Saturday, October 15, 2011

2011 Championship Series

We’re bringing you a post 1 day early this week because tomorrow, Serena will be walking in the Long Island Making Strides Against Breast Cancer event at Jones Beach with Mamadukes, Auntiedukes, and Aunt Cathy. If interested, you can support their team, Mema’s Lasses (“Mema” is what Serena used to call her grandma) by clicking here. If you enjoy boobies, you should consider supporting. Just sayin.’ Much thanks in advance.

Our ADD is in full effect tonight. It’s not helping that Serena has gotten a new cell phone that plays Star Wars sound effects either. It is 7:00 pm.

The Championship Series are quickly coming to an end. At blogging time, the Rangers lead the ALCS 3-2 and the Cardinals lead the NLCS 3-2 after destroying the Brewers 7-1 last night. Since the opponents haven’t been determined yet, we know you didn’t cheat on our poll. 3 of you felt that the World Series matchup will be between the Brewers and Tigers whereas 2 of you felt that the matchup will take place between the Brewers and the Rangers.

It is 8:42 pm. We’ve made some nice, hot tea. Lisa changed into comfy clothes. The Tigers are winning 2-0. Oh, and Serena posted something to our Twatter account with her new portable internet machine.

While both series have been exciting (being that neither teams have been swept), we can’t help but feel slightly disappointed. Both of us want the Tigers to win the ALCS, but for some reason, they’re struggling. Justin Verlander had an uncharacteristic performance in Game 1, where he appeared either rusty or nervous, which put Detroit in a 1-0 hole at the start. However, facing elimination in Game 5, Verlander returned to his old self and Detroit’s bats came to life. Tonight, the Tigers are hoping to push for a Game 7. If they win, there’s no telling where the cards will fall in Game 7. Who has the staying power? Detroit or Texas? And can’t there be some way to make it so that Verlander just pitches every game?

8:47 pm. Serena giggled because her text message notification went off and it’s been programmed to sound like R2D2.

On the NLCS side, while Lisa feels like the Cardinals are going to take the series, she’d really prefer the Brewers win. Serena is no longer sure what to think. One second the Brewers are dominant and the next, the Cardinals are. It’s like watching a ping pong tournament. It’s been a very emotional experience. She’s begun drinking excessively and eating Taco Bell late at night due to the turmoil…at least, that’s the excuse she’s using for behaving like this. Nevertheless, she too is rooting for the Brewers.

9:02 pm. Lisa gave Serena the idea to download the Jurassic Park theme song, which Serena then set as Brother’s ringtone. And then Lisa convinced her to look up Madagascar and Muppets ringtones. The Rangers are now leading the game 3-2. By the way, what’s with the random cheerleaders running around the field with Texan flags every time a run scores?

9:11 pm. Sorry. Spaced out.

Lisa just walked away from the internet machine in frustration because she’s sick of the playoffs and just wants the World Series to start again. Now she’s complaining that regardless of who wins the World Series, we can’t go to the parade because all of the cities are too far. This blog is now turning into Serena cataloging all of Lisa’s random thoughts.

Serena is also sick of all of her teams playing like a-holes. The Yankees, Giants, Islanders, Tigers Love Pepper…why can’t one team she cares about do a good damn job these days? Even her “back-up plan” teams (Tigers and Brewers) can’t even close the deal.

9:21 pm. Sherzer was just taken out of the game in favor of Schlereth. This game is looking bleak. Like this blog. Texas is winning 5-2. Schlereth needs to shave. Serena might start drinking soon…

Jim Leyland’s also had enough. He’s calling the bullpen and there’s a good chance he’s booking a flight to New York so he can join Serena in hitting up the liquor cabinet.

9:28 pm. F*ck balls. This game is toast. 7-2 and we’re only in the 3rd inning.

Speaking of ultimate team failure, we couldn’t help but wonder how many of you are actually watching this game right now, not counting legitimate Rangers and Tigers fans. We watch because we like baseball (most of the time, when the MLB isn’t raping our bank accounts) and Serena is most definitely harboring a crush on Verlander, but she’s refused to admit it. Any day now, she’s going to demote Justin Morneau to Future Ex-Husband #3 and promote Verlander to Future Husband. Lisa’s just waiting for Serena to come to terms with this reality.

It’s 9-2. We’re going to go ahead and assume that the Rangers are going to the World Series. At this point, are any Tigers fans still watching this game?

Do fans continue to watch the playoffs after their team’s been eliminated from contention? We think we’re going to conduct an experiment during MNF this week. We’ll get back to you with the results next week. Feel free to email us with your input and thoughts. We know you’re not going to because you never do, yet we continue to be nice and offer this option to you.

It’s 9:36 pm and the inning is finally over. F*ck sakes. Ooooh, Aaron Rodgers is really adorable without his helmet on…

Armed with a new stupid project that excites us (because we’re borderline idiots and Serena has the maturity level of a 5-year old boy), we’re going to end this blog now. In all honesty, we probably should have put it out of its misery several paragraphs ago, but for some reason, we just couldn’t let go.

Peace out, bitches. We had a sick night.

PS- We'll be at Foxwoods again next weekend. Bet you can't wait for that blog, huh?


  1. This is one of those posts that I can't tell whose voice to hear in my head while reading it - Lisa or Serena.
    It appears to have been written by an objective invisible third party.
    (My guess is it was Serena, since the writer seems to know what's going on in her head, and other than Serena herself, not many people are able to do that.)