Serena's Random Musings

I spent the entire weekend in yoga teacher training, as I have done every other weekend since September 15th. The experience has been fulfilling, but exhausting. For someone who doesn't sleep well to begin with (I get about 2-4 hours each night), it's tough to physically and mentally dedicate time to blogging with Lisa during the YTT weekends. As you may have noticed, this has resulted in either Lisa taking the reins or us simply skipping the blog altogether during these particular weekends. I offered to take responsibility for this week's post to ease the load from Lisa's plate, but having only gotten roughly 6 total hours of sleep since Friday, the prospect of crafting a well-thought out blog after coming home from the yoga studio tonight was rather unappealing. Lisa assured me that I didn't have to do it. We could just skip a blog post this week and pick things back up again next weekend. Initially, I was okay with that decision. However, after showering, I did feel a little guilty about posting a "I'm sorry that I'm so tired, maybe next week" Facebook post.

Now here we are.

I am not going to promise an in-depth look at this week in baseball or even an in-depth look at a particular topic that strikes my fancy. I am not going to even promise you a sexy blog post filled with flowery prose and fancy "SAT" words that may or may not require you to Google their meanings. I am too tired and spent for any of that and truth be told, in 45 minutes, I plan on ending my night decompressing while rubbing Arnica gel on my knee and watching the newest episode of The Walking Dead. I am simply going to give you my thoughts on what interested me this week. Basic. To the best of my ability. You'll have to forgive me if this post does not live up to your expectations, however by this point in our blog-reader relationship, you really should only have limited expectations in regards to what we produce here.

Here we go:
1. Ken Griffey Jr.'s Instagram account. If you have Instagram, I recommend you follow him @therealkengriffeyjr. Aside from the fact that you'll be following one of baseball's greatest gifts, his posts are pure gold. He doesn't post often, but there's nothing fake about any of them and his "Throw Back Thursday" pictures alone are worth the follow. Hair and sweaters, people. Hair and sweaters. That's all I have to say.
2. Miguel Cabrera & the AL MVP Award. I suppose that his season's numbers dictate that he deserved to win the award, but having owned Cabrera this year in one of my fantasy leagues, I can attest to the fact that he spent an awful lot of time not playing due to injury. I'm not implying that these injuries weren't legitimate. I'm simply saying that since Mike Trout was physically capable of contributing more time and effort to his team, that he a) increased his likelihood in "failing" due to more opportunity (which would then lead to lower overall numbers) and b) was a more reliable asset to his team. I think reliability is more important that overall numbers. I do not think that numbers always tell the full story. Sure, perhaps if Cabrera is healthy all season, he still blows Trout out of the water, but also maybe if Cabrera is healthy, the Tigers don't lose to the Red Sox in the postseason. Maybe the Tigers go to the World Series. Maybe they don't. We'll never know. I just think that his inconsistent availability should have been taken into consideration when selecting the MVP.
3. The Rookie of the Year Award. I think that winning this award can be misleading. Some players are like shooting stars. They are bright, beautiful, breathtaking, but also impermanent, fleeting. They start with a loud, brilliant bang like a firework, but then fail to repeat that success ever again. They become a disappointment to their local fan base and to fantasy owners, whereas elsewhere, the country shifts its attention to a new rising star. The former is forgotten. Granted, this doesn't happen to every Rookie of the Year, but it happens enough that I feel like this award doesn't hold weight. Or at least shouldn't hold the weight that it currently does. Why did this player have such a successful season? Is it that he's the real deal or because he's new and opposing teams haven't quite figured him out yet? Is it a combination of both of these factors? The fact is that we won't know the answer to these questions until their sophomore or even their junior effort. I think instead of a Rookie of the Year, the MLB should institute a Sophomore of the Year. That opens so many more avenues. Think of how some players mature in their second, third year (or on the flip side, think of how some players' development stall). The maturation process is where the magic happens. Think of how an erratic Randy Johnson became...well, Randy Johnson.
4. Brian Wilson's beard. Enough is enough. Shave the f*cking thing. Trim it back. Wax. Do something. To walk away from a job opportunity like pitching for the Yankees (or any team, to be quite frank) because of some creepy emotional attachment to the bush growing on your face is a sign of some kind of deep seeded issue. Or perhaps an obsession with 1970's porn. I don't know. I do know that if I lived with Brian Wilson, I'd shave half of it while he slept so that he'd have no choice but to deal with it. Though even that might not provoke action because based on the beard's current condition, it's obvious that he doesn't care about looking like a total a-hole.

That is all for this evening. Next week you'll have us together again for a joint blog post.

-Serena

Class Has Been Replaced with A$$

Before we get into the meat of today's blog, we're going to cover something that's been irking us for awhile now. Don't take this the wrong way, but this is coming...how do we say this nicely? This is a direct result of YOU and your online feedback/commentary. What we're going to say encompasses this blog forum, the comments section, any social media platform we are on, and any social media platforms that we may be on in the future.

1. Do not correct our spelling or grammar. Ever again. For starters, in this day and age, most of everyone's social media activity is performed via portable internet machines. Portable internet machines are without physical buttons and the keyboards that do exist are itty bitty and extremely sensitive (or in some cases, extremely insensitive and you find yourself hammering away at the letter "a" button to no avail and suddenly, you've posted, "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" to the Shark Week Facebook page and you feel like a giant a-hole). For example, you may have high-fived Amani Toomer and/or got on line to tour the New York Giants' locker room during a 5K at MetLife Stadium and were so excited about these two things that you wanted to post a Facebook status about it. Unfortunately, in your "smart" phone's infinite wisdom, it posted, "I just high-fived Armani Too met and we're about to tour the liquor room at Negligence Stadium!" (Yes. This actually happened.) This is also how you might've typed, "Michael Bolton has a mullet" and ended up with "Michael Bolton has a Bolton." Furthermore, in many cases, we are trying to respond to everyone in a timely manner. In our rush to reply during our busy work days, we often fail to review every little word, comma, ellipses, etc. before posting. As a result, sometimes there are errors. Are you trying to tell us that when you type something, everything is perfect? You've spelled everything perfectly? You've never made a mistake? Next time we see someone write,  "ur" on our Facebook page, Serena is going to go ballistic on you. It's "your" or "you're." How are you going to feel about yourself when she rips you a new a-hole on that subject on a public online forum? Probably like crap. So just shut up already. If you don't want us to ride your asses regarding the English language, don't ride ours. We don't get paid to do this.
2. When correcting someone's grammar or spelling, maybe you should know what you're talking about first. Don't make fun of the construction of a sentence when there's actually nothing wrong with it because you a) look like an idiot and b) you've pissed off Serena and she's sent a "WTF" email to Lisa at work. Now we're not getting any work done.
3. Don't assume Lisa or Serena wrote a specific status or "twat." You may have a really, really good idea as to who wrote it. The odds may be 99.9% in your favor. There's still that .1% chance that you're wrong and that's probably when you're going to post the wrong thing to our page. See a) and b) from #2 for what happens then.
4. Yankee Stadium. If one more a$$ clown says, "It's YANKEE Stadium, not Yankees," dick punching will ensue. Yes, it IS Yankee Stadium, just like it's Dodger Stadium. It's not our fault that the MLB is stupid. Does only one Yankee or one Dodger play at this stadium? Or multiple? Really, technically the stadiums should be referred to as Yankees' Stadium and Dodgers' Stadium, but we're not going to crazy here. Adding an apostrophe to a sign is probably difficult...or something, so we'll let that go.
5. Like every goddamn picture we post on Instagram. What the hell is the matter with you? Our self-esteem relies heavily on the number of "hearts" to our Instagram posts. When you don't like our shit, we drink. Which then leads to more misspellings and junk on social media.
6. Don't blindly post things to our Facebook wall. It's not that we don't enjoy interacting with you, it's just that when you post random crap, we don't understand what you're trying to communicate, so we ignore it. Just throw a little note/caption there to let us know what you're trying to convey for pete's sakes!
7. Stop asking about Alex Rodriguez. We've heard enough about it and we don't want to discuss it. It's like your father and your menstrual cycle. He knows it exists, but he doesn't want to talk about it. Mention the word "tampon" and he runs in the other direction. It's our blog and we'll talk about what we want whether its facial hair, Italian sausages, Polish sausages, being roofied, or on occasion, a baseball game.
8. Be more like our Twatter follower, Michael David. He appreciates us for who we are and doesn't want to change us or force us to talk about the giant elephant in the room that is Alex Rodriguez.  

The only way we will forgive your heinous behavior is if you prostitute our social media out to your friends. Why do we still only have 178 Facebook fans? If this continues, we're never going to make it to our goal of 200 fans before New Year's.

Ignoring the fact that the New York Giants are complete and total ass clowns, we will now proceed with a somewhat proper blog post. As we come to an end of the 2013 regular season, we say goodbye to two of the Yankees' "classics" - Mariano Rivera and Andy Pettitte. Last night, we watched Andy's final game (a complete one, mind you) at a friend's house. Serena cried and then suppressed her depression with a s'more. It was terrible and pathetic. However, in the midst of this fat sadness arose a moderately intelligent conversation regarding classiness and baseball.

Pettitte's and Rivera's retirement at the end of the season makes us sad for several reasons. First and foremost, we're officially old. You may not have known this by the way we behave, but we actually have 401k plans and one foot in the grave.

Secondly, how many players stay with 1-2 franchises for their entire career? How many players play the game with respect, professionalism, and class? The game as become saturated with scandals, shenanigans, high-priced salaries, ridiculous contracts, and rapper sports agents. Even the young players coming into the game now have a sense of entitlement. Bryce Harper, for example, displays a disgusting level of arrogance for one who is only in his second season in the league and hasn't grown pubic hair yet.

As the players of our youth slowly begin to retire, the game itself changes. It has become flashier and not in a good way. The media care more about who the players are dating than what's happening on the field. Players want to stay with teams for 10 year contracts not out of loyalty, but because of a guaranteed inflated salary. Players focus their offseason on filming as many commercials as possible and promoting endorsements rather than focus on enhancing their talents. Additionally, players don't seem to care about the impression they're leaving on their fan base. Modesty and gratitude are rare traits as opposed to being the norm. The game itself is no longer a priority. Money is.

Was Chipper Jones a d*ck? Yes. Anyone who names their kid after the stadium in which he hit most of his career home runs is a d*ck. However, no one can ever doubt that he was a "Brave." No one can ever say that he took the game for granted. You never saw Chipper Jones standing in the batter's box admiring his home run as it sailed over the wall before starting his home run trot. He hit the ball. He ran. Even as he aged and his body began to fail him, he continued to play third to the best of his ability. Off the field, you didn't hear about him getting involved in bullsh*t. He showed up to work, did his job, and went home. Even when he was on the DL, Chipper Jones was still a leader to his teammates. The same can be said for Ken Griffey Jr., who got the sh*tty end of the stick in terms of injuries. Fans, MLB-wide, felt something when Jr. retired - sad, wistful, whatever. Something deeper than surface level. Some may have even shed a tear. No one is going to mourn the retirement of Dustin Pedroia, Ryan Braun, Barry Zito, Alex Rodriguez, Carlos Beltran, Albert Pujols, Jose Reyes, or Miguel Cabrera except their local fan base. The fact is that they just don't deserve that kind of recognition or love. Zito, Rodriguez, Beltran, Pujols, Reyes, and Cabrera were all motivated by money. Pedroia and Braun do not have the class or leadership that Ken Griffey or Chipper once displayed. They haven't left impression on the sport. Braun is now flat out tainted. He once had the potential, but that's gone. Him doing steroids isn't half as bad as the lying and the bullsh*t that went with it. If he had just been a man about it and said, "you know what? I f*cked up and I'm sorry," he'd still have some semblance of respect.

It's an end of an era. It's the death of the game as we know it. The fact is no one is going to replace these legends that are retiring. They can only hope to half-fill the shoes that were left behind. Where once upon a time, Joe DiMaggio was replaced by Mickey Mantle, we now have douchebags stepping into the positions that were once held by legends. We're not saying that Bernie Williams is Mickey Mantle, but he was a classy guy that played with heart. He played the game right. Most importantly, he was a "Yankee." Look at the jack wagons that have come in his stead. Johnny Damon? REALLY? Are you out of your goddamn mind?? The first centerfielder that has been an acceptable replacement to Bernie's legacy is Curtis Granderson. That's a long time coming. As much we love Brett Gardner, his production is nowhere near the level of Bernie's. It's like replacing Darth Vader with Cap'n Crunch.

So we bid Mariano Rivera and Andy Pettitte a fond farewell and wait patiently to see what a-holes will replace them.

Isn’t it Ironic?

Okay, so we’re both saddened by our poll results and understanding of them. The most upsetting part about our poll results is the fact that only 5 people voted on it. What in the hell is happening here? We gave you what was basically the most major blog of the year and only 5 of you felt that it was worthy enough to give us your opinion. It is this lack of enthusiasm that runs rampant with you people that brings us to the only solution available and this is for Serena to ninja star you. Oh, what’s that? You didn’t know that she was a ninja? Well, she is. Her ninja name, which cannot be shared with the public for security purposes, basically translates to Shadow of Death and Booze. Scary stuff, huh? As for the 5 people who’ll not receive a ninja star to the skull, 3 of them would not give us a sharp object, let alone allow us to shave them. *sigh* While we understand this feeling of doubt and concern, we must admit that this assessment does hurt our feelings. A mere 2 souls felt that our seasoned experience as leg shavers certainly qualified us as face shavers.

Baseball officially kicked off this week when pitchers and catchers reported to spring training on Monday. AJ’s been trying to convince us to send Winkie down to Florida, but it’s not happening. AJ does not deserve our accommodating nature at this time. Maybe when he proves that he values our affection and loyalty, we’ll think about letting him spend more quality time with Winkie.

On Tuesday, Donald Trump said that Mets owners, Fred Wilpon called him to set up a meeting to discuss buying part of the team, but Trump is only interested in buying a majority share because as we all know, Trump likes calling the shots. Imagine it now: “Carlos [Beltran], you’re fired!”

Serena’s favorite Mariner will return to the franchise as a special consultant. While Ken Griffey Jr.’s role is still in the process of being defined, it’s been stated that he’ll be involved with the team during spring training and the regular season as well as visiting most of the team’s minor-league affiliates.

Apparently, CC Sabathia has discovered the world’s greatest diet plan, though we’re not sure that this diet is worth the sacrifice. Sabathia claims to have lost 30 pounds simply by cutting Cap’n Crunch from his diet. We feel strongly that the love for the Cap’n far outweighs a potential loss of 30 pounds. Nevertheless, we gave the diet a go because we’ve done little to train in the off season for our stadium tours thus far, so we need something to kick start our program. After one day, it was clear that Sabathia is utterly full of sh*t and his nutritionist should be fired. Lisa remained the same while Serena actually gained weight. Just like the diet dictated, she skipped her hearty bowl of Cap’n. Instead she ate 3 chicken soft tacos and a Meximelt. Clearly, she followed the diet rules to the letter.
 
“Isn’t it ironic, we didn’t lose weight? A little too ironic. And yes, we really do think. It’s like not losing weight for your wedding day. It’s the free ride when you’ve already made Lisa show a boob to get it. It’s like 10,000 buns when all you need is a hot dog. It’s like meeting Justin Morneau (Jeff Francoeur, Chris Cornell, Mike Jacobs) and then meeting his beautiful wife. Isn’t it ironic? Don’t you think?”

In a Baseball State of Mind

While Serena frolicked around the streets of Los Angeles with Erin, Lisa asked if you ever took what sports commentators said seriously. While we are happy that more people voted this time around (8 total), it saddens us to relay the outcome of this poll. 1 person actually thinks that sports commentators are the wisest people ever. Really? Okay, you sole survivor, you must not have many intelligent friends or perhaps you never actually paid attention and listened to a game, subjecting yourself to ongoing rants about crap that have nothing to do with the players or the team. At least our rants are baseball-related! If this is the case, we forgive you. Or maybe you’re an out of stater whose team actually has an acceptable announcer’s booth. If so, we’re jealous! 2 of our fine feathered friends chose to watch the game on mute. We happen to do the same. Sometimes when we are watching the game, we pretend that our Coors Light bottles are microphones and we report on what’s shaking on the field...to absolutely no one. At this stage, Brother usually vacates the house in a hurry. We think that we’ve become quite good at announcing, with only the small, itty bitty hiccup of needing a beep button to regularly cut out the cursing. Is that really so bad? We love Ron Darling on SNY and Paul O’Neil’s special guest appearances on YES, but other than these exceptions, please, Keith Hernandez and Michael Kay, stop making our ears bleed! We beg you! Bobby Murcer, we miss you! The last choice won in a landslide with 5 votes and this is somewhat disconcerting to us. The option was “Maybe. I have patience. After all I do read this blog.” Do you really hate us or something? I mean we joke around that you guys do, but now we’re thinking that our joking was just a way to disguise the truth and this realization kind of hurts. The TBB are not entirely insensitive. We do actually have feelings. Don't be cruel to a heart that’s true (insert Elvis lip curl).

Tomorrow is D-Day. The time for the St. Jude’s Ab Challenge is upon us. Last year, Serena completed 5, 591 crunches in an hour. With a newly developed sore throat, she’s under no illusion that she’s going to blow this total out of the water. She’ll settle for hitting 6,000 this time. To celebrate, we’re hoping that Mamadukes is open to hitting up the closest IHOP for face stuffing (ahem, Mamadukes, are you reading this?). While Lisa dreams of the breakfast sampler, Serena hopes to sleep on a bed of glorious pancakes (hmmm…imagine if Bon Jovi’s song had been a Bed of Pancakes instead of Roses? Would he still have slept on a bed of nails?). Wish us luck, people!

Now onto more pressing news: baseball. On Tuesday, Cliff Lee said that he still felt some pain in his strained abdomen following his first on field test of the injury and he has no idea when he’ll be able to get on the mound again. Yikes! Is it possible that he may not be ready when the Mariners start their season at Oakland on April 5th?

Terry Francona announced on Wednesday that the x-rays on second baseman, Dustin Pedroia’s sprained left wrist were negative. He’ll most likely return to the lineup today. Sorry. We’ve got no sympathy for the Duke of the royal MLB Whiner’s Court.

A-hole #2 (aka: Jose Reyes. Until he proves himself as being the player he once was, he’ll remain A-hole #2) returned to the lineup on Wednesday. Look at that. Round of applause for going back to work. Hoorah. Reyes has been out due to elevated thyroid hormone levels. It is still a question weather or not he will be able to play on opening day but it's still progress. Reyes states that he has been following directions (a huge step for Reyes, as far as we’re concerned) and doing everything that he’s told. For example, he has been instructed to stay away from seafood, mostly shellfish, as well as Chinese food. They believe that this may have been the cause for his elevated levels. Looks like no lunch special #5 for Reyes. Boo hoo.

With just over a week to go before the start of the baseball season, Joe Girardi finally revealed that Phil Hughes will take on the role of the Yankees’ fifth starter. Hughes managed to beat out Joba Chamberlain, Alfredo Aceves, Sergio Mitre, and Chad Gaudin, who was released yesterday. His improved change up is what supposedly tipped the scales in his favor and we all know how Serena simply loves a good change up (why do you think she’s remained loyal to Zito for so long? DON’T say his good looks). Now if only Hughes could imitate Zito’s curve ball. Whooooooo! Serena just might slap him (in a good, loving way, not an abusive, scary, he better get a restraining order kind of way). Hughes’ hard work paid off and this is why he is this week’s Super Hero of the Week!

After spending most of his preseason visiting doctors and performing exercises to relieve his ailing back, Orioles’ second baseman, Brian Roberts, will at long last see some action in his first spring training game tonight when the Orioles take on the Twins. Roberts hopes to start in the Orioles’ season opener against the Rays on April 6th.

Our last tid bit of news involves a man that might actually bump Carlos Beltran from his title of A-hole #1. Shocking, we know. Apparently, Milton Bradley (just typing his name right there brings a snarl to our lips), compares himself to Kanye West and Ron Artest, saying “in baseball, they’ve got Milton Bradley. I’m that guy. You need people like me so you can point your finger and go, ‘There goes the bad guy.’” First of all, why are you an idiot who consistently refers to himself in the third person? Second of all, why is this stigma something you’re proud of? We don’t need another dirt bag in professional sports. You’re giving it to us out of your own free will. Sorry, Milton, but we’re all stocked up here. Bradley’s already been ejected twice in 3 Mariners spring games last week. Really, dude? The season hasn’t even started. What the hell are you doing? Hopefully, being around a class act like Ken Griffey Jr. will straighten him up. Perhaps Griffey can teach Bradley the fine art of minding his manners and keeping his damn mouth shut! Here’s a tip, Milton: Maybe if you kept your mouth shut and just played ball, you wouldn’t have to be the Kanye West of baseball. If Griffey can turn Bradley into a quasi-gentleman, we’ll dub him Super Hero of the YEAR!

In honor of Super Hero of the Week, Phil Hughes, we’re parting ways with you to the fine words of Phil Collins (even though the original is technically by Diana Ross): “you can't hurry baseball. Oh, you just have to wait. Baseball season comes in April and it's a game of give or take. How long must we wait? How much more can we take before loneliness will cause our heart to break?”

These Are a Few of Our Favorite Things

We shed some light on our spring training regime last week and asked you which training activity you thought sounded like the most fun. Of 6 votes, the majority of you voted for planning the Jeter wedding. We figured this would be the winner, but what surprised us is that the “majority” only equaled to 2 votes. We really thought that the Jeter wedding would win unanimously. The rest of the votes were scattered among the other choices. 1 for “gazing longingly at our suitcases,” 1 for “fundraising,” 1 for “letter writing…totally can’t wait for the home run apple letter to be posted,” and 1 for “recycling for change.” Apparently no one found “pumping it up at the gym, Guido style,” “craft time,” “crunching to trashy television and Mortal Kombat,” or “watching football and drinking from yard sticks” very entertaining. Weird. We thought the whole Mortal Kombat thing was a nice touch. Oh well.

By now you may have noticed that we favor certain players, regardless of what team they play for. The list is admittedly pretty long, but when push comes to shove there are the select few that rise to the top of the pile. We have our common ground Favorites, which are players whom we share an equal amount of affection for and then there are our personal Favorites. Just because a player falls under the category of “Personal Favorite,” does not mean that he is disliked by the other member of the TBB. He’s simply not high ranking in her world of favorite professional baseball players. What makes a player become a Favorite? Several factors. It could be his charitable contributions, statistics, personality, or even something as simple as his looks. It could even be all or some of those reasons combined. The favoritism might even be based on a personal encounter with said athlete that left a lasting impression. Below, we will discuss our top Favorites and why we favor them. Then we will break down our Personal Favorites. We have only one rule for picking Favorites: the Favorite must be an active player (or else this list will get out of hand). Retired Favorites may have to be an entirely different post.

The Traveling Baseball Babes’ Favorites:
Mike Jacobs
Let us begin by stating the obvious: Mike Jacobs is HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT! Billy Madison said it best when he sang, “want to touch the hiney!”

Like Adam LaRoche, who you will read about next, Jacobs’ placement amongst our Favorites has less to do with his playing abilities and more to do with our personal encounter with the man. Jacobs was the first. The first what, you ask? Our first photo. When the strapping lad played firstbase for the Mets, we met him near the right field foul pole at Shea Stadium. He was sweating, but still smelled like hot, musky man. He didn’t run from us in fear like other players who we will not list here because it’s not the right venue. He stood erect like a true man, a soldier if you will, allowed Lisa to grab his face, and smiled as Serena snapped the photo. He even signed Lisa’s jersey, which her dog, Rexysula, then peed on.

Adam LaRoche
This might sound like a strange choice as LaRoche’s abilities rest mostly on his strong defensive skills and he’s never played for either New York team. However, there is a real reason for our affection toward good ole’ LaRoche. LaRoche is the man who threw Serena’s first ball at our first baseball game together…ever. Where the Traveling Baseball Babes began you might say. You may not think this is impressive because players throw balls into the stands all the time, but this wasn’t just like all the other times. On this occasion, LaRoche actually faced us (and we know it was us because no one was standing near us) and flipped Serena the ball specifically. Granted, he had been egged on by the drunk older man standing in our section demanding that LaRoche throw a ball to the “hot ladies over here” (which was a strange description considering we were sweating through our tank tops at the time), however the point remains that he singled us out and tossed us a ball. For that, Mr. LaRoche will forever remain a Favorite.

Plus, Keith Hernandez inappropriately announced on national television that LaRoche has ADHD and we commend him for overcoming his obstacles.

Tim Lincecum
C’mon, people. We have an entire Appreciation Day dedicated to the boy. We’ve retired his number for pete’s sake. His number is the only number retired in TBB history. Must we explain further?

Johan Santana
Johan Santana’s pitching resume probably does not to be described here as it is already well-known, but we’re going to do it anyway. The 2 time AL Cy Young Award winner (2004 & 2006) and 4 time All Star boasts a career win-loss record of 122-60, an ERA of 3.12, and 1,733 strikeouts. He was named AL Pitcher of the Month in August 2002, which was also his first full month as a big-league starter. Quite the first impression. In 2004, his first Cy Young Award winning year, he became the first pitcher in more than 40 years to go 10 starts without giving up more than 4 hits or 4 runs. He also decided to sell his SUV on eBay, kindly throwing in a signed jersey for the buyer. The man’s got personality! In 2006, In addition to his second Cy Young Award, he won the Triple Crown for pitching, leading the league in wins (19), strikeouts (245), and ERA (2.77). He earned his first Gold Glove in 2007, proving that he is more than just a pitcher- he’s an athlete.

While Santana is technically attractive, it is not just his physical attributes that make him adorable. His team spirit, drive, athletic prowess, competitive fire, and all around “good guy” aura contributes to his adorableness. Not to mention, when other teammates “give up,” Santana continues to strive for excellence. Even if the team is out of playoff contention, he still shows up and endeavors to pitch a well executed game.

Furthermore, he shares a birthday with Serena. Serena officially now has an awesome birthday. Perhaps he will come to her “Go Irish” themed birthday party. Erin go bragh!

Huston Street
In 2005, Huston Street earned AL Rookie of the Year honors by posting 72 strikeouts in 78 1/3 innings pitched, opposing hitters only batting .194 against him. The only AL reliever to better Street’s ERA was Yankees’ Mariano Rivera’s 1.34. Not too shabby. Street’s fastball typically hovers in the 90-93 mph range, topping out at around 95. He also owns a sharp slider around 84-86 mph that he uses against righties and a changeup at around 81-83 that he typically throws against lefties.

As if these impressive stats weren’t sexy enough, we’ve had the privilege of seeing that man warm up in the bull pen. Needless to say, he’s very bendy. We were unaware that the male form could actually do the things that Street’s body did. Plus, Huston Street is definitely a porn star name and that just gives him extra sex appeal if that’s even possible. Yum.

Honorable Mentions: Eric Brynes, Melky Cabrera, Mariano Rivera, Bryan Roberts, Chase Utley, and Ryan Zimmerman

Lisa’s Favorites:
Daniel Murphy
You might be wondering why I picked Daniel Murphy. He hasn’t been on the team long enough to become a dynasty player. His playing in the outfield is less than desirable and he’s not exactly the best first baseman, but he’s doable for right now. In his defense, he was the team leader in home runs last season with a whopping 12. Impressive.

However, I like Murphy’s swagger. He’s a team player. When the going gets tough and after dropping many balls, he still trots out onto the field and gives his all. It might not be anyone’s best, but he certainly gives it. He also looks like a really nice guy. I also like his last name. It’s fun to shout at Citi Field and I assume, in bed. I am just throwing it out there. Only time will tell if Murphy’s going to become an MVP or an All Star, but for now his award is being my Favorite.

I really hope Murphy can make it to Serena's birthday bash which is Irish themed. What kind of Irish themed party would it be without a Murphy !!!! Serena and I have selected him to be the party's mascot, which is another reason he is my personal Favorite.

David Wright
When I first saw David Wright, I was at a game with Papa L. We were sitting up in the stands. David was fairly new to the team and of course, we were in a rain delay. So it doesn’t just haunt the TBB, it haunts me too. David went outside in the rain, holding his own umbrella and signed autographs. I thought to myself (little did I know), “What a nice a guy. Here he is in the rain signing autographs.” That moment, I thought, David had great character and I like character in a ball player. David, like Murphy, shows team spirit. Unlike Murphy, David has much better stats and is an all around good player. For the most part, with the exception of last year, he comes through in a clutch. David has been a All star selection 4x 2006, 2007, 2008 and 2009. David has 2 golden gloves under his belt and is a 2x silver slugger award winner .This is probably why he is such a fan favorite . I hate to admit that he is my Favorite for fear of being one of those girls, but clearly you can see from my story above that I had grown a liking to him when he was a peon in the Mets Organization. I mean when do you see him now signing autographs at Citi Field let alone in the rain? My other reason for David being my Favorite is he is highly charitable, just not to the TBB. The David Wright Foundation provides aid and assistance toward the health, emotional development and education for children in need. David I think is a great role model for kids. I would love for him to father my children but I am aware that is NEVER going to happen and I am ok with that.

Serena’s Favorites:
Ken Griffey Jr.
When I recall sitting at my grandmother’s dining table in Williston Park eating a bowl of Cornflakes, there is only one thing I can remember about the back of that cereal box: the frozen image of Griffey’s finished swing. His smile was (and still is) infectious. Despite being raised in the household of Super Yankees Fan Mamadukes, I could not help but become infatuated with the center fielder that Griffey was (could we perhaps trace my affection for Bernie Williams back to the Mariners’ center fielder?). Even the “Jr.” at the end of his name sought a special place in my heart. Griffey is my first non-Yankees love.

Lets face it. Griffey is a well adored player spanning many generations (his major league debut coming in 1989) and deservedly so. He’s been selected to the All Star game a whopping 13 times and in 1999, earned a position on the Major League Baseball All-Century Team! A 10 time Golden Glove Award winner, 7 time Silver Slugger Award winner, and a 3 time Home Run Derby winner (1994, 1998, and 1999), Griffey is more than just a meathead who can hit home runs. Before being plagued by injuries, Griffey was a premier center fielder. An all around fantastic athlete. Rare in an age where offense alone puts fans in the stands. On August 22, 2007, Griffey was selected as an all-time Gold Glove winner, a list of nine players considered to be the greatest defensive players in the last fifty years (including Johnny Bench, Willie Mays, Roberto Clemente, and Greg Maddux). It was Griffey, not McGwire or Sosa, that I wanted to break Roger Maris’ record in 1998. I am sure that I wasn’t the only one.

Justin Morneau
You’ve probably heard me refer to Morneau as my “beloved” several times by now and I am sure you’ve thought the reference a strange one, if not mildly psychotic. Or incredibly psychotic…whichever. What drew me to the Twins’ first baseman? Well, what draws me to most players? Outstanding defense. Yes, the 2006 AL MVP and 3 time All Star is a highly recognized offensive player, being a 2 time Silver Slugger Award winner and 2008 Home Run Derby champ, squeaking past Josh Hamilton in the final round and effectively proving that slow and steady sometimes really does win the race (not to mention, becoming the first Canadian ever to win the Home Run Derby). And yes. One of the sexiest things about him is how his batting stance fills the box perfectly and how his swing is textbook, art in motion. Look at the picture I chose to include of him. Look at his follow through. If I took that picture to my old high school hitting coach, he’d tell me to emulate that swing. It’s beautiful. It can make a girl weak in the knees, I tell you. But what I love best about Morneau is his abilities at first. It truly disgusted me that a defenseman of his caliber played alternate to David Ortiz, above all people, in 2008. Really, people???

Besides, one of his favorite baseball players is Ken Griffey Jr. Clearly, great minds think alike. Now if only he wasn’t married… ; )

Barry Zito
By now, I think I’ve made it perfectly clear over the course of my blogging with Lisa that I would love to get my hands on this man. You may watch him pitch now and assume that my favoritism for Zito stemmed strictly from his looks. You’d be partly right. The first thing I noticed about him was his face…and what a deliciously scruffy face it was that first time I saw him pitch in the ALDS against the Red Sox in 2003. However, after the initial “oh, who is that yummy man” awe wore off, my fascination switched from his face to his incredible curve ball. To quote the overused cliché, the pitch just “rolled off the table,” stupefying seasoned hitters like Manny Ramirez and the previously mentioned, Ortiz. It was smitten at first sight. As many of you may have noticed, there is a distinction between Oakland Zito (whom became the initial object of my affection) and San Francisco Zito. In 2002, Oakland Zito posted a 23-5 record and earned AL Cy Young honors, narrowly defeating the illustrious Pedro Martinez. He had never missed a scheduled start and led the American League in starts on four occasions. He threw 200 or more innings in each of his 6 full seasons with the A’s, giving him work horse status. He also had a streak of 14 consecutive starts (and 20 out of 21) in which he gave up fewer hits than innings pitched! I’d say he earned his contract, no? Then in 2006, Oakland Zito replaced his agent Arn Tellem with the Devil himself: Scott Boras.

Boras negotiated a 7-year deal for the now San Francisco Zito worth $126 million, plus $18 million option for 2014 with a $7 million buyout. At that time, San Francisco Zito’s contract became the highest for any pitcher in Major League history. This is where things begin to get a bit cringe worthy. In 2008, Zito ended his streak of having never missed a scheduled start! What’s worse is that the drop in velocity of his fastball (which was never very high to begin with) and loss of command in his curve ball became extremely problematic and even prompted management to temporarily move Zito to the bull pen at the end of April. He finally collected his first win of the season at the end of May. Good grief. Fortunately, in 2009 San Francisco Zito showed signs of Oakland Zito. He did begin the season with an ERA of 10 (yikes!), but managed to work it back to down to an acceptable 4.03. He only posted a 10-13 record, but he was the victim of poor run support, touting the second lowest in the majors. We can attribute the rebound in his pitching performance to an increased velocity on his fast ball and finally regaining control on that gorgeous curve ball of his. We can only hope that this carries over to the 2010 season. Come home, Zito. Come home. We miss your former self.

Lastly, despite the his issues these last few years with the Giants, there is one piece of Zito’s life that will by far endear him to me the most and that is his charity, Strikeout for Troops, which provides money to hospitals for soldiers wounded in military operations.

We don’t have much to write about this week in terms of baseball happenings, but nevertheless, we now faithfully bring you to our baseball notes: Serena’s favorite first baseman, Justin Morneau will be one of several Canadians receiving the honor of carrying the Olympic Torch leading up to the Vancouver games. This just adds to Morneau’s hotness level. Other honorees include Sidney Crosby, Steve Nash, and Shania Twain.

On Thursday, Justin Verlander and the Detroit Tigers finalized a deal that avoided an awkward salary arbitration heading. Verlander, who would’ve eligible for free agency following the 2011 World Series, tied the majors for most wins last season with 19 and led the league with 269 strikeouts, 240 logged innings, and 35 starts. The 2006 AL Rookie of the Year also posted a career best 3.45 ERA. The $80 million/5 year contract includes a $500,000 signing bonus, $6.75 million this season, $12.7 million next year, and $20 million in each of the following years of the contract.

Finally, in case you haven’t noticed, the TBB has been blogging openly for exactly 1 year tomorrow. Happy Anniversary to us!
Sarah McLachlan encompassed our feelings for our lovely Favorites when she wrote, “Your baseball qualities are better than ice cream, they’re better than anything else that we’ve tried…even sausage sandwiches.”

Mourning the Loss of the Baseball Season

Well, we are sad to report that our poll turn out was limited to 5 measly votes. Is it because the season’s over and you’ve stopped caring? You, know we’ve not ditched our post as weekly bloggers despite the season coming to an end! We still manage to come up with worthless crap to feed you. The least you could do is patronize us and vote on our stupid poll. You don’t even have to read the blog if you don’t want to. Is that so much to ask for? Anyway, we had asked you what you thought would happen at this year’s winter meetings. 4 of you felt that Mr. Met would take over the role of Manager for the Mets while Jerry Manuel would step down and become the stadium’s Hot Dog Compliance Specialist. The fact that you’re allowing Manuel to have this sort of great responsibility just proves how forgiving you are. Lisa believes that Manuel will find a way to screw up Citi Field’s hot dogs…and hot dogs are vital components to a baseball game. We know. We’re professional hot dog research analysts. Only 1 of you thought that Jayson Werth is going to donate his creepy beard to Locks of Love, only to be rejected and then riots will ensue. We don’t really blame Locks of Love for rejecting his beard because let’s face it; no one deserves that for a wig. Finally, absolutely no one voted for the last three options: Brad Ziegler going to Pittsburg in exchange for a player to be named, AROD files for 60-day FML due to sensitivity issues, and Roy Halladay signs with the Angels. Really, people? Really? That last choice was the most likely event to occur and no one voted for it. No, you actually thought that Mr. Met would be an appropriate replacement for Jerry Manuel. Helloooooo, he can’t talk!!!! How do you expect him to call the bull pen? Plus, he’s always smiling so how do you think players are going to know when Mr. Met is angry? They’re going to think they’re doing a great job when they really aren’t. And how do you expect him to travel with the team? He’s head is way too big to fit through an airplane door.

Now…cue Darth Vadar’s imperial march. We are officially depressed. Now that the parade has passed and the excitement has died down, there’s nothing to look forward to until pitchers and catchers report. Okay, Christmas will be fun, but that’s completely irrelevant. There’s only football once a week and the Jets and Giants have been sucking interesting body parts lately. Pretty hard core actually. The Giants, in particular, have made Serena nauseas for three straight weeks. The only thing that has gotten her through these tough NFL times is the fact that they have a bye week this Sunday and therefore can’t possibly screw anything up. The Jets, however, are scheduled to play and could potentially give Tech Support Sean an ulcer. Other than that, what’s the TBB to do/watch? Project Runway’s coming to an end. Biggest Loser’s almost down to its last contestant. The Real Housewives of Atlanta have been relegated to reruns on Bravo. Will we really be forced to watch YES and SNY Classics? We KNOW what happens! There’s no pacing involved. No nail biting. No shouts of, “for heaven’s sakes! Call the bullpen! Here’s my cell phone! I have free nights and weekends! Go on! Use it!” No Premio sausage sandwiches or grilled hot dogs with awesome toppings. We’d have to travel to Vegas in order to get ourselves a $10 Coors Light. How boring.

Most importantly, no baseball season means there’s no stadium touring!!!! That’s our true life line! Those are the blogs we have most fun writing! In order to keep us going, we’ve resorted to depositing recyclables for money to put toward our LA/San Diego trip. It makes us feel like we’re accomplishing something related to stadium touring, but we’re not. We have no flights, no baseball tickets, no free giveaway schedules. We’re just the non-traveling depressed baseball babes. We’ve collected $8 so far from plastic bottles, beer bottles, and cans.

As a result of this manic depression, we’re concerned that our fans may feel the brunt of it the most. Our blogging abilities may suffer and we’ll simply continue to muck through garbage and rant about complete nonsense (like Sammy Sosa pulling a Michael Jackson…it’s black, it’s white?) and force you to read it…weekly. We apologize for this. We will sincerely try our best to avoid this type of calamity, but it may be inevitable.

We suppose that we could be positive about this whole thing. We can begin again. New hopes, dreams, and an uplifted faith (at least for Serena. Lisa, not so much). This is the year *insert favorite team* will take it all. This is it! Favorite team is going to sign that big shot free agent and all of our problems will be solved!

Unfortunately, what will happen (to us, anyway) is that before spring training is over, this hope will fade. It will be replaced by frustration and anger. Why did *insert favorite team’s GM* get rid of *insert favorite player* in favor of that douche, *insert douchey player*? What does douche do that favorite player doesn’t? Douche is probably represented by Scott Boras and will earn a hefty paycheck. Doubt will enter the corners of the mind as you begin to sweat the arrival of Opening Day. You hope your team does well. You hope your team does not get their butts handed to them by the Cleveland Indians at your team’s brand new stadium (like the Yankees did this year). If your team wins Opening Day, you think you can be relaxed because it’s a great start to the season (but you probably won’t relax). If your team loses, you’re going to be a wreck. What if they lose every game? What if they suck? What if that high-paid douche wasn’t the answer? What if he’s just a douche?

Of course, by the end of the season, douche will have done nothing, favorite team will probably end up in the bottom of the standings, and former favorite player will have gone on to win the World Series MVP and ride the lead float in the team parade. This brings us back to off season depression yet again. It’s a vicious cycle and through it all, you will remain loyal to favorite team.

We’re thinking of starting a support group. Please email us if you’re interesting in joining. Perhaps we can file for 501 (c) 3 status. Collect donations for our cause. Anyone?

In the meantime, we will have to perfect our strategies involving certain key players (TOWSNBN, Murphy, Justin Morneau, Joe Mauer, Barry Zito, Jeff Francoeur, “Tiny” Tim Lincecum, Mike Jacobs, Huston Street, Cole Hamels). Don’t worry, boys, we did not forget about you. 0 : )

Now for the drum roll please…the 2009 MLB Awards thus far:

American League Gold Gloves
Mark Buehrle (Chicago White Sox) P
Joe Mauer (Minnesota Twins) C
Mark Teixeira (New York Yankees) 1B
Placido Polanco (Detroit Tigers) 2B
Evan Longoria (Tampa Bay Rays) 3B
Derek Jeter (New York Yankees) SS
Torii Hunter (Los Angeles Angels) OF
Adam Jones (Baltimore Orioles) OF
Ichiro Suzuki (Seattle Mariners) OF

National League Gold Gloves
Adam Wainright (St. Louis Cardinals) P
Yadier Molina (St. Louis Cardinals) C
Adrian Gonzalez (San Diego Padres) 1B
Orlando Hudson (Los Angeles Dodgers) 2B
Ryan Zimmerman (Washington Nationals) 3B
Jimmy Rollins (Philadelphia Phillies) SS
Shane Victorino (Philadelphia Phillies) OF
Michael Bourn (Houston Astros) OF
Michael Kemp (Los Angeles Dodgers) OF

American League Silver Slugger Awards
Mark Teixeira (New York Yankees) 1B
Aaron Hill (Toronto Blue Jays) 2B
Derek Jeter (New York Yankees) SS
Evan Longoria (Tampa Bay Rays) 3B
Joe Mauer (Minnesota Twins) C
Adam Lind (Toronto Blue Jays) DH
Torii Hunter (Los Angeles Angels) OF
Ichiro Suzuki (Seattle Mariners) OF
Jason Bay (Boston Red Sox) OF

National League Silver Slugger Awards
Albert Pujols (St. Louis Cardinals) 1B
Chase Utley (Philadelphia Phillies) 2B
Hanley Ramirez (Florida Marlins) SS
Ryan Zimmerman (Washington Nationals) 3B
Brian McCann (Atlanta Braves) C
Carlos Zambrano (Chicago Cubs) P
Matt Kemp (Los Angeles Dodgers) OF
Andre Ethier (Los Angeles Dodgers) OF
Ryan Braun (Milwaukee Brewers) OF

We eagerly wait for the announcement of the Cy Young Awards, MVP’s, Batting Titles, Rookie of the Year, Manager of the Year, and Come Back Player of the Year. While we may not be happy with all of the results, we’re also excited about potential player moves.

In TBB Walks for Fred news, Fred K’s Cancer will be getting its own website and Facebook page, so any updates on our fundraising and the event will be posted there. The sites will be up and running by the end of the day on Monday.

On to today’s baseball notes: In extremely twisted news, Victor Zambrano’s mother was kidnapped in Venezuela on Sunday. After three days of captivity, police was able to stage a “commando-style” rescue. She was unharmed. Also on Sunday, the Twins picked up Michael Cuddeyer’s $10.5 million option for 2011, whereas the Red Sox declined the $6 million option on Alex Gonzalez and the Phillies declined the $5.5 million option on Pedro Feliz. The Red Sox are apparently very busy beavers because on Monday, they picked up Victor Martinez’s $7 million option, while declining stupid “C” is for “Catcher” Jason Varitek’s $5 million option. Unfortunately for Serena, the fool exercised his $3 million option so that he can stay with the Red Sox. How charming. She’s thrilled that she gets another season to look at him. The Sox also replaced Tim Wakefield’s option with a two year agreement. He claims that that once the two years are up, he’s calling it quits. The agreement will put him at 45 years old. This news completely shocked Serena. Tim Wakefield is 43 years old???? In more uplifting news (at least for us), Ken Griffey Jr. (who we love, love, love, love, love) signed a one year agreement with Mariners! Yay! Why didn’t we go to Seattle LAST year when he returned? Why did we have to go there when he was with the White Sox? Seattle’s manager, Jack Zdurienck stated that “we’re tickled pink that he’s decided to come back.” We’re not quite sure what “tickled pink” means, but it sounds rather dirty. Finally, there are some big guns up for hire this off season either through trade or free agency, including John Lackey (who has a snaggle tooth), Roy Halladay (who is most definitely a werewolf. Serena would bet money on it), and Javier Vazquez (who is actually somewhat attractive and low-key). Lisa will take any of them or all of them to play for the Mets. In exchange, she is willing to give up Oliver Perez, Luis Castillo, Carlos Beltran, Jose Reyes, Carlos Delgado, JJ Putz…basically the entire team with the exception of TWOSNBN, Jeff Francoeur, Daniel Murphy, Johan Santana, and Mr. Met. Everyone else can go. Serena would love for Roy Halladay to join the Yankees pitching staff, but will lock her doors for safety purposes when there’s a full moon.

We close today’s blog with the following words, written and performed by the illustrious BON JOVI! “We wake up in the morning and we raise our weary heads. We’ve got an old jersey from some player who got traded for a pillow and the baseball field was last night’s bed. We don’t know where we’re going, only the TBB fans know where we’ve been. We’re babes on the run, we love a 40-man roster (but not those on the DL), when will baseball return again, Yeah! The baseball season’s shot down in a blaze of glory! Take it down, but we know the truth! Pitchers and catchers report in February. Thank god.”

The 2009 MLB Season, may it rest in peace