Why January Sucks for Baseball

You f*cking people didn't even notice that there was no poll last week, did you? You're as useful as t*ts on a bull, as Fred #1 would say. Side note: Joel still has yet to join The Fear Boners for the Spartan Race at Citi Field. Shocking? No. Can't say that it is. Are we pretty convinced that death is imminent? Yes. Absolutely. We've been assured that people just help each other on these obstacle courses, but Lisa is skeptical. She's pretty convinced our two "teammates" are going to abandon us and help each other as we get stuck and trampled under the barbed wire fence. If we manage to survive the mud pie and wall, Lisa thinks that her eyebrows are going to be burned off in the fire pit. All in all, this is shaping up to be a very terrible day. Plus, Serena has already declared that "unless these helpers are over 6 feet tall, brunette, scruffy, and sporting multiple tattoos," she wants nothing to do with them ("she can do it herself, a-hole").

It's become a moral imperative that we attend Star Wars Night. It's also a national emergency that both the Mets AND Yankees host one so that Serena can go to both. Of course, Lisa will have no choice but to attend these games as well. To prepare, Serena may institute a mandatory Star Wars marathon since Lisa has only seen one of the movies and it was Return of the Jedi. Not even the first original movie. She's all backwards. Her only exposure to Star Wars is the Ewoks. Sad day. Be on the lookout for the schedule and notify us immediately of all Star Wars Nights that are within driving distance of Long Island, NY. Bonus points if KC and St. Louis have one while we're in town. Serena will literally piss herself from excitement.

We are currently operating on Week 4 of "Operation No Wings" in order to prepare for the Cupid Undies Run next Saturday. We kind of want to die. We've been waking up in the middle of the night trembling and sweating. Last night, Lisa dreamt of hot sauce. We just have to keep reminding ourselves that it's almost over. By the way, we still haven't heard from any of you as to whether or not you'll be joining us. What's the deal? We told you where you could buy your uniforms. We basically planned everything out for you. All you have to do is take your credit card out of your wallet. Don't forget to join team "Can You See My Knickers" when you register. The best part is the fact that you can party with us at The Brass Monkey afterwards!

Sorry this is all we have for you today. This is why being baseball fans during the month of January sucks balls when your football team isn't in the Superbowl. You end up blogging about the ADD sh*t that's floating around in your small, pathetic brain.

Baseball Notes:
So, we're going to have to return to DC. The Nationals have recently announced that a new president has been added: William Howard Taft. And he's pretty f*cking amazing with his moustache. We should've just collected all of their bobbleheads when we had the chance.

The Braves landed Justin Upton in a 7-player deal that sent Martin Prado to the Diamondbacks. Prado is expected to play third for the D-Backs, while Justin will be joining his brother, B.J. (HAHAHAHAHA - sorry. We're immature), and Jason Heyward in the outfield. B.J. had recently signed a 5-year, $75.25 million contract with the Braves in November. Justin's contract is worth 3-years and $38.5 million. This will be the first time in their professional career that the brothers will be playing together. How endearing.

Serena now has contacts so no more shall you be seeing pictures of us at baseball games in which Serena is wearing her nerdy librarian glasses. Success!