Well....first things first. Thanks to our readers (all seven), we have figured out why David Wright has been doing so poorly. Apparently, not only is she bad luck for the Mets, but she also jinxes individual players. Has she been secretly cheering for Wang and Ollie? Naughty Laurie! Please shift your passion to Ryan Howard and Dustin Pedroia. The entire tri-state area would greatly appreciate it. We are pleased to discover that while David Wright may hate our guts, we are not the reason for his struggles. Bear in mind, the Mets winning streak will most likely end tonight as Laurie will be in attendance at Citi Field. Lisa will not be in Pirates gear for several reasons, the most prominent being that she doesn't want to die at the hands of angry Mets fans. However, she still stands by Sunday's blog and will not apologize for her degrading comments directed toward Carlos Beltran. He can hit as many home runs as he likes, but he is still a pansy. Come to think of it...Laurie, are you the one who voted for the option, "David Wright is playing poorly because he wants to be traded to get away from the traveling baseball babes?" We can see right through your ploy. Trying to divert attention from yourself.
In other news, it appears that Alex Rodriguez will be starting at third base for the Yankees tonight, which we suppose is very exciting. Let's see if he brings his lunch box along to Baltimore. People seem to think his addition to the line up will help things, but considering he just had surgery on his hip and that this is his first game during the season, we really can't imagine he'll contribute too much. However, kudos to Alex for making it onto the AL All Star ballot despite not having played yet. He's very talented.
Manny Ramirez has been suspended for 50 games for testing positive for steroids. Initially, we couldn't figure out what the hell was going on with the steroids he had been taking because he still looks like a sloppy joe. We thought maybe he should get his money back considering if you're going to risk everything by taking steroids, you'd at least get a hot body out of the deal. Turns out that he is actually on some sort of fertility drug. Which is even more perplexing. What kind of man needs fertility drugs? At least this will explain the soft nature of his physique. Perhaps he is pregnant. With twins.
Barry Zito pitched against the Rockies on Sunday and earned himself another no decision. He pitched 7 innings and only allowed 1 walk and 2 hits. His team finally broke the scoreless tie in the 10th inning (probably as Zito was in the locker room meditating). He remains 0-2 on the season. This new development of him pitching well for absolutely no reason has actually prompted us to feel sorry for him. Perhaps if he gathered the team and headed to a yoga retreat for the weekend, they can get things all sorted out and be one with their heart center. His next start is tonight against the Dodgers. Hopefully, he gets a W so that he can join the Cy Young Award winner party with Johnson and Lincecum (who have actually won games). In order for this to happen, Laurie needs to root for the Dodgers.
Since the Yankees are playing like a bunch of canadian geese, Serena feels that it is imperative that they draft a new pitcher for their bull pen. Especially considering that things have gotten so bad that Mariano Rivera has joined the imbecile party. And to think we thought that he was above that nonsense. In lieu of the asinine antics occurring in the Yankees Clubhouse, Serena has found the woman (yes...woman) for the job. Her name is Jerzee, but you can call her Meatball. Don't let her size fool you. Like CC, she is very agile for a large and crooked hat wearing creature. Not only will she single handedly save the Yankees from the pits of hell (because surely, that is where they are hanging out...at the bottom of the AL East), but she will also break records. First female ever to play for the MLB and first pooch to do so! Guaranteed to appear in the Hall of Fame. And All Star ballot.
Until we meet again, we will leave you with "we wear our sunglasses inside so we can, so we can avoid watching the Yankees and Mets..."
PS-these wonderful photos have not been doctored by us. We are not that computer smart. Our "people" (1 of our 7 readers...and it's definitely not Laurie) was kind enough to photo shop for us. Hooray for tech support!