Friday, November 19, 2010

Felix Halladay

During this recent post season, Jeff Francoeur offended generations of people’s private parts with his unattractive beard. Please don’t misunderstand us. We have nothing against beards or facial hair in general. What we have issues with is GROSS facial hair, particularly men who have furry woodland creatures growing on their faces! That being said, we were curious if you felt the same as we do about Jeff’s…hairy situation. Thankfully, of 9 people, 8 of you voted that Jeff should shave his beard “for the sake of the children.” 1 creepy individual apparently likes the fact that Jeff looks like Paul Bunyan. Jeff, if you’re the 1 person who voted in favor of your poor decision, you’re delusional. We love you. You’ve got a great arm and when you’re hitting, you’ve got some power under your belt, but jeez. No gustamos your beard. Stop pretending. You probably don’t like it either. It most likely itches and catches all of your meals.

Roy Halladay officially won the NL Cy Young Award on Tuesday, like there’s an f’n surprise. Did they even bother to vote on that matter or did they just hand it over to him? On the flip side of the coin, it was announced yesterday that Felix Hernandez of the Mariners won the AL Cy Young Award, beating CC Sabathia and David Price by a long shot. See? The Mariners can win things in the 2010 season! Yay! Felix Hernandez is the Super Hero of the Week for several reasons…all of them, we assure you, are good reasons and they make perfect sense. Let’s be serious. When have we ever NOT made sense? For starters, Felix won a Cy Young. Yay! Next, Roy has already been Super Hero this year and we’ve never even discussed Felix because he plays for a shitastic team. Also, he plays for a shitastic team and still managed to win the Cy Young (whereas Roy won his award playing for a jerkoff, yet talented team). Fourthly, we’re closing this week’s blog with a song dedicated to Roy and he can’t have everything! If that’s the case, we’d have to change our blog to www.royhalladay’ Our website address is long enough! Lastly, if we had made Tim Lincecum Super Hero of the Week, it would’ve not only been redundant (as his number is already retired on our blog AND he has an annual holiday in August, which is marked off on our company Outlook calendars on a recurring basis), but inappropriate as he did NOT win the Cy Young this year. Granted, he got something slightly sexier in the form of a World Series trophy and ring, but…that still doesn’t change anything.

Shockingly, the Marlins traded 2B, Dan Uggla to division rivals, the Braves in exchange for utility player Omar Infante and pitcher Mike Dunn. Money appears to be the main culprit for the Marlins unloading the All Star player, but nevertheless, we’re still a bit surprised by the move.

MLB Executive Vice President, Rob Manfred, said that adding more wild card teams to the 2011 season would be difficult because it would require a modification to the current labor contract, which will continue through the season? They’re more likely to consider this possibility for the 2012 season. Maybe they should just stop “thinking” because apparently when you pool the minds of selfish and rich dumbasses, you get brilliance like this. They need to stop comparing themselves to the NFL…unless of course, they’re considering instituting a salary cap and a better penal system like the NFL. Bud Selig has announced that a “special 14-man committee” will discuss the possibility of adding two more wild card teams in December during the winter meetings. Anyone else getting the sense that this terrible idea is definitely going to come to fruition whether we like it or not?

Finally, Hot Mama Erin's birthday was on Wednesday and we'd like to wish her a happy, happy birthday! Lurve you!

In honor of Roy Halladay, we leave you with a charming little ditty that goes as something like this: “He’s the hairy-handed gent, who ran amuck in Philly. Lately he’s been overheard in Florida. Better stay away from him, he’ll strike you out, Jim. We’d like to meet his tailor. Ah-oooooooooooooooh. Werewolves of Philly.”

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