Mets vs. Padres 5-23-17

We refused to allow the shenanigans of opening day to continue to plague us, so we made sure to arrive at Citi Field super early this time around. When we pulled into the parking lot, it was practically a desert wasteland. It was so empty that we were able to spot Old Man Ed and his geriatric saunter from afar. We chatted for a bit, but we had to be nice to his face because his wife and offspring were present. As he walked away, we made fun of him for wearing a Matt Harvey jersey. Plus, the jersey was too small. As usual. He always buys the jerseys of the biggest tool on the team and they never fit. He probably has a Carlos Beltran jersey. When he left, we waited for him to create a substantial distance between us before we chose to head toward the stadium as well.

Our first task on the itinerary was to get food. We didn't know what yet, so we had to explore. We ended up with quite the sampling. All of the stands we hit up are located on the main level in the outfield. The first stand we hit was the Arancini Bros stand, which featured different varieties of rice balls.

It cost us $12.50 for 6 balls packaged in what looks like an egg crate. You can mix and match "flavors." Very reasonable. We chose the Buffalo Ball, Bianco Verde, and Bucatini Fritti. The Buffalo Ball is pretty obvious, but the Bianco Verdi had pesto and the Bucatini Fritti had a fried mac and cheese thing going for it. While the Verdi and Fritti were acceptable, the Buffalo was phenomenal. Unfortunately, we ate them in a piss poor order. Mainly because we couldn't tell them apart from one another. We ate Buffalo, Verdi, and Fritti and sadly, starting off with the best ruins the rest.

After the rice balls, we stopped at the Catch of the Day stand and ordered the lobster tacos for $15/order. Initially, we found it a bit expensive, but once we ate the tacos, we found it well worth it. They were DELICIOUS. The order included two tacos, which had lobster, fried cheese, avocado salsa, and slaw (which Serena declined to get) on a corn tortilla.

Finally, to top off our meal, we stopped by the Box Frites stand, which boasted different types of french fry platters. We went with a large platter of garlic and parmesan for $7.50.

Once we finished being disgusting pigs, we got our alcohol and headed toward our seats. We happened to be sitting alongside Corey Spangenberg in left field. He's a ginger, but his profile is attractive. Tricky. He's very tricky. He fooled us good.

 

The most exciting action of the game was Michael Conforto's two run home runs and four RBI's.

Matt Harvey got the win, but not because he was quality. In fact, he was a royal ass clown. Conforto was the real hero. Harvey is a poopie pants. Poopie Pants Harvey. Also noteworthy is the fact that Old Man Ed left the game in the 4th inning or something equally as ridiculous.

 

As the stands began to clear, we ran around our section stealing the tabs from other people's beer cans to help organize Serena's bedroom closet in her new apartment. Like white trash.

How to Survive the Baseball Offseason

It's February, so you know that the blog topic pool is looking pretty bleak. Any day now you're getting a facial hair blog post. Be prepared. We decided to share with you a few ideas that have helped us cope with the lack of baseball and/or overall lack of baseball talent...in our home region. Including local beer leagues. Have you ever seen a local men's softball/baseball game? These men are usually stupid, fat, hairy, and clothed in sweatpants. Dirty sweatpants with elastic around the ankles. Let's be serious. These men are hardly considered athletes. They're not even has-been's because you would've had to have been something important in order to be considered a has-been.

SOOO...how to survive the baseball offseason if you're not a legit baseball player. Cos' if you're a legit baseball player seeking advice from the two a-holes that write this blog, you've got some serious problems. You should be in the gym preparing for the upcoming season. And possibly medicated.

1. Take a roadtrip to the Baseball Hall of Fame. It's like having the baseball season...only better. It's an entire building filled with legitimate athletes that actually gave two sh*ts about the sport. Unfortunately, you might leave the place feeling bitter. You know. Cos' players now only care about money and dating models.
2. Hold a movie marathon! An entire day filled with your favorite movies about baseball and baseball game-themed food. It's virtually impossible to f*ck this up. Unless you have no friends. But even then, it's hard to f*ck this up. 90% of baseball movies are pretty amazing. And so are hot dogs. One package of hot dogs is probably cheaper than buying a hot dog at the stadium.
3. Watch "classic" games on your local sports' network. Relive the finer moments from your franchise's history. You know...back when players weren't on steroids? Plus, the games your franchise has decided to label a "classic" are usually the games in which your team wins. Guaranteed happy ending.
4. Watch a biography on an old timer. You'll probably learn something about the sport that you never knew before and trust us when we say that history can be cool. We would've recommended reading a biography, but we're not sure that your reading level is higher than Dr. Suess.
5. Play baseball video games. Whatever it is you nerds play on your Sega Genesis or whatever system you crazy kids are on now. Nintendo 64? Does that sound right?
6. Go down to your local baseball field or batting cage. Imagine you are your baseball hero. Imitate their batting stance, their swing, the manner in which they patrol the field...unless your hero is David Ortiz, in which case, just go eat a cheeseburger because he can't bend over to pick up a ground ball, much less patrol a field. Really embody that player.
7. Follow @mattharvey33 on Instagram as he takes random, EPIC trips around the world. Think about how amazing it is that he's able to spend time in these far away lands. Then curse the fact that he brought his skinny b*tch girlfriend along with him for the ride.
8. Read the Traveling Baseball Babes. Tell everyone about it. Make it your own personal goal to pass it on to 10 of your friends. Get them hooked on it like crack cocaine. Unfortunately, we won't be writing about baseball for very long. We're running out of steam. We're tired and Opening Day seems so far away  right now.
9. Learn to crochet. Crochet a hat in your team's colors. Wear said hat to Opening Day...even if it's 90 degrees outside.
10. Build a field in your backyard. Rumor has it that if you build it, they will come.

Auntiedukes Takes Citi Field (Phillies @ Mets 8-26-13)

On Monday night, we took Auntiedukes to her very first Mets game. You might be wondering why we would even bother taking a Yankees fan to their first Mets game or what the significance of this is. Well, back in 2011, we posted a hoax contest for April Fools' Day. The prize was that you'd attend Mets Opening Day with Lisa. All you had to do was send us an essay telling us why we should choose you as Lisa's guest. Unfortunately, among a few other entries, Auntiedukes didn't realize that it was a fake contest. We felt terrible. Not only did we manipulate Serena's family member, but she actually wrote something very sweet and endearing. How could we not take her now? This is what she'd sent us:

"Dear Traveling Baseball Babes
I would like to win this contest ... for several reasons.
1) I have never been to Citi Field (drove past it today!), nor Shea Stadium, come to think of it.
2) I have never been to an Opening Day Game, nor a Met game, come to think of it.
3) I’d like to understand why Lisa loves the Mets (and not the Yankees)
4) I miss hanging with Lisa. Haven't seen her since Paris.
5) And last, but not least, Eats on me!

Auntiedukes <3>

Flash forward to Monday. We finally (only 2 years later) got tickets to a Mets game for Auntiedukes to attend thanks to Lisa's friend Alfredo. We gave Auntiedukes a tour of Citi Field, including the Hall of Fame and bullpen. This was the matchup Auntiedukes would be enjoying that evening:

After watching Wheeler and Lee take their warmups sessions, we escorted Auntiedukes to the hot dog stand near our seats. Lisa topped her doggie with red onions, relish, sauerkraut, jalapenos, and mustard. Serena topped her doggie with red onions, spicy mustard, Choulula, and jalapenos. And Auntiedukes ate her doggie before we could record its toppings...or take a picture. Needless to say, she LOVED her hot dog (we recommended the hot dog as it is our favorite dish from Shea Stadium/Citi Field).

Check out the view Alfredo scored for us. Not bad, eh? Auntiedukes will never be able to see another Mets game again without comparing her seats to these. : )

 

Being that we were in such close proximity to the field, we were surrounded by our fair share of celebrities. Like Rex Ryan.

Well, at least we think it was Rex Ryan. We kept saying, "Rex, sit down," but not once did he acknowledge us. We even tried "Mr. Ryan" to no avail. We also enjoyed the view of a couple fondling each other and staring into each other's eyes like Scarlett O'Hara and Rhett Butler. We have no problems with sexual activity, but don't stand up and block home plate while doing it. The rest of us would like to watch the game. And also, there was nothing appealing about this man, but she was genuinely smitten with him. She stared at him like he was the cat's meow. It was baffling. We've thought about it. Long and hard. We reminisced about ex-lovers, boyfriends, and even men that's we've met along the way and we cane to the conclusion that we've never gazed upon a man in that manner. It was the type of gaze that is reserved for when George Clooney looks at you and your knees buckle. We assure you that this man was no George Clooney. He wasn't even George Clooney's less attractive younger brother (ya know...like in the Baldwin family).

Matt Harvey and TOWSNBN did make brief appearances in the dugout. Lisa pissed her pants.

 

There are a lot of these photos in existence. All from the same angle. All of the same thing. Most are of the back of his head. This is basically when note taking of the game stopped.

This was our first time getting to see D'Frenchman in action!

Serena had an amazing design for a custom t-shirt for Lisa's birthday, but she couldn't find anyone to help her design/create it. Imagine: D'Arnaud's face with a French moustache and a long cigarette. He's wearing a beret. The back of the shirt looks like his jersey, only instead of his last name, it says, "D'Frenchman." We might slap the French flag somewhere on there, but we haven't made any concrete decisions on that subject yet.

While we enjoyed ourselves immensely, the Mets struggled a bit. They simply couldn't scratch more than 1 run across against Lee and the Phillies' bullpen. It also began to rain. Behind us, we heard the following conversation during a conference on the mound between D'Arnaud and Pedro Feliciano:
"Oh, this should be interesting. How do you think this conversation's gonna go? We've got a French-Canadian/American and a Dominican."
and:
"Can we hurry this along? It's raining and I've got to home for a Seinfeld rerun."

Also, we heard someone in front of us refer to D'Arnaud as "D'Frenchman." Either we're becoming more famous or as usual, someone is stealing our shit. Just in case, you heard of our t-shirt design here first.

Despite these setbacks, Auntiedukes enjoyed herself! She said that Citi Field reminded her of the Baseball Hall of Fame, "but if only the Mets' playing could match the stadium." She mentioned the low energy of the fans during the game. We agreed. For a Phillies/Mets matchup, there was no pizazz. Granted, both teams have struggled this year and it WAS a Monday night, but we were still surprised. We'd never been to such a flat Phillies/Mets matchup.

After Auntiedukes left us for the subway, we snapped a few last minute photos of us with the stadium at night. In retrospect, we should've snapped photos of the Citi Field rookie, but we're a-holes.

 

PS - AJ Burnett finally dropped off Winkie and now this is the bullshit we have to deal with while blogging. So now we're combating ADD and cats.

This is all you will get and you will like it!

The TBB are apart this week. Serena is with Erin in Beantown and I am here in New York. Both of us seem to be enjoying this sh*tastic weather that Mother Nature has given us. It is clear that Mother Nature has had a nervous breakdown on the job because there is no way by the end of May that I should have to wear a sweater and jeans as well as contemplate breaking out my boots. Mother Nature get your sh*t together! The good news is that the sun seems to be coming out so not all of the weekend will be a black cloud of sorrow.  The bad news is that I was the one deciding if you guys were going to get a solo blog. No one tried to butter me up or buy me nice thing so nothing for you. You will get some baseball notes that I deem worthy and a slight rant and that’s it!!

Here lies my slight rant:

Ok so I am well aware that the Mets are going no where this year. I knew that from before the season started. I mentally prepared myself for failure so that it would not be such a great let down. I don’t want to hear excuses for fans like “Well they have no one on the team”. That’s horsesh*t! The Yankees seem to be doing fine with their gang of misfit toys . The Mets have TOWSNBN and Matt Harvey with a giggle gang backing them up. Even The Bad News Bears eventually turned things around and made it to the championship game as well as go to Japan in the sequel. I don’t like to blame the manager for these things unless of course the manger is a real a**hole and I have no problems with Terry Collins but maybe the Mets need a alcoholic Walter Matthau to lead them into battle.  I do have a simple solution. Since this year is a toilet bowl flush why they don’t just send some players down and bring up some fresh meat is beyond me.  Let’s see what we got growing on the farm. I have two players in mind Ike Davis and Lucas Duda. It pains me to watch these two clowns.  How much harm can it do if we give some other players a chance? They can’t be any worse then what we are seeing. Are you going to give me the argument that no one is going to pay money to go to the game if a bunch of no names are on the field? Guess what people no one is going to the games now. Something needs to be done and fast. Papa L is extremely angry and I have a feeling the Mets performance might be affecting his health.  I haven’t seen him this irate since the Luis Castillo dropped ball and that took him a very long time to get over. I am like a woman scorned one too many times that she starts to become numb to the sense of feeling and that is how I am getting thru this season. I will tell you one thing I learned by watching the Mets is that the Mets are like snowflakes no Met loss is ever alike.

Baseball notes:

Good news for Serena’s Big Texan! He will be eligible to come off the disabled list on June 1^st. He was initially put on the DL for a strained left trapezius muscle. Pettitte will pitch a simulated game on Tuesday and then head back into the Yankees rotation. Yippee Yay for Serena! In other Yankee news Curtis Granderson a broken fifth metacarpal on his left hand after being hit by a pitch in the fifth inning Friday night against the Tampa Bay Rays. He was put on the 15 day disabled list Saturday and most likely will miss a month.

In Mets news they lost again.

To all the men and women who served  our country and to the ones who continue to serve us we thank you and wish you a Happy Memorial day !!!

Erin & The Favorite Take Citi Field

We're back together for today's blog post about Erin and Matt's first visit to Citi Field. Thankfully for them, we managed to get tickets to "El Noche de Mexico." Mariaches were plentiful. Thanks to the lesson learned by their late arrival at Yankee Stadium in which they missed all of the cool stuff, we arrived at Citi Field nice and early to guarantee that they missed nothing.

We showed them the base markers of Shea Stadium and the original home run apple...

...And made sure they saw the museum. Matt got his first glimpse of Mr. Met's origins. He was not pleased.

While we waited for Matt to buy his shake ($6.25) at The Shake Shack (we insisted that he make a pit stop here), we decided we'd show them the Kids' Zone. That's a blatant lie. This is really how we ended up in the Kids' Zone:
*gathered around the beer stand, blabbing away about the pros and cons of Matt's strawberry shake*
Lisa: OMG! There's Mr. Met!!!!!! And he's got a different hat on!
Erin: What?
Lisa: Don't you want you picture with him???
Erin: Well...ok. Sure.
Lisa: I'll go get on line!!!! Follow me!
*Lisa runs off faster than we've ever seen her run*

After taking a picture with Mr. Met, we found a little booth where people can chill in comfy leather chairs and play video games. Matt found home. Serena felt tired, so she contemplated sleeping in one of the chairs for the entire game until Lisa informed her that they closed the area once the game started. Shame on you, Mets. Some people need to take a nap once in awhile! Just sayin'!

As we exited the premises, we were accosted by an individual who were charmed by our personalities from afar. He wore an MLB.com badge, which concerned us only a touch. He asked us to participate in this "game show" thingy that MLB.com hosts called, "Bucks on a Pond," which, once the rules were explained to us, sounds like Cash Cab. Now, we don't know when our episode will be aired, but we must stress that he encouraged us to be as ridiculous as possible, so don't judge our the footage when you see it. We certainly did not fail his request. We acted like the biggest pack of ass clowns that you'd ever see. AND we answered all of their questions correctly like game show professionals. We were borderline going to search for trivia contest at a local bar afterwards to see if we could win some extra cash.

After our game show shenanigans, we headed in search of food. Erin got her traditional hot dog, but was pretty pissed off that there was no yellow mustard to be found anywhere.

Serena got a hot dog as well, but covered it with spicy mustard, Cholula, onions in red sauce, and jalapeno peppers.

Lisa went a different route this time out and bought a Mex Burger from Keith's Grill. For $20, she got all of this:

To be clear, that's a burger, tootsie pop, beer, and bag of potato chips. $20. It's no pizza from Grimaldi's or shot of Patron, but still, that's pretty darn good.

This was the view of our Matt Harvey/Hector Santiago matchup:

We scored these tickets at the kindness of Mr. Danny Ryan (no relation to The Favorite). The matchup turned out to be a good one. Matt Harvey carried a perfect game into the 7th, when an infield single by Alex Rios messed everything up. To be honest, Rios would've been thrown out had Ruben Tejada not gotten so damn fancy with his throw. There was no need for him to make a jump throw on that play, and the jump cost him precious seconds. Not everyone is Derek Jeter. Technically, Jeter shouldn't be making that play. It's amazing he's as successful as he is.

If you asked the douche couple sitting in front of us, Harvey's perfect game was ruined by the girl "jinxing" Harvey by talking about it. After the Rios single, the guy could not let it go. We had to listen to him for the rest of the game yelling at her for pure nonsense. We think there was a threat of her sleeping outside with his dogs. Lisa overheard him say, "You're not even a Mets fan! You're a Yankees fan!" Note: she WAS wearing a Mets t-shirt that said, "The NYM <3 2010.="" 99="" a="" and="" asked="" championships="" dialogue="" embarrassment.="" explain="" groaned="" had="" her="" how="" in="" know="" lisa="" lot.="" many="" of="" out="" p="" pink="" relayed="" replied="" serena="" series="" she="" should="" someone="" the="" then="" they="" this="" to="" which="" who="" won="" world="" yankees="">
Harvey pitched 9 innings and had a career-high 12 strikeouts, but received a no decision. Why? Because the Mets couldn't score a run and we headed into extra innings. The sad thing is that the Mets pulled it off with a Mike Baxter pinch hit single that scored Ike Davis from second in the bottom of the 10th!!!! If they had left Harvey in for one more inning, he would've gotten a complete game. But we understand. He had already thrown a lot of pitches. Whomp, whomp.

When Serena, Matt, and Erin got back to Serena's apartment, she conducted the same survey she had done for the Yankee Stadium visit. Both felt like they'd missed nothing on this trip, unlike their trip to Yankee Stadium (to which Serena apologized for...again). Both agreed that their favorite part of the visit was the trivia game for MLB.com, which has nothing to do with the stadium, but Erin did add that she appreciated the Shea Stadium bases and the museum.

Matt felt that Citi Field "didn't really identify itself as a Mets stadium," which bothered him. Erin expanded upon that subject, saying that from our seats in particular, you didn't know we were at a Mets game. From the opposite side of the stadium, it wasn't as bad. Erin rated her hot dog as 6/10 because it was too thin and she couldn't find yellow mustard anywhere (she was very specific on this subject). Matt gave his shake an 8/10.

The big question of the night: How does Citi Field stand up to your other stadiums? Remembering that Matt's scale rating is 1 being shit aka: Oakland and 10 being hand jobs for everyone, this is their assessment:
Matt: 5/10. The stadium is middle of the road.
Erin: 6/10. Parts of it she really liked and parts that were really "blergh."

Happy Mother's Day to all of the mommies out there and especially to OUR mommies: Mamadukes and Mama L.