Take a Chance on Me

It’s been a while fellow earthlings. Oh the things we have seen here well at least here in the east coast. We survived the horrible Hurricane Sandy which affected so many of us in different ways. Some worse then others but the nice thing about us New Yorkers that in a time of need we will all come together to help one another out and then we will curse you out at a later date and time. Among the sh*t the TBB endured was no power, outrageous gas lines, damage to our homes, being subjected to eat Ramen noodles every night and to top it all off a freak a** snow storm. We hope that in the following weeks that Serena and the many others without power get there electricity back and to the people that lost so much more we hope that things start to get better for you and life can return to whatever normal is considered.

 Let’s go ahead and discuss the poll results way back from Halloween we asked you “Were the TBB robbed during the Halloween Contest? Five of you voted. Only 5! We could go on to say that it was maybe because of the power outage and a lot of people had no internet access but we realized that no one around here likes us. *Sigh* Well if you did vote you should of noticed that any choice you picked would have been acceptable to us because every choice had a Yes in it. It was just a matter of how you wished to say it. We tricked you!! Not just hat racks we are. Well played TBB, well played. 

Today I will be rambling genius nonsense all alone. Serena is in DR on a well deserved vacation. I hope while she is down there she finds my luggage that the airport neglected to find when I went down to DR in April of this year. Have no fear just like the referees in football had replacements I have acquired a replacement Serena to sit and blog with me and more importantly wear Serena’s clean Giants jersey (we had to wash our jerseys because the Giants played like a pack of assclowns with no arms last week and lost) so our juju does not get discombobulated and they can win. Her replacement does not say much and she can’t figure out how to hold a beer yet. Another thing is she is always smiling which is kind of creeping  me out.

Trying to dig up some news worthy baseball notes in the offseason is difficult, but I did manage to find some. I imagine that all of you think that this blog is going to be about the departure of Jason Bay from the Mets. Word came out that both sides decided to go there separate ways. Cue in some Celine Dion music. The two sides negotiated an early expiration to his contract which had a minimum of one year and $21 million remaining. The Mets can pay him that over time and with that gaining them a measure of pay roll flexibility. Ahem sign WRIGHT AND DICKEY NOW PLEASE THANK YOU. (That message was approved and paid for by one half of the TBB). Back to Bay, as a Mets fan I never disliked him as a person and I really did feel bad for his lack of production and concussion prone ways. I wanted to bid farewell to him on a high note and maybe reminisce and make a list of his top plays as a Met but when I sat and really thought about it the only thing I could think of was that he wore number 44 well. Bye Jason it’s been real!  

Remember David Ross from the Atlanta Braves that we met on my Birthday when we went to the Mets vs. Braves game. Click here to jog your memory. Well he signed a two year, 6.2 million dollar deal with The Red Sox. The deal is still pending upon a physical. Maybe now since he is closer we can take him up on that cookout he suggested.

There were a total of eight free agents who declined deals before last Friday’s deadline. Among the eight are Adam Laroche, Hiroki Kuroda, Nick Swisher, Josh Hamilton, Michael Bourne, BJ Upton, Kyle Lohse and Rafael Soriano. They all received qualifying offers from there most recent team. Any team that now signs them will have to forfeit a draft pick as compensation. This is something to think about for the teams that are in the market to acquire players this offseason.

So remember before how I said I wanted to make a list but I didn’t because nothing came to mind. Well I am going to make a list for you today! It kind of has to do with baseball but not so much. Are you as curious as the TBB are as to why TOWSNBN continues to give Lisa the silent treatment and shun her like a leper? Today I am making a list of legit reasons why TOWSNBN should finally take a chance on me. (A picture with him is what I strive to get but I think once he reads these amazing facts something more will grow out of that relationship and I’m ok with that.) If there are any new readers please check out the TBB lingo &Cronies section to find out who we are talking about.

1- Lisa has boobs.They are a nice handful so she is told and are real no need to worry about exploding silicon if things get rough.

2- Lisa is Italian so she knows how to stuff a sausage.
3- Back to ethnicity although she is a 100% Italian she is mistaken for every form of Latin nationality there is. Just think of how cool you will look it the locker room bragging to Daniel Murphy and Ruben Tejada that you have a Latin Lover. No one needs to know the truth.
4-Lisa changes her hair color almost every three months as of last Thursday she was a blonde now she is a brunette who knows what the next three months will bring. It’s like dating a different chick every three months. You will never get bored. Play on player.
5- Lisa is very charitable. She is Vice President of Fred K’s Cancer and does 5k’s for all sorts of charities so your image won’t tarnish.
6- Furthermore hanging out with Lisa is enough charity in itself you would never have to do another charity event again and I am sure you could write off in taxes everything she eats and that’s a lot.
7- You tend to look as inconsistent with a workout regimen as Lisa is so it won’t matter if you if she pumps iron or decides to go to Taco Bell and treat Serena on your dime. You might want to consider buying stock in Taco Bell.
8-When Lisa does exercise she is a professional in Cardio Kickboxing so it’s like your own personal body guard she will jab, cross, upper anyone who seems to be a threat to you. She also does Zumba. Those moves can come in handy if you get my drift. The hips don’t lie
9- Lisa comes from a long line of child bearing women so have no fear the Wright name will go on.
10- Lisa is a Traveling Baseball Babe that’s a quasi celebrity.
11-Lisa is not super hot so you will never have to worry about her leaving you for another baseball player and look at what props you will get for hanging with a not so attractive girl. It will do well for your golden boy imagine.
12- Lisa is poor she always has been poor so if this shit does not work out she has no problem going back to being poor she also does not read things when she signs them so there’s a pretty good chance you will not only be keeping your fortune but her house , clothes and parents as well.
13- Lisa was roofied so she knows what that feels like and will constantly be watching your drinks for any slips.
14- Lisa only hangs out with hilarious people (Serena) The two of them are EPIC and will have you laughing your chubby thighs off all the time.

I think he will finally cave in this year after reading this. Don’t worry I will blog all about the magical night. Well I need to go. I have to finish watching this horrible Giants game and I am pretty confident Serena’s replacement is trying to kill me. Two more things one is the Asshole of the week without saying if you live where the hurricane hit hard is LIPA and the Super hero of the week is all the Veterans who served our country. We thank you and continue to thank the ones that are currently serving as well. Hope you enjoyed our alone time together next week the dynamic duo will be reunited.