Friday, November 5, 2010

Would You Say, Chuck?

We were quite interested to see who you felt would win the 2011 World Series. We’re not sure if you noticed, but all of your options were teams that came in last place within their division this season…oh, and the Dallas Cowboys just for laughs. Of 7 votes, 4 people showed confidence in Buck (rhymes with…?) Showalter and the Baltimore Orioles. 1 person went with the Kansas City Royals and 2 people voted for the Seattle Mariners. We’re thinking that was The Favorite and his brother. Just a hunch. Honestly, out of this rabble, the Orioles are probably the team that will be most improved come the 2011 season. We’re pleased to see that you didn’t vote for Dallas. You’ve come a long way with your joke choices. We’re proud of you.

We found a really funny piece of news regarding Yankees fans this week. Apparently Kristin Lee, wife of Cliff Lee, and the Rangers’ CEO were unhappy with the behavior exhibited by Yankees fans during the ALCS. Let’s confront Kristin’s situation first. She claims that she was “spit on,” “cursed at,” and had “beer thrown at her.” Okay, where the hell was she when this happened and what was she doing? Was she standing on the street corner outside of Stan’s? Aren’t the players’ families kept together? If so, wouldn’t there be extra security in that vicinity? Furthermore, how the hell did anyone know who she was in order to attack her directly? We saw Leah Thompson at a cafĂ© in Los Angeles and barely recognized her. Why would we recognize Cliff Lee’s wife? In fact, we don’t even know what she looks like. The only MLB wives that we’d recognize is Mrs. Maxim USA, Anna Benson and Alex Rodriguez’s ex-wife and this is only because there’s been a ton of publicity surrounding these women. We have no doubt that she witnessed ridiculous and obnoxious behavior. We’re talking about hyped up men loaded up on liquor. Never a good combination. Why don’t you come on down and experience the St. Patrick’s Day Parade, Mrs. Lee? See what that’s really like. The question is: was this behavior REALLY directed specifically toward her? We're doubtful.

Okay, say we let go of all our suspicions regarding her story. Let’s say we believe all of it. Why didn’t she report this offensive behavior to security immediately? We’re not sure about what happens in other cities and venues, but we’ve been to enough sporting events and concerts at New York arenas to know that security is tight and no joking matter. Lisa was forced to throw out a lunch box at Yankees Stadium because they thought it could contain suspicious material. A lunch box, people. Do you really think that drunken men would get away with spitting on someone, let alone a woman, let alone an athlete’s wife, without security throwing their weight around? If all of this happened like she said it did, why didn’t she ask for help? Those jerks would’ve been escorted out of the building at once. We’ve seen it happen all the time at Yankees Stadium, Shea Stadium, Citi Field, Madison Square Garden, and Nassau Coliseum for lesser offenses.

Rangers CEO, Chuck Greenberg, called Yankees fans “violent,” “apathetic (Serena’s personal favorite),” and “an embarrassment.” Those are some big words for someone named Chuck. Of course, Chuck made sure to compliment the “great” behavior of his own fans…because apparently Texans don’t drink and/or act out. Yeah….OKAY. He later apologized for being a rude jerk who lumped all drunk frat boys under the umbrella of “Yankees fans.” Chuck, we have a common expression here on the east coast that you may have heard of: “Assume makes an ass out of you and me.”

We’re not condoning jerk-off behavior and we’re certainly not saying that New York fans are the best behaved in the world because that’s simply not true. We’re just saying that you need to wake up and smell the coffee. You must be delusional if you think that this kind of BS only happens at Yankees Stadium. Mrs. Lee, what do you think would’ve happened if the Phillies made it to the World Series and your precious husband had to face his former team? We assure you that they would not have welcomed you OR him with open arms. In fact, out of all the fans that this country has to offer, we’d wager that Phillies fans WOULD actually Google you in order to see what you look like and not for good reasons. No matter how much crap we’ve witnessed at our own stadiums, we’ve never seen someone piss on the bumper of a car driven by a fan of the opposite team or experienced 9 year old boys throwing ice at us. We’ve never read about a fan purposefully puking on another fan at Yankees Stadium. This all happened at Citizens Bank Park. We’ll chock up the pissing and the puking to high alcohol intake (even though it’s still unacceptable), but what about the kids throwing ice? Pretty sure that’s just bad behavior condoned by a-hole parents. Hey, Chuck (also rhymes with…?), is pissing on a Mets fan’s bumper an embarrassment? Or is that totally cool with you? Purposefully puking on someone else? You okay with that? What about ice throwing? Is that violent? What do you think? No? Yes? Maybe?

On to things more IMPORTANT than Chuck and Kristin, the Giants have won their first World Series since 1954 and we both won bets! Boo-yah, Rangers! One of our original fans, Mamacita, went to the celebration parade on Wednesday. Hopefully, she’ll accept our offer to write a guest blog regarding her experiences, as well as send fantastic pictures. It’ll be a nice change of pace for you. You’ll probably like her better than us anyway. She’s more attractive (she looks like Eva Mendes) and has a better personality.

In TBB career news, Jeff Wilpon has called us in for our second round of interviews for the Mets open Manager position. We flew through the first round strictly because we’re able to enunciate words properly. Unfortunately, this means that David Wright will probably have to leave the team as the details of his restraining order against us are blatantly being violated. We’ve probably got a good shot at the job being that we’re locals and the Mets have already taken Serena’s advice and fixed Jeff Francoeur’s terrible music choices…sadly, they misinterpreted her advice and got rid of him entirely, but what can ya do? Once we take over, we’ll avoid misunderstandings of that nature. Mets fans, you have nothing to fear. We’re gonna make things right. Vote TBB 2011.

Last thoughts of today’s blog involve this off season’s free agents. Of the 142 total free agents now on the market, the names of interest are Derek Jeter, Carl Crawford, Jayson Werth, Cliff Lee, Mariano Rivera, Victor Martinez, Jim Thome, and Manny Ramirez. Let’s face it, the Yankees are resigning Jeter. No question. They’ll probably keep Mariano as well, but only sign him for a short term contract. And our gut tells us that the Phillies will retain Werth and his facial hair…cos’ there’s something really special about that woodland scene growing on his face.

That leaves us Carl Crawford, Victor Martinez, Jim Thome, Cliff Lee and Manny Ramirez. We know that they probably don’t have the money to do so, but it would be foolish for the Rays to let Crawford walk. He’s basically the face of that franchise (even though they’ve been grooming Evan Longoria for that role). There aren’t many men that can perform like Crawford. Rays, if you’re listening, fork up the money and sign him. Have a bake sale or something if you have to. Just do it.

Cliff Lee probably won’t come to the Yankees thanks to his wife and there aren’t many options for teams who’ll be able to pay him the money he seeks. Other than the Yankees, there’s the Phillies (HA! Good luck with that one, Mrs. Lee), the Red Sox (who already has a rock solid pitching staff as long as all men stay healthy and again, good luck with that one, Mrs. Lee. Boston’s not a city for whiners), and the Mets (who…how do we say this? Don’t tend to go for men of Lee’s “type.” And in any case, this would just put Miss Prim and Proper back in New York). That leaves Lee to deal with the Rangers, a team he claims to want to remain with. He may have to accept a lower salary offer. On the flip side, the Rangers should sign Lee. They need a Cliff Lee-type pitcher in their rotation. Without an ace, their staff becomes comparable to many other teams’ pitching staffs and overall just less sexy and exciting.

The Red Sox should keep Martinez. There aren’t better options out there for a catcher and are you really going to rest the 2011 season on Jason Varitek? Probably not. We also think that, while we love him, Thome’s going to retire. He’s had a great run, but the sun is setting. We’d hate for him to retire when it’s too late. Lastly, we think that Ramirez SHOULD retire…and perhaps take a shower. We’re just throwing it out there. He’s a disaster and what he brings to the table in terms of talent no longer outweighs his baggage.

We’re giving TBB Super Hero Honors to Bob, Serena’s co-worker, because he bought her an egg sandwich today. YES!

Rounding things out with Simon and Garfinkle: “Here’s to you Mrs. Lee, Philly holds a place for those who spit. Hey, hey, hey. What’s that you say, Mrs. Lee? Philly loves you more than you could know. Woah, woah, woah.”

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