Sunday, April 14, 2013

Madness? THIS. IS. SPARTA!

We hope you enjoyed our solo accounts of Opening Day. Hopefully, next year, we can actually attend each other's Opening Days like we'd originally planned. But now that we've written that, we probably just jinxed ourselves. Yesterday, we ran in the Spartan Sprint at Citi Field and we promise we'll tell you all about it and post pictures, but first we feel compelled to inform you that we're writing this blog while drinking beer. This may get sloppy near the end.

Before we get into the nitty gritty of the race, it's time for us to discuss Best Team Name in Spartan Race History (mind you, we've only been to one race, but we're pretty confident in our decisions). In first place is none other but, us, "The Fear Boners (raging in your pants)." In second place, we have "Morning Wood (we go hard)." Their logo was a sun holding a piece of wood. To Team Gerard Butlers, we give third place. Yes, Butlers pluralized. There was more than one Gerard Butler. Serena also appreciated Team Stark (Game of Thrones reference), but unfortunately, they weren't enough to get into the Top 3. If the logo had been of Sean Bean's face instead of the direwolf sigil, THEN we would've had a competition going. This reminds us, why isn't there a meme for, "one does not simply show up to a Spartan Race without training?" Because that's us. Lisa did zumba and following the Yoga Journal Conference, Serena sat around catching up on her shows via the internet machine.

Ok, now for the Spartan Sprint a la Pop Up Video-style:
 
 
 
 
 
 
Hope you enjoyed our innovative form of lazy blogging. We will be wearing our medals all day tomorrow.

Now for this week's baseball notes:
By now, we've all seen the clip of Carlos Quentin trying to level Zack Greinke for hitting him with a pitch on the shoulder. As a result of the brawl, Greinke will be out for at least 8 weeks with a broken collarbone, which is a glorious waste of money. Quentin will be serving an 8-game suspension due to his actions in the fight. For starters, Greinke is half of Quentin's size and secondly, Quentin got hit on the lousy shoulder. Was Quentin on his period or something? Who charges the mound for something so stupid? Unless Greinke beaned him on the shoulder and followed it up with, "Your mother was easy all night long," Quentin looks like a real a-hole in this scenario.

Andy Pettitte's start has been pushed back again due to back spasms, which begs the obvious question. How much sex do the Pettittes have that this man has had to skip two starts? More importantly, how does Serena get in on the action (minus the Mrs.)?

Clay Buchholz took a no-no into the 8th today against the Rays in the Sox's 5-0 victory. Kelly Johnson's broken-bat single leading off the inning didn't really do much in terms of preventing the Rays from getting their butt kicks, but it, at the very least, prevented another douchebag from having a no-hitter.

10 comments:

  1. "This may get sloppy near the end." That's what she said!


    don't start nothin' won't be nothin'...Greinke should have kept his mouth shut. Quentin certainly takes most of the blame but if Greinke is going to be a dumbass and dip his shoulder like that, well too bad for him. You could also put some of blame on the Dodgers catcher for not grabbing him. Last time Greinke hit him in 2009 in a Royals/White Sox game, Quentin took some steps at him but the Royals catcher stopped him and he just went down to 1st base.

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    1. Are you friggin' kidding us with this comment? We give you the most asstastic display of photos known to mad and you talk about Greinke? You're out of your damn mind.

      -Gracefully yours.

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  2. were the other team members holding Serena's hands so she wouldn't punch anyone at that one obstacle?

    Best wishes.

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    1. Must you always assume that Serena is the only violent Fear Boner?

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    2. Traveling Baseball Babes
      April 3
      If, at the end of the Spartan Sprint at Citi Field after completing a shit ton of obstacles, a-holes hit us with one of these stupid Q-tip looking sticks like we're on American Gladiators, dick punching will commence.


      well my bad, I figured she was the TBB's DDP...like FDR said "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself and dick punches."

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    3. LOL! I'd never punch a man in a wheel chair in his dick! Haha.

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  3. The play-by-play pics are awesome, girls. After seeing Serena's impressive biceps, I fear a d!ck punch now more than ever. Remind me never to piss her off...
    -Mike

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    1. Her biceps aren't that big!!! Swear! It was the angle...and shadows...or something.

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  4. Ok, I believe you. Just to be on the safe side, though, I'll try to remain as likeable as possible. Maybe bribe her with a Durham Bulls shirt, or something...
    -Mike

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    1. She accepts your bribe graciously...even though she doesn't need it ;)

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