Baseball officially kicked off this week when pitchers and catchers reported to spring training on Monday. AJ’s been trying to convince us to send Winkie down to Florida, but it’s not happening. AJ does not deserve our accommodating nature at this time. Maybe when he proves that he values our affection and loyalty, we’ll think about letting him spend more quality time with Winkie.
On Tuesday, Donald Trump said that Mets owners, Fred Wilpon called him to set up a meeting to discuss buying part of the team, but Trump is only interested in buying a majority share because as we all know, Trump likes calling the shots. Imagine it now: “Carlos [Beltran], you’re fired!”
Serena’s favorite Mariner will return to the franchise as a special consultant. While Ken Griffey Jr.’s role is still in the process of being defined, it’s been stated that he’ll be involved with the team during spring training and the regular season as well as visiting most of the team’s minor-league affiliates.
Apparently, CC Sabathia has discovered the world’s greatest diet plan, though we’re not sure that this diet is worth the sacrifice. Sabathia claims to have lost 30 pounds simply by cutting Cap’n Crunch from his diet. We feel strongly that the love for the Cap’n far outweighs a potential loss of 30 pounds. Nevertheless, we gave the diet a go because we’ve done little to train in the off season for our stadium tours thus far, so we need something to kick start our program. After one day, it was clear that Sabathia is utterly full of sh*t and his nutritionist should be fired. Lisa remained the same while Serena actually gained weight. Just like the diet dictated, she skipped her hearty bowl of Cap’n. Instead she ate 3 chicken soft tacos and a Meximelt. Clearly, she followed the diet rules to the letter.
“Isn’t it ironic, we didn’t lose weight? A little too ironic. And yes, we really do think. It’s like not losing weight for your wedding day. It’s the free ride when you’ve already made Lisa show a boob to get it. It’s like 10,000 buns when all you need is a hot dog. It’s like meeting Justin Morneau (Jeff Francoeur, Chris Cornell, Mike Jacobs) and then meeting his beautiful wife. Isn’t it ironic? Don’t you think?”