Sunday, February 23, 2014

Derek Jeter is a friend in my head

So as you all know by now the beloved captain of the Yankees and my bestie Derek Jeter has announced his retirement. In honor of this dismal event the TBB have decided to each write a Derek Jeter blog post. I can assure you right now that mine will not be as amazing as the post you read about last week. So if you would like to stop reading now I understand and I also encourage it. My tale is simply how I became to having a whole new understanding of Derek Jeter and now Serena makes fun of me every chance she gets. You are probably wondering “how is she going to write an entire post about Derek Jeter when she is a Met’s fan”, but that’s the beauty of how awesome the TBB are we can appreciate other players that don’t come from our favored team.

In the past I never disliked Derek Jeter nor did I love him he was just there a good player face of the franchise type of guy. It was one day that I became deathly ill (in my mind it was one of three things Spinal Meningitis, The Bird flu or Bells Palsy) in actuality is was a sinus infection. I tend to be a hypochondriac which is just another great quality about me. While lying on my couch thinking about my funeral arrangements and what I was going to leave to Serena and my family I came across the documentary about Derek Jeter’s quest for his 3K. I thought to myself well if I’m on my death bed at least I am watching something baseballs related. Little did I know I would come to realize that I would find out that in real life Derek Jeter and I would make great compadres. 

We had so much in common and he seemed so down to earth and he really was a “good guy”. I so saw myself texting him if he was my friend all my guy problems and he would probably fix them by telling me what an epic catch I was and cheer me up by buying me a Rolex. We then could plan prodigious (bet you didn’t know I could us big words. I used the thesaurus for that one) dinner parties with all our friends. I love to throw dinner parties I just don’t because I am broke and I live in a small apartment. I instantly tell Serena how I watched this documentary on Derek Jeter and how amazed I was that I enjoyed it so much. I also told her that I didn’t think I was going to the light anymore. She texted me back “Oh god your in love with Derek Jeter “and behold the on going joke of Lisa is in love with Derek Jeter was born. Just to clarify I am not in love with Derek Jeter I am not attracted to him and his bald head and only see him as a friend in my head. 

In his retirement statement on Facebook he said:“Now it is time for the next chapter. I have new dreams and aspirations, and I want new challenges. There are many things I want to do in business and in philanthropic work, in addition to focusing more on my personal life and starting a family of my own. And I want the ability to move at my own pace, see the world and finally have a summer vacation.”

Being his number one amigo I could potentially help him out with some of his retirement resolutions he stated above. I have a lot of time saved up at my job so much that they force me to take time off. I am throwing it out there friend in my head that if you need a travel buddy I am your girl.  I already have a passport which currently only has four stamps two of them are from a layover to get to a final traveling destination point. You can help me fill up that passport book think off it as “philanthropic work” as said in your statement. It should be noted that Serena has to come with us on vacation. Derek will have to put up with her constantly making fun of him but I assure she is an all around good time and I need her she’s very organized and makes itineraries of our activities it’s extremely helpful. When I go on vacation without her I wind up losing my luggage and getting lost. Take this offer and that would be already one goal down on your retirement bucket list. Secondly you stated more things you want to do in business. The TBB are great entrepreneurs. I am currently baking sweets and Serena does the Yoga. Why not invest in a Yoga studakery? (That’s a studio and bakery combined I made it up just now and it’s on this blog as proof) I guarantee you there is no such thing. If you haven’t noticed I am making sure Derek and Serena are friends it may be against her will but I think we can be the three best friends that anybody could have. BOOM! Another goal bites the dust on your retirement list. Lastly you said you wanted to start a family. Lucky for you I currently have an empty uterus at the moment and for a small fee and because I am such a great friend I could house your child(ren) for 9 months. That’s a win, win situation right there. Think about it.

Now in honor of Derek Jeter’s final season I will wear a Jeter shirt that was so kindly given to me by Serena to every Yankee game I attend. I can’t wear it to every baseball game I attend that would be just weird and make no sense kind of like this blog post.


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