Friday, March 11, 2011

Serena is Epic. End of Story.

Last week, we were dying to know what you thought tigers dreamed of when they took a little tiger snooze. 4 of you believe that they dreamed of Halle Berry in a Catwoman suit while 2 of you thought they dreamed of mauling zebras. Right on.

So this weekend, the TBB Wolfpack will be joined by one (Jess) in a magnificent celebration of the birth of Fred K’s Cancer, Inc’s Presidente. For those who are ignorant, we are talking about Serena. We’ll be heading into the city tomorrow afternoon to check in at the famous Waldorf Astoria (where David Wright will not meet us yet again), partake in some delicious dessert at Serendipity 3 (where we once had a date with Alex Rodriguez…he might make an appearance for dinner), before eating dinner at Ninja NYC. After hours, however, is when the party starts. We will get sexified back at the hotel (which will require lots and lots of makeup and hair product and probably some squeezing and tucking) and head out to undisclosed locations to drink our faces off and dance our big booties off.

In a disturbing turn of events, no one has entered our contest to win going to Mets Opening Day with Lisa. Do not fear, there is still time to enter as the deadline is April 1st. However, why hasn’t anyone entered yet? Is it Lisa or the fact that it’s METS Opening Day? For the sake of the children and Lisa’s self esteem, we’re going to assume that it’s the fact that it’s the Mets. Email to enter.

We teased with you with a secret last week and we’re now finally able to tell you what the actual secret is. Serena will be leaving our current employer for a job at Autism Speaks by the end of March. This means several things. 1. Lisa will now have to eat lunch by herself, 2. blogging will be relocating from Friday to Sunday starting in April, 3. Mobile blogging will cease to exist as we will now be blogging from Serena’s living room while eating chips and watching The Goonies (with an occasional excursion to Crumbs Bakery), and 4. Ben Affleck will no longer be a problem for us. Do not fret, TBB fans, change is good.

Now for the baseball notes:
Zack Greinke will begin the season on the 15-day DL with a hairline fracture…something he earned during a pick-up basketball game.

Justin Morneau was welcomed back to the field with open arms by his teammates and his fans while Serena welcomed him back to bed with other open limbs (this is coming 8 months after the concussion that ended his 2010 season). According to, Morneau is quoted as saying he “had butterflies.” He’s looking forward to seeing Serena again in May, because “every time I lay my eyes on her, it’s like love at first sight.” Since he actually reported to work for the first time in 8 months (honestly, we don’t blame him since we never want to go to work), Serena’s future husband is our Super Hero of the Week.

Happy Early St. Patty’s Day…celebrate accordingly. It IS a religious holiday. Always designate a driver and wear green. Lisa accommodates these traditions and she isn’t even Irish. So do it. Boom. Encouragement.

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