Sunday, July 31, 2011

¡Hasta Luego, Carlos!

Randomly, we asked you if you’d want to see The Smurfs. Sadly, 3 of you think that it “literally looks like the dumbest movie made in the last 10 years.”2 of you want to see it because “they’re A-dorable!” We happen to agree with you!!

So…we received no feedback regarding our little Mad Libs we created for you last week. Did you not like it? We really did think you’d enjoy it!!! We’ve created a discussion panel on Facebook where you can share the results of your Mad Libs. If you do not have Facebook, please feel free to post your results in the Mad Lib's blog posting's comment section. We posted ours first so that you don’t feel foolish.      

The big news in New York (and maybe San Francisco) is the departure of Carlos Beltran. We apologize to our friends in the Bay Area for the lazy heap of garbage they’ve just received.

Top 10 Things We Will Not Miss About Carlos Beltran (or as Joe Morgan puts it, “Bell-trAHn!”)
1. His mole. It’s just grodie. Plus, he’s got so much money, it’s pretty much useless, he might as well spend it on mole removal. How does he know it’s not cancerous?
2. His clean uniform. Who wants an outfielder that refuses to make the extra effort to dive for a ball once in awhile? What about sliding into second base? C’mon, bro. Get a little dirty once in awhile. Show us you care.
3. His germs. The man brought PINK EYE into the clubhouse! PINK EYE! Do you have any idea as to how infectious that sh*t it??
4. “El Está Aquí,” the stupid song he came to the plate to at every single Mets home game since the day he arrived in Flushing, NY. How unimaginative could you possibly be that you can’t vary up your song season to season? We’re not asking game to game and we’re not even asking you to pick a song sung in English. Just pick another damn song!  
5. His graceful trot to first because he didn’t feel like running out a ground ball.
6. His pretty boy muscles because he’s just too pretty to play ball like a man
7. Him standing in the outfield like a statue instead of moving toward the ball that’s been hit in play or backing up his fellow outfielders
8. His incredibly ability to strike out when men are in scoring position…especially in important games
9. Getting secret surgery without discussing it with team management first. Like he works for the CIA or something.
10. His fragility. The man is practically made of paper-mâché. Every overly dramatic play he makes, he hurts his pinky toe or his vagina.  

We’d like to thank the San Francisco Giants for taking this man off of our island, therefore the entire San Francisco Giants organization is this week’s TBB Super Hero of the Week.

So without further delay, we close things out with, “Na na na na, hey, na na nana, hey. Hey, hey, hey. Goodbye…Carlos!”

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