Sunday, July 13, 2014

The TBB Finally Take On Star Wars Night

We need to preface this post with the following: if you think we're going to talk about the game, you've chosen the wrong blog to follow. We'll be blunt. The Mets won and there were some home runs.
Now that that's out of the way, let's focus on the important stuff: Star Wars. We arrived at the game nice and early to maximize quality time spent with our Star Wars characters. Unfortunately, we were there. A bunch of adorable kids in costumes were there. Their parents. A few creepy adults. There were no characters. There were no characters until 6:30. For a 7:10 game time. We started to think that the "costumed characters" the Mets' website had referred to were the costumed children. We assumed that it would be considered inappropriate to pose for photos with Baby Darth Vader, Baby Princess Leia, and Baby Boba Fett.

A Mets staff person emerged from a secret door and announced that the "characters were almost finished getting ready." Way to blow the magic, buddy. Why don't you just tell the children that Santa is just finishing up putting his beard on? Dummy.

Suddenly, we were standing there, minding our own business and trying not to look creepy as Lisa photographed the children, when this happened:

We could practically hear the Star Wars music playing in our heads (why the music wasn't actually playing is beyond us -- really, New York Mets, it's in the details). Either Lisa or Serena screamed, "Chewbacca!" We were so excited that we can't even remember who said it. What Lisa specifically remembers is Mr. Met's arrival. According to Lisa, Serena gripped the stair railing, did a tremendous backbend, and gaped. Lisa's been telling people that she wished she had photographed the moment. She vows that Serena looked like she'd just won the World Cup single-handed.
We met this lovely female stormtrooper that prompted Serena to question whether or not she could do this as a career option. Do you suppose stormtroopers get health benefits and 401(k) plans? If they don't, they're no better than a full-time bartender. For heaven's sakes, their work is dangerous! The rebels blew up the Death Star! Twice!
 Serena is clearly in her element here molesting Darth Vader.
 Chewbacca was in love with us. Truth be told, we loved him as well.
Since we always need something to bitch about, we are providing the New York Mets with a complete list of things they did well and things they need to work on for future Star Wars Nights. Don't think we won't be returning to ensure that these demands have been met. We'll be there and we'll be taking notes. If they have not been met to our satisfaction, we will kidnap TOWSNBN and we will force feed him ice cream until he vomits.

Things that you did well:
*We applaud you for the using the jumbotron effectively. Transforming the players into Star Wars characters was extremely enjoyable to see. Insert photo of David Yoda Wright:
*You had legit characters there. Well done. Especially considering that we initially assumed that the "costumed characters" in question were the children.
*It was super awesome that even though many adults dressed in costume, you really geared the costume contest to the kids. Two very enthusiastic thumbs up to that.
*Thank you for allowing everyone to bring in their fake weapons. Now that we know that this is permitted, we will be bringing our Han Solo blaster and Chewbacca crossbow with us.

Things that you need improvement on:
*The free giveaway bobblehead should be given to the first x amount of fans, not to some designated section of the stadium. The only reason we got this RIDICULOUS bobblehead (in which Travis D'Frenchman looks like Chico DeBarge) is that a very nice man gave us his unused voucher tickets.
*As we stated earlier, it's all in the details. You didn't have enough details. For example, St. Louis had Chewbacca throw out the first pitch. WTF? You should be honored to have someone with his clout throwing out the first pitch of your game. How did you mess this up? Players should've been forced to come to the plate to music from the saga instead of the usual, "choose your own adventure song." Granderson coming out to Will Smith? Hush. You will take the Imperial March and you will like it. Listen, we're professional theme party organizers. We specialize in the details. You provide the attendees and the money and we will give you a theme party that you will not forget.
*You gave out free t-shirts, which is GREAT, but considering this was "Star Wars Night," the shirt had nothing to do with the theme. You had an opportunity to insert the Death Star or Millennium Falcon into the NYC skyline. Fail.
*You did not advertise this epic night enough. The proof of this is the fact that a beer vendor didn't even know of the theme night. He asked, "Why is everyone wearing Star Wars gear?" Ummmm, because it's Star Wars Night. You ass. However, it's not his fault. It's your fault. You haven't given your employees the proper tools with which to succeed. Shame, shame, shame, you know your name.
*Having a character meet and greet was stellar, but it started off like a sh*t show. It was total mayhem for about 30 minutes before an intelligent staff person decided to make everyone get on line. From the start, just make us get on line. Human beings are essentially sheep. We need to be herded.
*For all things Star Wars related, the TBB are VIP's. We will accept complimentary tickets to future Star Wars Nights, as well as early, private access to the characters. Specifically Darth Vader and Chewbacca. Perhaps a free cheeseburger or two.

Here are some photos from the game to prove that we didn't just leave after meeting our new friends from a galaxy far, far away:

Our food (combination platter for $12.50):

View from our seats:


  1. Randy has left a new comment on your post "The TBB Finally Take On Star Wars Night":

    Did Serena use a Jedi mind trick to distract Darth Vader when she molested him? Or maybe she went with the Universal male distractor- boobs. :P

    The Mets hit some home runs!?! The 3rd baseman hit one 425" no doubt because he felt Lisa's Force. Plus a HR from Duda. That must have got a colorful comment from Lisa's Dad.

    Have you guys tried the meatball sliders from that steak sandwich guy??

  2. Hey, Randy! Of course, Serena used her boobs. How else would she enrapture Lord Vader? Her personality?? Please.

    No meatball sub...yet.

  3. lol.

    perhaps with saucy yoga poses?

    they looked good....real good! (talking about the meatballs of course!)

    1. Lies. You were talking about our boobs.

    2. hehe..dirty birds!

      I have only seen the meatball sliders...Darth Vader is squishing Serena's left side and her molester arm is kind of in the way of the right side.

      speaking of the Dark Side down below there... Red Sox President Larry Lucchino would probably say Darth Vader is a Yankees fan.

    3. Of course, Vader's a Yankees fan. He's extremely smart and powerful. Unlike his idiot son. Luke must've inherited his intellect from Padme. Everyone knows Leia is vastly superior in every aspect. Clearly takes after her father.

    4. have all the TBBs finally seen at least the 1st one??

      yeah, that Luke is about as sharp as the top of R2 D2s head.

    5. Yes, Lisa has seen, at the very least, A New Hope.

  4. OK, here's what I learned from you blog post:
    -Han is in it for the money
    -new strategy, let Lisa win
    -Serena really wants to go to the dark side...
    -Travis D'Frenchman ma, or may not, be able to sing 'Rhythm of the Night'
    -the TBB can plan my next theme party!
    -when it comes to Star Wars the TBB are VIPs (though I'm a Jedi Master)
    Honestly glad you girls had a fun day, though

    1. The dark side isn't so bad! You cannot have light without darkness. True story.

    2. That's pretty profound for a Monday morning..