Friday, March 4, 2011

The 2 TBB Wolfpack

Keeping with our policy of reporting to you the most excellent stadium tour summaries that we possibly can, we wanted to know how we could better these reports for our upcoming tours. Unfortunately, it appears that only 4 people want us to improve ourselves. Thanks a lot, people. You’re absolutely no help whatsoever. Just go ahead and let us rot with failure. Of the 4 of you who actually give a crap, the feedback was split between “Eat more food and report back because it’s clear that your stomachs are bottomless pits and it shouldn’t be a problem” and “More fan interaction because it’s great when you guys make complete a-holes out of yourselves.” This is somewhat encouraging because the other two options were a little mean: “More pictures of the stadium because I’m so tired of seeing your stupid faces” and “Just stop. Please stop. I cannot stand you two and I don’t even know why I check this site anymore.”

Before we get into today’s post, we’d like you to show some support our dear friend, Linda by voting for her in MLB’s Honorary Bat Girl contest. To read her story and vote, search “zizabella4915.” Linda is a warm, loving individual with a lot of spirit and fight. This is why she is our TBB Super Hero of the Week.

We’re blogging today from a waiting room at a Patient Service Center. Thankfully, neither of us are dead or dying (that we know of at least), but we are a bit frustrated. That is all we’re permitted to tell you about that at this time. Suffice it to say that we have a most excellent surprise for you, but we can’t tell you what it is yet. Very exciting. Don’t you just hate it when people do that? But now that we’ve got you hooked, we know that you’ll tune in next week to find out what the surprise is. We’re pretty smart like that.

Anyway, onward to the good sh*t. We bought our Brewers tickets this week for the bargain price of $114 (total with tax and service fees). This may sound a bit steep considering where we normally sit, but wait til’ you see the seats we actually scored. They’re located in an infield box on the third base side. We’d like to remind you that we’ll be seeing the Brewers play the Giants…and where does the away sit during the game? Oh, yes. The third base side. Don’t you worry your orange and black hats, boys, the TBB are gonna get you and bring you back to their cozy TBB beds. *Insert diabolical laugh*

We’ll be purchasing our airfare this weekend. Twins tickets go on sale on Saturday, March 26th, so we’re 95% of the way there. Of course, we still have to buy our airfare to Denver, but we’ve got plenty of time for that.

We’ve decided to open up a TBB Sweepstakes to keep our fans stimulated. What is the prize? Just going to Mets Opening Day with Lisa. For a chance to win, email us by April 1st with your name, email address, a contact number, and a paragraph about why you deserve to go with her. The winner’s entry will be posted to that week’s blog.

For some reason, the baseball notes we found this week were incredibly amusing to us. For starters, Carlos Beltran apparently approached manager Terry Collins about moving from center to right field because, “this is not about Carlos. This is about team.” Are you friggin’ sh*tting us? Since WHEN is this not about Carlos? Angel Pagan, who covered center in Beltran’s absence last year, will likely take over. If this is a completely selfless act on Beltran’s part, then Lisa is the Prime Minister of Greece and Serena will be replacing Elizabeth II on the throne any day now.

Just before the Yankees took on the Astros, Mark Teixeira announced that he’s parted ways with his long-time agent…none other than the devil himself, Scott Boras. According to Teixeira, “sometimes it’s time to make a little change.” Oh, it’s like justice has been delivered…sort of. It’d be poetry if every client he’s ever had up and left him in the gutter to be “murdered by crystal meth tweakers.”

So long for today, suckers. “What do the TBB dream of when they take a little TBB snooze? Do they dream of mauling Beltran or looking hot in a Catwoman suit? Don’t you worry your little worried heads, we’re gonna get you back to the stadiums and the yummy baseball foods. And then you’re not gonna find your ex-BFFER, Brad and you’re certainly not gonna give him a best friend hug. Brad. Oh, Brad. Oh, Brad (this is not us moaning, by the way). But if he’s been murdered by crystal meth tweakers, well then the A’s are sh*t out of luck.”

PS- In case you couldn’t tell, we watched The Hangover this weekend…a few times.

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