Sunday, August 18, 2013

2013 Damon Runyon 5K

We've survived another Damon Runyon 5K and now we're here to tell the tale. We know that we insisted that we were going to die during this race, but we swear the stairs at Yankee Stadium are killer. Truth be told, there should be fewer fat Yankee fans out there with this friggin' stadium being constructed on an empire of staircases. Lisa's knee and calf hurts and it's pretty much official that Serena's knee injury from the Spartan Sprint at Citi Field in April is a permanent fixture in her life. She is now a person with "bad knees." A person who complains that she knows it's going to rain because her knee hurts. She's one step below arthritis. It may be her meniscus ("Baby, I don't even know what a meniscus is!"). But our medical advice comes from Wiki and WebMD, so we probably shouldn't be trusted when it comes to diagnoses.

By this point, you're probably wondering why two individuals as whiny and lazy as we are would want to run a 5K that includes millions and millions and millions of stairs. Yes, running the warning track at Yankee Stadium is definitely a draw, but really, we've already done that at last year's event. It's checked off the bucket list. We don't NEED to do it again. The Damon Runyon 5K raises money for the Damon Runyon Cancer Research Foundation and as many of you who've been following our blog/Facebook page for a long time know, we founded our own charity, Fred K's Cancer, in honor of our dads, The Freds, who were both diagnosed with cancer. Fred #1 (aka: Ahne) was diagnosed with testicular cancer in 2008 while Fred #2 (aka: Leone) was diagnosed with oral cancer in 2003. Serena also runs for her family members who have battled breast cancer.
Unlike last year, the sky was overcast. Thank god. You have no idea how hot it is on the field with the sun beating down on you like a suffocating boyfriend. It's oppressive and it causes you to question the reason you're with that person to begin with.

The event ambassador for this year's event was Brett Gardner, but since he's in Boston for the series finale tonight, we were unable to stalk him. It's best that he wasn't present because he probably would've finished the race in 10 minutes, making us feel bad about ourselves. Again. But then, we think about all of the medals we've earned for races we've done little to no training for and we remember how amazing we are. And we're back to being delusionally arrogant.

"Bald Vinny" Milano of The Bleacher Creatures was the race's official starter. Unfortunately, because we can't get anywhere on time to save ourselves, we missed the race start. Whomp, whomp. We arrived at the stadium a full hour before our heat was scheduled to go and after picking up our bibs, headed up to the Legends Suite to watch the first of the runners to lap the field.
We returned downstairs to stand on line and wait for our heat to begin at around 10. We took what's becoming a traditional picture with a person in the background being disappointed in himself for not being as awesome as we are. Head bowed in shame.
And THEN we were inside!
A video clip of our wave getting pumped to start the race of joint death.
The best part of the race is, hands down, when you get to run on the field.
Lisa tried to get a picture of Serena running on the field and accidentally took a picture of the woman running behind Serena instead. Coincidence? Hmmm...
Oh, there's Serena:
Here's a video clip of us running along the warning track. Super exciting, right?
The worst part? STAIRS! Just when you think the Yankees couldn't possibly have any more stairs, you find another nook of stairs on your second lap to the 200/300 level of the stadium. We think that maybe one of the staircases at Yankee Stadium is the secret portal that transports you to Middle Earth. That's why you have to climb so many.

Somehow, Serena lost Lisa again near the second staircase. One minute Lisa was there, the next...gone. Lisa told Serena later that there was a staircase pileup. A body fender bender, if you will. As a result, we didn't get to cross the finish line together, but Serena managed to hang around and snap a photo of Lisa crossing the finish line.
An important life lesson was learned at today's 5K and that is "always wear sunglasses to your 5K's so that your photos come out less heinous." 
As you can see we got another medal, which makes us feel important and gives us high self-esteem. Like last year, we are actively blogging while wearing them. Serena is actually wearing both of her Damon Runyon medals because they're filling her with the warmth of true joy, which with the way the Yankees have been playing, has been a long time coming.
Oh, and by the way, they gave us bagels and water like a proper 5K should. They also gave us cheese, yogurt, and chips, so now we're spoiled 5K brats. Future 5K's beware. Damon Runyon has set the bar high for post-race snacks.
Tomorrow, we will wear our medals to work. Serena starts her day off bright and early training a client. It's their first appointment together so the medal is sure to intimidate her client into thinking that Serena's a former Olympic champion. From her client, she will drive to her proper job that offers health benefits and a 401K plan. She will change into proper corporate attire and sit at her desk wearing her medal and email with Lisa, who will also be wearing her medal. Together, we will pontificate on how amazing and legendary we are and wonder why no one likes us and why men aren't knocking down the door to meet/feed us.
Obviously, we're the Super Heroes of the Week and obviously, stairs are the A-holes of the Week. Good day!


  1. I was going to comment that considering how good the two of you look in the first two photos, you might want to consider having all future photos taken from behind.

    Of course that might SOUND like a mean comment about the rest of you, so I have to add that I did NOT make that comment, because the tongue photo is, as always, just adorable.

    1. You didn't make the comment, but you thought about it! Douche! :p

  2. I'm really hurt that you'd suggest I even think mean things about you.

  3. Replies
    1. Okay fine! . . . I'm sorry that . . . . waaaaiiiitttt a second. I happen to LIKE both the front and rear view photos . . . Deal with it !!!


  4. 2 videos on 1 blog! woop woop.

    was Kevin Youkilis handing out the bagels? seems to have a lot of free time on his hands.

    1. Youkilis is too busy picking his asshole to do anything that useful.

    2. good thing he isn't touching anyone's food then. lol