Fail

Happy Saint Patrick's Day. We're still drunk.

This is kind of how shit unfolded:

• Started the night off drinking a glass of wine while listening to Denis Leary's traditional Irish song. We laugh.
• Serena drives us to Croxley's. We are sober. We drink beer.
• Manage to get a spot at the bar. Still sober. Text Brother to join us.
• More beer.
• Broken glass.
• More beer.
• Brother arrives with friend Dan.
• Lisa steals Guinness hat from fat man.
• Fat man proposes to Lisa. Serena laughs and screams, "It's funny cos' he's fat!!"
• Beer.
• Serena finds Alana and Christian on the other side of the bar. They join us.
• We send dirty text messages to random people in our contacts. We think it's funny.
• A-hole dancing and singing commences.
• Despite Christian appearing to be a nice boy, he's actually evil and forces Jameson on us.
• Jameson.
• Apparently Serena drunk dials her college softball coach.
• Beer.
• Serena suddenly has a Guiness hat too.
• Serena breaks light up shamrock ring from Party City. Sad.
• Discuss how we're pretty sure that the bartender hates us and wants us to die.
• Talk about how we miss the Hot Wing Arbitrator because he loves us. Because we're so funny.
• Serena laughs loudly again. Despite the large crowd present at the bar, her laugh still manages to be heard above the din.
• Bartender gives us a look that clearly states that he's already plotting the manner in which he's going to kill us.
• We continue drunk texting people, only these texts read more like gibberish than anything coherent.
• Brother deems it necessary for us to get a cab home. He is very smart.
• Serena leaves a Kiss Me I'm Irish necklace as part of the bar tip like it's the Crown Jewels or something.
• Lisa wants Taco Bell.
• We all want Taco Bell.
• In the cab, we fight about who is a better captain: Kirk or Han Solo?
• Cab driver laughs his ass off.
• Eventually, we decide that Darth Vader is a better leader than both Kirk and Han.
• Lisa tries to convince Brother that Taco Bell is a straight run and she's going to drive us.
• Serena thinks this is an amazing idea.
• Brother yells at us both and tells us to go to bed.
• We call Chris #2 and we think we beg him to take us to Taco Bell, but there's no way to confirm this as there is no recording of this conversation. The only definite part of this scenario is that Serena's call log definitely shows that we called him.
• Loss of time. No recollection of the remainder of the night. Black out.
• Morning.
• Serena is still fully dressed with her skirt hiked up around her boobs.
• Horrible Bosses is playing on the television.
• In fact, Serena is still wearing the rest of her St. Patrick's Day beads.
• There is money all over the living room floor like we're high rollers or something.
• We find Serena's Guinness hat.
• Lisa is hungry.
• Serena is dying.
• Serena's laptop is laying in nowhere's land because we apparently tried to order Domino's. We know this because the open internet window tells us that Domino's is closed at 2 am.
• Bed sheets are backwards and upside down.
• Lisa is still hungry.
• Lisa decides that she's going to drive Serena's car to go pick up food.
• We realize that we have to go pick up Serena's car at Croxley's. Contemplate leaving it there for all time and just start riding a bike to work.
• Serena tells Lisa to drive herself to pick up the car.
• Realize that then we'd have to go get Lisa's car.
• We lay in bed for another 2 hours bitching that Lisa's hungry and Serena's dying.
• Text AJ that we're dying.
• He has no sympathy for us because he's an a-hole. He's supposedly better than us because he's some kind of med student.
• Lisa apologizes to the people we sent naughty text messages to.
• Lisa feels helpless for not being able to get to Taco Bell.
• We finally get up and go to McDonald's, still wearing last night's clothing.
• It's too sunny.
• Continue to contemplate donating Serena's car to Croxley's Ale House.
• It's so bright. It hurts.
• Feeding.
• Begrudgingly pick up Serena's car.
• Serena's pretty sure that she's drunk driving at this point.
• We return to laying in Serena's bed fully clothed.

Which pretty much brings us to now.

The poll results from last week are as follows: 4 people want our stadium tour for 2013 to be Arizona and Texas. Only 1 person wanted us to do KC and St. Louis. Arizona and Texas it is then. Yee haw.