Class Has Been Replaced with A$$

Before we get into the meat of today's blog, we're going to cover something that's been irking us for awhile now. Don't take this the wrong way, but this is coming...how do we say this nicely? This is a direct result of YOU and your online feedback/commentary. What we're going to say encompasses this blog forum, the comments section, any social media platform we are on, and any social media platforms that we may be on in the future.

1. Do not correct our spelling or grammar. Ever again. For starters, in this day and age, most of everyone's social media activity is performed via portable internet machines. Portable internet machines are without physical buttons and the keyboards that do exist are itty bitty and extremely sensitive (or in some cases, extremely insensitive and you find yourself hammering away at the letter "a" button to no avail and suddenly, you've posted, "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" to the Shark Week Facebook page and you feel like a giant a-hole). For example, you may have high-fived Amani Toomer and/or got on line to tour the New York Giants' locker room during a 5K at MetLife Stadium and were so excited about these two things that you wanted to post a Facebook status about it. Unfortunately, in your "smart" phone's infinite wisdom, it posted, "I just high-fived Armani Too met and we're about to tour the liquor room at Negligence Stadium!" (Yes. This actually happened.) This is also how you might've typed, "Michael Bolton has a mullet" and ended up with "Michael Bolton has a Bolton." Furthermore, in many cases, we are trying to respond to everyone in a timely manner. In our rush to reply during our busy work days, we often fail to review every little word, comma, ellipses, etc. before posting. As a result, sometimes there are errors. Are you trying to tell us that when you type something, everything is perfect? You've spelled everything perfectly? You've never made a mistake? Next time we see someone write,  "ur" on our Facebook page, Serena is going to go ballistic on you. It's "your" or "you're." How are you going to feel about yourself when she rips you a new a-hole on that subject on a public online forum? Probably like crap. So just shut up already. If you don't want us to ride your asses regarding the English language, don't ride ours. We don't get paid to do this.
2. When correcting someone's grammar or spelling, maybe you should know what you're talking about first. Don't make fun of the construction of a sentence when there's actually nothing wrong with it because you a) look like an idiot and b) you've pissed off Serena and she's sent a "WTF" email to Lisa at work. Now we're not getting any work done.
3. Don't assume Lisa or Serena wrote a specific status or "twat." You may have a really, really good idea as to who wrote it. The odds may be 99.9% in your favor. There's still that .1% chance that you're wrong and that's probably when you're going to post the wrong thing to our page. See a) and b) from #2 for what happens then.
4. Yankee Stadium. If one more a$$ clown says, "It's YANKEE Stadium, not Yankees," dick punching will ensue. Yes, it IS Yankee Stadium, just like it's Dodger Stadium. It's not our fault that the MLB is stupid. Does only one Yankee or one Dodger play at this stadium? Or multiple? Really, technically the stadiums should be referred to as Yankees' Stadium and Dodgers' Stadium, but we're not going to crazy here. Adding an apostrophe to a sign is probably difficult...or something, so we'll let that go.
5. Like every goddamn picture we post on Instagram. What the hell is the matter with you? Our self-esteem relies heavily on the number of "hearts" to our Instagram posts. When you don't like our shit, we drink. Which then leads to more misspellings and junk on social media.
6. Don't blindly post things to our Facebook wall. It's not that we don't enjoy interacting with you, it's just that when you post random crap, we don't understand what you're trying to communicate, so we ignore it. Just throw a little note/caption there to let us know what you're trying to convey for pete's sakes!
7. Stop asking about Alex Rodriguez. We've heard enough about it and we don't want to discuss it. It's like your father and your menstrual cycle. He knows it exists, but he doesn't want to talk about it. Mention the word "tampon" and he runs in the other direction. It's our blog and we'll talk about what we want whether its facial hair, Italian sausages, Polish sausages, being roofied, or on occasion, a baseball game.
8. Be more like our Twatter follower, Michael David. He appreciates us for who we are and doesn't want to change us or force us to talk about the giant elephant in the room that is Alex Rodriguez.  

The only way we will forgive your heinous behavior is if you prostitute our social media out to your friends. Why do we still only have 178 Facebook fans? If this continues, we're never going to make it to our goal of 200 fans before New Year's.

Ignoring the fact that the New York Giants are complete and total ass clowns, we will now proceed with a somewhat proper blog post. As we come to an end of the 2013 regular season, we say goodbye to two of the Yankees' "classics" - Mariano Rivera and Andy Pettitte. Last night, we watched Andy's final game (a complete one, mind you) at a friend's house. Serena cried and then suppressed her depression with a s'more. It was terrible and pathetic. However, in the midst of this fat sadness arose a moderately intelligent conversation regarding classiness and baseball.

Pettitte's and Rivera's retirement at the end of the season makes us sad for several reasons. First and foremost, we're officially old. You may not have known this by the way we behave, but we actually have 401k plans and one foot in the grave.

Secondly, how many players stay with 1-2 franchises for their entire career? How many players play the game with respect, professionalism, and class? The game as become saturated with scandals, shenanigans, high-priced salaries, ridiculous contracts, and rapper sports agents. Even the young players coming into the game now have a sense of entitlement. Bryce Harper, for example, displays a disgusting level of arrogance for one who is only in his second season in the league and hasn't grown pubic hair yet.

As the players of our youth slowly begin to retire, the game itself changes. It has become flashier and not in a good way. The media care more about who the players are dating than what's happening on the field. Players want to stay with teams for 10 year contracts not out of loyalty, but because of a guaranteed inflated salary. Players focus their offseason on filming as many commercials as possible and promoting endorsements rather than focus on enhancing their talents. Additionally, players don't seem to care about the impression they're leaving on their fan base. Modesty and gratitude are rare traits as opposed to being the norm. The game itself is no longer a priority. Money is.

Was Chipper Jones a d*ck? Yes. Anyone who names their kid after the stadium in which he hit most of his career home runs is a d*ck. However, no one can ever doubt that he was a "Brave." No one can ever say that he took the game for granted. You never saw Chipper Jones standing in the batter's box admiring his home run as it sailed over the wall before starting his home run trot. He hit the ball. He ran. Even as he aged and his body began to fail him, he continued to play third to the best of his ability. Off the field, you didn't hear about him getting involved in bullsh*t. He showed up to work, did his job, and went home. Even when he was on the DL, Chipper Jones was still a leader to his teammates. The same can be said for Ken Griffey Jr., who got the sh*tty end of the stick in terms of injuries. Fans, MLB-wide, felt something when Jr. retired - sad, wistful, whatever. Something deeper than surface level. Some may have even shed a tear. No one is going to mourn the retirement of Dustin Pedroia, Ryan Braun, Barry Zito, Alex Rodriguez, Carlos Beltran, Albert Pujols, Jose Reyes, or Miguel Cabrera except their local fan base. The fact is that they just don't deserve that kind of recognition or love. Zito, Rodriguez, Beltran, Pujols, Reyes, and Cabrera were all motivated by money. Pedroia and Braun do not have the class or leadership that Ken Griffey or Chipper once displayed. They haven't left impression on the sport. Braun is now flat out tainted. He once had the potential, but that's gone. Him doing steroids isn't half as bad as the lying and the bullsh*t that went with it. If he had just been a man about it and said, "you know what? I f*cked up and I'm sorry," he'd still have some semblance of respect.

It's an end of an era. It's the death of the game as we know it. The fact is no one is going to replace these legends that are retiring. They can only hope to half-fill the shoes that were left behind. Where once upon a time, Joe DiMaggio was replaced by Mickey Mantle, we now have douchebags stepping into the positions that were once held by legends. We're not saying that Bernie Williams is Mickey Mantle, but he was a classy guy that played with heart. He played the game right. Most importantly, he was a "Yankee." Look at the jack wagons that have come in his stead. Johnny Damon? REALLY? Are you out of your goddamn mind?? The first centerfielder that has been an acceptable replacement to Bernie's legacy is Curtis Granderson. That's a long time coming. As much we love Brett Gardner, his production is nowhere near the level of Bernie's. It's like replacing Darth Vader with Cap'n Crunch.

So we bid Mariano Rivera and Andy Pettitte a fond farewell and wait patiently to see what a-holes will replace them.

Braves @ Mets 8-11-12

This was an eventful weekend for the TBB. For starters, Lisa has bronchitis. Second of all, Lisa's birthday is tomorrow (be sure to post Happy Birthday wishes to our Facebook wall or else suffer her wrath!). Third of all, we ran in the Runyon 5K at Yankees Stadium today like champions. Fourth of all, Tuesday is Tim Lincecum Appreciation Day. Do you feel that tingling in your balls? That excitment for terrible photo shopping and awesome fun facts about our one and only Timmy? Finally, to celebrate Lisa's birthday and send Chipper Jones one last farewell from the TBB, we had a Mets game to attend on Saturday evening. This is the part of our weekend that we're going to focus on today (don't worry...we'll get to the other stuff in the upcoming weeks), but first we need to talk about our poll results from last week. Having a bit of fun with the fact that the Yankees Facebook page had gotten hacked, we asked you which MLB player's Facebook account the TBB should break into and mess with. 2 of you voted for TOWSNBN and the following status: "Going to the 98 Degrees concert with my certifiable crazy girlfriend, Lisa, where I will serenade her with I Do Cherish You." 2 others voted for Alex Rodriguez and the following status: "Reading such a hard book! I wonder how Green Eggs and Ham will end!" Just a little background information on this joke: Serena is convinced that this is the reading level that Alex Rodriguez is at. Beautiful to look at, painful to listen to. For some bizarre reason, no one chose Barry Zito and "Just did yoga! Off to get my hair did comb-over style, then call Tom Seleck on moustache advice, and then finally write back to that girl, Serena. Busy day ahead!" No one voted for David Ortiz either. His status would've been "Hope they choose me for a season of Dancing with the Stars. I think I would do a mean fox trot and look hot in spandex." Was it the spandex that turned you off?

Okay, time to discuss the Mets game. Since it was Lisa's birthday, Serena had a little surprise in store for Lisa AND we had an additional sidekick with us: Miss Sylvia, The Fit Fem. We started things off by having lunch at McFadden's. We got there so early (4:00) that the place was nearly empty. We were seated immediately and our orders were taken shortly after. Meanwhile, behind the scenes, Serena had scored a major favor from Danny Ryan to reach out to his "contacts" and arrange for Lisa to be on the field for batting practice. Mets batting practice began at 5:00. Hence, the early lunch. Sylvia was aware of all of this. Lisa was not. So when the gap-toothed idiot of a waiter forgot to order Lisa's pulled pork sandwich, making us wait for our lukewarm food until 5:05, Lisa didn't know why Serena and Sylvia were so agitated. Delaying food delivery to starving animals is a nuisance, yes, but is it bad enough to warrant Serena's threat to stab him with a butter knife? Probably not. After we inhaled our food (which is mediocre, so if you're in town, just check out the bar scene. Don't bother with food), we speed walked to the Jackie Robinson Rotunda (on the other side of Citi Field, mind you) to meet Bill, a supervisor who is awesome, to be escorted onto the field (Lisa was still oblivious at this point). When Bill met us at the top of the escalator, he informed us that the Mets' batting practice was now over, but that we could see the Braves. It was at this time that Lisa understood the ramifications of that f*ckass waiter's ineptitude. As Bill escorted us to parts of Citi Field that we should never be allowed to see because we can't be trusted, Lisa whispered, "That waiter made me miss David Wright, didn't he?" Through gritted teeth, Serena replied, "Yes, Lisa. That was the plan. Now you get Chipper Jones." The vein in Lisa's forehead throbbed. TOWSNBN, just know that it all could've ended right here. Thank you, McFadden's. Thank you.

Lisa's attitude changed as soon as Bill opened the door that led to sunlight, rich people's seats, and the motherload: the area behind home plate.

The first thing we noticed is how enormous these guys are in person. Except for Dan Uggla. He's pretty damn short in comparison to Chipper.

Sylvia noticed that David Ross kept looking over at us. This could have been for a few reasons. One of them being that he thought we were f*cking hot. Two, and more likely, our "whispers" are louder than we think and he heard us talking about how big he (and his teammates) looked, how big their sausages must be, how thick their thighs were, etc. Three, he has a staring problem. So, Serena asked him to come take a picture with the birthday girl because apparently batting practice makes her extremely social. He politely informed us that he doesn't like to be yelled at (though we're not sure that we actually DID yell at him), but happy birthday, and that we should come to his cookout. Where the hell was he having a cookout? The Citi Field parking lot? Also, would Chipper be there? We have much to discuss with him. Like are his teeth real?

We also coerced him and Martin Prado to autograph a baseball for Lisa.

Bill felt bad that Lisa missed the Mets and asked her who her favorite player is. Despite his frequent attempts at ditching her, Lisa still admitted that she loves TOWSNBN. Bill said that he could TRY to fetch the royal highness from his throne in the Mets Clubhouse, but he doubted it would work. We understood. TOWSNBN was probably too busy Skyping with Kate Middleton and Prince William. Lisa said that she was also smitten with Johan Santana. Bill was more optimistic about this, offering to escort us to the bullpen while Johan was warming up for the game. Before we left the field, Bill took a picture of us.

Again, we followed Bill through the underbelly of Citi Field, only this time, we ended up in the Mets' bullpen.

From here, he posted us just outside the bullpen to wait for Johan. While we waited for him, Bill told each relief pitcher and coach that it was Lisa's birthday so every single person entering the bullpen wished Lisa a happy birthday. Among them was Dan Warthen, Jeremy Hefner, and Ricky Bones. We got video of Bones wishing her a happy birthday. He also tossed us all baseballs, a special one going to Lisa.

Finally, Johan made an appearance. He darted passed us and Bill chased him down, reminding him it was Lisa's birthday. Johan turned, tripped over his own two feet, cheerfully waved, and in a little adorable accent, wished Lisa a happy birthday. Unfortunately, he was faster than a lemur, so we had to settle for Serena taking a few pictures of him pitching rather than video feed.

Bill arranged for us to meet one of his buddies in Field Level section 126 to get an upgrade to our seats as well. Note: our seats to begin with weren't bad. We were going to be sitting next to the home run apple, but why decline an upgrade when one is offered to you? We had no idea what we were in store for. Bill's buddy led us down the steps and ended up seating us in the third row behind the Braves dugout.

TOWSNBN had no idea just how close Lisa was for several hours. No clue that the shark was slowly circling.

As you can see by the over-joyed look on our faces, we were like kids that have been unleashed in FAO Schwartz for the first time.

Unfortunately, Johan didn't have nearly as much fun as we did. In 1.1 innings, he gave up 8 runs. Woof. It was brutal. Lisa was sitting next to two very sweet Braves fans, but the chick wouldn't stop whoo hooing. Yo, your team is up by 8 in the first inning. Enough. Jeremy Hefner replaced Santana in just the 2nd inning.

Our sweet southern neighbors were also appalled by the greeting Mets fans gave Jason Bay. She sadly observed, "it's horrible. His own fans are booing him." Lisa looked at her and said, "Yeah, this is what happens in New York when you don't do anything." Needless to say, the rest of the game didn't go much better for the Mets. One guy did offer tickets to Jersey Boys because he supposedly "owned" Jersey Boys to Eric Hinske in exchange for a ball. Not even an autographed ball. We are pretty sure that Hinske gave him the ball more out of fear of a lunatic than a desire to see Jersey Boys. Basically the Braves went back to their hotel that night talking about how New York is full of crackheads thanks to that buffoon.

The Braves would go on to win 9-3.

TBB: A-holes In Disguise. More Than Meets the Eye

Last week, we shared with you our drunken stupidness (and no one found it at all sad and pathetic…you actually enjoyed reading it) and asked if you would’ve take us to Taco Bell had you been with us that night. 3 of you kindly voted that you definitely would have taken us since you love late night Taco Bell runs. 1 a-hole (probably someone who hates us and doesn’t get our sarcastic humor) said that we sounded like a pack of a-holes. Well, okay then. We have nothing to reply to that. You’re just mean.

While working out, we overheard the YES Network playing some sort of program that was focusing a lot on the famous Derek Jeter catch in which he dove into the stands to catch a foul ball.

We joked about the woman who basically ended up with a lap full of Jeter. “Congratulations, lady. You got to third with Derek Jeter. High five.” This then led us to create more fake dialogue, which we’ve decided to share with you:
Lady: Was it good for you?
Derek: (standing disoriented and bloodied) Der…whaaat?
Lady: Cos’ it wasn’t for me. You were entirely too aggressive and I didn’t like it at all.

Briefly off subject, while searching for that photo of Derek Jeter, we found this:

See anything wrong here? A prize to the person who emails the correct answer first.

Reds closer, Ryan Madson received the surprising news that his season has ended before it even began. Madson will require Tommy John surgery on a torn elbow ligament. The surgery requires up to one year of recovery and rehab. Serena will obviously not be seeking to re-hire him this year for Tigers Love Pepper.

Red Sox reliever, Bobby Jenks was arrested early Friday morning for five misdemeanor charges, including a DUI. He issued a statement on Sunday, apologizing to his teammates and the Red Sox organization. We’d be pretty sorry too. 5 misdemeanors in one evening? Congratulations, sir. Probably spent a night in jail. Yup. That’s definitely something to be sorry about.

The big stories for us involve Chipper Jones and Andy Pettitte. We’d like to say that it involves TOWSNBN making his first spring training start, but alas, that is not so. He did manage to participate in his first live batting practice today, so that’s a plus. He could potentially make his spring training debut tomorrow, but we’re not going to get our hopes up. At this point, Lisa just wants to know who is pitching at Mets Opening Day so that she can decide whether or not she’s going to be walking into the ballpark with some level of hope.

Chipper Jones announced his plans to retire at the close of the 2012 season at a Thursday morning press conference. The press conference took place following sustaining an injury to his left knee while running in the outfield. The soon-to-be 40-year old slugger will begin the season on the DL for the torn meniscus in his knee, but is confident that he’ll be back in action for the Braves’ home opener at Turner Field on April 13^th. The fact that this will be the last season we’ll ever see Chipper Jones play against the Mets depresses us. Our first Mets game together was a Braves/Mets game at Shea Stadium. Adam LaRoche tossed Serena a ball during batting practice. Mike Jacobs took a picture with Lisa. Kris Benson waved to us on his way to the bullpen. Jeff Francouer still played for the Braves. Our last game at Shea Stadium together was a Braves/Mets game as well. Chipper Jones is the standard of everything we once hated about the Braves organization. Gone were the rest of the douchebags that once made the Braves competitors: Greg Maddux, Javy Lopez (who is the definition of beauty, but still a d*ck), Fred McGriff, Andruw Jones (who has so kindly graced Yankees Stadium with his presence), John Rocker, Marquis Grissom, Jermaine Dye, and David Justice. The last man standing on a team of hard-working “babies” is Chipper Jones. Who will we hate when he’s gone? What derisive chant are we going to start at Citi Field during a Braves game, if not the antagonistic and annoyingly repetitive, “Larry?” Because of this, we’ve decided that our Mets game for the season will have to be against the Braves. Granted, we’ll be visiting Turner Field this season, but that’s not the same. We need a little Met on Brave action. And we need to chant, “Larry” one last time before Chipper rides off into the sunset with his son, Shea.

The good news is that Andy Pettitte’s making a comeback (“don’t call it a comeback…mama said knock you out”), so that will hold off the depressed feeling of being old for a short while. Pettitte has signed a 1-year minor league deal with the Yankees and threw his first live batting practice session on Friday. He threw 35 warm up pitches, 26 more to actual batters, and two pitchouts. According to pitching coach, Larry Rothschild, the outing went “awesome.” There’s no word yet as to when he’ll start in his first spring training game or even when he could potentially join the Yankees during the regular season. Serena’s a bit over-excited about this. If he joins the Yankees as early as May, she’ll probably wet herself.

We spent our Saturday afternoon participating in the Workout for St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital at the Lady of America Fitness Center. We were Team Transformers (as in “more than meets the eye”). Serena crunched, Lisa counted, and Roberta spun for an hour. By “spun,” we mean on a stationary bike, not in circles like a wack-a-doo. To celebrate our team name, we covered ourselves in fake Transformers tattoos. Serena briefly contemplated legitimately getting the Transformers logo tattooed on her body like an a-hole. Lisa encouraged this. In fact, she said that she’d get Mr. Met tattooed on her body if Serena followed through with this dumbass idea. This nonsense caused us to be late to the event.

Thankfully, Roberta was not late and she saved us a spot near her bike. Note the awesome Transformers water bottle that we were all sporting.

Serena rolled out her yoga mat and we assumed the position. Don’t we look intimidating?

At the end of the hour, Serena had completed 5,155 crunches. This might sound amazing to you, but when Serena participated in this event last (in 2010), she did 7,000 crunches. Old age has clearly slowed her down. How the mighty have fallen. No word on what Roberta accomplished. We obviously dropped the ball on that one. Sorry, guys.

Afterwards, we ate at IHOP and blew all the hard work that we did. As if that wasn’t enough, 2 hours later, we ate pizza.

Bringing it home with a little Seven Mary Three: “Our fake dialogue has become cumbersome.”

Tim Lincecum Appreciation Day 2010

In celebration of Shark Week, we asked if you wanted a customized, specially made drawing by Serena of a shark. We’re talking a once in a lifetime opportunity here. We’re disappointed to report that one of you claimed that the poll sucked like our blog. Well, guess what, pal? You’re a giant, hairy a-hole and Serena didn’t want to draw a shark for you anyway. At best, you deserve a sea urchin, but even that’s stretching it. 3 of you seemed excited about the amazing gifts she’s already displayed with Clip Art and would love a rare piece of Shark Week artwork. Congratulations to you lucky three. Please send us an email with your contact information and Serena will draw you a shark. If you have a favorite species, please include that as well or else you’re going to get a Great White. 1 individual would prefer to receive a drawing of Lisa’s brontosaurus, Bruno, so guess what? Send us an email with your contact information as well and Lisa will oblige you with a Bruno masterpiece. Finally, 1 person was skeptical and replied, “maybe, what kind of shark are we talking about here?” Well, Mr. or Mrs. The Glass is Half Empty, if you had voted yes, you would’ve gotten to specify what shark you’d get. Now you get nothing. So doom on you.

Oh and another thing to the hairy a-hole who said that our poll and blog sucked. It’s Lisa’s birthday today and you made her cry. You should be ashamed of yourself. Making a girl cry like that…especially on her birthday. You belong in the center circle of hell with Lucifer. Happy Birthday, Lisa. Don’t pay any attention to that jerk. He has no friends. Furthermore, AJ Burnett did not send Lisa flowers. He’s taking this break up a little too seriously. Winkie’s mad at him.

You may have noticed that our sidebar is now completely dominated by little buttons that say, “This blog has been nominated for…” Yes, you’re reading that correctly. We’ve been nominated. For the Blogger’s Choice Awards. Exciting ones at that. Best Sports Blog, Best Travel Blog, Best Humor Blog, and Best Blog of All Time. We’d love for you to vote for us in one, several, or all of these categories. Rationally speaking, we’re well aware that we’re not winning Best Blog of All Time, therefore if you’d like to focus all of your energy on one particular category, we’d recommend Sports or Travel. To be honest, we probably don’t have a shot at Humor either. You can vote by either clicking on the hyperlinks or the little buttons on the sidebar. The website will prompt you to set up an account, but it only takes two seconds.

On Monday night, we attended Sean Kimerling’s 7th Annual Celebrity Golf Tournament & Dinner at the Muttontown Country Club, where we swooned over Ron Darling and ate the best red velvet cake in the history of mankind. We also met Sean Kimerling’s family, including his father, Noah Kimerling, who is adorable and kind. Rosemary Ally was so sweet to invite us to the event and we cannot begin to convey how appreciative we are to her for her kindness and guidance throughout Fred K’s journey. We didn’t take too many pictures (because it would’ve been tacky), but we’ll definitely post them to the TBB Facebook page and Fred K’s Cancer blog at our earliest opportunity.

Before we get into the most magical time of the year (ahem, Tim Lincecum Appreciation Day), we’ve got exciting news for you. Tomorrow, we’ll be attending the Mets/Phillies game at Citi Field. It’s Irish Heritage Night, which means we’re receiving awesome green Mets hats, but that’s not even the most exciting part of the evening. The most exciting part isn’t even the fact that Lisa might be getting a birthday message on the jumbotron. You might be asking yourself what could possibly be more exciting than those two things. Well, we’ll tell you. Not only will the TBB be tailgating for the first time in history (together) and not only will we take the pictures that you so enjoy viewing, but (insert drum roll) we’re also going to video this time around. That’s right, folks. You will have the chance to witness the TBB in live action. Alan, Brownie Maker’s husband, was charitable enough (and apparently trusting enough) to loan us his Flip Video Camera! Hooray for Alan. We dub him the Official TBB Key Grip. We’ll be “interviewing” sporadic Mets and Phillies fans during their tailgating festivities. Afterwards, if there’s still battery life in the camera, we’ll even try to film some of our asinine behavior during the game.

Now…for the moment you’ve all been waiting for. The Second Annual Tim Lincecum Appreciation Day! Our relationship with Tim has really blossomed since last year’s festival. In April, Tim accompanied us to see the magnificent Broadway show, Rock of Ages. Tim had the best time. He sang along with such classics as “Don’t Stop Believin’,” “To Be With You,” “Here I Go Again,” and “Oh, Sherrie.”

In May, Tim took time off from his busy baseball-playing schedule to come to our Cinco de Mayo party. As you can see in the picture, he really loved Serena’s jello shots. Lisa is also a humongous fan of them. You’ll often find her at the end of the night, dozing in a pile of empty plastic cups that once held booze-infused jello.

A lot of people don’t know this about him, but Tim can really bust a move. On the way home from 10 Cent Wing Night (Tim pounded a whole bucket, by the way) at Hooters, “Too Legit To Quit” came on the radio and we jumped on it. He often talks about that song being “his jam.”

To congratulate us on Fred K’s Cancer’s success, Tim took us on a night on the town. Don’t you think we look spiffy?

On Sunday, Serena’s high school friend, Meryl got married. Serena was a little stressed about being the only single bridesmaid in the bridal party, so Tim (who’s such a gentleman) decided to be her date. He was a big hit among the bridal party, although no one really knew who he was. It was probably his slick dance moves that won their approval. He even bought Serena an awesome light up broach to pin to her dress. Unfortunately, since she had to match the other bridesmaids, Serena couldn’t wear it, but that doesn’t mean she didn’t appreciate the gesture. It was lovely.

Last night, we went to a sports bar for Lisa’s birthday. Tim had the wait staff supply an amazing chocolate cake with birthday candles. Serena almost ruined the surprise, which is why Tim is looking away and laughing. Oh, that Tim.

It’s time for our traditional Fun Facts about Tim Section. Did you know…
…that he loves the Beatles?
…that his middle name is Leroy? Just like Erin’s rooster statue.
…that he has a talent for memorizing song lyrics, which is why his teammates call him “The Human Jukebox?” That’s why he’s a “Jukebox Hero. Got stars in his eyes…”
…that his favorite television show is The Family Guy?
…that in his Major League debut against the Phillies on May 6, 2007, he struck out the side?
…that according to two different websites, his favorite food is either fried bologna or cinnamon rolls?
…that his favorite color is green (just like Serena)?
…that he’s 11-6 on the season so far with a 3.41 ERA, 163 strikeouts, and 59 walks?

Baseball Notes: In Sunday night’s game against the Red Sox, Derek Jeter hit his 2,874th career hit, an RBI single off of Josh Beckett, and passing Babe Ruth on the Yankees All Time Hits list.

The Braves announced yesterday that Chipper Jones’ season is done. He tore his anterior cruciate ligament (better known as his ACL) going after a routine ground ball and will need surgery to repair the damage. The estimated time to recover following a surgery of this type is 6 months, which puts Jones in the position of being ready for Opening Day 2011. However, he’s already made statements implicating that this might be his last season. Did Chipper Jones play his last MLB game ever and it was only seen by the local networks? How depressing!

Since Tim’s such a big Beatles fan, we leave you with, “Love, love Timmy do. You know we love you. We’ll always be true. So please, please, please, please, love Timmy too.”