Sunday, March 30, 2014

The Bearded Menace

It's that time of year folks. It's time to discuss the good, the bad, and the ugly regarding facial around the league. Let's just get right down to it because to be quite frank, there's a whole lot of nasty floating around out there to be discussed. 

First up is Brian Wilson. What. The. Flying. F*ck. What the hell can you even say about this? It looks like he glued an afro wig from Party City to his face. And then braided it. 
As usual, this a-hole made it to the sh*t list. Jayson Werth. We never think it's possible for him to get worse than he already is, but then the next season rolls around and he manages to outdo the shi*t show from the year before. How? How does he continue to astound us with his terrible grooming habits? How is it even possible? His hair defies the laws of logic. Is he that hairy everywhere???
So...Josh Beckett decided to grow a Brillo pad on his chin. Because this is considered sexy now? 
Is Tim Lincecum joking? His haircut was bad enough and now he's grown this pathetic little upper lip caterpillar. We tried to find a cartoon character that we could reference in order to make fun of him, but truth be told, even Jafar has a better moustache than Timmy. 
Finally, let's move on to the champions of facial hair. Let's welcome first timer to our blog, Tanner Roark to the list. 
Vastly improved from last year, no?
Chris Young shows young men everywhere how to rock a perfectly groomed beard without appearing to have used a stencil in order to do it. Or an eyeliner to pencil in the aforementioned facial hair.
Brandon Morrow? Yes. Nicely done, good sir. We likie. You stay classy. 
Jeff Bianchi gives Justin Verlander a run for his money in the 5:00 shadow beard department. We have no idea who he is, but Lisa accidentally found him on The Google. Meow. 
It was a struggle this year, folks. It's becoming increasingly more challenging to find the good eggs in a nest of beard vipers. Why can't you f*cking a-holes just shave your goddamn beards properly? Is it for attention? Because that's pathetic. 


  1. I think I saw Brian Wilson in some scenes from Vikings on the History Channel.

    1. Pretty sure you're insulting the actors on that show when you say shit like that.