Cooperstown Strikes Back & May The Fort Be With You

Since our retirement from baseball stadium touring, we've decided to visit forts. We are now the Traveling Fabulous Fort...Folks. As you know, we previously traveled to the Alamo, so Fort Ticonderoga being our second fort pretty much makes us fort experts now. 

Fort Ticonderoga is close to 5 hours north of us. In other countries, if you drive 5 hours north, you'd probably hit another country. Here, you're still in New York. Unfortunately, the circumstances of the current pandemic basically ensures that crossing state borders ends up being more of a pain in the a$$ than it's worth, so this summer's travel plans had to be relegated to the great state of New York.

It would probably be odd if all we did today was post about forts...or would it?

Just kidding. We did actually do some baseball related activities this year against all odds. From Fort Ticonderoga is 3 hours from Cooperstown, but it took us close to 4 hours because the GPS led us up the hill and back down like the Grand Old Duke of York on a single lane road. We felt that the Hall of Fame was due a second trip, because of Mike Mussina's and Mariano Rivera's recent inductions. 

Due to COVID-19 protocols, this visit was definitely different. For starters, we had to reserve a time slot for our visit. We had to wear a mask while inside the building as well as on the streets of town. Everyone was given styluses at the entrance in order to utilize the touch screens at certain exhibits and markers were on the floor and in sitting areas to designate social distancing. Despite the restrictions, it was actually quite peaceful and enjoyable. We never felt that we couldn't get to an exhibit due to crowds. 

In addition to our stylus, the man at the front desk assessed gave us a team-specific scavenger hunt based on our clothing. This plays right into our wheelhouse because then the Hall of Fame suddenly became a competition for us. A competition that we'd win at all costs. Even if it meant knocking a small child over to do so. 

We will now share with you the results of the scavenger hunt that we won fair and square, but was not given a prize for at the end. In fact, we aren't even sure that we were congratulated on the victory. 

First up for the Yankees is Lou Gehrig's locker and for the Mets is Pedro Martinez's 3,000th K jersey.

Second is Joe Dimaggio's retired #5 jersey and Tom Seaver's 19-strikeout game baseball cap.

Third is Mariano Rivera's World Series cap and Dwight Gooden's rookie jersey.

Fourth is Babe Ruth's Home Run Record Crown and Tommie Agee World Series glove.

Fifth is Yogi Berra's perfect game mitt and Ray Knight's 1986 World Series helmet. 

Sixth is Aaron Boone's ALCS home run bat and Johan Santana's first no-hitter ball.

Seventh is Mickey Mantle's rare 1952 Topps card and David Wright's final game helmet. 

Eighth is Aaron Judge's 44th home run (of his rookie season) jersey and Pete Alonso's rookie batting gloves.

Ninth is Derek Jeter's World Series jersey and Casey Stengel's retired number. 

The real reason of visiting the Hall of Fame has nothing to do with the scavenger hunt, but that was a bonus. The real reason was not to celebrate Derek Jeter's induction (even though there's an entire display for him). If you don't know how Serena feels about Derek Jeter by this stage of our blog, we don't know what you've been reading. 

The real reason was to visit the plaques of these two men:

Before you assume that Serena's animosity prevented from taking a photo of Derek Jeter's plaque, we'd like to inform you that there was no plaque due to COVID-19. There was a sign that said so and everything. 

Sidebar: these two signs hung in strategic locations made us laugh. 

You're welcome. 

Preparing for Glory

This is what is it's like outside, so we're blogging over the phone. Note that despite the asinine weather, we're still managing to blog. Also,we have no more furniture from IKEA to build, so we have no excuse.

We have some news. Albeit, not very exciting news.
1. Like last year, we'll be attending both Yankees' and Mets' Opening Days.
2. We're forming our own fantasy baseball league this year. We're done with this collusion business that's been plaguing our former league for years. We're moving on to bigger and better things. We're quietly amassing our league participants. Our goal is a 12-team league. We're seriously considering opening a few team slots to our followers, but we're concerned that you'll be annoying. Feel free to try and convince us that you won't be annoying.
3. We've decided to legitimately visit the Baseball Hall of Fame this year. We promise that this is the year. We will not fail you.
4. The New York media has inundated us with reports on Alex Rodriguez's progress during spring training. Unfortunately, there hasn't been a single interesting update. It would be more entertaining if they informed us how often he took a sh*t. No one cares that he's making friends. What a waste of a mobile alert (ahem, Sportscenter).
5. Tentative stadium tour 2015: Miami Marlins
6. We've started working out together on Sundays again. Watch out Instagram.

We intended to write an actual blog. Serena called Lisa. She logged into Blogger. The conversation turned to Mets' Opening Day (Old Man Ed is handling Yankees' Opening Day). It took Lisa twenty minutes to actually procure tickets. Fifteen of those minutes involved her selecting our seats. The final cost was follows:
Tickets: $39/each
Convenience Charge: $10.50
Parking: $21
Convenience charge: $1.00
Per order fee: $6.00
Grand Total: $116.50
Thank you, MLB, Mets, and Ticketmaster for continuing to bend us over a table. 

Somehow, during this transaction, we ended up discussing our fantasy league. Serena created our league. Then spent twenty minutes researching and creating various fantasy team names.Eventually, we invited two other people to join. The end.

How to Survive the Baseball Offseason

It's February, so you know that the blog topic pool is looking pretty bleak. Any day now you're getting a facial hair blog post. Be prepared. We decided to share with you a few ideas that have helped us cope with the lack of baseball and/or overall lack of baseball talent...in our home region. Including local beer leagues. Have you ever seen a local men's softball/baseball game? These men are usually stupid, fat, hairy, and clothed in sweatpants. Dirty sweatpants with elastic around the ankles. Let's be serious. These men are hardly considered athletes. They're not even has-been's because you would've had to have been something important in order to be considered a has-been.

SOOO...how to survive the baseball offseason if you're not a legit baseball player. Cos' if you're a legit baseball player seeking advice from the two a-holes that write this blog, you've got some serious problems. You should be in the gym preparing for the upcoming season. And possibly medicated.

1. Take a roadtrip to the Baseball Hall of Fame. It's like having the baseball season...only better. It's an entire building filled with legitimate athletes that actually gave two sh*ts about the sport. Unfortunately, you might leave the place feeling bitter. You know. Cos' players now only care about money and dating models.
2. Hold a movie marathon! An entire day filled with your favorite movies about baseball and baseball game-themed food. It's virtually impossible to f*ck this up. Unless you have no friends. But even then, it's hard to f*ck this up. 90% of baseball movies are pretty amazing. And so are hot dogs. One package of hot dogs is probably cheaper than buying a hot dog at the stadium.
3. Watch "classic" games on your local sports' network. Relive the finer moments from your franchise's history. You know...back when players weren't on steroids? Plus, the games your franchise has decided to label a "classic" are usually the games in which your team wins. Guaranteed happy ending.
4. Watch a biography on an old timer. You'll probably learn something about the sport that you never knew before and trust us when we say that history can be cool. We would've recommended reading a biography, but we're not sure that your reading level is higher than Dr. Suess.
5. Play baseball video games. Whatever it is you nerds play on your Sega Genesis or whatever system you crazy kids are on now. Nintendo 64? Does that sound right?
6. Go down to your local baseball field or batting cage. Imagine you are your baseball hero. Imitate their batting stance, their swing, the manner in which they patrol the field...unless your hero is David Ortiz, in which case, just go eat a cheeseburger because he can't bend over to pick up a ground ball, much less patrol a field. Really embody that player.
7. Follow @mattharvey33 on Instagram as he takes random, EPIC trips around the world. Think about how amazing it is that he's able to spend time in these far away lands. Then curse the fact that he brought his skinny b*tch girlfriend along with him for the ride.
8. Read the Traveling Baseball Babes. Tell everyone about it. Make it your own personal goal to pass it on to 10 of your friends. Get them hooked on it like crack cocaine. Unfortunately, we won't be writing about baseball for very long. We're running out of steam. We're tired and Opening Day seems so far away  right now.
9. Learn to crochet. Crochet a hat in your team's colors. Wear said hat to Opening Day...even if it's 90 degrees outside.
10. Build a field in your backyard. Rumor has it that if you build it, they will come.