Auntiedukes Takes Citi Field (Phillies @ Mets 8-26-13)

On Monday night, we took Auntiedukes to her very first Mets game. You might be wondering why we would even bother taking a Yankees fan to their first Mets game or what the significance of this is. Well, back in 2011, we posted a hoax contest for April Fools' Day. The prize was that you'd attend Mets Opening Day with Lisa. All you had to do was send us an essay telling us why we should choose you as Lisa's guest. Unfortunately, among a few other entries, Auntiedukes didn't realize that it was a fake contest. We felt terrible. Not only did we manipulate Serena's family member, but she actually wrote something very sweet and endearing. How could we not take her now? This is what she'd sent us:

"Dear Traveling Baseball Babes
I would like to win this contest ... for several reasons.
1) I have never been to Citi Field (drove past it today!), nor Shea Stadium, come to think of it.
2) I have never been to an Opening Day Game, nor a Met game, come to think of it.
3) I’d like to understand why Lisa loves the Mets (and not the Yankees)
4) I miss hanging with Lisa. Haven't seen her since Paris.
5) And last, but not least, Eats on me!

Auntiedukes <3>

Flash forward to Monday. We finally (only 2 years later) got tickets to a Mets game for Auntiedukes to attend thanks to Lisa's friend Alfredo. We gave Auntiedukes a tour of Citi Field, including the Hall of Fame and bullpen. This was the matchup Auntiedukes would be enjoying that evening:

After watching Wheeler and Lee take their warmups sessions, we escorted Auntiedukes to the hot dog stand near our seats. Lisa topped her doggie with red onions, relish, sauerkraut, jalapenos, and mustard. Serena topped her doggie with red onions, spicy mustard, Choulula, and jalapenos. And Auntiedukes ate her doggie before we could record its toppings...or take a picture. Needless to say, she LOVED her hot dog (we recommended the hot dog as it is our favorite dish from Shea Stadium/Citi Field).

Check out the view Alfredo scored for us. Not bad, eh? Auntiedukes will never be able to see another Mets game again without comparing her seats to these. : )

 

Being that we were in such close proximity to the field, we were surrounded by our fair share of celebrities. Like Rex Ryan.

Well, at least we think it was Rex Ryan. We kept saying, "Rex, sit down," but not once did he acknowledge us. We even tried "Mr. Ryan" to no avail. We also enjoyed the view of a couple fondling each other and staring into each other's eyes like Scarlett O'Hara and Rhett Butler. We have no problems with sexual activity, but don't stand up and block home plate while doing it. The rest of us would like to watch the game. And also, there was nothing appealing about this man, but she was genuinely smitten with him. She stared at him like he was the cat's meow. It was baffling. We've thought about it. Long and hard. We reminisced about ex-lovers, boyfriends, and even men that's we've met along the way and we cane to the conclusion that we've never gazed upon a man in that manner. It was the type of gaze that is reserved for when George Clooney looks at you and your knees buckle. We assure you that this man was no George Clooney. He wasn't even George Clooney's less attractive younger brother (ya know...like in the Baldwin family).

Matt Harvey and TOWSNBN did make brief appearances in the dugout. Lisa pissed her pants.

 

There are a lot of these photos in existence. All from the same angle. All of the same thing. Most are of the back of his head. This is basically when note taking of the game stopped.

This was our first time getting to see D'Frenchman in action!

Serena had an amazing design for a custom t-shirt for Lisa's birthday, but she couldn't find anyone to help her design/create it. Imagine: D'Arnaud's face with a French moustache and a long cigarette. He's wearing a beret. The back of the shirt looks like his jersey, only instead of his last name, it says, "D'Frenchman." We might slap the French flag somewhere on there, but we haven't made any concrete decisions on that subject yet.

While we enjoyed ourselves immensely, the Mets struggled a bit. They simply couldn't scratch more than 1 run across against Lee and the Phillies' bullpen. It also began to rain. Behind us, we heard the following conversation during a conference on the mound between D'Arnaud and Pedro Feliciano:
"Oh, this should be interesting. How do you think this conversation's gonna go? We've got a French-Canadian/American and a Dominican."
and:
"Can we hurry this along? It's raining and I've got to home for a Seinfeld rerun."

Also, we heard someone in front of us refer to D'Arnaud as "D'Frenchman." Either we're becoming more famous or as usual, someone is stealing our shit. Just in case, you heard of our t-shirt design here first.

Despite these setbacks, Auntiedukes enjoyed herself! She said that Citi Field reminded her of the Baseball Hall of Fame, "but if only the Mets' playing could match the stadium." She mentioned the low energy of the fans during the game. We agreed. For a Phillies/Mets matchup, there was no pizazz. Granted, both teams have struggled this year and it WAS a Monday night, but we were still surprised. We'd never been to such a flat Phillies/Mets matchup.

After Auntiedukes left us for the subway, we snapped a few last minute photos of us with the stadium at night. In retrospect, we should've snapped photos of the Citi Field rookie, but we're a-holes.

 

PS - AJ Burnett finally dropped off Winkie and now this is the bullshit we have to deal with while blogging. So now we're combating ADD and cats.

It’s All Very Historic

Tis’ the season for contract signings and player shuffling. Some teams, like the Phillies and Red Sox, have been making splashes in the news with their moves. Other teams (ahem, cough, the Mets, ahem, cough) haven’t done much at all. It is this lack of production by Mets management that prompted us to ask if you felt that they’re revamping the team in the best possible way. All 5 votes went to the TBB because if we ran the show, we “would’ve handled sh*t by now.” No one believed that management was doing okay since by 2020, the team was sure to be a playoff contender, but no one thought that the Mets needed to crack open the piggy bank and sign someone worth signing either. While we appreciate the vote of confidence, we’re pretty sure that the Mets just need to use their wealth for good instead of evil (or BS).

The big hullabaloo this week has been over Cliff Lee resigning with the Phillies. Shocking, not because he blew off the Yankees (c’mon…did anyone REALLY think he was coming here?), but because it was the stealth ninja Phillies who won the battle for less years (5 instead of 7) and less money ($30 MILLION less…not $30. $30 MILLION). One might think that Lee must really hate New York to make a decision like that. However, Lee claims that he’s got “nothing against New York” nor does he “fear New York.” He says that Philly is simply a better fit for him and his family (aka Mrs. Lee). Certainly a pitching rotation that includes Roy Halladay is infinitely more enticing than one comprised of a fickle AJ Burnett, potential retiree Andy Pettitte (regardless of his impressive resume), and CC Sabathia. Indeed, we’ll go so far as to say that Halladay is the best pitcher in the game right now and his accomplishments occurred predominantly while pitching for a team without any shot at the post season thanks largely to the dominance of the Red Sox and Yankees. All that aside, Mrs. Lee (and we know it WAS Mrs. Lee who flexed her influential “Good for the Family” muscles) is foolish to think she’ll find better-mannered fans in Philadelphia than in New York. If she found spitting on another person foul (and trust us, it IS foul and totally out of line), wait until someone pukes on a fellow fan just because (click here to read more).

Please understand that it’s not that we’re picking on him because we find Lee inherently douchey or anything like that (truly, we’re not sure that he IS douchey), but to refer to his new pitching staff as “historic” is a bit arrogant. Oh, yes. Halladay IS historic (or at least will be the day he steps down). While Lee is legitimately talented, he’s not Halladay. Had it been Halladay (not that this was an option for the Rangers, but hypothetically speaking) on the mound for Game 5 in the World Series, we’re pretty sure that the series would have gone to Game 6. That being said, does anyone think that Ted Williams described himself as “historic?” Did the players of Murderer’s Row take a look around at one point and say to themselves, “F’n A, Cotton. We’re HISTORIC?” No. These men played the friggin’ game and they did it well. People loved them. These are players that had an aura and a mystique about them that CREATED history. When players like Mickey Mantle and Lou Gehrig began to deteriorate before our very eyes, it was like watching magic fail. That’s why we still talk about them with such reverence. We don’t want to remember their deterioration because it breaks our hearts. We want to remember who they WERE and what they accomplished. Just like these historical and magical players before him, Halladay is something special to watch…even if slightly terrifying (especially on the night of a full moon). Lee doesn’t have it. Neither does Cole Hamels. And as tough as the Phillies rotation is, no one is going to build Mount Rushmore in their name.

Lastly, before anyone commends him for picking a team just to play the game instead of for their bank account, it should be noted that Lee’s hardly making peanuts to pitch for the Phillies. He’s still the 6th starting pitcher in history to garner a contract worth $100 million or more. Oh and Mrs. Lee? Enjoy the sports culture in Philadelphia. We’re confident you’ll find it…shocking enough to be considered art.

In other baseball news, the A’s signed designated hitter/outfielder Hideki Matsui to a 1-year deal and we’re really not sure why, but that’s not our concern. Sources claim that Rich Harden has agreed to return to the A’s with a 1-year deal, pending a physical. While Harden had a great run in his early years with Oakland, he had a pretty rough 2010 season with the Rangers, going 5-5 with a 5.58 ERA in 20 appearances. He managed to walk 62 batters in 92 innings. Eeeek! Reportedly, Bob Geren is planning on using Harden out of the bullpen, already having 4 solid starters and multiple options for a 5th.

The Commissioner announced on Wednesday that the minimum salary for an MLB player is rising by $14,000 to $414,000 year. This means that the lowest guy on the totem pole/roster is making at least $414,000/year to be the least productive guy on the team. Is there another career option that offers this kind of money? That’s completely insane. Why did we study and get good grades when all we had to do was be a male with athletic abilities? We feel so cheated.

The potential for a Christmas Miracle (also known as Carlos Beltran being traded to another team...or planet) has officially been squashed. On Thursday, when asked about trade rumors, Beltran said he'd only just heard about them when a cousin in Puerto Rico informed him. Do you not own a television or have internet? You get paid enough. He said that since he did not receive a call from his agent or the Mets, he assumes the reports are merely rumors. Beltran also claims that he only wants to play for the Mets in 2011. Sure he does. Who wouldn’t want a scenario where you don't have to produce anything, play below your ability, and remain on the DL while receiving an obscene paycheck?

While the Phillies landed Cliff Lee, the Yankees have signed former All Star pitcher Mark Prior to a minor-league contract with an invitation to spring training. Prior began his extremely promising career (even though he sported a ridiculously offensive Billy Goat-type Brazilian chin strip) with the Cubs, pitching alongside Kerry Wood and nearly winning the NL Cy Young in 2003 when he was only 22 years old. Unfortunately, injuries have since plagued the man and he hasn’t pitched in the majors since 2006. This is scary. The Red Sox sign big names like Adrian Beltre and Carl Crawford and you sign an injury-laden pitcher who may or may not be able to live up to his former glory. Yikes. If Prior performs well enough in spring training to earn a spot on the regular season roster, it’s still unclear as to whether he’ll be utilized as a starter or out of the bull pen. Our guts say that given his lack of playing time, he’ll have to be used as a reliever…at least at first. The Yankees have also officially announced that former Dodgers’ catcher Russell Martin will be their new full- time catcher. The contract is only for 1 year and worth $4 million with the expectation that his presence will help ease the transition between Jorge Posada and the prospect, Jesus Montero. Martin currently has a broken hip mending and a surgery scheduled for today to repair a torn meniscus. If these injuries heal as they should, Martin will take over duties as starting catcher. Um…but what if they don’t??? Posada has already been notified that he’d primarily serve as the team’s designated hitter, which definitely makes sense given the issues with his knees and losing his bat would be a detriment to the lineup. What is interesting about this scenario is what happened to Francisco Cervelli? We’d hate to see someone with his kind of heart get swept under the rug without any sort opportunity to fight. Everyone is still waiting for Andy Pettitte to make his decision about retirement. With the signing of Lee, the options for starting pitching are minimal and his decision is more important than ever now. If they’re only left with CC Sabathia and AJ Burnett as our big guns, Serena might jump in front of a bus.

Finally, a source told ESPN that Kerry Wood will be returning to the team that initially signed him in 1995, pending a physical with Cubs’ team doctors. The base salary is supposedly for $1.5 million for 1 year, but since the deal isn’t exactly complete, the details have yet to be worked out. Rumor has it that Wood rejected an offer from the White Sox that was worth twice as much as what the Cubs offered. The Yankees also apparently made Wood an offer (the specifics of it are unknown to us) that he declined and Serena feels a bit sad about this. He performed well for the Yankees out of the bullpen, especially when they needed him most and seemed like the rest of the bullpen was falling apart. However, if the rumor about the White Sox offer is true, it seems clear that Wood simply wanted to return “home” and we can respect that.

A few of you may recall Lisa’s obsession with the mini doughnuts she’d eaten at Pier 39 in San Francisco. She thought she’d never be reunited with them again, but our darling fan, Mamacita was amazingly awesome enough to package up some Pier 39 mini doughnuts and overnight them to Lisa’s house. Apparently, the stand that sells these tiny treasures is called Trish’s Mini Doughnuts, so if any of you are in the Pier 39 area, be sure to check it out. Her thoughtful gesture makes Mamacita TBB Super Hero of the Week!

With the holidays upon us, we leave you with our rendition of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. “Cliff Lee the ‘historic’ pitcher has a very uptight wife and if you ever saw her, you wouldn’t even know who she is. All of the other Phillies pitchers shouted out with glee for with the addition of Lee, they will go down in baseball history…at least so they think!”

Winter Season is Upon Us

New contracts are abound in the MLB this winter, complete with incentives and no, we’re not talking Paid Time Off! In light of these ostentatious incentives players are being offered, we asked how you thought the MLB could make their benefits packages less offensive to the blue collared working man that Bruce Springsteen always writes about. Sadly, only 3 of you seem annoyed enough about this situation to respond. 2 of you decided that a “No play, no pay” policy should be adopted. A player who doesn’t run out an infield hit gets benched. A benched player means he’s not playing. See policy for next step. 1 person would like to just cut through the BS. Forget the new policies. Let’s just go straight to a pay cut. We’re in an economic depression here, people! Where is the MLB getting this funding? The federal budget problems could be solved with the MLB’s excess wealth. Honestly, we’re just happy that no one voted for “I’m not really sure there’s actually a problem here. You’re just jealous.” Realistically, we ARE jealous, but it’s more of a disgusted jealous.

A lot changes in a week. Last week, we talked about how Derek Jeter was still a free agent and this week he’s back to being a Yankee again (surprise, surprise). Granted, he seems to be a bit miffed at how public things got, but perhaps he should keep his agent on a tighter leash next time. ESPN.com published a few details of this contract and boy…does it have our heads spinning. For starters, the contract is for $51 million over 3 years. Okay. That’s pretty basic. Let’s throw in an $8 million player option for a 4th year. Still pretty basic. If Jeter were to decline the option for 2014, there would be a $3 million buyout. Here’s where it gets fancy. His option year could increase in value by as much as an additional $9 million based on incentives or what the Yankees are calling “points.” Like gold stars for good behavior. He’d earn $1 million for every point he scores. WAY better than just getting a gold star. He could get points for finishing in the top 6 in MVP voting, winning a Gold Glove Award, Silver Slugger Award, regular season MVP, ALCS MVP, or World Series MVP. Some of these awards are naturally worth more than 1 point, which means several million dollars. Wait…why is Jeter so angry again?

On the other side of the bridge in Flushing, the Mets have acquired 5 players through the Rule 5 Draft: DJ Carrasco, Ronny Paulino, and 3 others (whom we can only assume are Larry, Curly, and Mo) that are said to “plug the holes and fill out rosters and give the club efficiency in terms of dollar amounts.” Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay…

A few smattering of baseball notes for this week:
On Sunday night, just before the winter meetings kicked off, Jayson Werth parted ways with the Phillies, signing a 7-year contract worth $126 million with the Nationals. This is both a good move by the Nationals and a bizarre one by the Phillies. Did you really just let your clutch man walk to the worst team in your division? So…it’s official. The Mets will be in last place this year and the Nationals have just paid a lot of money to be in third…but it’s better than last!!!

According to a source, the Red Sox snagged Carl Crawford on Wednesday for 7-years with a contract worth $142 million. MAN, Rays! You didn’t pony up for him?? You’re going to regret that choice, we assure you. Grudging kudos to Red Sox Management though. To quote an amazing commercial, “well played, Mauer.” Another source claims that the Yankees have bumped their original 6-years offer to Cliff Lee up to 7 years. SEVEN??? GOD, no pitcher (or catcher) should get 7 years! What IS it with these teams? Hasn’t anyone learned from the Giants and their Barry Zito contract yet? Cliff Lee, you better be the answer to all of our questions for 7 years…and not just the baseball ones, pal. Serena wants to know what REALLY happened to the dinosaurs and you better be able to tell her.

We’ll summarize this brief posting with the immortal words of Dean Martin. “We really can’t pay. It’s cold out there. Some players need to go away. What’s in this contract, you say? Baby, it’s cold outside.”

Would You Say, Chuck?

We were quite interested to see who you felt would win the 2011 World Series. We’re not sure if you noticed, but all of your options were teams that came in last place within their division this season…oh, and the Dallas Cowboys just for laughs. Of 7 votes, 4 people showed confidence in Buck (rhymes with…?) Showalter and the Baltimore Orioles. 1 person went with the Kansas City Royals and 2 people voted for the Seattle Mariners. We’re thinking that was The Favorite and his brother. Just a hunch. Honestly, out of this rabble, the Orioles are probably the team that will be most improved come the 2011 season. We’re pleased to see that you didn’t vote for Dallas. You’ve come a long way with your joke choices. We’re proud of you.

We found a really funny piece of news regarding Yankees fans this week. Apparently Kristin Lee, wife of Cliff Lee, and the Rangers’ CEO were unhappy with the behavior exhibited by Yankees fans during the ALCS. Let’s confront Kristin’s situation first. She claims that she was “spit on,” “cursed at,” and had “beer thrown at her.” Okay, where the hell was she when this happened and what was she doing? Was she standing on the street corner outside of Stan’s? Aren’t the players’ families kept together? If so, wouldn’t there be extra security in that vicinity? Furthermore, how the hell did anyone know who she was in order to attack her directly? We saw Leah Thompson at a café in Los Angeles and barely recognized her. Why would we recognize Cliff Lee’s wife? In fact, we don’t even know what she looks like. The only MLB wives that we’d recognize is Mrs. Maxim USA, Anna Benson and Alex Rodriguez’s ex-wife and this is only because there’s been a ton of publicity surrounding these women. We have no doubt that she witnessed ridiculous and obnoxious behavior. We’re talking about hyped up men loaded up on liquor. Never a good combination. Why don’t you come on down and experience the St. Patrick’s Day Parade, Mrs. Lee? See what that’s really like. The question is: was this behavior REALLY directed specifically toward her? We're doubtful.

Okay, say we let go of all our suspicions regarding her story. Let’s say we believe all of it. Why didn’t she report this offensive behavior to security immediately? We’re not sure about what happens in other cities and venues, but we’ve been to enough sporting events and concerts at New York arenas to know that security is tight and no joking matter. Lisa was forced to throw out a lunch box at Yankees Stadium because they thought it could contain suspicious material. A lunch box, people. Do you really think that drunken men would get away with spitting on someone, let alone a woman, let alone an athlete’s wife, without security throwing their weight around? If all of this happened like she said it did, why didn’t she ask for help? Those jerks would’ve been escorted out of the building at once. We’ve seen it happen all the time at Yankees Stadium, Shea Stadium, Citi Field, Madison Square Garden, and Nassau Coliseum for lesser offenses.

Rangers CEO, Chuck Greenberg, called Yankees fans “violent,” “apathetic (Serena’s personal favorite),” and “an embarrassment.” Those are some big words for someone named Chuck. Of course, Chuck made sure to compliment the “great” behavior of his own fans…because apparently Texans don’t drink and/or act out. Yeah….OKAY. He later apologized for being a rude jerk who lumped all drunk frat boys under the umbrella of “Yankees fans.” Chuck, we have a common expression here on the east coast that you may have heard of: “Assume makes an ass out of you and me.”

We’re not condoning jerk-off behavior and we’re certainly not saying that New York fans are the best behaved in the world because that’s simply not true. We’re just saying that you need to wake up and smell the coffee. You must be delusional if you think that this kind of BS only happens at Yankees Stadium. Mrs. Lee, what do you think would’ve happened if the Phillies made it to the World Series and your precious husband had to face his former team? We assure you that they would not have welcomed you OR him with open arms. In fact, out of all the fans that this country has to offer, we’d wager that Phillies fans WOULD actually Google you in order to see what you look like and not for good reasons. No matter how much crap we’ve witnessed at our own stadiums, we’ve never seen someone piss on the bumper of a car driven by a fan of the opposite team or experienced 9 year old boys throwing ice at us. We’ve never read about a fan purposefully puking on another fan at Yankees Stadium. This all happened at Citizens Bank Park. We’ll chock up the pissing and the puking to high alcohol intake (even though it’s still unacceptable), but what about the kids throwing ice? Pretty sure that’s just bad behavior condoned by a-hole parents. Hey, Chuck (also rhymes with…?), is pissing on a Mets fan’s bumper an embarrassment? Or is that totally cool with you? Purposefully puking on someone else? You okay with that? What about ice throwing? Is that violent? What do you think? No? Yes? Maybe?

On to things more IMPORTANT than Chuck and Kristin, the Giants have won their first World Series since 1954 and we both won bets! Boo-yah, Rangers! One of our original fans, Mamacita, went to the celebration parade on Wednesday. Hopefully, she’ll accept our offer to write a guest blog regarding her experiences, as well as send fantastic pictures. It’ll be a nice change of pace for you. You’ll probably like her better than us anyway. She’s more attractive (she looks like Eva Mendes) and has a better personality.

In TBB career news, Jeff Wilpon has called us in for our second round of interviews for the Mets open Manager position. We flew through the first round strictly because we’re able to enunciate words properly. Unfortunately, this means that David Wright will probably have to leave the team as the details of his restraining order against us are blatantly being violated. We’ve probably got a good shot at the job being that we’re locals and the Mets have already taken Serena’s advice and fixed Jeff Francoeur’s terrible music choices…sadly, they misinterpreted her advice and got rid of him entirely, but what can ya do? Once we take over, we’ll avoid misunderstandings of that nature. Mets fans, you have nothing to fear. We’re gonna make things right. Vote TBB 2011.

Last thoughts of today’s blog involve this off season’s free agents. Of the 142 total free agents now on the market, the names of interest are Derek Jeter, Carl Crawford, Jayson Werth, Cliff Lee, Mariano Rivera, Victor Martinez, Jim Thome, and Manny Ramirez. Let’s face it, the Yankees are resigning Jeter. No question. They’ll probably keep Mariano as well, but only sign him for a short term contract. And our gut tells us that the Phillies will retain Werth and his facial hair…cos’ there’s something really special about that woodland scene growing on his face.

That leaves us Carl Crawford, Victor Martinez, Jim Thome, Cliff Lee and Manny Ramirez. We know that they probably don’t have the money to do so, but it would be foolish for the Rays to let Crawford walk. He’s basically the face of that franchise (even though they’ve been grooming Evan Longoria for that role). There aren’t many men that can perform like Crawford. Rays, if you’re listening, fork up the money and sign him. Have a bake sale or something if you have to. Just do it.

Cliff Lee probably won’t come to the Yankees thanks to his wife and there aren’t many options for teams who’ll be able to pay him the money he seeks. Other than the Yankees, there’s the Phillies (HA! Good luck with that one, Mrs. Lee), the Red Sox (who already has a rock solid pitching staff as long as all men stay healthy and again, good luck with that one, Mrs. Lee. Boston’s not a city for whiners), and the Mets (who…how do we say this? Don’t tend to go for men of Lee’s “type.” And in any case, this would just put Miss Prim and Proper back in New York). That leaves Lee to deal with the Rangers, a team he claims to want to remain with. He may have to accept a lower salary offer. On the flip side, the Rangers should sign Lee. They need a Cliff Lee-type pitcher in their rotation. Without an ace, their staff becomes comparable to many other teams’ pitching staffs and overall just less sexy and exciting.

The Red Sox should keep Martinez. There aren’t better options out there for a catcher and are you really going to rest the 2011 season on Jason Varitek? Probably not. We also think that, while we love him, Thome’s going to retire. He’s had a great run, but the sun is setting. We’d hate for him to retire when it’s too late. Lastly, we think that Ramirez SHOULD retire…and perhaps take a shower. We’re just throwing it out there. He’s a disaster and what he brings to the table in terms of talent no longer outweighs his baggage.

We’re giving TBB Super Hero Honors to Bob, Serena’s co-worker, because he bought her an egg sandwich today. YES!

Rounding things out with Simon and Garfinkle: “Here’s to you Mrs. Lee, Philly holds a place for those who spit. Hey, hey, hey. What’s that you say, Mrs. Lee? Philly loves you more than you could know. Woah, woah, woah.”

Stupid Wind of Change

Last week we discussed the AROD and Dallas Braden Battle for Pitchers’ Mound Control that took place during the Yankees’ series against Oakland. In keeping with the theme of Braden’s 5-year old little girl temper tantrum, our poll asked you whether or not Braden needed some serious anger management/an attitude adjustment. Out of 8 votes (which was probably a result of the wonderful Jane Heller advertising Fred K’s Cancer on her blog earlier this week), 6 of you felt that Braden definitely needed anger management because his display of nonsense was frightening. 2 of you were a little more optimistic and thought that the boy just needed to get laid.

As previously mentioned, Jane Heller, writer of the blog, Confessions of a She-Fan, and author of 13 books, was nice enough to write a little blurb about our Fred K’s Cancer event in one of her postings following the Yankees’ defeat at the hands of the Orioles earlier this week. This is what she had to say:

"Before I sign off, I'd like to give a shout out to she-fans extraordinaire and friends of this blog, Serena and Lisa, whose own Traveling Baseball Babes is one of my favorite blogs. They're organizing a terrific fundraising event in Hicksville, LI in June called "Fred K's Cancer." Both of their fathers are named Fred and both men are cancer survivors (and big baseball fans), so Serena and Lisa decided to educate people about their diseases in a very special way. They created a Fred K's Cancer blog, so please check it out and read about their fab event!"

Because of her good deed, we’ve decided to name her the TBB Super Hero of the Week. We wish that we had a trophy made of chocolate to give her, but we don’t. We could send her one of the really sexy beaded bracelets that we’ve made in order to support Fred K’s Cancer. If anyone is interested in purchasing these lovely accessories, we’re selling them for $4. Please contact us at travelingbaseballbabes@gmail.com for more information.
Many of you have probably heard the news by now that the MLB has decided to make a few changes to the All Star Game rules. For starters, the rosters have been expanded. Each team will now bring 34 players, with 13 pitchers. We suppose that this makes sense, especially following the marathon game in 2008 at the old Yankees Stadium. We’re pretty sure that if the National League got desperate enough, they were going to call Lisa in to pitch, which is the moment she’s been waiting for her entire life. The second change is that a pitcher who starts on the final Sunday prior to the All Star Break will no longer be eligible to pitch in the All Star Game and will be replaced on the roster.

Finally, a DH will now be used in the All Star Game, regardless of which league the stadium belongs to. Fans will continue to vote for the American League DH, while the National League DH will be chosen by the National League team’s manager. Here’s where the rules get a little shady for us. We’re not even going to touch the fact that we don’t think that fans should be allowed to vote at all because this is simply not the forum. We may, however, discuss that as we get closer to the All Star Break. If during interleague play, the game adopts the rules of the home team, the All Star Game should adhere to the same policy. When the Mets play at Yankees Stadium, the Mets utilize a DH. When the Yankees play at Citi Field, their pitcher is in the lineup. Them’s the rules. The powers to be claim that this will make the game more competitive, but we think that statement is pretty ludicrous. If there’s no DH, the National League has an advantage because their pitchers are already used to having to hit whereas the American League pitchers are not. If there is a DH, the National League team can now substitute their weakest hitter for a player with better offensive numbers. Having broken that down, please explain how this makes the game more competitive? As far as we can tell, in either situation the National League “technically” has the advantage. Obviously this entire argument has no bearing for this year since the game will take place at Angels Stadium, an American League location.

Furthermore, why do the fans get to vote for one team’s DH and not the other? If you’re going to allow stupid fans to vote for the lineup, they should be permitted to make poor choices for the entire lineup, not just part of it. What is the rationale behind not allowing fans to pick the National League’s DH? Fans should either be allowed to vote or not. No halfsies.

Onto this week’s baseball notes: On Tuesday, Serena’s imaginary lover, Justin Morneau left the game with a little stiffness in his upper back during the Twins’ 2-0 victory over Justin Verlander and the Tigers. Twins’ manager, Ron Gardenhire, assures us that it’s nothing serious. However, Morneau was not in the lineup on Wednesday evening. Serena knows this because she watched the game anxiously for signs of his scruffy face. If he’d only he’d give her a call, she would be able to use her magic ways to heal him. She’s sure of it. Cliff Lee will finally make his Mariners’ regular season debut tonight at Safeco Field against the Rangers. In Yankees and Mets-related news, the White Sox (Lisa’s other favorite American League team. She does have a poncho after all) visit the Bronx this weekend to take on the Yanks while the Mets travel to the City of Brotherly Hate to face the Phillies. Super Jinx Laurie took the day to drive down with her son to witness this rivalry in all its glory for herself. Lisa warned her that someone will probably pee on her car (read our Citizen’s Bank Park post for more information), but she wouldn’t listen. Do you know what this means? The Mets are going to lose because we have proof that she is the Mets’ broken mirror.

We sign off by singing David Bowie’s, “ch-ch-ch-ch-changes, turn and face the strain. Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes, don’t tell us that we can’t vote for the NL DH. Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes, where’s your shame, MLB. You left us up to our necks in your stupid voting process. Time may change your rules, but you can’t change all the stupid All Star Games of the past.”

In a Baseball State of Mind

While Serena frolicked around the streets of Los Angeles with Erin, Lisa asked if you ever took what sports commentators said seriously. While we are happy that more people voted this time around (8 total), it saddens us to relay the outcome of this poll. 1 person actually thinks that sports commentators are the wisest people ever. Really? Okay, you sole survivor, you must not have many intelligent friends or perhaps you never actually paid attention and listened to a game, subjecting yourself to ongoing rants about crap that have nothing to do with the players or the team. At least our rants are baseball-related! If this is the case, we forgive you. Or maybe you’re an out of stater whose team actually has an acceptable announcer’s booth. If so, we’re jealous! 2 of our fine feathered friends chose to watch the game on mute. We happen to do the same. Sometimes when we are watching the game, we pretend that our Coors Light bottles are microphones and we report on what’s shaking on the field...to absolutely no one. At this stage, Brother usually vacates the house in a hurry. We think that we’ve become quite good at announcing, with only the small, itty bitty hiccup of needing a beep button to regularly cut out the cursing. Is that really so bad? We love Ron Darling on SNY and Paul O’Neil’s special guest appearances on YES, but other than these exceptions, please, Keith Hernandez and Michael Kay, stop making our ears bleed! We beg you! Bobby Murcer, we miss you! The last choice won in a landslide with 5 votes and this is somewhat disconcerting to us. The option was “Maybe. I have patience. After all I do read this blog.” Do you really hate us or something? I mean we joke around that you guys do, but now we’re thinking that our joking was just a way to disguise the truth and this realization kind of hurts. The TBB are not entirely insensitive. We do actually have feelings. Don't be cruel to a heart that’s true (insert Elvis lip curl).

Tomorrow is D-Day. The time for the St. Jude’s Ab Challenge is upon us. Last year, Serena completed 5, 591 crunches in an hour. With a newly developed sore throat, she’s under no illusion that she’s going to blow this total out of the water. She’ll settle for hitting 6,000 this time. To celebrate, we’re hoping that Mamadukes is open to hitting up the closest IHOP for face stuffing (ahem, Mamadukes, are you reading this?). While Lisa dreams of the breakfast sampler, Serena hopes to sleep on a bed of glorious pancakes (hmmm…imagine if Bon Jovi’s song had been a Bed of Pancakes instead of Roses? Would he still have slept on a bed of nails?). Wish us luck, people!

Now onto more pressing news: baseball. On Tuesday, Cliff Lee said that he still felt some pain in his strained abdomen following his first on field test of the injury and he has no idea when he’ll be able to get on the mound again. Yikes! Is it possible that he may not be ready when the Mariners start their season at Oakland on April 5th?

Terry Francona announced on Wednesday that the x-rays on second baseman, Dustin Pedroia’s sprained left wrist were negative. He’ll most likely return to the lineup today. Sorry. We’ve got no sympathy for the Duke of the royal MLB Whiner’s Court.

A-hole #2 (aka: Jose Reyes. Until he proves himself as being the player he once was, he’ll remain A-hole #2) returned to the lineup on Wednesday. Look at that. Round of applause for going back to work. Hoorah. Reyes has been out due to elevated thyroid hormone levels. It is still a question weather or not he will be able to play on opening day but it's still progress. Reyes states that he has been following directions (a huge step for Reyes, as far as we’re concerned) and doing everything that he’s told. For example, he has been instructed to stay away from seafood, mostly shellfish, as well as Chinese food. They believe that this may have been the cause for his elevated levels. Looks like no lunch special #5 for Reyes. Boo hoo.

With just over a week to go before the start of the baseball season, Joe Girardi finally revealed that Phil Hughes will take on the role of the Yankees’ fifth starter. Hughes managed to beat out Joba Chamberlain, Alfredo Aceves, Sergio Mitre, and Chad Gaudin, who was released yesterday. His improved change up is what supposedly tipped the scales in his favor and we all know how Serena simply loves a good change up (why do you think she’s remained loyal to Zito for so long? DON’T say his good looks). Now if only Hughes could imitate Zito’s curve ball. Whooooooo! Serena just might slap him (in a good, loving way, not an abusive, scary, he better get a restraining order kind of way). Hughes’ hard work paid off and this is why he is this week’s Super Hero of the Week!

After spending most of his preseason visiting doctors and performing exercises to relieve his ailing back, Orioles’ second baseman, Brian Roberts, will at long last see some action in his first spring training game tonight when the Orioles take on the Twins. Roberts hopes to start in the Orioles’ season opener against the Rays on April 6th.

Our last tid bit of news involves a man that might actually bump Carlos Beltran from his title of A-hole #1. Shocking, we know. Apparently, Milton Bradley (just typing his name right there brings a snarl to our lips), compares himself to Kanye West and Ron Artest, saying “in baseball, they’ve got Milton Bradley. I’m that guy. You need people like me so you can point your finger and go, ‘There goes the bad guy.’” First of all, why are you an idiot who consistently refers to himself in the third person? Second of all, why is this stigma something you’re proud of? We don’t need another dirt bag in professional sports. You’re giving it to us out of your own free will. Sorry, Milton, but we’re all stocked up here. Bradley’s already been ejected twice in 3 Mariners spring games last week. Really, dude? The season hasn’t even started. What the hell are you doing? Hopefully, being around a class act like Ken Griffey Jr. will straighten him up. Perhaps Griffey can teach Bradley the fine art of minding his manners and keeping his damn mouth shut! Here’s a tip, Milton: Maybe if you kept your mouth shut and just played ball, you wouldn’t have to be the Kanye West of baseball. If Griffey can turn Bradley into a quasi-gentleman, we’ll dub him Super Hero of the YEAR!

In honor of Super Hero of the Week, Phil Hughes, we’re parting ways with you to the fine words of Phil Collins (even though the original is technically by Diana Ross): “you can't hurry baseball. Oh, you just have to wait. Baseball season comes in April and it's a game of give or take. How long must we wait? How much more can we take before loneliness will cause our heart to break?”

Dear David Part 2

Last week, you had another solo affair with Lisa because Serena headed overseas for her own version of Vicky, Christina, Barcelona. Apparently, Javier Barden is not the run of the mill guy over there. Talk about false advertisement. While she was out of commission, Lisa asked if you considered yourselves band wagon fans. Only 5 of you answered the call. Thankfully, all 5 were smart enough to answer, “No way. Do I look like a NTAC? All of my blood, sweat, and tears have gone into my team whether or not they suck hard core.” We’re so proud of you for picking the best answer available to you. The other options (which if any of you had chosen them, you would’ve been ridiculed mercilessly for) offered were, “Yes. My favorite team is whoever is currently in first place or the World Series Champions” and “Maybe. I did just recently hang up my pirate’s patch and hat in order to sport a Phillies Cheesesteak hat.”

Two weeks ago, we wrote TOWSNBN a letter asking for forgiveness and a meeting at FAO Schwartz on Tuesday, December 15th at 2:00 pm. He didn’t show (or we may have missed him because we were admittedly, a bit late), so we’re writing him a follow up letter.

Dear TOWSNBN,
It’s us again. So…obviously you didn’t meet us at FAO like we requested. Either you really can’t stand us or you think we stood you up because we were about 50 minutes late for our date. We’re going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you had shown up and we missed you. Allow us to explain. For the second time in our adult lives, we attempted to ice skate. This might not sound like a big deal to a super star athlete such as yourself, but for years, we’ve visited Wolman Rink in Central Park with the intention to ice skate, only to chicken out at the last second. From 2-2:30 pm on the date of our rendezvous with destiny, we skated like slow pokes around Wolman Rink. We accomplished 4 laps in 30 minutes, only managing to fall once each. This, we feel, is quite the feat. It then took us another 20 minutes to change out of our ice skates and into our boots, and the race frantically from the park to the entrance of FAO. Unfortunately, the only person to greet us was an elderly gentleman dressed in a toy soldier’s outfit and carrying a Cookie Monster doll. Which is kind of weird now that we think about it.

We searched everywhere for you. High and low. Including the Harry Potter Zone.
Among the baseball memorabilia.
Even within the elephant herd (which Serena had to sneak into, mind you).
Finally, we had to give up the fight. We hope that we being late simply deterred you from meeting us. We apologize for our tardiness and our inconsideration for your valuable time. We’d like to make it up to you (though technically, you should’ve known we’d be late. We’re always late). We can’t take you out to dinner because we’re poor (hello, we’re saving recyclables to deposit for spare change in order to help pay for our stadium trip to LA next year), but we’d still like to have the opportunity to prove our amazing senses of humor to you. We’re quite funny together. Not separately, mind you. But together, we’re a riot. A regular slap stick comedic duo.

We will be in the city again during the second week in January. If you email us, we will arrange for a specific date, place, and time where to meet. We don’t want to broadcast this information on our blog because we don’t want to encourage stalkers. After all, we did risk our lives to publish the failed FAO meeting place and time. All for you, TWOSNBN.

We are going to repeat our promises and threats from our last letter should you email us or fail to comply with our request by the beginning of January:

“We’ll immediately remove the title of “TOWSNBN” and only give you good publicity from here on out. We may even retire your number on our blog. To date, we only have one player in our TBB Hall of Fame, so that would be quite the accomplishment.”

Or…

“However, if you do not show up, you will be stricken from TBB record for life, we’ll stop cheering for you at games, we will never vote for you to go to the All Star Game ever again, Lisa will buy a new Mets jersey, and she will burn all of her merchandise with your face, name, and number on it. Trust us, that’s a lot of Mets memorabilia. It could be the size of a bonfire. Don’t let this happen, David! Save your Golden Boy reputation! Pose for a picture with the TBB.”

TOWSNBN, this will be our last point of contact on friendly terms. The next letter, if you fail to accommodate us, will not be kind. And it will be the last letter you will receive from us. Which might actually make you really happy.

As usual, Happy Holidays!

Sincerely,
The Traveling Baseball Babes

Now on for legitimate baseball-related news: today’s baseball notes! By now, we’re sure you’ve already heard that Chien-Ming Wang became a free agent on Saturday when the Yankees failed to offer him a contract for next season. Supposedly, he is “disappointed.” Well, c’mon, dude! What have you done for the team for the past two seasons other than be injured? Why would they re-sign you? And you should be “disappointed.” You’ll probably end up playing for a team like the Royals now. What you may not have heard, unless you’re an A’s fan, is that the A’s failed to offer Jack Cust a contract for next season as well. This hit home for the TBB in particular because when we traveled to McAfee Coliseum, our free giveaway was a Jack Cust bobblehead. He still sits proudly on our desks at work. In a crazy, multiple player trade, Cliff lee landed with the Seattle Mariners, while the Phillies scored the illustrious and highly coveted Roy Halladay. Halladay will reportedly receive $20 million/year in 2011, 2012, and 2013. His extension includes a $20 million vesting option for 2014 based on innings pitched, games started, or both. Not bad for a man who bats for “Team Jacob” simply based on supporting his own kind. Finally, the Red Sox hit big. On Wednesday, outfielder, Mike Cameron and pitcher, John Lackey were introduced to Fenway Park. Cameron agreed to a 2 year, $15.5 million deal while Lackey signed a 5 year, $82.5 million contract.

Chicago described our angst perfectly, when Peter Cetera crooned the following lyrics, “It’s hard for the TBB to say we’re sorry. We just want you to know. Take a picture with us now and we really will tell you we’re sorry.”