Pittsburgh Problems

As you all know, baseball is just around the corner. With the baseball season upon us, the 2014 stadium tour planning should be well underway. Truth be told, it's not. All we've accomplished is purchasing tickets to the Pirates game. We're still waiting on Mamadukes to confirm the dates of Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party at Magic Kingdom in order for us to pick which September Rays' series we're going to. 

Seeing as how our trip to Pittsburgh is in June, we really need to get our sh*t together. Before we can book hotel, however, we really need to decide whether we're driving or flying to Pittsburgh. In order to determine which is most cost effective, we need to a) research flight costs and public transportation and b) research the cost of tolls, gas, parking, and time. To be frank, this seems like a lot of work and we're tired. We just don't want to do it. SOOOOOOO...if anyone wishes to do this FOR us, that would be stellar. We'll mail you a dollar. Here's what you need to know:

*We're looking at June 6-8. 

*Tickets are for the June 7th game

*We are willing to travel the evening of June 5 (Thursday) and/or willing to return Monday, June 9th as opposed to Sunday. 

*Airports in question are the NY area ones: Laguardia, Islip MacArthur, JFK (NOT Newark)

*Driving directions would originate from a town somewhere in the middle of Nassau County. For example: Bethpage (it should be noted that neither of the TBB live in Bethpage. We're not stupid. You can't be trusted with our legit home addresses).

*The cars that are up for use are either a Ford Focus or Toyota Corolla.

*An EZ Pass will be available for a road trip (so tolls will still need to be paid, but at a reduced EZ Pass rate)

Go forth, young padawans, and help us book our travel plans. 

Our last order of business concerns Opening Day. On February 2nd, we posted the following statement:

For those of you who aren't following us on our social media outlets, we are currently collecting the t-shirts and/or jerseys of baseball players that have disappointed you. Send us your shirt and story to:

Traveling Baseball Babes
c/o Lisa Leone & Serena Ahne
PO Box 2165
New Hyde Park, NY 11040

You'll be featured on a blog post around MLB Opening Day, whether it be a shout out, photo, or video. Best stories = video time. Keep that in mind.

Please note: you'll not be receiving these shirts back, so if you're still somewhat attached to it, don't send it. That is all.

So far, we've received 0 t-shirts. Count it. 0. You're basically ruining our lives. Our Opening Day pep rally is going to be a giant flop because of you if you do not send your shitty team shirt before March 31st. You giant pansies. 

Oh, and also, we're officially going to both the Mets' and Yankees' Opening Days. You're welcome. Tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day, so expect to see a lot of tom foolery on next week's blog. Again, you're welcome.

Why We Don't Belong on Film

**Sorry for the delay in posting, folks. The content was ready for a Sunday night post, but technical difficulties with the video stalled things a bit.**

So you morons asked for more video footage of us. We've acknowledged this request and acquiesced. Probably not the best decision of our lives, yet here we are. Before we give you this atrocity, we thought you'd might like a brief recap of what went down after we left you on St. Patrick's Day:

• We bring Baby J to a parade in Farmingdale that lasts a total of 20 minutes. We steal a balloon for him. Before the age of 2, Baby J becomes an accessory to theft thanks to us.
• After the brief, pathetic parade that included a rapist leprechaun and a ginger moustache on a fire truck, we bring Baby J to a bar to eat wings and to start our binge drinking. We're very responsible adults. We each have 3 beers.
• Bar #2 (Baby J's parents take Baby J home for a nap). 1 beer each. Creepy crowd. We leave.
• At Bar #3, we bump into some people we know and a douchebag in a track suit. It's sad to say that we know him as well.
• After another 3 beers each, we leave for Bar #4. Yuengling. Draw scribble scrabble all over the darts scoreboard in chalk.
• At Bar #5, Serena professes her love for the bartender and he for some god forsaken reason, allows her to cover him with shamrock stickers. Drink beers we'd never heard of at his recommendation. Not sure how many.
• Accept a free Jameson shot from a tattoo-covered creep-a-zoid.
• Decide we are hungry and need a cab to take us home. Unfortunately, we are too drunk to dial ourselves, so the bartender needs to do this for us. Great impression.
• Share a cab with a couple who we become best friends with. Hug our new BFF's when we get dropped off first.
• Lisa passes out on the couch while Serena lays in starfish pose in the livingroom. Chris #2's assistance is required to remove Serena's boots.
• Block of time that we cannot account for.
• More Yuengling.
• Serena's roommate calls pizza place and tries to convince the pizza girl to come over.
• Lisa still draped across the couch.
• Serena pretends to swim across the livingroom rug. Demands that Chris #2 get her wristlet, to which Chris #2 replies: "I don't even know what you're saying right now. What is a wristlet?"
• Block of time we cannot account for.
• Archer marathon from Serena's bed.
• Morning.
• Serena discovers that Lisa had attempted to eat Irish soda bread in the night and left raisins in the comforter and pieces of bread under her nightstand.
• Apparently Serena had tried to unsuccessfully light her cigar from the beer festival.
• There are no further memories of this day.

Now, without further delay, here's your stupid video. Apologies for the dubbed Japanese Godzilla movie nature of the video. Apparently portable internet machines are NOT the best method for shooting mock Sportscenter clips nor are they spectacular for uploading. Who would've guessed?

This week's baseball notes:
TOWSNBN still has a side boo boo and while it's not certain that he won't be ready for Opening Day, it's not looking promising. Also not to be ready for Opening Day? Derek Jeter, who still a hot mess, will most definitely be starting his season off on the DL. On the topic of injured idiots, apparently it's been declared that any player that was injured during the WBC will have their salaries paid by the WBC while they're unable to perform for their teams. These jokers shouldn't have been playing in the tournament to begin with. Their responsibilities are owed to their team, not to an imitation Olympic tournament that shouldn't include professional athletes. Yet, still these overpaid a-holes are going to get their enormous salaries regardless.

The Yankees are on the verge of acquiring Vernon Wells in a trade with the Angels that will most likely cost the Yankees Jeter's other foot. What purpose Wells stands to serve for the Yankees is truly beyond our comprehension. **UPDATE** Vernon Wells is officially a Yankee. Hooray for all.

Finally, to commemorate the tragedy that took place at Sandy Hook Elementary School earlier this year, the victims will be honored across the league during teams' Opening Day ceremonies. Players will wear a memorial patch on their uniforms and the stadiums will hold a moment of silence.

Fail

Happy Saint Patrick's Day. We're still drunk.

This is kind of how shit unfolded:

• Started the night off drinking a glass of wine while listening to Denis Leary's traditional Irish song. We laugh.
• Serena drives us to Croxley's. We are sober. We drink beer.
• Manage to get a spot at the bar. Still sober. Text Brother to join us.
• More beer.
• Broken glass.
• More beer.
• Brother arrives with friend Dan.
• Lisa steals Guinness hat from fat man.
• Fat man proposes to Lisa. Serena laughs and screams, "It's funny cos' he's fat!!"
• Beer.
• Serena finds Alana and Christian on the other side of the bar. They join us.
• We send dirty text messages to random people in our contacts. We think it's funny.
• A-hole dancing and singing commences.
• Despite Christian appearing to be a nice boy, he's actually evil and forces Jameson on us.
• Jameson.
• Apparently Serena drunk dials her college softball coach.
• Beer.
• Serena suddenly has a Guiness hat too.
• Serena breaks light up shamrock ring from Party City. Sad.
• Discuss how we're pretty sure that the bartender hates us and wants us to die.
• Talk about how we miss the Hot Wing Arbitrator because he loves us. Because we're so funny.
• Serena laughs loudly again. Despite the large crowd present at the bar, her laugh still manages to be heard above the din.
• Bartender gives us a look that clearly states that he's already plotting the manner in which he's going to kill us.
• We continue drunk texting people, only these texts read more like gibberish than anything coherent.
• Brother deems it necessary for us to get a cab home. He is very smart.
• Serena leaves a Kiss Me I'm Irish necklace as part of the bar tip like it's the Crown Jewels or something.
• Lisa wants Taco Bell.
• We all want Taco Bell.
• In the cab, we fight about who is a better captain: Kirk or Han Solo?
• Cab driver laughs his ass off.
• Eventually, we decide that Darth Vader is a better leader than both Kirk and Han.
• Lisa tries to convince Brother that Taco Bell is a straight run and she's going to drive us.
• Serena thinks this is an amazing idea.
• Brother yells at us both and tells us to go to bed.
• We call Chris #2 and we think we beg him to take us to Taco Bell, but there's no way to confirm this as there is no recording of this conversation. The only definite part of this scenario is that Serena's call log definitely shows that we called him.
• Loss of time. No recollection of the remainder of the night. Black out.
• Morning.
• Serena is still fully dressed with her skirt hiked up around her boobs.
• Horrible Bosses is playing on the television.
• In fact, Serena is still wearing the rest of her St. Patrick's Day beads.
• There is money all over the living room floor like we're high rollers or something.
• We find Serena's Guinness hat.
• Lisa is hungry.
• Serena is dying.
• Serena's laptop is laying in nowhere's land because we apparently tried to order Domino's. We know this because the open internet window tells us that Domino's is closed at 2 am.
• Bed sheets are backwards and upside down.
• Lisa is still hungry.
• Lisa decides that she's going to drive Serena's car to go pick up food.
• We realize that we have to go pick up Serena's car at Croxley's. Contemplate leaving it there for all time and just start riding a bike to work.
• Serena tells Lisa to drive herself to pick up the car.
• Realize that then we'd have to go get Lisa's car.
• We lay in bed for another 2 hours bitching that Lisa's hungry and Serena's dying.
• Text AJ that we're dying.
• He has no sympathy for us because he's an a-hole. He's supposedly better than us because he's some kind of med student.
• Lisa apologizes to the people we sent naughty text messages to.
• Lisa feels helpless for not being able to get to Taco Bell.
• We finally get up and go to McDonald's, still wearing last night's clothing.
• It's too sunny.
• Continue to contemplate donating Serena's car to Croxley's Ale House.
• It's so bright. It hurts.
• Feeding.
• Begrudgingly pick up Serena's car.
• Serena's pretty sure that she's drunk driving at this point.
• We return to laying in Serena's bed fully clothed.

Which pretty much brings us to now.

The poll results from last week are as follows: 4 people want our stadium tour for 2013 to be Arizona and Texas. Only 1 person wanted us to do KC and St. Louis. Arizona and Texas it is then. Yee haw.