It’s The Hardest Thing

It took us roughly 6 hours to complete these two posts today. Mind you, we already had a topic covered, so it’s not like it took us this long to decide what we were going to write about. We got sucked into VH1’s countdown to the Top 100 Songs of the 90’s. C’mon. You know that sh*t was banging. We found ourselves singing along to the great ones like Good Vibrations, What A Man, Jump Around, It’s Tearing Up My Heart, Hit Me Baby One More Time, Mr. Jones, Genie In A Bottle, Don’t Go Chasing Waterfalls, Can’t Touch This, Groove Is In The Heart, I Touch Myself, You Oughtta Know, I Will Always Love You, Never Gonna Get It, My Heart Will Go On (as well as this list of epic songs). We even knew the synchronized dance to many of the music videos (mostly the ones featuring boy bands). As a result, we found ourselves singing along and reminiscing about 98 Degrees (and rising). Serena (the commitment-phone half of the TBB) thought that she was going to marry Jeff from 98 Degrees. Marry. As in participate willingly in a wedding. A wedding in which she was going to marry a man who had 98 Degrees tattooed on his amazingly sculpted bicep. Lisa, on the other hand, attended a poster signing at Tower Records in Manhattan. At aforementioned signing, she threw her phone number at Nick Lachey. We don’t know why Nick never called. Yup. Such was high school. You’re the sunshine after the rain.

As you may recall, we’ll be leaving for our first stadium trip of 2012 in a few days. We asked you what you were most looking forward to about our upcoming trip. 2 of you can’t wait to hear about our drunken antics. Only 1 person cares about the Braves game, which is disturbing considering that’s the whole point of this blog. Lastly, 1 person wants to hear about 2 a-holes zip-lining. Awesome.

As always, we do cherish you. For the rest of our lives, you don’t have to think twice.

$1 Hot Dogs

Okay, so last week, we discussed our visit to Target Field and $1 Hot Dog Mondays. These hot dogs were the second grodiest hot dogs we've ever , coming only after the Dodger Dog for Worst Hot Dog in History. Having described the hairy a-hole taste of these dogs, we asked you the following question: "Based on our description, would you get the $1 hot dog?" Of the 7 votes, there's a 3-3 tie between "UH YEAH, they're $1" and "No, they sound grodie." 1 individual said they might do it, if they lost a bet. We can understand the attraction of a meal that's only a dollar, but let us leave you with one final thought on the subject: if the taste of your cheap meal was so grotesque that your stomach turned as soon as it touched your tongue, would it still be worth the purchase? Think about it.

Now, it should be stated that our rating of Target Field's $1 hot dog should in no way reflect the rating of Target Field's hot dog. Confused? Allow us to explain. Just because the $1 hot dog sucked what Brother would call, "a bag of d*cks," does not mean that Target Field's "typical" hot dog is of the same sucky quality. We did not buy the $4.50 hot dog while there. We instead chose to invest in a bratwurst and Polish sausage, therefore we cannot offer our opinion on the normal $4.50 hot dog. Granted, it could potentially suck just as hard as the $1 one, but we doubt it.

While We Were Away

Well, we’re back and despite being exhausted from our flight (and sitting near a pack of hairy a-holes), we’re being real troopers and giving you this week’s baseball notes and poll results. A lot happened while we were away and since our Target Field post (which you’ll get tomorrow morning) would be an inappropriate location to discuss these happenings, we’re posting it a separate blog here.

First, our poll results. We asked you if you thought we’d fall out of the canoe in Lake Calhoun. 4 of you felt that we would because we “don’t seem to be very good at anything, let alone doing physical activities.” Wow. Thanks for the vote of confidence. We’ll have you know that we didn’t even make it to Lake Calhoun because of bad weather!! A little something called a “tornado.” You may have heard of it. The Midwest has been getting hit left and right with them. 1 person thinks that we “should stick to the dragon paddle boats in Baltimore because it seems safer for us.” Thanks…we think. Are you genuinely concerned for us or implying that we’re idiots? No one felt that we’d be fine. That the canoes would be large enough to hold our fat asses. What the hell? How could no one think that?

Now for actual baseball news. While we recovered from a long night on the Minneapolis town AND an excruciating flight to Milwaukee on a Tinker Toy airplane, Mariano Rivera made his 1,000 appearance with one team. Impressive, isn’t it?

The Phillies defeated the Reds in a 19-inning marathon on Wednesday night that lasted into the early hours of morning 5-4. The best part of the win is that Wilson Valdez, a second baseman, earned the victory that night (or morning?). Valdez became the first player since Babe Ruth in 1921 to start a game in the field and later earn the win in relief.

In a collision with Marlins’ Scott Cousins at home plate during the 12th inning on Thursday night’s game at AT&T Park, Buster Posey suffered a fractured bone in his left leg. It is unclear as to when Posey will be able to return to lineup.

Fred Wilpon has announced that he’s sold less than 49% of the Mets to David Einhorn, President of Greenlight Capital, Inc. The sale will allow the Mets to pay back debts owed to MLB. Apparently, Wilpon’s also been running his mouth off about his Triumvirate (Carlos Beltran, Jose Reyes, and David Wright) in The New Yorker. We’re kind of sad we missed this to be quite frank.

Baseball Notes & Poll Results Strike Back

Last week, we asked if it was acceptable to act like a jerk at an away team’s stadium. Personally, we feel no, but apparently, there are a few who disagree with us. Of 7 votes, 2 of you actually replied, “Yeah, I can act like a jerk. My fellow fans won’t let me act like that on my own turf.” Interesting. 4 of you agreed with us and chose, “No. Keep your jerky attitude relegated to the privacy of your own home.” 1 person voted for “Maybe. Am I at Fenway Park rooting for the other team? Then, yes.”

In keeping with the Los Angeles stadium tour theme, The Favorite is our TBB Super Hero of the Week for taking us to Disneyland! That’s right, ladies and gentleman. The poor boy was stuck with us at an amusement park known for its furries ALL DAY! Plus, he still lives to tell his tale, which means that we didn’t drive him to suicide! Hooray!

Baseball notes: So far, Stephen Strasburg has lived up to his hype. He made his first MLB start with the Nationals on Tuesday night against the Pirates, fanning 14 batters. The illustrious Ivan “Pudge” Rodgriguez was quoted as saying, “I’ve caught a lot of guys, but this kid is unbelievable.” Not a bad compliment to receive from a man who is sure to be inducted into the Hall of Fame once his career comes to an end. Only time will tell if Strasburg is the next Wonder Boy. As the National League becomes more familiar with him and his pitching arsenal, will he be able to adjust and remain as dominant as he was on Tuesday? We shall see…

Craptastic news for Yankees fans. During last night’s game against the Orioles, AROD was removed from the lineup after a ground ball hit by Adam Jones in the 1st rolled to the left of him, causing him to freeze up with tightness in his groin area. We’ll refrain from making any perverted jokes here. Manager Joe Girardi noticed that he’d been doing extra stretches prior to the game and AROD reported that the cramping began 10-15 minutes before game time. He’s scheduled to see Dr. Christopher Ahmed today for an evaluation and a possible MRI.

While Bronx Bomber fans groan, across the Throgs Neck Bridge, Mets fans have something to be proud of. Last night, Jonathan Niese pitched the franchise’s 26th complete game, recording 8 shut out innings and allowing just one base runner. He struck out 6, coaxing a total of 14 groundouts. It did not go unnoticed that before leaving the locker room, Niese had grabbed the game’s ball and locked it up in his personal safe. Looks like he and Armando Galarraga have something in common. A keepsake to an “almost perfect game.”

Further Adventures in Baseball Notes & Poll Results

Based on our experience with bored fans at Angel Stadium, we asked what kind of fan you are at a game. With 3 votes, “I am a passionate, but respectful fan. I wear my team's foam finger, but I'll never hit my neighbor in the head with it by brandishing it too wildly” won this week’s poll. Coming in second with 2 votes was “I am a #1 fan complete with screaming, holding up signs, wearing team-colored wigs, and running naked onto the field to touch home plate.” Thankfully, none of our readers are a-holes who sit there and do nothing.

TBB Super Hero of the Week honors goes to Erin for taking us to Sea World during our short stint in San Diego. There was a brief debate between giving the title to Erin two weeks in a row or giving it to Keith because Keith had been forced to sit in the backseat with us and rumor has it that Serena actually napped on Keith’s shoulder without asking (which is rude). Hopefully, Serena didn’t drool on him because that would just be mortifying. The reason Keith loses out to Erin is that he eats like a bird. He didn’t finish a single meal during the entire trip and there’s absolutely no way that we’re making a man who weighs more than us (at least he BETTER weigh more than us) and can’t eat as much as we do TBB Super Hero of the Week. In addition to being able to eat like a normal person, Erin went to Sea World with us (which is infinitely cooler than just sitting in the backseat with us) and she’s amazing. Plus, when push comes to shove, someone who played college softball with Serena takes precedence over someone she potentially drooled on.

Baseball notes: The Tigers traded LHP Dontrelle Willis on Tuesday to the Diamondbacks along with cash in exchange for RHP Billy Buckner. Wednesday night brought Serena a moment a grief. Ken Griffey Jr. announced his retirement after 22 years of service in the MLB. He departs the game with 630 career home runs, making him 5th on the list of all-time home run leaders. Serena hasn’t been this emotionally distraught over a player’s exit since the Yankees failed to resign Bernie Williams. Milton Bradley, who has only played with Griffey for a few months, was quoted as saying, “on a day like this, it should rain in Seattle.” It’s the classiest thing he’s ever said throughout his MLB career. Just before the game against the Twins, the team carved his number 24 into the dirt behind second base and showed a 5-minute video tribute to a standing ovation. Last night, commissioner Bud Selig declared that he would not reverse umpire Jim Joyce’s admitted blown call that cost Tigers’ pitcher Armando Galarraga a perfect game on Wednesday. Selig claims that baseball will “look at expanded replay and umpiring. Bud Selig is obviously a soulless man. Lastly, Orioles’ manger Dave Trembley is supposedly going to be fired prior to the Orioles’ series opener against the Red Sox this evening. Third base coach, Juan Samuel is expected to step into the role of interim manager. At blogging time, this report as not been confirmed.

From 6/3-6/9, the College Softball World Series is back on ESPN! Like last year, Serena will be taking time off from the world of professional baseball and focus on real athletes. Lisa will keep her filled in.

Baseball Notes & Poll Results

We have returned unscathed and a little browner from our stadium touring in Southern California! Since our blog for today focuses on our visit to Angel Stadium, we’re posting our poll results and baseball notes for this week separately.

Before boarding the second worst flight in history (we figure that planes that actually crash are the only flights that should be allocated the title of “Worst Flight in History”), we asked you which stadium in Southern California we’d like best. Despite giving you 2 weeks to vote, we still only managed to earn 7 total votes, which is a bit sad. Our readers must be dropping like flies. Petco Park is the winner with 4 votes. Congratulations. We couldn’t agree more. The view of beyond the outfield wall is lovely, the ball park is clean and charming (similar to Camden Yards in Baltimore and as it turns out, the same designer did both stadiums), and they have a BBQ pit for heaven’s sakes. The only con? The fans had no zip to their fanhood. The fans at Dodger Stadium (runner up with 2 votes) annihilated Padres fans when it came to personality and passion for their team. Angel Stadium garnered only 1 vote.

Our stadium tour forced Erin and Matt to deal with our annoying presence every day, especially considering they opened their home to us for the week. For this, we owe them an enormous thank you and of course, the title of TBB Super Heroes of the Week. Sadly, all this earned them was an opportunity to listen to our stupid self-deprecating jokes for 7 days.

Baseball notes: Omar Vizquel tied Hall of Famer Luis Aparacio for the second-most career hits by a short stop when he hit a single in the 5th off of Indians’ Aaron Laffey for his 2, 764th hit on Monday night. The White Sox would go on to win 7-2, ending a 5-game losing streak. The Mets announced following an MRI exam that RHP John Maine has rotator cuff tendonitis in his right shoulder and there’s no timetable for his return. He was placed on the 15-day DL after being removed from the game against the Nationals on Thursday night where he only threw 5 pitches! The Mets have also reinstated first baseman Daniel Murphy from the 15-day DL. Unfortunately, they optioned him to Triple-A Buffalo. So we don’t get Mike Jacobs or Daniel Murphy. Just great. For heaven’s sake, PLEASE don’t get rid of Jeff Francoeur! What will we look at then? Murphy had been on the disabled list since April 5th because of a sprained knee. Umpires suspended the scoreless game between the Twins and Yankees on Tuesday night after 5 innings. It’s is the first time in Target Field’s brief history that a game was delayed and stopped while in progress. Heavy rain had started to fall during the 3rd inning and was accompanied by several lightning strikes. The crew finally called for the tarp at the conclusion of the 5th. We’ve got a feeling that we’ll be hearing a lot more about “firsts” at Target Field as the season continues.

The Heat is On…It’s on the Street

Last week we asked you what you thought players did if they weren’t in the post season and 11 of you answered the call! This must be some sort of TBB poll record. The leader of the pack with 7 votes is that they buy two flashy cars with the enormous paycheck they don’t really deserve since they clearly didn’t do anything to help their team make it to the post season. We’re happy to see that our readers are just as jaded as we are. Next runner up with only 2 votes is the theory that players wrestle anacondas with Austin Stevens Snakemaster in their spare time. *Shudder* 1 person felt that players probably play mini golf all day, every day. While this is something that we may do if we had more money than say, George Steinbrenner, we sincerely doubt that there are many (if any) MLB players who would consider spending their days doing this. It is more likely that they’d rather drive around in golf carts, wearing plaid pants and pretending to be Tiger Woods. Another person thought that players definitely go to Vegas in the off season and perform part time as a Pussycat Doll. We don’t think that this happens either, but that being said, we’d definitely pay good money to see Houston Street shaking his goodies on stage in a corset and thigh-highs. No one voted for the option of spending a lot of time at yoga retreats. We find this a little ridiculous because we know for a fact of one player in particular who’d fit right in at a yoga retreat. We don’t want to single anyone out by mentioning specific names, but we will tell you that it sounds like Zarry Bito. Sadly, “Releasing negative energy by ‘reflecting’ during private time” garnered no votes either. This is completely depressing! As far as Serena’s concerned, she firmly believes that they take part in this activity DURING the season and therefore it’s only natural that they’d do this during the off season as well.

On Sunday, Serena will be walking for Grannydukes in the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk at Jones Beach. Please pray for her that she won’t have to suffer through 5 miles in a downpour. If you wish to contribute to the cause, the link to her fundraising page is located on the sidebar to the right. As you may or may not have read on Facebook (especially if you’re not our fan), we’ve received our care packages from the Oral Cancer Foundation and Sean Kimerling Testicular Cancer Foundation! Megan (OC Foundation) sent us brochures galore filled with information regarding the foundation and oral cancer, stickers, clever buttons, and several silver pins. Below is a picture of a pin (we apologize for it not being that clear, but the glare from the lights on the pin made picture taking a bit difficult).
Rosemary (SKTC Foundation) sent us quite possibly the best hats in the world. If you look closely (particularly at Lisa’s hat), you will notice that we fastened one of the pins sent by Megan to the hat so that we can promote both foundations at the same time. We’re not just hat racks, ya know!
This is what the back of the best hat in the damn world looks like (Go on! Seize them!):
Well…the Division Series was pretty exciting despite it consisting mostly of sweeps. Thanks to Matt Holliday, the Dodgers cleaned house in that NLDS. We wonder if Holliday goes to sleep every night with the haunting image of a ball hitting the green grass instead of his mitt. Despite winning game 2, the Rockies really blew the games in their own ball park and allowed the Phillies to advance to the most heinous NLCS known to man. Dodger versus Phillies? Really? Why? Now we’re forced to pick between a man who looks like a smellier version of Pig Pen in a crusty helmet and a team whose fans gave us the worst stadium experience to date. The Angels man handled the Red Sox, which filled Serena with a pleasure she’s never known before. This is what it must feel like to win the lottery. The Yankees swept the Twins, but not without the Twins making the games interesting. Serena felt that it was clear that the Twins’ offense suffered from the lack of *sigh* Justin Morneau’s bat.

Since there hasn’t been a rant like this in awhile, here we go! We noticed last night during game 1 of NLCS that Alyssa Milano was nowhere to be seen in the stands. Did anyone happen to catch a glimpse of her? If a celebrity was present at the game, wouldn’t they be shown on television? Especially one who has written an entire book about what a huge Dodgers/baseball fan she is. Correct us if we’re wrong, but we believe the exact quote was that she “bleeds blue.” Contrary to the regular season, last night, the Phillies’ pitching dominated during the later innings while the Dodgers’ pitching seemed a bit confused. This afternoon is game 2 of the NLDS. Lisa hopes that an enormous flying saucer lands in the middle of the field and abducts both teams and Alyssa Milano. Due to this unfortunate circumstance, the MLB will be forced to choose two other teams to compete for the National League title. Two teams that we’d rather watch. Perhaps the San Francisco Giants (if Zarry Bito isn’t too busy in the downward dog) and the Pittsburgh Pirates?

Can the Yankees stop Torii Hunter and the Angels from repeating the last ALCS that they met in? Tonight is game 1 of the ALCS. Hopefully, the rain holds out long enough to actually get the game in (a little drizzle never hurt anyone). Tomorrow night, AJ Burnett and Joe Saunders will get the start for game 2. If CC wins tonight, we’ll be more confident for tomorrow. However, if he loses, there will be a lot of hand wringing and breath holding tomorrow while watching AJ.

Today’s baseball notes (and yes, surprisingly enough, we have a few that are not related to the playoffs): Late last week, Phillies pitcher, while recovering from surgery, Jamie Moyer developed a blood infection. Yikes! How does that even happen when you’re in a hospital? On Monday, the Chicago Cubs filed for chapter 11 bankruptcy. Do you think they’ll go on sale for something so cheap that the TBB can afford to invest? As in…$1? Billy Wagner announced that he’s considering retiring just shy of 400 saves. This immediately prompted Lisa to do a happy dance, though she’d love to know why he couldn’t have done this when he was with the Mets. Yesterday, Jose Reyes had surgery in Texas to clean scar tissue from the torn hamstring tendon behind his knee. He is expected to be ready for spring training. Will his attitude be fixed by then as well? Last night was game 1 of the NLCS and featured a pitching duel between Cole Hamels and Clayton Kershaw. Phillies ended the game on top 8-6. Game 2 action begins this afternoon at 4:07 pm on TBS. Pedro Martinez will take the mound for Philadelphia and Vincente Padilla will get the start for LA. Later tonight at 7:57 on FOX, New York’s CC Sabathia will take on Anaheim’s John Lackey. If their last performances are a glimpse of what tonight may bring, it’s gonna be a good one!

Finally, Congratulations to Meryl and Kevin on their engagement!

Bono and U2 belted out our feelings when they wrote this classic: "with or without the phillies! we can't live with or without the phillies…on a bed of nails they make us wait. Nothing to win and nothing left to lose..."

The People (All 10) Have Spoken

Last week, we asked you what we could do to make our site better. We must admit that we are a bit disappointed in the turn out. Due to our Boston trip, we had given you two whole weeks to respond and only 10 of you complied. Still…of the 10, half of you (5 for those who are mathematically challenged) felt that an entire photo album dedicated to mascots was in order. This is a bit shocking. We had no idea that our readers were a bunch of perverted furries. However, ask and you shall receive. We will work closely with Tech Support Sean and attempt to create a photo album that contains all of the pictures that we’ve ever taken with the mascots. We will post it to the site as quickly as possible.

In second place, 3 of you voted for “Other.” Of the 3, only 1 person (CM…we think) actually followed directions and left us feedback and asked that we not change a thing. The other 2 of you apparently have difficulties with reading comprehension. How can you vote for “Other” and not tell us what the “Other” is? How does that work exactly? How do you expect us to make you happy if you don’t tell us what makes you happy? It sounds like you two are men.

1 person felt that we should write more joint blogs. We’re not sure what to do here. If we try to accommodate this person, we may piss off the rest of our readers who clearly do NOT want us writing more often (if they wanted us to write more often, more people would’ve voted for that option, no?). If we piss off the majority of our readers, then we won’t have any readers. Quite the conundrum.

Lastly, 1 person felt that we should stop hating on our own teams. We thank you for sharing your feelings. Yes, it may seem that we are impossible to please. No matter how often the Yankees win, Serena will find something to complain about (and it will usually involve Johnny Damon). Serena’s not asking the Yankees to win every single game. That’s completely absurd. All she asks is that if you lose, you lose a well played ball game. A butt kicking is not losing well. A butt kicking makes a person wonder if the local little league team can do better. No matter how many runs the Mets may score, Lisa will complain that the bull pen will blow it. We understand that for loyal Yankees and Mets fans that this kind of pessimistic attitude can be frustrating. That being said, no offense, but you’re the only one who felt this way. Clearly we are not the only negative people in New York. To be quite frank, our negativity isn’t merely applied to the Yankees and Mets. We’re just negative and miserable people in general. Besides, why don’t you go back and really study the Mets’ season so far? Don’t you think Lisa has every right to call them No Talent A** Clowns (NTAC’s)?

We are currently working on posting our Fenway blog and photos. We should have everything completed no later than the end of today. Be patient! We are at the mercy of lunch break time constraints!

Birthday Parties & So Much More!

We hope you enjoyed Tim Lincecum Appreciation Day. We certainly did. We think CM did. We know he did because he told us through multiple text messages during the Mets game on Saturday. You may ask yourself how could he text during a game? Well, in case you didn't know, Tiny Tim is allowed to keep his cell phone in his back pocket while hanging out in the dugout. That is how he was able to text us. Naturally, he remembered to wish Lisa a Happy Birthday unlike some special secret friends that we know. Last week we asked you if you felt that Tim Lincecum's hair had something to do with his success. Out of 10 votes, 6 of you felt that there was a possibility that his hair had aerodynamic qualities that helped with his fast ball. 2 of you felt he was awesome regardless of his hair cut and another 2 of you thought that his hair definitely has something to do with it because his hair is so healthy, it shines. We're pretty sure that this is because he uses Pantene Pro-V fortifying hair mask. We use it too. It's fabulous, but unfortunately it doesn't prevent the stink eye.

Before getting into our weekly baseball notes, we have some birthday wishes that we need to send. Today is Meryl's birthday, Roberta's birthday, and Steph #1 Fan's cousin's birthday. On Monday, it's Maria's birthday, who we will be visiting this weekend in Beantown. She will be receiving an extra special something at Friday night's Red Sox game against the Blue Jays.We've already told her that she has a surprise coming and she's expressed fear. We've assured her that Brad Ziegler will not be popping out of a cake since he is much too busy being Oakland's #1 relief pitcher, however we do not blame her for being scared. She should be. Besides, she wouldn't know who Brad Ziegler was if he slapped her in the face.

Now...onto our baseball notes. On Tuesday (8/18), the Rangers acquired Pudge Rodriguez from the Astros for minor league players. On Wednesday, John Smoltz signed with the St. Louis Cardinals. His first start will be on Sunday against the Padres. We're happy that Smoltz is able to pitch again and no longer wears that Red Sox uniform. Mike Hampton from the Houston Astros has gone on the 15-day DL...again. This time for a partially torn rotator cuff. He hopes to return this season and will not be having to surgery to repair it. Yesterday, the Mets released Livan Hernandez to make room for Billy Wagner, of all people. Wagner made his first relief appearance since returning from Tommy John surgery last night against the Braves. He pitched 1 inning with 2 strikeouts. Pat Venditte, an ambidextrous pitcher has been sent to the Staten Island Yankees! We really hope he makes it to the majors simply so we can watch a man pitch on both sides of the mound. Switch hitters be damned! This weekend the Phillies come to town to face the Mets while the Yankees travel up north ahead of TBB schedule to Boston. Mets and Yankees fans join hands and be stressed together.

We've begun prep work for our Boston road trip. Serena has had the brakes and rotors on her car replaced (safety first), the car will be getting a scrubby scrub down, the furry gang is super excited to meet a new friend, Maria's secret surprise has been paid for, we've got our 80's rock music CD ready (dare we promise a video of our sing along?), and we've started packing our bags. Since we'll be on the road on Friday, we're giving you a poll that lasts 2 weeks. This gives you plenty of time to vote. Don't disappoint us.

Until next time, we leave you with, "more than a feeling, when we hear Wally the Green Monster calling us, more than a feeling, we think we're dreaming until we see Big Papi walk away with his Jackie O sunglasses."