Mets vs. Padres 5-23-17

We refused to allow the shenanigans of opening day to continue to plague us, so we made sure to arrive at Citi Field super early this time around. When we pulled into the parking lot, it was practically a desert wasteland. It was so empty that we were able to spot Old Man Ed and his geriatric saunter from afar. We chatted for a bit, but we had to be nice to his face because his wife and offspring were present. As he walked away, we made fun of him for wearing a Matt Harvey jersey. Plus, the jersey was too small. As usual. He always buys the jerseys of the biggest tool on the team and they never fit. He probably has a Carlos Beltran jersey. When he left, we waited for him to create a substantial distance between us before we chose to head toward the stadium as well.

Our first task on the itinerary was to get food. We didn't know what yet, so we had to explore. We ended up with quite the sampling. All of the stands we hit up are located on the main level in the outfield. The first stand we hit was the Arancini Bros stand, which featured different varieties of rice balls.

It cost us $12.50 for 6 balls packaged in what looks like an egg crate. You can mix and match "flavors." Very reasonable. We chose the Buffalo Ball, Bianco Verde, and Bucatini Fritti. The Buffalo Ball is pretty obvious, but the Bianco Verdi had pesto and the Bucatini Fritti had a fried mac and cheese thing going for it. While the Verdi and Fritti were acceptable, the Buffalo was phenomenal. Unfortunately, we ate them in a piss poor order. Mainly because we couldn't tell them apart from one another. We ate Buffalo, Verdi, and Fritti and sadly, starting off with the best ruins the rest.

After the rice balls, we stopped at the Catch of the Day stand and ordered the lobster tacos for $15/order. Initially, we found it a bit expensive, but once we ate the tacos, we found it well worth it. They were DELICIOUS. The order included two tacos, which had lobster, fried cheese, avocado salsa, and slaw (which Serena declined to get) on a corn tortilla.

Finally, to top off our meal, we stopped by the Box Frites stand, which boasted different types of french fry platters. We went with a large platter of garlic and parmesan for $7.50.

Once we finished being disgusting pigs, we got our alcohol and headed toward our seats. We happened to be sitting alongside Corey Spangenberg in left field. He's a ginger, but his profile is attractive. Tricky. He's very tricky. He fooled us good.

 

The most exciting action of the game was Michael Conforto's two run home runs and four RBI's.

Matt Harvey got the win, but not because he was quality. In fact, he was a royal ass clown. Conforto was the real hero. Harvey is a poopie pants. Poopie Pants Harvey. Also noteworthy is the fact that Old Man Ed left the game in the 4th inning or something equally as ridiculous.

 

As the stands began to clear, we ran around our section stealing the tabs from other people's beer cans to help organize Serena's bedroom closet in her new apartment. Like white trash.

2013 Stadium Tour Planning

Last week, we talked about our New Year's resolutions for this blog. Not for us personally because we both know that we'll never achieve our far-fetched resolutions and there's no sense in setting us up for failure. We asked how many resolutions you foresaw us fulfilling. Only 3 of you d*ckheads voted, so thanks for being so aweeeeesome (said sarcastically). 2 of you said 50% of them (which is actually pretty positive), but there was no way we were meeting TOWSNBN. 1 a$$ face said we'd fulfill 1. And that's only because you thought we'd win a Halloween costume contest. You're a fart smeller. And you eat farts too.

Last week, we also created this fun online quiz to see how well you know us. It turns out you don't know sh*t! Who the hell have we been sleeping with these last few years?! The highest score anyone achieved was 47% and someone actually scored a 20%. Are you kidding us??? ARE. YOU. KIDDING. US. This quiz will be available until Opening Day. We suggest you do your homework and study up on this blog and the fabulous bitches that write it. Your ignorance is truly flabbergasting.

So...we know that we dropped the bomb on you last week by changing our 2013 stadium touring plans. We apologize. It wasn't personal. We know how much you were looking forward to seeing us in cowboy hats and to be honest, so were we. It just didn't work out this year. Things have been tight and we simply cannot afford to take off 2 weeks to act like a-holes in Texas/Arizona. Unless you'd like to "sponsor" our traveling, we need to scale back this year and settle on a short, fiscally responsible tour. Hence, Missouri. We began doing our midwest research. Apparently, tornado season (according to The Google Machine) is mid-March through June. That's a large chunk of the baseball season. Therefore, we're planning on flying into St. Louis on or around July 18th (you totally wanted to knows this, you pack of f*cking stalkers). We'll rent a car and use St. Louis as our home base, hitting a Cardinals/Padres game on Friday night. We're contemplating a stadium tour while in town as well since it's only $10. In addition, we have lofty plans on visiting the famous arch, a free concert weekend concert series, multiple breweries, and the River City Casino to further enable Lisa's gambling addiction. We'll drive 3 hours west to Kansas City on either Saturday or Sunday to see the Royals take on the Tigers (Annnnnnnnnnd Justin Verlander...yessssssss). Depending on game time (which KC has been kind enough to withhold), we're going to try to do a stadium tour prior to the game OR take advantage of this AMAZING Early Bird Pre-Game Experience that the team brilliantly offers. For $10, you get front row access to batting practice, a promotional giveaway, and some nonsense about official game notes...or some crap like that (all we know is that we NEED it). We promise you most excellent photos...as always. Plus, there's a roadtrip involved, which means we get to break out our 98 Degrees discography, so you know THAT'S going be the definition of awesome. If you're lucky, we'll video some of it. You're welcome.

Baseball Notes:
It appears that Brian Wilson may be joining us in Flushing. He apparently had a "private workout" with the Mets recently. What does that even mean? He did pushups and the Mets lineup watched? He worked out with TOWSNBN? They ran side by side on the treadmill? They all hung out in the clubhouse sauna together? What the hell does that mean???? Anyway...it sounds creepy. And somewhat voyeuristic.

Derek Jeter, in other bizarre NY news, got to "remove his boot." Let us start by saying that we apparently have drank entirely too much alcohol in the time that has lapsed between the playoffs and now. It's like we've been living a life under "Blackout Drunk" context because we totally forgot that Jeter was injured. Nevermind the fact that he might have been in a cast. So when we saw this headline, we assumed that he had purchased a brand new pair of combat boots. Ooops. He's not allowed to run or skip, but he IS allowed to "walk around in shoes and stuff" (this is a direct quote from the article, so don't judge the bimbo lingo) and run in the swimming pool. Do you have any idea what this means? This means that we've been working harder at the gym than Derek Jeter. And this is the man that the Yankees dubbed "Captain." Ridiculousness. We should just put AJ's cats, She-Ra and Thundercat, in charge of the Yankees. They at least go outside and kill things...and also attempted to kill Lisa, which would probably please TOWSNBN. It's like a win-win. For the Yankees AND the Mets.

Side note: no one was inducted into the Hall of Fame this year. Hooray! We should be inducted. We never used steroids and as you can see, we work harder than Derek Jeter at the gym. We've also both managed highly competitive fantasy teams. Clearly, we deserve induction.