Yankees v Indians 9-18-21

Well, it's the middle of September already. Not that you'd know that from the sweaty gym balls-style weather that we've been having. We were looking forward to a pleasant outdoor experience during a late season baseball game. Instead, we've left the game with sun burns and suffering from dehydration. Probably didn't help that we started our afternoon off with wine instead of water, but that is not our fault. It should have been mid-70's at most and the Yankees shouldn't be selling souvenir carafes and wine glasses. It just spells trouble. 

Also, as you can see in this photo, we totally crushed the Don Mattingly bobblehead giveaway. This is largely thanks to Clear. That line was super quick compared to the rest of the security lines around the stadium AND due to an unwarranted amount of traffic for a mid-Saturday, we were totally late getting to the ballpark. So, anyone that tells you that the annual fee for Clear isn't worth it is a big, fat liar. They're lying to you and to themselves. Clear, we're ready for our paid sponsorship/advertising contract. Hit us up. 

We actually watched 4 innings of the game from this view because it was shaded and the temperature was much cooler here. Then we got hungry and foolishly decided to head up to our seats, thinking that the upper deck "always gets such a nice breeze." We got no such nice breeze, but we did go old school with our food selection - a nice, reliable spicy sausage and peppers sandwich. We've learned a few things over the years and the number 1, most important thing we learned is to not photograph yourself eating a sausage or a hot dog. Ever. It's horrifying. 

The Yankees took a giant sh*t on the field and called it a baseball game. They chose not to play today. Unfortunately, they didn't give us the option to not pay for our tickets. At least we got our bobbleheads. We received several offers from people requesting to buy it from us, but Serena felt that since it was Don Mattingly, it was a priceless artifact and Lisa's asking price was too high. The highest offer we got was $10, but Lisa held out for a Louis Vuitton bag. 

We decided that we needed ice cream, so we went in search of a Ben & Jerry's. The line at the stand in our section was personally offensive, so we decided to go downstairs to the main concourse, thinking we'd have more stands to choose from. We did not. The line in the food court was even worse, so we ended up on the Grand Slam Shake stand because no one was there. 

While tasty, it wasn't what we wanted, so it didn't really satisfy our cravings. Lisa got the cereal one and Serena got the celebration one. It was too hot to go back to our seats, so we ended up watching the rest of the sh*t show standing around the main concourse. Bunch of clowns. 

Yankees v Athletics 8-31-19

Lisa chose this game because the free giveaway was a lightweight hoodie. We assumed that the hoodie would be given to the first 40,000 guests, but unfortunately it was 18,000 and Serena worked way too late for us to get a free giveaway. The only reason Lisa isn't disappointed by this is the fact that the hoodie was a little too lightweight for her taste.

Thanks to Clear, we flew through the security line again. The feeling of power and superiority that goes with passing all of the peasants on the regular security line is truly intoxicating. We got through so quickly that despite leaving Serena's house one hour prior to game time, we managed to get into the stadium and to our food choice prior to first pitch. It was amazing.

We had a hard time choosing food this time around because we've pretty much eaten everything by this point, so we ended up at Mighty Quinn's BBQ again because it's so reliable and they had the shortest line. Lisa ordered baby back ribs and Serena ordered the Burnt Ends sandwich and a side of french fries. With our water bottles, we spent a total of $58. This seems to be a pattern with us lately.We grabbed a table and ate at the nearby AT&T Sports Lounge.

 

 

After our meal, we grabbed beers and headed to our seats.

 

 

The game was very exciting. It even went into extra innings.

We realize that we are the Traveling Baseball Babes and you probably tune into this blog and expect to read baseball-related items once in awhile, but you're not going to find that here today. What you're going to find is an entire blog post ripping apart our seat neighbors because we were surrounded by a-holes. It all began with the couple sitting behind us. Someone came up the stairs looking for his seats, but he had a difficult time. Instead of helping him, the wife started yelling at him to sit down. The husband loudly claimed, "you can't stand there the whole game!" For starters, he was there for maybe two minutes before these two started screaming at him. Secondly, if they wanted him to move so badly, they should've offered him assistance instead of being d*cks about the situation. As the man headed back down the stairs to find an usher to help him, the husband muttered a racist remark that we're not going to repeat here. That's the kind of people we were dealing with.

An elderly man with a cane accidentally tripped on a step and fell into the husband and his platter of chicken fingers. Instead of being concerned for this man's safety, the couple acted outraged. As if this man wanted to land in a plate of chicken fingers. After the old man collected himself and continued his way up the stairs, we heard the wife say, "we almost lost the chicken fingers." Really?

Then he started sh*t with us and that simply would not do because we cannot let anything go. We hold grudges for lifetimes and beat dead horses. We're dogs with a bone. The worst part is the fact that we're both exactly the same in this department so when one of us has a raging fire going, instead of helping to put the fire out, the other simple throws gasoline on top of the fire and watches it spread. Our seats had a railing in front of us and blocked the view of home plate. In order to see anything, we had to lean forward and look over the railing, which is exactly what Serena was doing when the man decided to yell at her. "You need to sit back. I can't see anything." Really? You're a foot taller than Serena and you're sitting in the row above us. How is that possible? From that point on, we made it a point to stand for everything. Are you sitting 20 seats away and need to get by for the bathroom? No problem. We'll stand the entire time and wait for you to reach us. Lisa will even encourage you. "Take your time. We're in no rush." Is there a wave about to go down? We're so down. In fact, let's start the wave. Every single play, we stood and high fived one another. To anyone who lingered in the aisle looking for their seats, we warned them loudly, "Oh, you better watch out. The seat police are going to yell at you." During the seventh inning stretch, they moved onto the stairs because they couldn't see around us. Couldn't see what? We're not sure because what exactly is so exciting on the field during the seventh inning stretch?

By the time Lisa returned from getting us ice cream in a helmet cup ($18 total) in the 8th inning, they had left.

Lisa was forced to get this pink helmets because that's all they had. Which is odd. They also had no change so Lisa was forced to use her card to pay for them. Also odd.

Anyway, back to our seat neighbors.The people in the row next to us were sitting in our actual seats but since there were two empty seats at the end of the aisle, we didn't complain. There was about seven people total in this group and we didn't interact with all of them. Most of the nonsense came from the two men directly next to us. One was an older gentleman wearing a Mets jacket, but complained loudly about the Mets the entire time. And also about the Yankees. He was very angry but seemed to be somewhat supportive of the A's. The one next to him was a young guy wearing full Athletics' attire. He complained about Yankee Stadium, but had never been to Oakland (if he'd had, there's no way he would've complained about our stadium because Oscar the Grouch's garbage can is nicer than the Coliseum). He knew all of the players' specific cheers that only an A's fan would know, but spoke with a New York accent. It's okay to root against the home team (even though the seventh inning stretch song specifically says you shouldn't), but don't be an a-hole about it. They were simply over the top about their anti-Yankee-ness. Finally, Serena had to ask the question. "Did you fly in from San Jose or San Francisco?" They laughed. They were from the Bronx. They were Mets fans who just hated the Yankees. So Serena asked why the whole A's outfit for a team they don't care about. The old man laughed and basically called the young kid an idiot. Somehow we mentioned that we went to all thirty ballparks, which is something we tend to blurt out a lot. To anyone who'll listen really. And to some who don't really want to talk to us at all. The old man got so excited by this and he introduced us to one of his friends at the other end of the aisle. This man had been to over 7,000 baseball games and had a spreadsheet tabulating all of the ballparks he'd been to, the date of the games, the score, etc. It was pretty incredible. Our thirty ballparks didn't seem so fancy after checking out this spreadsheet.

Oh, and the Yankees won in extra innings thanks to back to back Brett Gardner and Mike Ford solo home runs.

 

The End.

NYY Star Wars Day 2019

May 4, 2019

May the Fourth be with you. The game started at 1pm, so Serena limited her work day to only three clients so that we could be on the road by 10am. The CC Sabathia Jedi bobblehead was a must have for our collection. At this stage, we feel like we're bobblehead connoisseurs. In turns out that we were way too proactive about getting to the game early because we flew through the line and got our free giveaway without breaking a sweat. Though we did manage to miss getting our bobblehead from a Yoda-dressed CC.

It is also noteworthy that it was rainy and cold AF. In the month of May.

 

During Star Wars games, our first priority is always the free giveaway. Our second priority is getting photos taken with the characters. According to sources, the characters would not be available until after the pre-game parade and ceremonial first pitch, so we had time. Therefore, we searched for food. Since Opening Day, Lisa has had a hankering for the bacon cheeseburger fried dumplings. We found them at the Noodle Bowl (not exactly the most logical location, but it doesn't matter since we found it) stand in the food court. They were three for $11.99 and served topped with a pickle.  We also ordered the General Tso Crispy Chicken sandwich for $11.99. As we type these numbers out, we're realizing that this seems very lopsided and it's quite possible that the Yankees have pulled one over on us. 

 

The dumplings tasted like Hamburger Helper, which is totally fine, but not really worth writing home about. Or paying $12 for. The G.T. Crispy Chicken tasted more like sweet n sour chicken and came topped with coleslaw, which we found extremely baffling because not a single Asian restaurant that we've been to has ever served us coleslaw. Serena scraped hers off and struggled not to dry heave because mayo is revolting.

After food, we watched the parade celebrating Star Wars and all of its galactic wonder and then headed off to stand on line to meet the characters. Like at Disney World. Only there's no fast pass available.

 

Notice Serena's stance in the photo with Lord Vader below. Upon jumping into this photo, Serena immediately grabbed the point position by his side and asked him if he would be willing to take a prom photo with her. How he knew what she was talking about will forever be a mystery, but he obliged and offered her his arm. Hence, Lisa looks like she is the third wheel on this extremely bizarre date. 

 

 

We finally made it to our seats and apparently entered the Twilight Zone because it was suddenly very sunny without a single cloud in the sky and 4 billion degrees. Lisa had about five layers of clothing on that needed to come off. All of our layers were shoved between us on the seats and between our feet. We also rolled our sleeves up to really complete this charming vision of trailer park trash.

 

Our neighbors had bladder control issues or something because they had to get up to leave our row every 10 minutes, which means we kept having to gather all of our sweat inducing shit in order to stand up over and over again.

As usual, the Star Wars details were adorable, but for some god forsaken reason, they replayed the video from last year where they asked the players who their favorite Star Wars character is. This was such a disaster, why on earth would they replay this stupid thing? Why wouldn't they reshoot this video and make it less embarrassing for all of us? For starters, one asshole (if memory serves us correctly, it was that tits on a bull, Greg Bird) claimed that he was more of a Star Trek fan. Countless infants on that team have apparently never seen the movies and actually admitted this fact on camera like a bunch of buffoons. Why wasn't there someone feeding them lines? Or editing these idiots out of the video entirely? Furthermore, where is the common sense that dictates that on Star Wars Day, you're clearly supposed to lie about this shit? No one cares that you like Star Trek, Greg!

The Yankees played like ass hats, so in the 7th inning, we decided that it was finally hot enough to try one of those specialty milkshakes. Unfortunately, we weren't the only ones to have this genius idea. The line was so long that we basically got our shakes as the final Yankees' hitter stepped into the batter's box. The shakes were $15.99 each. Lisa ordered the Celebration and Serena got the All Star.

The shakes were worth the wait and the price. Our photo also briefly made us Insta-famous when @major_league_chefs reposted it to their account. They post a lot of fun food pictures from around the league, so if you're interested in stadium touring, we'd highly recommend checking them out so that you can get some inspiration while you're road tripping.

Nothing else to report regarding the game because the Yankees were terrible. We had breast and armpit sweat and our stomachs were distended from all of the disgusting food that we inhaled. That is all.

Yankees vs. Athletics 5-26-17

We were so bad ass that we hit two baseball games in one week. We are bad ass, but we are also now poor. Feeding us at the baseball game is an expensive venture. Just like with the Mets, we were determined not to miss any of the game...or the good food. We just didn't know what we wanted. Therefore, we walked the entire main level of the stadium in search of something justttttttttttt right. Our first stop ended up being the Frank's Red Hot Terrance overlooking centerfield. We ended up with a container of Frank's Red Hot mac and cheese for $10. It included chunks of chicken. It was f*cking delicious. So delicious.

 

After our mac and cheese, Lisa picked up her classy pig and a grapefruit beer. The classy pig was $16 and boasted shaved roasted pork with broccoli rabe, cherry pepper mayo, and provolone cheese. Serena ended up with a chicken parm hero topped with fresh mozarella. While Lisa was ecstatic to finally have the classy pig, it fell a little short of her expectations. Too greasy.

Our tickets were from one of the many Mastercard Monday deals that the Yankees throw down. Two tickets for $26 including fees.

 

 

Pretty decent view for $13/each, right?

Our free giveaway for the game was freezer mug, which is one of our better free giveaways and our first legit giveaway of the season. And that was about where the awesomeness of that game ended.

 

The game was tied 0-0 for 90% of the game until Tyler F*cking Clippard blew the game. But that's not the worst part. The worst part was our section neighbors. Let's start with the French people sitting behind us. We don't even mind the fact that their cheering was over eager and deafening. You should cheer. You should be enthusiastic. We should not have your conversation at levels that drown out an entire stadium. We should not hear you speaking above the PA system. In fact, we didn't know that that was even possible. It is. It is possible. Because we experienced that. In our ears. In French. Mixed in with a few, "Let's go Yankees!" If you study the photo above closely, you will see our French friends.

Then there was the A's fans. As experts at traveling to other people's stadiums, we firmly believe that there's a way to support your team at an away stadium without being a complete and total asshole. We've said it before and it seems that we will never stop saying it. It's perfectly fine to behave like an asshole in your own home. Do not come up into other people's houses acting like a jack ass. It's rude. If this was Ancient Greece, you'd be violating the hospitality code, which means a god or goddess would be forced to strike you down. Unfortunately, this is not Ancient Greece and throwing a beer at you is not only costly and a waste, but grounds for arrest for assault. Furthermore, the A's are 16.5 games out of first place. Where the hell do you get off being arrogant f*ck heads? To make a long story short, these men were in their mid-thirties behaving like drunk frat boys. THEN the drunk frat boys and the French kids started to attempt to "out-cheer" one another. How do mothers do it? How do they tolerate this kind of shit day in and day out? It's maddening.

At least we got a cool freezer mug and delectable mac and cheese out of the evening. That is all.

Star Wars Night at Yankee Stadium 8-5-16

Well, this glorious post will probably be trumped by everyone talking about Alex Rodriguez's final game, but we had an epic free giveaway and a photo taken with Chewbacca and these are things that are important and need to be discussed! Also, we went off our diet that we'd only been on for three days. That too needs to be discussed because it was worth every calorie.

We shall start from the beginning. While watching a Yankees' game, Serena overheard Michael Kay mention that the Yankees would be hosting their first Star Wars Night on August 5th. Before Michael Kay even finished his promotion of the game, Serena had purchased two tickets. She hadn't checked the date of the game against her calendar. She didn't know what day of the week it was. She didn't even know if she had anyone to go with. She just knew she needed to be present at this game. Once the tickets were purchased, the most vital piece of information about the game was revealed: the free giveaway would be an R2D2 winter hat. Holy sh*t snacks. Best day ever. Obviously, the first person she texted was Lisa:
Serena: What are you doing on August 5th?
Lisa: I'm free. Why?
Serena: Want to go to Star Wars Night at Yankee Stadium?
Lisa: Hmmm...
Serena: The free giveaway is an R2D2 pom pom hat.
Lisa: I NEED that hat!

It was settled.

Let's fast forward to Friday. We didn't exactly get on the road at the time we would've liked and the traffic was abysmal. We arrived just in time to receive one of the last R2D2 hats (thank GOD because if we didn't, we probably would've gone ape sh*t) and by the time we ran upstairs to where the Chewbacca photo line was, they weren't allowing anyone else on line. We also apparently missed a bunch of storm troopers, Darth Vader, and Boba Fett. Dejected, we turned to leave and head down to the food court in order to eat our feelings. Then Lisa overheard the woman say to a family, "he'll be back for more pictures 45 minutes after the first pitch." Energy renewed, we practically skipped all the way to the main level to stuff our pig faces.

We are still trying to adventure outside our comfort zone in terms of sampling the food options at our home ballparks, so we forced ourselves to pass on the the items we knew we loved. We ended up wandering over to Brother Jimmy's BBQ stand. Before we tell you what we decided to order, allow us to start by saying that on Tuesday (after eating a cookie brownie from Domino's), we both agreed that we were a disgrace and that we needed to start eating better (and perhaps engage in some kind of physical activity) because in just two short weeks, we'd be obligated to expose our disgrace in bikinis. Keeping all of that in mind, we chose to split the pulled pork slider bucket (filled with fries) AND an order of mac and cheese. The bucket was $20 and the mac and cheese was $8. So, the diet basically went right out the window and we'd only been on it for two and a half days.

We're proud to report that while we finished the mac and cheese and all of the sliders, we at least left majority of the fries behind.

Once we finished our meal, it was about time to go find Chewbacca. Oh...did you think we were there to actually watch the game? No. We were there strictly for galactic glory. The baseball game was merely a bonus. So, while the Yankees scored a sh*t ton of runs, we ran back to the 200 level to meet Chewbacca like any other normal American would. Who goes to baseball games to watch the game any way? While we stood on line to wait for Chewbacca, one of the staff people gave us the inside scoop on how to meet Darth Vader, which is all Serena really wanted. Unfortunately, he gave us kind of confusing directions, but we'll get to that in a bit. First: Chewbacca. When he stepped off the elevator, Serena hopped up and down applauding. The behavior wouldn't have been so embarrassing had it not been for the toddler standing next to her doing the exact same thing. Copy cat.

After snuggling with the wookie, we tried to follow the instructions given to us by the staff person. It sadly turned into a scavenger hunt. Basically, we ended up speeding walking the Damon Runyon 5K course. The unfortunate part of the situation is that we did all of that in jeans and swamp ass only to never find the secret location of Darth Vader. We also learned that R2D2 was hidden somewhere in the suites, which is just offensive.

Sweating, hair a mess, clothes sticking to our skin, we stomped from the ground floor back up to our seats in the upper deck. It was the 4th inning.

 

We missed a lot apparently. The Yankees were already winning by six runs. The game pretty much progressed from there. The final score ended up being 13-7, but the real drama took place in our section. First, the YMCA.

Then, we had to endure a conversation between a pair of Indians' fans. Here's the thing, you can be fans of whatever team you want. You can be male or female. It doesn't matter. Just know what the f*ck you're talking about. We're so sick of men testing our fan authenticity because we're girls. This conversation that we're about to recall for your viewing pleasure is proof that we're surrounded by buffoons at all times.
Fan #1: The one post season event I remember specifically is the Aaron Boone home run.
(This is weird seeing as how this man is not a Yankees fan nor is he a Red Sox fan, which are the two teams involved in this particular event)
Fan #2: I don't remember that.
Fan #1: Really? It was epic. He clocked it right over that wall over there *points to left field wall.*
(Actually, that's incorrect as that home run/game in question took place at the old Yankee Stadium...across the street)
Fan #2: Nope. No idea.
Fan #1: It was against the Red Sox, I believe (Correct). During the World Series (Nope) or something.
(Any a-hole that knows the slightest tid bit about baseball trivia would know that the scenario this man created in his head is impossible as both the Yankees and Red Sox are in the American League and there can't be two AL teams in the World Series)

In conclusion, "men go to Jupiter to get more stupider,"but that's none of our business *sips cup of Lipton tea.*