Insert Cyber Middle Finger Here

Well...we're annoyed. Needless to say. We're angrier than Anger from the movie, Inside Out.

We'll start simply by saying f*ck you. F*ck you, Mets. F*ck you, presale. F*ck you, bandwagon fans. F*ck you, season ticket holders. F*ck you, StubHub. F*ck you, selfish pricks selling tickets on StubHub. F*ck you, airlines. All of the airlines. Just f*ck you.

The Mets toyed with our emotions by mailing Lisa a presale postcard. She logged on for this supposed presale in November as instructed. She followed the special instructions. She clicked on Opening Day. Her only option was standing room only, which is preposterous. The multiple times that she checked back thereafter returned nothing. Absolutely nothing. She called the box office. Nothing. She reached out to her contacts in high places. Nothing. She checked StubHub. There was something. However, that something offended her very being. For standing room only tickets, these ass clowns are asking for $130/each. For seats that are located next the throne of Zeus on Mount Olympus range from $140-$290. Let's all put the crack pipe down. Who is the asshole that is paying this amount for those seats? F*ck you. Due to this abomination, we've resigned ourselves to attending Mets' Opening Night. For $72/each, we'll be getting fireworks and field level seats. So, f*ck you.

Let's talk Miami stadium tour. It is apparently extremely difficult to find non-stop flights to Florida for less than $400/person. Who the hell do you think you are, airlines? We're refusing to check a bag for this trip because you're going to charge us for them, so where do you get the balls to demand this prices for inconvenient flights? F*ck you.

Also, happy birthday, Serena. And that's it right away.

Opening Day Blues

March 1st is literally next week. This means that spring training is underway and Opening Day for the 2016 regular season and our 2016 stadium tour season are just on the horizon. We've some updates for you on that front and they're not necessarily pretty.

Opening Day news:
* Yankees' tickets have been procured
*The Mets are penises, but they're not nearly as large as the penises (peni? what is the proper English term for more than one penis?) trying to sell Opening Day tickets on Stub Hub for standing room only for nearly $100. For $100, someone better be standing there (preferably someone that looks like Ryan Reynolds or Tim Tebow) serving us food and beer and possibly massaging our upper backs and necks as we stand for all of the 9 innings. Therefore, we may be in attendance for Opening Night instead. We have an insider source with the Mets that is going to look into things behind the scenes for us on Tuesday. After that, we will have further information for you. If it doesn't go well, expect next week's blog to be a full on rant (after which, we hope that the Mets will take pity on us and reach out, offering us complimentary tickets to Opening Day).

Stadium Tour news:
*Last year's Philly trip was rained out, but we're allowed to exchange those tickets for a game this season and we've chosen the September 17th game against the Marlins. We will be contacting the box office tomorrow.
*On the subject of the Marlins, we're planning on visiting Mamadukes at the end of August. We're really looking forward to reuniting her with Don Mattingly. We'll take photos and ruin her life by posting them here on the world wide web for all to see. Since it'll be Florida in August, those pictures are sure to be considered masterpieces. Bring on the breast sweat. We will probably have an update regarding these tickets next week after pay day. Now who wants to pay for our airfare?