Serena's Random Musings

I spent the entire weekend in yoga teacher training, as I have done every other weekend since September 15th. The experience has been fulfilling, but exhausting. For someone who doesn't sleep well to begin with (I get about 2-4 hours each night), it's tough to physically and mentally dedicate time to blogging with Lisa during the YTT weekends. As you may have noticed, this has resulted in either Lisa taking the reins or us simply skipping the blog altogether during these particular weekends. I offered to take responsibility for this week's post to ease the load from Lisa's plate, but having only gotten roughly 6 total hours of sleep since Friday, the prospect of crafting a well-thought out blog after coming home from the yoga studio tonight was rather unappealing. Lisa assured me that I didn't have to do it. We could just skip a blog post this week and pick things back up again next weekend. Initially, I was okay with that decision. However, after showering, I did feel a little guilty about posting a "I'm sorry that I'm so tired, maybe next week" Facebook post.

Now here we are.

I am not going to promise an in-depth look at this week in baseball or even an in-depth look at a particular topic that strikes my fancy. I am not going to even promise you a sexy blog post filled with flowery prose and fancy "SAT" words that may or may not require you to Google their meanings. I am too tired and spent for any of that and truth be told, in 45 minutes, I plan on ending my night decompressing while rubbing Arnica gel on my knee and watching the newest episode of The Walking Dead. I am simply going to give you my thoughts on what interested me this week. Basic. To the best of my ability. You'll have to forgive me if this post does not live up to your expectations, however by this point in our blog-reader relationship, you really should only have limited expectations in regards to what we produce here.

Here we go:
1. Ken Griffey Jr.'s Instagram account. If you have Instagram, I recommend you follow him @therealkengriffeyjr. Aside from the fact that you'll be following one of baseball's greatest gifts, his posts are pure gold. He doesn't post often, but there's nothing fake about any of them and his "Throw Back Thursday" pictures alone are worth the follow. Hair and sweaters, people. Hair and sweaters. That's all I have to say.
2. Miguel Cabrera & the AL MVP Award. I suppose that his season's numbers dictate that he deserved to win the award, but having owned Cabrera this year in one of my fantasy leagues, I can attest to the fact that he spent an awful lot of time not playing due to injury. I'm not implying that these injuries weren't legitimate. I'm simply saying that since Mike Trout was physically capable of contributing more time and effort to his team, that he a) increased his likelihood in "failing" due to more opportunity (which would then lead to lower overall numbers) and b) was a more reliable asset to his team. I think reliability is more important that overall numbers. I do not think that numbers always tell the full story. Sure, perhaps if Cabrera is healthy all season, he still blows Trout out of the water, but also maybe if Cabrera is healthy, the Tigers don't lose to the Red Sox in the postseason. Maybe the Tigers go to the World Series. Maybe they don't. We'll never know. I just think that his inconsistent availability should have been taken into consideration when selecting the MVP.
3. The Rookie of the Year Award. I think that winning this award can be misleading. Some players are like shooting stars. They are bright, beautiful, breathtaking, but also impermanent, fleeting. They start with a loud, brilliant bang like a firework, but then fail to repeat that success ever again. They become a disappointment to their local fan base and to fantasy owners, whereas elsewhere, the country shifts its attention to a new rising star. The former is forgotten. Granted, this doesn't happen to every Rookie of the Year, but it happens enough that I feel like this award doesn't hold weight. Or at least shouldn't hold the weight that it currently does. Why did this player have such a successful season? Is it that he's the real deal or because he's new and opposing teams haven't quite figured him out yet? Is it a combination of both of these factors? The fact is that we won't know the answer to these questions until their sophomore or even their junior effort. I think instead of a Rookie of the Year, the MLB should institute a Sophomore of the Year. That opens so many more avenues. Think of how some players mature in their second, third year (or on the flip side, think of how some players' development stall). The maturation process is where the magic happens. Think of how an erratic Randy Johnson became...well, Randy Johnson.
4. Brian Wilson's beard. Enough is enough. Shave the f*cking thing. Trim it back. Wax. Do something. To walk away from a job opportunity like pitching for the Yankees (or any team, to be quite frank) because of some creepy emotional attachment to the bush growing on your face is a sign of some kind of deep seeded issue. Or perhaps an obsession with 1970's porn. I don't know. I do know that if I lived with Brian Wilson, I'd shave half of it while he slept so that he'd have no choice but to deal with it. Though even that might not provoke action because based on the beard's current condition, it's obvious that he doesn't care about looking like a total a-hole.

That is all for this evening. Next week you'll have us together again for a joint blog post.

-Serena

Most Likely To Succeed

In light of the failed How I Met Your Mother poll, we asked this time around which show’s cast you would’ve preferred us to use as a comparison. We’ve ended up with a sea of 1’s. 1 person wants us to do Dexter, 1 wants Weeds, and 1 wants NCIS. 2 of you actually chose The Big Bang Theory. First of all, neither of us are smart enough to pass for scientists. Nerds, yes. Smart nerds? No.  Second of all, we’re not sure which one of us is most like Sheldon and which one of us is most like Leonard, but this process does beg us to ask the question: Why Dexter? Is one of us similar to a serial killer? Or are you more likely to compare us to Debra Morgan or Joey Quinn? No one chose The Office or That 70’s Show.

It’s that time of year again, folks. The time when the MLB announces its year-end awards…much like when you’re a senior in high school and you’re nominated for some stupid yearbook award like, “Best Eyes.” Okay…these awards are a little more meaningful than that, but you get the gist. Up first is the AL Cy Young Award, which unanimously went to the obvious candidate, Justin Verlander. Serena knows from personal experience how valuable Verlander is because thanks to him, Tigers Love Pepper was able to maintain pace in the strikeouts category with her cousin’s fantasy team who was lucky enough to have drafted Tim Lincecum. Every morning after checking the previous evening’s results, Serena pulled a Melissa Gorga and shouted, “Thank you, Jesus” for granting her Justin Verlander. The National League Cy Young Award went to the Dodgers’ Clayton Kershaw who was among the league’s leaders in opponents’ batting average, innings pitched, complete games, shutouts, and WHIP.

Tampa Bay’s Joe Maddon and Arizona’s Kirk Gibson earned Manager of the Year honors, both managers having successfully pulled playoff spots out of their asses this year. J

Atlanta Braves closer, Craig Kimbrel earned the NL Rookie of the Year Award in a unanimous vote and Tampa Bay pitcher, James Hellickson catapulted to the head of the class in the AL Rookie of the Year category. Kimbrel set a major league record for saves by a rookie with a total of 46. Hellickson went 13-10 this season with a 2.95 ERA and helped solidify the Rays’ Wild Card spot in the playoffs.

The Golden Glove, Silver Slugger, and MVP awards have yet to be issued.

The Marlins have reportedly offered super douche Jose Reyes a deal worth $90 million and 6-years. No word yet as to whether or not the short stop has chosen to accept the offer. Sources claim that the Mets are not down and out yet, provided they’re willing to offer Reyes at least 4-5 years and $20 million a season. If the Mets pay this jack-a-loon that kind of money, they’re a-holes and deserve every piece of bad karma they get. Lisa might actually go postal.

Speaking of the Mets, the Mets are apparently celebrating their 50^th birthday with a commemorative logo and several promotional events during the upcoming season. Seriously? There are people who turn 50 each year and don’t even want to tell people that they’re reaching that milestone. Mamadukes disappeared to Greece for several weeks when she turned 50. The least the Mets could’ve done was wait til’ they turned 65 so that we could celebrate the fact that the team was now eligible for senior citizen discounts. They need the money.

Well…it’s official. The MLB is adding a second Wild Card to each league, a decision that could be implemented as soon as this upcoming season. Puke. Puke. Puke. We suppose this means that 80% of the AL East will be heading to the playoffs each year then, yes? While the format of this extra Wild Card round hasn’t yet been finalized, there are talks that the added round would include a one-game playoff to take place right before the Division Series and feature the “runner up” teams from each league…which means this one-game playoff is an interleague game. What the hell? This is stupid. The playoffs are about eliminating the best of each league before the leagues finally face off in the World Series. Who is the brainiac behind this asstastic idea?

The Houston Astros are going to be sold to a group headed by businessman Jim Crane for $610 million. The deal means that the Astros will be kissing the National League good-bye and heading over to the American League at the start of the 2013 season, giving each league 15 teams.

In terrible news, the Twins are currently examining their options at first base just in case Justin Morneau is not completely healthy at the start of the season. In addition to the incessant concussion symptoms that have been plaguing him these last few seasons, Morneau has undergone multiple surgeries related to injuries to his neck, left wrist, left knee, and right foot. He is a hot mess. Morneau’s ailments may be related to Puppy Cradle Death Syndrome…meaning that Serena’s appreciation of (we’re not going to lower ourselves to suggest that it’s an obsession because it’s clearly not) his combined defensive and offensive talent (which is so rare these days! So few men can do both well!) has caused Morneau to feel suffocated, which has naturally led to a deterioration of his physical and mental health.

Only the Lonely

Warning: The post you are about to read is full of explicit content, and when I mean explicit I mean full of run on sentences, horrible grammar and pure rubbish. I apologize in advance for what you are about to read. Serena the English major is out of town.

Greetings fellow followers it is I Lisa flying solo today on the blog. Now you may be asking yourself why are you all by your lonesome. I am glad you asked. It seems my partner in crime has flown to Vegas for the weekend to apply to the University of a Hunk a Hunk a burning love. Serena is really good at impersonating Elvis but she wants to get even better. While she is there she will be celebrating Hot Mamma Erin’s Birthday bash. Happy Birthday Erin!! Hope the two of you have fun. That was 95 % sincere and 5% bitter jealousy that I could not join them.

Last week’s poll we had asked you how do you spend your spare time in the off season? A whopping 8 of you voted and the results are in (cue in the drum roll). One person voted that they chose to spend their time whittling pieces of wood into your favorite all star. Well good for you. I too have been wasting my time until baseball starts at countless craft stores with Serena to purchase material needed for our Cancer Crafts which we will be selling for charity. Please see Fred K’s Cancer blog for more info. I want to ask the person who voted for this that if you have time could you maybe carve me a figure of TOWSNBN. I think it would look absolutely lovely on my desk. Ohhhhhh and one of Justin Morneau for Serena . It will make a great stocking stuffer. I know she would adore a miniature statue of the man that is the boyfriend in her head. Zero of you voted for creating a creepy fan page on Facebook for Brad Ziegler. Thank god! I was beginning to think that you people were a little off your rocker with some of your choices in previous polls. I am glad to see we are using your brains people. It’s one thing to be a fan of an official web page but to make one up yourself that is borderline crazy. That is just putting you one step closer to a restraining order and being labeled a stage 5 clinger. You might as well just wear a T-shirt that says “I am insert favorite player’s name stalker and proud of it at the stadium. The third choice was trying to find TOWSNBN apartment building. One person voted for this and it was not ME!!!! This scares me. Do I have competition? I can safely say that TOWSNBN most likely will not be able to handle another me so back off and I mean that in the nicest way. None of you are wasting your time in an empty parking lot of your favorite team’s stadium. I am glad to see our fans have lives. That really is for your own safety because not to mention any stadiums in particular ahem RFK some are not in the best areas and bad things could happen causing you to miss the 2010 season and never be able to read this blog again . Gasp !!!
We seem to have a three way tie. Two of you brilliant people are going to get five on it and take up pot smoking just to hang out with Tim Lincecum and I think that’s awesome try not to gain too much weight in the off season from the munchies. Peer Pressure never was so rewarding. Going on countless yoga retreats with Barry Zito also got two votes. I think you people just like the way the downward dog sounds . It does sound quite perverted. The third choice of the three way tie that got two votes was watching anything ESPN has to offer. Really? What if the NBA , NHL or NFL is not available. Is watching professional bowling really going to cut it for you. A strike in bowling is not the same feeling of euphoria as when your ace pitcher gets a called strike. How about competitive fishing? Hope they have a ticker tape parade for the man that catches the biggest trout.

Now we are going to move on to my pathetic rant. Please be kind I am at the mercy of whatever pops into my head since we are in a depression of no baseball. The good news is I was taught how to hyper link so click away my friends click away.

Did you ever sit and wonder why teams get rid of Star players? I do and so does my Father. We just can’t understand how some MLB organizations can go ahead and give away the teams most valuable players. Did it maybe ever occur to the Angels that if they had tried to keep Mark Teixeira that maybe they would have been the ones having a ticker tape parade with important bank statements flying down on to the ground as well as the Creepy Outbreak rally monkey on the lead float holding up that glorious trophy. How about the Minnesota Twins sure they have Serena’s boyfriend in her head Justin Morneau but where’s Johan? I always say that excellent pitching beats an excellent bat any given day. Don’t get me wrong I am not complaining that I have Mr. Santana on my team. He is about the only player on the Met roster that I don’t curse out on a daily basis during the season, but how do you let that talent go. Shall I even dare mention the Pittsburgh Pirates that constantly dismantle there team every year which gets them nowhere

Call me crazy and maybe it’s not as simple as I think. I have a easy peasy equation that I feel explains it all. Please be warned that I did go to summer school for math so this equation most likely sounded a lot better in my mind. Here it is people. Star player + Winning Games= Happy Fan. Happy Fans will always bring in $$. Even if your team does not go to the playoffs at least you will still be selling tickets because you kept a crowd favorite or as Serena and I like to say a golden boy. Does anyone ever want to go to a game in which you replaced the Golden Boy with Janitor Bob and when I mean Janitor Bob I mean a player that is unfamiliar or is making his major league debut at age forty. Although in some cases like when watching the Mets this year I think they had no choice but to us an actual janitor. Anyway most fans want to go to a game where there is hope that you are going to win or see a well played game even if you lose. Are you really going to win with Janitor Bob? Is Janitor Bob really going to win a golden glove and be your teams MVP? Furthermore is Janitor Bob your money cow? I don’t think so!

I suppose there are the few of you that are going to say that these teams can’t afford to keep these players. I agree with you most likely the Top 3 big spenders of the league always gobble up the big guns. It is sad that outrageous contracts have taken over this sport and players are going to go where the dollar dollar bills are. It is what it is sad but true, but is it so difficult to keep just one player. Surely you can't be that poor. I watch the games I see you in your flashy new uniforms I see you in your great kazoo new batting helmets that will avoid you hurting your coconut. I am not stupid people these things cost lots of money. Next time your favorite team are in the market to purchase these items maybe it will be wise to make do with what you have and give the people what they really want which is a Star that will bring great unexplained cosmic happenings to your favorite team and lead them into the magical world of the post season. We can dream can't we !

Time for Baseball notes: Trumpets please. The wonderful Tim Lincecum aka Tiny Tim has won his second Cy Young award for the NL. Congratulations my tiny friend.There is a reason we gave him his own holiday. A mere 10 points is all that separated the top three contenders. Chris Carpenter was second and St. Louis teammate Adam Wainwright finished third. Pass the dutchie upon the left hand side Tim and celebrate. The winner of the AL Cy Young award was Zack Greinke of the Kansas City Royals. Zack was 16-8 this season with an ERA of 2.16. You go Zack! Rookie of the year for the American League went to closer Andrew Bailey of the Oakland A’s. He saved 26 games this season and went 6-3 with a 1.84 ERA and struck out 91 batters in 83 1/3 IP. We hope that fellow teammate Brad Ziegler took you out on the town for a wild night of drinks and karaoke to celebrate this honor. In the NL the award of Rookie of the Year was awarded to Chris Coghlan of the Florida Marlins. Chris was previously and infielder who stepped into an outfield position as well as the lead off spot. He batted a .321 for the season. A job well done ! Last I have to announce the awards for Manager of the year. Are you excited? You should be. Want to know why because it definitely was not Jerry Manuel of the New York Mets. Actually did anyone notice that not one New York Met has won a measly award. Just when I thought I was getting over this horrible season. The Manager of the year for the AL went to Mike Scioscia of the LA Angels. He lead his team into the playoffs threw some hard times. The honors in NL league went to Jim Tracy of the Colorado Rockies. He is responsible for the 360 the Rockies had made in the season and lead them into taking the NL Wild Card spot. Congratulations to all the winners!

In other news the Arizona Diamondbacks acquired right hand pitcher Aaron Heilman from the Cubs for a pair of minor leaguers. I feel for the Diamondback’s fans as they will soon come to realize that once he enters the game you will need a bottle of Tums by your side as you watch your lead slowly demise.

Well it’s been real my fellow peeps and thank god it’s over. Serena shall be coming home and will be putting our wonderful thoughts into a well written post. The least we can give our fans is quality writing. I hope I didn't lose any of you fans with this post.

I leave you with the fine lyrics of Air Supply … I'm all out of words, I'm so lost without you I know your having fun, but not being here on Friday has made me so glum , I'm all out of sarcastic remarks, what’s the TBB without you .