**Sorry for the delay in posting, folks. The content was ready for a Sunday night post, but technical difficulties with the video stalled things a bit.**

So you morons asked for more video footage of us. We've acknowledged this request and acquiesced. Probably not the best decision of our lives, yet here we are. Before we give you this atrocity, we thought you'd might like a brief recap of what went down after we left you on St. Patrick's Day:

• We bring Baby J to a parade in Farmingdale that lasts a total of 20 minutes. We steal a balloon for him. Before the age of 2, Baby J becomes an accessory to theft thanks to us.
• After the brief, pathetic parade that included a rapist leprechaun and a ginger moustache on a fire truck, we bring Baby J to a bar to eat wings and to start our binge drinking. We're very responsible adults. We each have 3 beers.
• Bar #2 (Baby J's parents take Baby J home for a nap). 1 beer each. Creepy crowd. We leave.
• At Bar #3, we bump into some people we know and a douchebag in a track suit. It's sad to say that we know him as well.
• After another 3 beers each, we leave for Bar #4. Yuengling. Draw scribble scrabble all over the darts scoreboard in chalk.
• At Bar #5, Serena professes her love for the bartender and he for some god forsaken reason, allows her to cover him with shamrock stickers. Drink beers we'd never heard of at his recommendation. Not sure how many.
• Accept a free Jameson shot from a tattoo-covered creep-a-zoid.
• Decide we are hungry and need a cab to take us home. Unfortunately, we are too drunk to dial ourselves, so the bartender needs to do this for us. Great impression.
• Share a cab with a couple who we become best friends with. Hug our new BFF's when we get dropped off first.
• Lisa passes out on the couch while Serena lays in starfish pose in the livingroom. Chris #2's assistance is required to remove Serena's boots.
• Block of time that we cannot account for.
• More Yuengling.
• Serena's roommate calls pizza place and tries to convince the pizza girl to come over.
• Lisa still draped across the couch.
• Serena pretends to swim across the livingroom rug. Demands that Chris #2 get her wristlet, to which Chris #2 replies: "I don't even know what you're saying right now. What is a wristlet?"
• Block of time we cannot account for.
• Archer marathon from Serena's bed.
• Morning.
• Serena discovers that Lisa had attempted to eat Irish soda bread in the night and left raisins in the comforter and pieces of bread under her nightstand.
• Apparently Serena had tried to unsuccessfully light her cigar from the beer festival.
• There are no further memories of this day.

Now, without further delay, here's your stupid video. Apologies for the dubbed Japanese Godzilla movie nature of the video. Apparently portable internet machines are NOT the best method for shooting mock Sportscenter clips nor are they spectacular for uploading. Who would've guessed?

This week's baseball notes:
TOWSNBN still has a side boo boo and while it's not certain that he won't be ready for Opening Day, it's not looking promising. Also not to be ready for Opening Day? Derek Jeter, who still a hot mess, will most definitely be starting his season off on the DL. On the topic of injured idiots, apparently it's been declared that any player that was injured during the WBC will have their salaries paid by the WBC while they're unable to perform for their teams. These jokers shouldn't have been playing in the tournament to begin with. Their responsibilities are owed to their team, not to an imitation Olympic tournament that shouldn't include professional athletes. Yet, still these overpaid a-holes are going to get their enormous salaries regardless.

The Yankees are on the verge of acquiring Vernon Wells in a trade with the Angels that will most likely cost the Yankees Jeter's other foot. What purpose Wells stands to serve for the Yankees is truly beyond our comprehension. **UPDATE** Vernon Wells is officially a Yankee. Hooray for all.

Finally, to commemorate the tragedy that took place at Sandy Hook Elementary School earlier this year, the victims will be honored across the league during teams' Opening Day ceremonies. Players will wear a memorial patch on their uniforms and the stadiums will hold a moment of silence.

Ask & You Shall Receive

After a lot of promises and delays, we finally have our video, "The Different Stages of Burpees" for you to enjoy. We even created a blooper film for you as well. Look at us. Fulfilling promises left and right. We're out of control. First, time to discuss the results of last week's poll.We asked if you missed old school tickets and all 7 of you said, yes! That's pretty easy for us to report on and there's no need to bother discussing at all.

A few weeks ago, we Googled what a Spartan Burpee was and realized that neither of us actually DO what the Spartan Race creators consider a burpee. Lisa doesn't do the push up and Serena's push up doesn't include lowering all the way to the ground. This prompted a blog post that included a brief, stupid joke in which we claimed that we'd video ourselves doing the different stages of burpees. For some reason, you people actually wanted us to do the video, so now here we are. The different stages are as follows:

• The Bitch Burpee
• The Midway Burpee (a lot of folks also call this a "Half-Burpee")
• The Spartan Burpee
• The TBB Burpee

*Keep in mind that if you're unable to perform an obstacle during a Spartan Race, you must complete 30 Spartan Burpees in order to continue the race. Skip enough obstacles and you're doing a sh*t ton of Spartan Burpees*

We present to you, The Different Stages of Burpees:

Now that you've enjoyed The Different Stages of Burpees, here is the blooper video for you to enjoy.

This week's baseball notes:
On Saturday, Mariano Rivera announced that after his 19th season in the MLB, he'll be retiring. We knew this day was coming, but knowing doesn't make it hurt any less. In other Yankees-related news, the team seems to be falling apart like wet tissue paper. In addition to Alex Rodriguez being out until about mid-season with old man hips and Curtis Granderson out until May with a fractured forearm,  Mark Teixeira is the most recent injury victim, suffering a sprained wrist while hitting off the tee on Tuesday. He's expected to be out until mid-May. The Yankees lineup is sure to look super asstastic come April. "Now batting: Kermit the Frog."

At least CC Sabathia and Derek Jeter appear to be on the mend. Jeter went 1-2 as a DH against the Braves in his first appearance since his injury on Saturday. Sabathia, on the other hand, will be make his spring debut on Friday when the Yankees host the Marlins.

2013 Stadium Tour Planning

Last week, we talked about our New Year's resolutions for this blog. Not for us personally because we both know that we'll never achieve our far-fetched resolutions and there's no sense in setting us up for failure. We asked how many resolutions you foresaw us fulfilling. Only 3 of you d*ckheads voted, so thanks for being so aweeeeesome (said sarcastically). 2 of you said 50% of them (which is actually pretty positive), but there was no way we were meeting TOWSNBN. 1 a$$ face said we'd fulfill 1. And that's only because you thought we'd win a Halloween costume contest. You're a fart smeller. And you eat farts too.

Last week, we also created this fun online quiz to see how well you know us. It turns out you don't know sh*t! Who the hell have we been sleeping with these last few years?! The highest score anyone achieved was 47% and someone actually scored a 20%. Are you kidding us??? ARE. YOU. KIDDING. US. This quiz will be available until Opening Day. We suggest you do your homework and study up on this blog and the fabulous bitches that write it. Your ignorance is truly flabbergasting.

So...we know that we dropped the bomb on you last week by changing our 2013 stadium touring plans. We apologize. It wasn't personal. We know how much you were looking forward to seeing us in cowboy hats and to be honest, so were we. It just didn't work out this year. Things have been tight and we simply cannot afford to take off 2 weeks to act like a-holes in Texas/Arizona. Unless you'd like to "sponsor" our traveling, we need to scale back this year and settle on a short, fiscally responsible tour. Hence, Missouri. We began doing our midwest research. Apparently, tornado season (according to The Google Machine) is mid-March through June. That's a large chunk of the baseball season. Therefore, we're planning on flying into St. Louis on or around July 18th (you totally wanted to knows this, you pack of f*cking stalkers). We'll rent a car and use St. Louis as our home base, hitting a Cardinals/Padres game on Friday night. We're contemplating a stadium tour while in town as well since it's only $10. In addition, we have lofty plans on visiting the famous arch, a free concert weekend concert series, multiple breweries, and the River City Casino to further enable Lisa's gambling addiction. We'll drive 3 hours west to Kansas City on either Saturday or Sunday to see the Royals take on the Tigers (Annnnnnnnnnd Justin Verlander...yessssssss). Depending on game time (which KC has been kind enough to withhold), we're going to try to do a stadium tour prior to the game OR take advantage of this AMAZING Early Bird Pre-Game Experience that the team brilliantly offers. For $10, you get front row access to batting practice, a promotional giveaway, and some nonsense about official game notes...or some crap like that (all we know is that we NEED it). We promise you most excellent photos...as always. Plus, there's a roadtrip involved, which means we get to break out our 98 Degrees discography, so you know THAT'S going be the definition of awesome. If you're lucky, we'll video some of it. You're welcome.

Baseball Notes:
It appears that Brian Wilson may be joining us in Flushing. He apparently had a "private workout" with the Mets recently. What does that even mean? He did pushups and the Mets lineup watched? He worked out with TOWSNBN? They ran side by side on the treadmill? They all hung out in the clubhouse sauna together? What the hell does that mean???? Anyway...it sounds creepy. And somewhat voyeuristic.

Derek Jeter, in other bizarre NY news, got to "remove his boot." Let us start by saying that we apparently have drank entirely too much alcohol in the time that has lapsed between the playoffs and now. It's like we've been living a life under "Blackout Drunk" context because we totally forgot that Jeter was injured. Nevermind the fact that he might have been in a cast. So when we saw this headline, we assumed that he had purchased a brand new pair of combat boots. Ooops. He's not allowed to run or skip, but he IS allowed to "walk around in shoes and stuff" (this is a direct quote from the article, so don't judge the bimbo lingo) and run in the swimming pool. Do you have any idea what this means? This means that we've been working harder at the gym than Derek Jeter. And this is the man that the Yankees dubbed "Captain." Ridiculousness. We should just put AJ's cats, She-Ra and Thundercat, in charge of the Yankees. They at least go outside and kill things...and also attempted to kill Lisa, which would probably please TOWSNBN. It's like a win-win. For the Yankees AND the Mets.

Side note: no one was inducted into the Hall of Fame this year. Hooray! We should be inducted. We never used steroids and as you can see, we work harder than Derek Jeter at the gym. We've also both managed highly competitive fantasy teams. Clearly, we deserve induction.

2013 New Year's Resolutions - TBB Style

Greetings, fellow earthlings. It's been awhile (since we could hold our heads up high. And it's been awhile since we first saw you). Hope you didn't miss us too much. We've got some news for you about our upcoming stadium tour, but before we get into that, let's discuss the poll we'd left you with in our absence. Since we wouldn't be posting anything new until after the new year, we asked you what type of old blog we should share on Facebook to keep you company during our "vacation." No one voted for one of our imaginary dialogues, which is a little bizarre seeing as how this one is beyond epic. What's the next level above epic? Anyone know? 1 lousy person voted for a letter. Are you freakin' kidding us? Our letters are hilarious. We're starting to think that you don't enjoy our stupidity. Add the fact that the majority of votes (a whopping, awe-inspiring 3) chose a stadium tour and we're concerned that you enjoy reading about our travels more than reading about the sh*t that makes us laugh. Pretty strange. Being that this blog is entitled "Traveling Baseball Babes" and all. 2 people voted for one of our shenanigans. To appease this group, here's your token shenanigan blog.

Before we get into tonight's primary topic, we have a few items of business to discuss. Let's start with the 2013 stadium tour. We know that you voted last year to send us to Arizona and Texas, but due to some financial constraints and time off restrictions, we've had to change plans. We hope you can forgive us. Instead of Cactus Country, we'll be heading to St. Louis and Kansas City. It won't be 3 stadiums, but we're still giving you at least 2. Hopefully, this is satisfactory. If not, tough sh*t. Go take a ride on our suck stick.

Last order of business is New York Opening Day. There was some speculation that we might be able to attend both games together because MLB hadn't posted the Yankees/Red Sox start time. Usually when they have a start time listed as "TBD," the game gets bumped as the late game for television purposes. We figured we'd attend the afternoon Mets game and head over to the Bronx for an evening of baseball. Alas, as usual, the Evil Empire (MLB) had alternate plans for us. They recently announced that the Yankees would have an afternoon start time, directly conflicting with our genius plans of pure Opening Day awesomeness. Now...Lisa is stuck going with Fred #2, who doesn't tailgate and doesn't like to stay past the 7th inning (traffic) and there's a good chance that Serena will be flying solo. By the way, in case you're wondering how you can sweet talk your way into attending the game with Serena, the following statement should not be made: "Of course I'm looking forward to this matchup! I love the Red Sox!" No, it does not make it better if you partner it with: "I promise not to wear my Red Sox hat." Just a word of advice, guys! She'll not take kindly to it. And if you're standing next to her when you deliver either of these statements, you'll probably get a d*ck punch.

Turns out, the Yankees and Red Sox were dumped in favor of the new AL West matchup: Rangers vs. Astros. This is both interesting and pathetic.

Finally, onto the TBB's New Year's Resolutions for the blog...and other assorted items. We promise to attempt to do the following for you this year:

1. Cover a World Series game in person even if the Mets or Yankees aren't in the playoffs. Somehow, we'll figure this out.
2. Cover the remaining playoff games from a bar. Literally. As in, we'll bring the internet machine to a bar, hack their wifi (the password is often the bar's phone number, just so you're aware), and cover the games. In addition to a blog post, we'll actively post commentary to Twatter ( @TravelingBBabes...follow us. Do it).
3. Get TOWSNBN to take a picture with Lisa.
4. Post more video of us interacting with buffoons like you at baseball games. Actually, we'll just post more video of us in general. We're idiotic enough for you.
5. Visit and blog about our travel to the Baseball Hall of Fame.
6. Attend Star Wars night! At any stadium. Serena will try to smuggle her lightsaber in her purse. Hell hath no fury like a woman who has had her lightsaber confiscated.
7. Win a Halloween costume contest.
8. Score 200 followers on Facebook, but we're gonna need your help with this one. Share with your friends and peer pressure/blackmail/bribe your friends into loving us. Spread us like a whore spreads STD's! (www.facebook.com/TravelingBaseballBabes)
9. Dive deeper and unlock the mystery of the Subway Series. Why do Yankees and Mets fans hate each other so much?
10. Spy a professional baseball player in plain clothes. We stress, "professional." You and your beer belly running around a baseball field in dirty sweatpants you haven't washed in months does not count as a "baseball player."
11. We're going to try to be more attractive for you. Again, we stress, "try." We can't promise you anything since we don't have the money to afford plastic surgery, but we will make every effort to clean up nice. As nice as we possibly can.
12. It may not be fiscally possible for us to attend more Yankees and Mets games, but we will do everything in our power to cover baseball more actively, whether that means talking to bar patrons/baseball fans during games or stalking tailgate parties. And then posting video of these a-holes for yours and our amusement. Insert evil laugh.
13. Attempt securing tickets to the All Star Game at Citi Field. If not the game or Home Run Derby, we'll strive to cover the Fan Fest activities.
14. Bring Auntiedukes to the Mets game that we've promising her since 2011.
15. Establish a weblog-type shenanigan. This is a working progress that will require outside support aka: Brother's friend, Mike.
16. Go to Billy's by Yankees Stadium during Guido Fest so that Lisa can finally meet the guido of her dreams.
17. Serena will finally gain employment with the Yankees organization. Even if it means that she's responsible for cleaning all of Derek Jeter's 4 million shoes that's in his locker.
18. Get on the jumbotron together. At any stadium.
19. Be recognized at a game for being the world-reknown Traveling Baseball Babes. Hoo-rah.
20. TBB world domination. 2013

We will revisit this list this time next year and discuss how well we did. Hopefully, we accomplish at least one thing or else we're literally the most pathetic human beings alive. Who knows? Maybe Lisa will even be married with child by then.

ALCS Game #2 2012: Yankees vs. Tigers

Last week, we asked you what your favorite part about our ALDS experience was. No one chose the fratada or PINK loves the Yankees. Okay, so PINK wasn’t very funny, but that fratada sh*t totally was. You guys suck. As always. 2 of you actually chose our grotesque eating habits. You’ve got to be kidding us. Seriously??? That is so disappointing. 1 person chose “Wood.” That was funny also, but why did only 1 individual choose it? There’s only 1 pervert in this bunch? We’re starting to think that we have nothing in common with you people.

Anyway, onto to the purpose of this blog. Our delightful experience at Game 2 of the ALCS. Obviously, we know how this story ends for the Yankees. They sucked penis. They couldn’t hit water if they fell out of a boat. The sad thing is that for the most part, their pitchers kept the Yankees in the game, but when your starting pitcher makes 1 lousy mistake and gives the opposite team a run, that can’t be it. You NEED to give your pitchers some wiggle room.1 run can’t be a death sentence. It’s not fair to your pitcher. Or the fans that paid a lot of money to get drunk at your game. You’re suffocating your pitcher and now you’re suffocating your fans. Don’t suffocate us, man! Oh, and by the way? We’re at a bar drinking right now as we blog.

We arrived at Yankees Stadium with enough time to grab a beer at Stan’s. The placed was packed out, but the bartender was the very definition of efficient and he serviced us like a mother f*cking champion. We drank our beers near the doorway to make room for the customers still pouring into the bar.

Since we only had about 15 minutes before first pitch, we sucked our beers down. And when we say “sucked down,” we mean that we literally couldn’t have drank our beers any faster unless we drank them with a straw. From Stan’s, we jogged across the street to Yankees Stadium, sped walked up the billion ramps to our section (no stairs. We learned our lesson from the Damon Runyon 5K), purchased a pair of hot dogs and beers, and headed to our seats just in time for first pitch. Side note: we’ve decided that these are the best seats ever. Look at this friggin’ view. It’s perfect:

Nothing was obstructed from these seats, except for Nick Swisher, but seeing as how he played like a total douche nozzle this postseason, we really didn't want to see much of him to begin with. We want these seats for every single game we attend at Yankees Stadium. We do not care if these belong to season ticket holders. We demand that Section 305, Row 3, Seats 14 and 15 be issued to us. Don’t the Yankees know who we are?

Our hot dogs were pretty good. Not as good as a sausage, but tasty nevertheless. What can we say? We were on a budget. Money was tight and we pretty much spent 90% of our cash on beer. We’ve got our priorities in order.

Our pitching matchup was Hiroki Kuroda and Anibel Sanchez. This was disappointing because Serena still felt strongly that we deserved The Big Texan and the Yankees purposefully blew it in the ALDS just to piss us off and prevent us from having quality time with Andy Pettitte. Those f*cks.

Oh! And we should mention that Derek Jeter had hurt his footie the night before so we were surrounded by a lot of a-holes carrying signs like this:

Like Derek Jeter really gives a sh*t that you wish him well. Stupid. What’s worse is that this pair is clearly a couple of some sort. When you’re in a couple, it’s someone’s job to make the appropriate decisions for that couple. It could be the man or the woman. SOMEONE needs to make the right choices. When you show up to a stadium with an asinine sign like this, it means that both of you are a-holes. Neither of you have any decision-making skills. One of you needed to say, “seriously, babe? This is asstastic. Can we not do this? We’re gonna look stupid.” Clearly these two would not survive in the great outdoors. They look like giant pansies.

Not much action happened until the 7^th, but prior to that, the only man who had been consistently performing, Raul Ibanez, walked with Mark Teixeira on base in the bottom of the 1^st. The Yankees would go on to do nothing to capitalize on this scenario, but the jumbotron flashed this gem on the screen:

We found him dressed in a pimp outfit to be particularly amusing. Amusing enough to take a picture of it. In our defense, there was nothing else to amuse us by this point. The score was 0-0.

While the Yankees trudged slowly through the game like a man in a desert without water, we continued to check the Giants/49er’s score. Another side note: Who schedules a MLB Championship game at 4:00? This directly interfered with football Sunday as we had to leave with enough time to get the train to Yankees Stadium, causing us to miss both the Jets AND Giants games. PLUS, the Giants game turned out to be epic whereas the Yankees game turned out to be a dud!!!! We supported both our Yankees and GMEN:

The men in front of us heard us talking about the football game and assumed that Serena was the keeper of football scores, so at his request, she had to keep checking her NFL app for score updates to appease them. We discussed being a part of a pick em’ league. Which teams did you pick, etc., etc., and why? The men agreed with Serena that her league being all about “The Spread” was horse shit. What is “The Spread” anyway? Who came up with that? It sounds like an STD. The little kid hanging out with them really enjoyed Serena’s R2D2 text tone and other assorted Star Wars sounds that can be found on her phone. Serena tried to eat his ice cream, but the kid wasn’t having it. Selfish little crab. He had an entire pint and he couldn’t spare ONE lousy spoonful? That seems a bit ridiculous, if you ask us. Ridiculous and a touch selfish.

In the 7^th, the Tigers scratched a run across, spelling inevitable doom. 1 run? With the way this offense had been hitting? Might as well have been 4,000 to 0. Around this time, Serena came up with a pet name for Alex Rodriguez, Curtis Granderson, and Nick Swisher. Since they were as useful as tits on a bull, Serena started calling them the “0 (pronounced “O”) for Triplets.” Lisa found this funny enough to actually make a note about it in “The Notebook.”

A few rows in front of us sat a man that we’d never, ever consider dating. Want to know why? No? You don’t. Tough. We’re going to tell you. It’s our blog. So there. This man was an embarrassment to testosterone. He saved bits of his pretzel like a squirrel. What kind of man can’t finish a f*cking pretzel? It’s not even that big. And if you don’t eat it while it’s warm, it get hard and icky. Hard…hahaha…that’s what she said. Sorry. Easily distracted. And we’ve been drinking. Back to the vagina who calls himself a man. Not only did he save bits of his pretzel, but he stored his bits in his pocket like a total creeper!!! Tell us that this doesn’t look like a flasher with his penis sticking out of his fly:

C’mon! That’s definitely a little penis poking through! So disturbing.

In the bottom of the 9^th with 2 outs and the Yankees down by 3, Alex Rodriguez hit a single and stole second. For absolutely no reason except for maybe his health. The Yankees lost 3-0. Like a pack of a-holes. After the game, we went to the bar and continued to drink. This is Lisa playing baseball with a little boy:

Super hero of the week: Alex Rodriguez for getting digits while at work. Good for him! Multi-tasking at its best!!!

A-hole of the week: The Yankees, not for losing, but for getting swept. Really, guys???