Friday, August 27, 2010

We’ve Been Down So Long that the End Must be Drawing Near

We’re a little surprised that only 4 people voted on this week’s poll. We asked who your favorite interviewee was from the 8/14 Mets/Phillies game and the turnout was pretty abysmal. Did you not enjoy the videos? We thought they were pretty spectacular. Was the fact that the videos had to be accessed via a hyperlink throwing you for a loop? We’ve hyperlinked in our blog before. It shouldn’t have been new to you. Was Serena’s man voice turning you off? Do you think she’s a tranny or something? We assure you that she’s not. Those breasts are really hers. Maybe it was Lisa’s Fran Drescher voice? Did you find it annoying? Do you prefer us to remain silent and stick to the written word instead of the spoken? We hate to disappoint you, but we plan on doing this again. We had fun with it. On Tuesday, we’re taking our show on the road to the Bronx to capture the Yankees and A’s fans in their elements…that is, if any A’s fans bother to show up. We’re thinking for the next TBB Web Gem segment of…food. Not that you should find this shocking. We’ve been together long enough for you to know by now that we are obsessed with feeding time.

Anyway. Back to the lame results portion of this blog. Of the 4 votes, 1 person voted for Dominick the Phillies fan, 1 person voted for Orlando the Mets fan, and 2 people voted for Laura (Mets fan) and Kelly (Phillies fan). We’re assuming that everyone just voted for themselves, which is totally cool by us cos’ we’d do the same exact thing. Besides, Laura and Kelly were legitimately the best. Laura’s performance of “Bitch” by Meredith Brooks was beyond major and warrants a Grammy. If Britney Spears, who has zero talent, can win one, so can Laura. Vote Laura for Best New Female Artist 2011. No one voted for Laura and Kelly’s male counterparts, Isaac (Phillies fan) and Yuval (Mets fan), which makes us think that Isaac and Yuval just didn’t bother to check out the blog.

It’s a sad week in baseball, folks: Lou Piniella wore his uniform for the last time on Sunday afternoon. His mother’s health contributed to his decision to retire early. Unfortunately, on day when the Cubs should’ve had a good showing, the Braves slammed the Cubs, defeating them 16-5. Man…they’re really terrible. Piniella compiled a record of 316-393 with the Cubs. The Cubs won the NL Central division titles during his first two seasons as manager (2007-2008) and in 2008, the Cubs posted the best record in the NL with 97-64. He is the first Cubs manager in 100 years to lead the team to consecutive post season appearances. Third base coach, Mike Quade will be taking over the management position for now.

It should be noted that we are SEVERELY disappointed in the 3 people who requested a drawing of a shark created by Serena. You people suck. You had a chance at owning something never seen before. We’re retracting the offer and now you’ll never get a shark drawing. Not even for next year’s Shark Week. The one intelligent individual in this entire scenario is Pat, who requested a drawing of Lisa’s brontosaurus, Bruno. The drawing was delivered today. We’re sorry to report that Pat is currently in North Carolina and will be unable to view this artwork until he returns.

As you can see, we’re cranky this week. There’s a lot of personal and professional stress going on with the TBB right now and it doesn’t help that you clearly hate us. You don’t want a shark drawing, you don’t want to vote and when you do vote, the results are usually mean and negative, you’ve already made Lisa cry on her birthday, and you won’t vote for us as Best Sports Blog of the Year. All of this has contributed to the fact that we don’t even feel like writing a blog today. Sorry. If we had the know-how, we’d create a highlight reel of Lou Piniella’s greatest exploits. The song playing in the background would be Chicago’s “You’re the Inspiration.” If our skills in Paint were better, we’d create a comic strip, but all we’ve got is Serena talent with Crayola and we can’t upload Crayola to Blogger. We couldn’t even get a 2 minute video to upload to Blogger for f’s sakes.

If the Mets would only hire Serena, we’d be a lot happier. Plus, we’re pretty sure that Mets fans in general would be a lot happier because Serena’s changes to the franchise would be awe-inspiring. For a reminder as to how good it could be, please read her proposal.

The classic Elton John always knew the right words to sing during momentous historic events; therefore, we’re tapping into his lyrical brilliance in order to wish Lou Piniella the best: “We can see Lou waving good-bye. My god, it looks like Lou. Must be the dirt he kicked into our eyes.”


  1. Don't get down on yourselves! I just wanted to say that I thought your video interviews were great. Your New York accents make you even cooler than I already thought you were. Amazing! -CM