Sunday, February 10, 2013

We Got A Lot Of Snow...& Our Pants Are On

Last week, we asked if you wanted us to post video of the different stages of burpees and it turns out that unanimously, our blog audience wants video of us performing the four stages of burpees: Bitch Burpees, Midway Burpees, Spartan Burpees, and OUR Burpees. We will grant you this wish, but not now. We are too sore and broken from shoveling snow for close to four hours yesterday.

We had intentions of writing about the Cupid Undie Run today, BUT we were nailed by Blizzard Nemo (or whatever the f*ck they're calling it) Friday into Saturday and the race was canceled. It was a good thing too because we were still shoveling our cars out yesterday at 1:00 in the afternoon, which was when we were supposed to be at the Brass Monkey registering and preparing for the race. It's been postponed until next Saturday, so we promise to make it up to you. This means we're going another full week without beer or wings. This is the definition of torture. We thought it was watching Giants football this year, but no. We were wrong. Torture is defined as "Beer & Hot Wing Drought." Anyway, we'd film our burpees next week, but we're planning on being drunk after the race, soooo attempting burpees at that juncture is probably not the best idea. We will video for the following week. Don't worry, we WILL post pictures of the race and MAYBE some video clips. The video will NOT feature our asses jiggling, however. We have too much pride for that. We are excited to report that together, our team "Can You See My Knickers?" raised $525 for The Children's Tumor Foundation! Pretty sure that means that we're awesome.

Baseball Notes:
The Seattle Mariners and Felix Hernandez agreed to a 7-year deal this week worth $175 million. When will teams learn that signing a pitcher (or a catcher) to 7 years or more is completely asinine?

Red Sox prospect, Bryce Brentz, didn't make it on the list of non-roster invitees to Major League camp, not because he sucks at playing ball, but because he's a raging idiot. The 24-year old outfielder accidentally shot himself in the leg recently while cleaning his handgun at his Tennessee. OF COURSE, he lives in Tennessee.

Has anyone seen Tim Lincecum's new look? According to Ryan Vogelsong, "he looks 12 now instead of 15." We couldn't agree more. Hopefully, chopping off his hair doesn't do to his pitching what chopping off Samson's hair did to Samson's strength. Apparently, Timmy's been getting some life advice from Barry Zito since Zito's got experience coming back from failure, which is what Timmy will attempt to do this season after a lukewarm performance in 2012. Ummm...does Timmy realize that it took Zito like, 5 years to figure sh*t out???? Why doesn't he just stick to the regiment we gave him at the start of the All Star Break last year? If he starts rocking a comb-over and porn-stache because of Zito, we're flying to San Francisco and f*cking sh*t up. We will singlehandedly shave that stache off and draw a French moustache on Barry Zito's face in permanent black marker. We are NOT joking. We are not to be trifled with.

PS - Joel has STILL not signed up for the Spartan Race at Citi Field. Win.


  1. have you been eating boneless wings? would that be like smokeless cigarettes?

    I thought HTBB Timmy's haircut was old news.

    1. No beer, no wings. Period.

      Have we reported on Timmy's hair yet? No. Therefore it's new. :)