Sunday, July 17, 2011

I’m Gonna Be The Most Popular Girl

In an effort to make Troy Tulowitzki more masculine, we’ve decided to reach out to our meager following to find out what song Troy should come to the plate to in lieu of Justin Bieber. For some strange reason, only 3 people actually responded. We figured this would be a poll you’d enjoy. We’re confused. 2 of you voted for Black Sabbath’s Iron Man and 1 jack-a-loon legitimately voted for Britney Spears’ Slave for You. Makes us wonder if Troy actually found our blog and chose to vote for the song he wanted. No one voted for the other kick ass songs, I Wanna Rock (Twisted Sister), Back in Black (AC/DC), or Sad But True (Metallica). We gave you some amazing options and you failed to take advantage of the situation.

Now that we’re back in full swing with the baseball season, it’s time to discuss the mockery that has just passed. You guessed it. The All Star Game or as we like to call it, “MLB’s Most Popular Kids.” You might recall our blog title as being the chorus of a fantastic feature song from the classic 80’s film, “Teen Witch.” Can you possible guess as to where we’re taking this blog today?

Okay, we can get behind the Home Run Derby. It’s fun. Who doesn’t love watching home runs unless it’s the opposite team launching them off of your pitching staff? Plus, everyone participating has pretty much proven that they’re established home run hitters. Congrats, by the way, to Robinson Cano for his record-breaking victory over Adrian Gonzalez.

The All Star Game is like being in high school all over again. If you’re popular, you’re going to go far. Even if you’re the biggest a-hole in the world, you can still be voted in the yearbook as “Most Liked.” Even with Jorge Posada’s big ass ears and rodent-shaped nose, in his popular mojo-rising day, Jorge could’ve earned “Best Looking” honors even though he clearly didn’t deserve it. C’mon, Derek Jeter was on the DL and he’s not even having his greatest year and he was STILL voted to be the starting short stop. Are you people high??

Here’s another example of why popularity contests do not work: several years ago, David Ortiz was voted to be the starting first baseman (over Justin Morneau) for the American League. In the real world, people who can’t see their toes over their enormous bellies do not win NYC Marathons or anything physically challenging. Kay? And they certainly do not start as an infielder for their D-I college baseball team. Don’t get us wrong. These people might make excellent designated hitters (like Ortiz), but this is not the type of person who you expect to steal second or even make a diving play at first. However, the Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees are the most “popular” and well-known American League kids. Therefore, Ortiz was voted as starting first baseman. Please keep in mind that the year before, the first baseman riding the bench had won a batting title AND a gold glove (something Ortiz probably hasn’t won since he was 12, skinny, and playing little league). PLUS, when was the last time anyone saw that man actually play first base?? He can’t bend over and pick up a ground ball for heaven’s sakes.

Granted, some of these popular players DO deserve their All Star votes for obvious reasons. They became popular because they’re some of the best in the game. However, just because you’re known as being the best doesn’t mean that you’re always going to have an “on” year or that someone isn’t currently out-performing you. The All Star rosters should be comprised of men who are All Stars RIGHT NOW, not career All Stars. IF they decided to create a game in which Legendary All Stars are to compete, then we can revise our assessment of this situation.

Please note that we’re not ridiculing the pitchers that have been selected to the All Star game. Management handles that and since we’re pretty sure that management wants to actually win, they put a lot of thought into the men they select to represent them on the mound. We’re specifically ridiculing the moron fans that pick up the All Star ballot and select all of the players listed from the New York Yankees. Even the ones on the DL or don’t play every day. Guess what, folks? Derek Jeter is NOT the best short stop in the game!!! He’s just the Prom King and the rest of the All Star guys are just his prom court!

The National League ended up defeating the American League 5-1, but let’s be serious. Justin Verlander was ineligible to pitch because he started on Sunday and it’s not an All Star party unless Justin’s in attendance.

Baseball notes:
Good news, Mets fans! On Tuesday night, KROD and cash (apparently the Mets had to PAY the Brewers to take him) was traded to the Brewers in exchange for two players called TBD! Farewell, KROD! Keep your anger management issues in control because if we find out that you’ve punched one of the sausages, we’re coming after you with a vengeance.

In keeping with the “ROD” topic, the other ROD recently had successful hip surgery. He’ll be out for about 4-6 weeks and in the meantime, Serena has picked up Chase Headley from San Diego to play third for her fantasy team, Tigers Love Pepper. Clearly, AROD has put a damper in things for Serena and she hates when that happens. GOD! You’re so selfish, AROD!!!

Today, Phil Hughes made his first start since April and he looked pretty good (if a little chubbier than we last saw him)! Hopefully, he continues on this positive path.

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