The TBB Finally Take On Star Wars Night

We need to preface this post with the following: if you think we're going to talk about the game, you've chosen the wrong blog to follow. We'll be blunt. The Mets won and there were some home runs.

Now that that's out of the way, let's focus on the important stuff: Star Wars. We arrived at the game nice and early to maximize quality time spent with our Star Wars characters. Unfortunately, we were there. A bunch of adorable kids in costumes were there. Their parents. A few creepy adults. There were no characters. There were no characters until 6:30. For a 7:10 game time. We started to think that the "costumed characters" the Mets' website had referred to were the costumed children. We assumed that it would be considered inappropriate to pose for photos with Baby Darth Vader, Baby Princess Leia, and Baby Boba Fett.

A Mets staff person emerged from a secret door and announced that the "characters were almost finished getting ready." Way to blow the magic, buddy. Why don't you just tell the children that Santa is just finishing up putting his beard on? Dummy.

Suddenly, we were standing there, minding our own business and trying not to look creepy as Lisa photographed the children, when this happened:

We could practically hear the Star Wars music playing in our heads (why the music wasn't actually playing is beyond us -- really, New York Mets, it's in the details). Either Lisa or Serena screamed, "Chewbacca!" We were so excited that we can't even remember who said it. What Lisa specifically remembers is Mr. Met's arrival. According to Lisa, Serena gripped the stair railing, did a tremendous backbend, and gaped. Lisa's been telling people that she wished she had photographed the moment. She vows that Serena looked like she'd just won the World Cup single-handed.

We met this lovely female stormtrooper that prompted Serena to question whether or not she could do this as a career option. Do you suppose stormtroopers get health benefits and 401(k) plans? If they don't, they're no better than a full-time bartender. For heaven's sakes, their work is dangerous! The rebels blew up the Death Star! Twice!

 Serena is clearly in her element here molesting Darth Vader.

 Chewbacca was in love with us. Truth be told, we loved him as well.

Since we always need something to bitch about, we are providing the New York Mets with a complete list of things they did well and things they need to work on for future Star Wars Nights. Don't think we won't be returning to ensure that these demands have been met. We'll be there and we'll be taking notes. If they have not been met to our satisfaction, we will kidnap TOWSNBN and we will force feed him ice cream until he vomits.

Things that you did well:
*We applaud you for the using the jumbotron effectively. Transforming the players into Star Wars characters was extremely enjoyable to see. Insert photo of David Yoda Wright:

*You had legit characters there. Well done. Especially considering that we initially assumed that the "costumed characters" in question were the children.
*It was super awesome that even though many adults dressed in costume, you really geared the costume contest to the kids. Two very enthusiastic thumbs up to that.
*Thank you for allowing everyone to bring in their fake weapons. Now that we know that this is permitted, we will be bringing our Han Solo blaster and Chewbacca crossbow with us.

Things that you need improvement on:
*The free giveaway bobblehead should be given to the first x amount of fans, not to some designated section of the stadium. The only reason we got this RIDICULOUS bobblehead (in which Travis D'Frenchman looks like Chico DeBarge) is that a very nice man gave us his unused voucher tickets.

*As we stated earlier, it's all in the details. You didn't have enough details. For example, St. Louis had Chewbacca throw out the first pitch. WTF? You should be honored to have someone with his clout throwing out the first pitch of your game. How did you mess this up? Players should've been forced to come to the plate to music from the saga instead of the usual, "choose your own adventure song." Granderson coming out to Will Smith? Hush. You will take the Imperial March and you will like it. Listen, we're professional theme party organizers. We specialize in the details. You provide the attendees and the money and we will give you a theme party that you will not forget.
*You gave out free t-shirts, which is GREAT, but considering this was "Star Wars Night," the shirt had nothing to do with the theme. You had an opportunity to insert the Death Star or Millennium Falcon into the NYC skyline. Fail.
*You did not advertise this epic night enough. The proof of this is the fact that a beer vendor didn't even know of the theme night. He asked, "Why is everyone wearing Star Wars gear?" Ummmm, because it's Star Wars Night. You ass. However, it's not his fault. It's your fault. You haven't given your employees the proper tools with which to succeed. Shame, shame, shame, you know your name.
*Having a character meet and greet was stellar, but it started off like a sh*t show. It was total mayhem for about 30 minutes before an intelligent staff person decided to make everyone get on line. From the start, just make us get on line. Human beings are essentially sheep. We need to be herded.
*For all things Star Wars related, the TBB are VIP's. We will accept complimentary tickets to future Star Wars Nights, as well as early, private access to the characters. Specifically Darth Vader and Chewbacca. Perhaps a free cheeseburger or two.

Here are some photos from the game to prove that we didn't just leave after meeting our new friends from a galaxy far, far away:

Our food (combination platter for $12.50):

View from our seats:

Offseason Planning

You're probably expecting an entire blog about how great we are...don't worry, you'll get that. Just not yet. We've got other stuff to cover first. For starters, our 2014 stadium tour. With Mamadukes' conversion from New Yorker to boring Floridian, we've decided to choose the Rays as one of our next stadiums. Serena has already been to the Trop with an ex-boyfriend several years ago and she's warned Lisa to imagine watching a game in her garage...only worse. Cos' there are no couches or bowls of chips and salsa. The question now is where else will we go? Here are the options:

• We revisit the original plan for last season to hit Texas and Arizona
• We modify our "Big Bang Tour" to hit Detroit, Cinci, Cleveland, AND Pittsburgh and do Pittsburgh solo next season

Here are the pros and cons:

• If we do Texas & Arizona on top of Tampa Bay, that's FOUR stadiums off the list.
• Four stadiums = a shit-ton of travel arranging. A shit-ton of travel arranging = a shit-ton of money we don't really have right now (and also time off from work). Which means we won't be able to buy the cowboy hats and boots that we really want.
• If we do Pittsburgh, our travel expenses drop drastically.
• Removing Pittsburgh from our "Big Bang Tour" makes the trip a little less epic.

While we debated the arguments on both sides, we made baked mac and cheese for football Sunday.  Funny backstory to the recipe we made today. One of Serena's fonder memories of one of her ex-boyfriends was his baked mac and cheese dish...and that's pretty much it. That's basically all he has to offer to our planet. They supposedly had an "amicable" breakup, but when she asked him for the recipe, he gave it to everyone in the office but us. Even people who didn't ask for it. We're not kidding. He also stole Mema's cheese grater when he moved out to ensure that we wouldn't make this recipe (because we're lazy and therefore, wouldn't replace the cheese grater). However, our persistence paid off. We found a co-worker willing and able to make a photocopy of his recipe for us. Which brings us to today...8 years later. We told you we were lazy. We were hoping to avoid spending $20/each at Taco Bell. We ended up eating half of the dish and passing out during Jets' halftime instead of using that time wisely and blogging. Or making a decision regarding our stadium tour. We were apparently found passed out with our empty plates and the internet machine turned on. We woke up to a picture of us sleeping in Serena's text messages. At the very least, if the internet machine was on, we had the best intentions to blog.



We're willing to listen to your opinions. Provided they're not stupid. Post your thoughts regarding our potential plans for our stadium tour for the upcoming 2014 season in the comments section for this blog post.

Now for the moment we know you've been waiting for. Our epic Halloween greatness.

Apologies for the enormous nature of this photo. Once again, Blogger is the very definition of an a-hole. We apparently can't control the formatting of our own blog posts because this forum sucks donkey dick.

 

Unfortunately, there were a good deal of individuals that didn't have a clue as to who we were, which makes us question the moral compass of this nation. We were called Fozzy Bear, Sexy Bear, Cop, Bounty Hunter, Pirate, and one a-hole in particular asked if we were hunters from Tennessee. Supposedly this man has a college degree and passed the bar exam, but now we're questioning whether or not he found his law degree in a Happy Meal because that was one of the dumbest statements we've ever heard. What the f*ck does a hunter from Tennessee look like and why is he familiar with this look? A bar posted a photo of us from their Halloween party on their Facebook page and he continued to stick to this idiot assessment in the comment section of the photo. Needless to say, for these heinous crimes against humanity (and us...the greatest people you will ever know), Old Man Ed is the a-hole of the week. We want to make this clear. When we say old, we mean a T-Rex once chased him out of his man cave. He was present for the second day when God said, "let there be light." He replied, "Oh, thank god." He is personally responsible for the dinosaurs not making it onto Noah's Ark because he's a life ruiner.

 

Despite these hiccups, we managed to score third place at the bar's costume contest last night. Two of the bartenders assured us that we deserved to win the entire contest, but we're not going to bellyache TOO much.