Friday, August 20, 2010

Phillies @ Mets 8-14-10

We think that today’s poll results might be something of a record. 10 people voted unanimously for “Yes, we enjoy Tim Lincecum Day because he is amazing and should be appreciated. Plus, you post some of the most ridiculous pictures we’ve ever seen.” To the best of our knowledge, we cannot recall any other vote where the response has been unanimous. We’re so proud of you for picking the correct answer. Our little chicks are sprouting their wings!

We arrived at Citi Field for tailgating at 4:00 for a 7:10 game start time. Lisa was given a portable grill by Nicole for her birthday and we fired that mo-fo right up. While our bubba burgers were cooking, we charted a game plan for interviewing some fans.
We knew we wanted at least one Mets fan and one Phillies fan. The question was which fans. Just a few spots over, an army of Phillies fans dominated a massive tent and grilling station. Immediately, we ruled that group out. Safety in numbers, we always say and we were definitely outnumbered in that situation. We wanted to survive our interviews to at least receive our free green hats. This was a predicament. To help us think, Serena opened a bottle of wine. Serena gets some of her best ideas while either drunk or in the shower…or both. Since there was no shower in the parking lot of Citi Field, we went with “drunk.”
We sipped Pindar from kick-ass green plastic margarita glasses and contemplated deep thoughts.
Our tailgating buffet consisted of hot dogs, burgers, buns, Tostitos, salsa (which tasted awesome on our burgers by the way), sauerkraut, onions in red sauce, and peanuts. Brain food obviously.
Our smoking hot barbecue skills attracted the attention of an idiot Red Sox fan…who happened to be hanging out with a few Phillies fans (and one lone Mets fan). He continued to pester us for our fifth hot dog (that we had planned on splitting). Serena (remember, she’s drinking, which means good ideas ferment) decided to give one of the Phillies fans a hot dog in exchange for an interview. Armed with Alan’s flipcam and our pre-planned questions, we walked over to the feisty group drinking some beers. Dominick the Phillies fan offered to be our first interviewee. One of his buddies loaned him a hat so that he properly displayed team pride.

Before we show you the video of his interview, we’d like to point out that since we’re not media experts in possession of highly advanced audio technology, the sound is not perfect. To counter this, we’ve listed the 5 questions we asked our accommodating interviewees for your convenience:
*(To a Phillies fan) What’s your favorite thing about the Mets? (To a Mets fan) What’s your favorite thing about the Phillies?
*Does Jayson Werth’s beard have magical powers?
*If you were David Wright (we didn’t refer to him as TOWSNBN because we’re pretty sure they wouldn’t have had any idea as to what we were talking about), would you marry Lisa?
*If you were a professional baseball player, what song would play as you came to the plate? Sing it…
*Would you share food (or beverage) from your tailgating party with us? If so, what?

Depending on the situation, we didn’t ask select questions, as you will see in the footage, but these are the questions that were essentially asked.

Ladies and Gentlemen, meet Dominick. Note how Serena subtly got footage of the moron Red Sox fan at a Mets/Phillies game. We’re not going to comment further. Dominick kindly declined our offer of a hot dog, but his Red Sox fan friend hungrily accepted it. As we parted ways with our first friendly Phillies gang and successful interview, the Red Sox fan shouted after us, “This hot dog sucks!” Well, sir, YOU suck! But your friends don’t. They were awesome.

The next person we spoke to was Orlando, a Mets fan. He was a bit shy at first, but after a little coaxing, we got him to agree to be on camera.

Having completed our goal of interviewing 2 fans of the opposing teams, we agreed that it was time to get our free giveaways.
Once inside, the wine must’ve provided liquid courage because we decided to interview women. Our blog is written by female sport enthusiasts, so why would we ignore those same fans in our interviews? Then we narrowed our scope further. Female fans weren’t enough. We wanted female Phillies and Mets fans socializing together and living in harmony like we do as Mets and Yankees fans. We were lucky enough to find Laura and Kelly. As you can see, these ladies were everything we could’ve hoped for. This is sheer brilliance, folks.

We headed for the Kid Zone next. On the way, we saw the Verizon Wireless store again. We noticed that they changed the David Wright wall photo to one of KROD. Oh, yeah. We weren’t passing up that shit. Plus, we scored free t-shirts. Bonus!
In the Kid Zone, we watched Mets fans take turns trying to dunk a Phillies fan. We’re starting to suspect these fans from the opposing team are just employees paid to dress the part. They’re never that passionate about heckling the Mets fans. Lame.
Mr. Met was due to arrive to his Meet n’ Greet in just a few minutes, so we jumped on line because let’s be real. You can’t have too many pictures taken with him. Since we knew you’d love it, we videotaped his entrance:
video
Our grand portrait with the one and only Mr. Met:
Feeling our imaginary testicles grow even larger with each minor success, we decided to tackle the male counterparts to Laura and Kelly…without fear. Besides, Serena wore her velociraptor t-shirt. Everything was going to be fine. That shirt is really intimidating. During our search, we found someone who might become Serena’s #1 hero. Sure, he’s a Phillies fan, so technically we should hate him, but this dude is straight rocking a kilt. He’s obviously amazing. Granted, he makes poor team decisions, but that can be forgiven. Especially if he’s wearing a kilt.
Finally, we chased down our male duo, Issac and Yuval. They were quite sweet considering that we say “chased them down,” we mean it in the literal sense. Plus, Serena rudely tapped Isaac on the shoulder in order to get his attention. In case you haven’t noticed, almost everyone said yes to our question, “If you were David Wright, would you marry Lisa?” Isaac said no, but his answer was well thought out and completely logical.

Having captured the desired footage, we bought some funnel cake (we covered it in cinnamon and powdered sugar) for $6.50 and headed to our seats.
The funnel cake was yummy, but couldn’t compare to the wonders of a hot dog. And $6.50 is a bit absurd for what the fried dough.
This is the view from our seats:
When Jayson Werth made his first plate appearance, we told anyone in our section who would listen that forest creatures lived in his beard. Not just any forest creatures. Magical ones that dress up like Prince Phillip while Sleeping Beauty sings, “Once Upon a Dream.” If it wasn’t so gross looking, the entire situation would be extremely romantic.
Speaking of our section, we were surrounded by some of the funniest and angriest Mets fans we’ve ever met. In the bottom of the 6th with bases loaded and 2 outs, David Wright (yup, using his real name. Humiliation has a first and last name, not a nickname) allowed a pathetic, dribbling, baby pee of ground ball to roll between his legs, allowing 2 runs to score and making it 4-0. Good job, champ. The man sitting next to us stood up and angrily spewed forth venom from the upper deck onto the field. We’re 97% sure that David Wright could actually hear him. When he sat back down again, he turned to us in disgust and said, “You should write a blog about how David Wright is overrated.” We nodded seriously, but inside we smiled devilishly. At last. Payback is ours. It stings, doesn’t it, David? Now you know how we feel, you giant weenie! Okay. Moving on to more important topics….

Serena wrote a beautiful poem that would rival William Butler Yeats for Lisa’s birthday to be displayed on the Mets’ scoreboard. The Mets confirmed in an email earlier that day that the message would indeed be posted anywhere between the bottom of the 4th to the 8th. What they ended up posting was this crass butchering of literature:
While it was exhilarating to see her name in lights, it was disappointing that the lyrical genius of Serena’s poetry died a slow, savage, and unknown death! Those bastards! Whatever. She read it in the car to Lisa later on, so they can go f themselves.

We held on in hopes that the Mets would attempt to stage a comeback until the 8th inning and then we finally gave up and left.
By the time we reached the car and put on the radio, it did appear that the Mets were displaying signs of some sort of rally. In the bottom of the 9th with bases loaded and two outs, Josh Thole struck out. Final score: 4-0.

Baseball Notes:
Andy Pettitte is KILLING us here! An MRI taken after a bullpen session on Tuesday revealed that Pettitte’s got a small, persistent strain, which explains why he’s still experiencing discomfort when the intensity of his pitches increases. It’ll be another week before he’s able to get near a pitcher’s mound again. *Insert frustrated moan* Based on the injury’s initial assessment, we’d expected Pettitte to return to the Yankees in time to pitch against the Red Sox during the first week of August. At the latest, the Yankees felt that he’d be back for last week’s series against the Royals. Now that both of the series have come to pass, we know that these estimates were inaccurate. The Yankees are currently looking at Pettitte’s return happening three weeks from this point, which puts him in a position to be ready for the Sept 10-12th series in Texas. This, of course, is only if there are no more hiccups in his recovery between now and then.

The jack ass known as “The Rocket” has been indicted on 3 counts of making false statements and 2 counts of perjury. The charges stem from the false statements he made to congress about his use of performance enhancement drugs in 2008. Clemens “tweeted” yesterday that “he never used performance enhancement drugs.” Really, dude? You’re not gonna let this one go, are you?

Last but not least, we’d like to extend our thanks to those nice fans who allowed us to interview them. Even more thanks go to them for agreeing to be posted here on this blog. We’re going to try to do this again at the Yankees/A’s game on August 31st. Fans in the area on this date beware.

“The Irish eyes are smiling, but not because the Mets won. It’s just because we’re drunk.”

BallHype: hype it up!

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