Sunday, August 25, 2013

Busch Stadium

Busch Stadium
700 Clark Avenue
St. Louis, MO 63102

July 19, 2013
After taking a tour of the stadium and prior to game time, we ate at a nearby sports bar called The Flying Saucer, which we were told has 96 beers on tap. Therefore, by the time we were ready to head back to the stadium for the game, we were stuffed tacos. We waddled up the road whining that our stomachs were distended and that it was too hot out.
Inside the stadium was a serious party. There was a dueling piano performance:
Autographs from a Cardinals player for a select number of fans that received a raffle ticket:
And a Family Pavilion for children:
While walking around, we found a specialty hot dog stand near sections 140-143. The hot dogs looked pretty tasty, but we were still waddling from our meal at The Flying Saucer, so we made a mental note of the stand's location and headed to our seats.
We're not sure if you can tell from these pictures, but the grounds crew "mows" the St. Louis Arch into the outfield grass before each game (a little tid bit that we learned during our tour of the stadium). Pretty nice view, eh?
This Ford truck lights up and honks whenever a Cardinals player hits a home run (also learned during our stadium tour...we didn't get to witness any home team home runs):
Lisa paid $21 for this little Fred The Bird doll, but it was kind of important that she buy him, not just for her creepy stuffed animal collection, but because we both had Freds (aka: dads) waiting at home for us.
Our free giveaway was an Ozzie Smith Gold Glove Bobblehead:
The game's pitching matchup was Jake Westbrook and Jason Marquis and at start time, the temperature was a refreshing 97 degrees. We wanted to get drunk and light our faces on fire. It probably would've been cooler. If there's anything Serena hates the most in the world, it's breast sweat. It can turn the most beautiful of days (like her best friend's wedding) into a pit of despair. Lisa swells in the heat. Not just a little bit. Her feet have been so swollen that flip flops hurt and her fingers so swollen that her rings won't come off.
Meanwhile, on the field, the Cardinals paraded a bald eagle around for reasons we still don't know. We're sure they told us why the eagle was there, but we were too busy bitching and moaning about how hot it was. We're also not sure why Santa Claus was given the task of babysitting the bald eagle. Maybe because he's so good with reindeers.
Also on the field? Fred The Bird in a pick up truck and baby prostitutes running amuck. If that doesn't scream white trash, we don't know what does.
One big difference between Busch Stadium and our hometown ballparks is the music. At Yankee Stadium and Citi Field, we have a variety for all cultures spanning the globe to enjoy. It's like riding the It's A Small World ride at Disney World. At Busch Stadium, we have country music and a Carlos Beltran song. Unfortunately, despite the loveliness of the stadium and the fantastic view of the field from our seats, it was challenging for us to be super excited about this game. Between the heat, sweat, overstuffed bellies, and complete ass kicking of the Padres, sitting still for too long and focusing proved problematic.
In the top of the 7th inning, we still weren't hungry (which should be a true testament as to how much we ate at The Flying Saucer), but we felt it necessary to eat SOMETHING at the stadium in the name of this blog and to benefit you people! YOU will slowly be the death of us and our stomachs. Not a single fan at this place could tell us a signature dish at the stadium, but we were told that when traveling to St. Louis and Kansas City, BBQ was the way to go (that and by that point, we'd totally forgotten about the fancy hot dogs). So, with the Cardinals raping the Padres 5-0, we went in search of pulled pork sandwiches, which we found in section 509 on the main level near the right field bleachers. We each paid $13 for a pulled pork basket even though our stomachs wanted nothing to do with it. All for you. Just remember that when we piss you off with half-assed blog posts...or none at all. We sat at table in a nearby picnic area to eat rather than climb all the way back to our seats.
While we ate, it sounded like there was a lot of commotion going on, but we couldn't see any of the action from where we were sitting. So we continued eating...slowly and methodically. We entered a borderline food coma. These sandwiches were acceptable, but hardly impressive. PETCO and Camden both have infinitely better tasting BBQ. We should've gone with the hot dogs.

After polishing off our sandwiches, we sluggishly wandered over to the area overlooking left field to see what we'd been missing.
It was now apparently the 9th inning. How we missed two whole innings is beyond our comprehension. The Padres were staging some sort of comeback, down 9-3 (we have no idea where the other  Cardinals' runs came from...apparently food comas cause blackout experiences). While the organ player graced our ears with such alternative classics as Led Zeppelin and Alice in Chains, the Cardinals called upon Edward Mujica to pitch in relief.
Despite the late inning excitement, like most men, the Padres failed to produce when it counted. Final score 9-3. The scoreboard exploded with fireworks and all we did was stare at it like buffoons. Truth be told, we're a-holes.
Like 75% of the game's attendance, we walked across the street to the Hilton St. Louis at the Ballpark. 360, the hotel's rooftop bar with kick ass views of the entire city, offers free admission to the bar to those with tickets from that evening's game. Therefore, despite the posh nature of this bar, the majority of the crowd consisted of sweaty, skanky baseball fans like us. Because we looked and smelled like zoo animals by this point, we neglected to photograph ourselves at this swanky establishment of booze.
It was in the elevator of this hotel where we witnessed the blossoming of a threesome. The ugliest threesome in all of mankind. And that is all we can say about that at this time.


  1. I've been so bad about making interesting comments on the blog recently, that I decided to get here early and make amends.

    Unfortunately . . .

    Devoid of your usual drunken shenanigans, about all there is to talk about is the food, and the view. Oh and baby prostitutes

    The view is outstanding, and you captured it perfectly. I could even make out half the arch. The food on the other hand looked rather pathetic. The barbeque looked nasty. No wonder you were underwhelmed. And the worst part is, you always do messy hotdog photos so well too.

    As for the baby prostitutes . . . there is some sort of joke there but I can't put my finger on it. I mean them standing there with a big Fred bird?

    Other than offering kudos to Lisa for wearing red, and to Serena for looking snappy in the Cardinals cap . . . I got nothin'.

  2. At least your comment proved that you know which one is Lisa and which one is Serena.

    1. Oh yeah, I know . . . .but I won't tell ya why I know.:)

      And is is just me, or does Musial look a little awkward as a statue?

    2. Musial was an extremely erect gentleman. Don't judge.

  3. thanks for all the photos!

    looked like something was getting ready to go down with that pig though.

    1. What do you think was about to go down?

    2. What do you think was about to go down?

    3. To me . . it looks like the girl walking behind Serena was about to hurl . . does that qualify?

      Oh wait . . . is that Serena or . . .

    4. I think that pig was getting ready to go down on....Serena's bag!

      How come you're hauling around those huge things?

      the brautwurst looked pretty good on the google machine for Busch food.

    5. We don't recall see an abundance of Polish people down there.

  4. Great pics, ladies. Too bad about the heat, and I can totally sympathize, since I don't funtion well in it either. Maybe that's why I live in the frozen tundra? Thank you again, also, for the birthday video from the game. That fact that you were both miserable show how true you are to your fans! That and the food, of course.

    1. Thanks Michael! All our shenanigans are done for you fans! Glad to hear at least one fan out of our four appreciates it! Lol