Mets Opening Day 2015

April 13th 2015

So the plan was suppose to be for us to attend both Opening Days for the New York teams together. Unfortunately due to circumstances beyond the control of the ever powerful TBB this was not happening and Serena was no longer able to attend leaving me dateless. I was not dateless for long when my friend Laurie decided to join me for the game. Laurie is known on the blog as the Mets jinx. When she attends games they lose it's that simple and a known fact . So while I was excited to have her go with me a part of me knew this game could very well be a shit show. 

Tailgating is something that Laurie and I normally do when we attend games so we decided to go bright and early. I didn't want what happened to Serena and I last year when the stupid Cirque du so Lame crap took up half the Citi Field parking lot and we were unable to tailgate. It was a tragedy. Laurie said she would take on the food portion all I had to do was bring a bottle of wine and pack my amazing bucket grill that looks like nothing but I swear the food tastes delish on this rin tin tin . I picked Laurie up at 9:30 and when I bought the tickets I prepaid for parking to ensure I would definitely be in the lot. It is now $21 to park your car . What a rip off, but I promise I will save that rant for another time. We arrived at Citifield around 10 ish pulled into a spot and quickly started unloading my truck to start pregame festivities. Gotta give Laurie props I told her to bring it and she brought it. We had marinated skirt steaks, spicy chicken, hot dogs with all the fixings, chips , salsa, guacamole, onion dip, pickles, See our feast below.

                                                   

Everything seemed to fall into place perfectly until Laurie asked me to open up the wine. 

This is how the conversation went: 

Laurie: "Where's the wine opener?" 

Me: I don't know ? Which bag did you pack it in ?

Laurie: I didn't pack it. Why would I pack it you were bringing the wine?

Me: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Son of a b*tch 

Laurie: All you had was one job  !!!

As punishment I was sent off to troll around the parking lot looking for a wine opener. After a few rounds and weird looks I finally found someone with a wanna be Swiss army knife that had a cork screw contraption. It seemed we were going to have to Macgyver this bitch open. Thankfully the nice men next to us saw our struggles and gave a helping hand. In a matter of seconds and some overtime from the union workers our wine was open but there was a causality. It seems the wanna be Swiss army knife broke in the line of duty. Again to our rescue were our tailgate neighbors who fixed it just long enough for me to return it and scurry back before the people I borrowed it from realized it was  broken. If you are reading this and you are the one I borrowed it from I will gladly send you an autographed photo of the TBB  and a $1 that should compensate you for your broken thingy and troubles. As we sat eating and drinking a visitor arose form the sea of orange and blue tailgaters. It was Old Man Ed! He must of heard about our feast and part of me thinks he was comparing it to the  last supper he had attended back in the day. (cause that's how old he is)

I quickly noticed that is was 12:45 and we still had not even started to pack up . I told Laurie that we should start cleaning up because I did not want to miss the beginning of the game. My cries fell on deaf ears because Laurie continued to drink her wine and bask in the sun. So I apologize that I have no pictures of anything that happened before the game. You can send your hate mail to Laurie. I am disappointed that I missed it because I later found out that the Mets honored the families of the two NYPD officers that were killed on duty Wenjian Liu and Rafel Ramos. Liu's widow and Ramos' sons threw out the ceremonial first pitch and a moment of silence was held during the ceremony. There was a flyover  by the NYPD Aviation Unit helicopters and more then 150 officers rolled out a giant american flag. This is all compliments of Google because Laurie made me miss it . 

I got  cheap seats high so high I could high five Old man Ed's high school buddy Jesus if I wanted to. Despite being so far up  the view was pretty spectacular. 

The Stadium was packed . Rumor has it that the attendance was a whopping 43,947 which is the largest regular season crowd they have had since Citi Field has opened up. I probably should tell you something about the actual game. The  Mets were playing the Phillies and the pitching match up was Jacob deGrom and Aaron Harang. While watching the game I was scoping the crowd for a potential husband and I found this fan's homemade jersey pretty amusing so I figured I share it with you.

Around the 6th inning we decided to get ice cream . $6.50 for a freaking helmet cup which I proceeded to wash out with the intention to take home but I left it there. Does that really shock any of you reading this? Probably not.  It was a low scoring game, the Mets managed to scrape together two runs. Things did get hairy in the 7th but Kudos to TBB bestie Daniel Murphy for making a nice play . The Mets went on to win 2-0 and Laurie would like to redeem herself as not being the Mets black cat. It should be noted that she did attend the next night as well and they still managed to win. However since she has made two appearances to the games  we have been losing men left and right to the DL. Coincidence, I think NOT .  

Sunday Baseball with Papa L

Today I am blogging solo. Serena is walking for all the boobs across the world with Erin at The Avon Breast Cancer Walk. Great job guys! I have to write the blog by myself and I get a complete knot in my stomach when these days come along. It’s not that I don’t enjoy writing the blog or doing it it’s just that we are at our best when blogging together. It’s like beer and wings, sure you drink beer by itself and it’s great  and sometimes you have wings without the beer and that’s cool but it’s only when you have beer and wings together that you experience pure nirvana. That’s what the TBB blogging together equates to so when either one of us rides solo it’s just not right. Also I am lazy and when we blog together Serena does the typing.

Today I thought it would be fun if I do a commentary while watching the Mets game with my beloved disgruntle Mets fan father Papa L. It will give you a inside glimpse into my world and what I deal with I also can’t think of a topic to write about so this will have to do and at least its baseball related. My father is in rare form today I’m hoping we are in for some hilarious feedback from him. Oh you ask why he is in such a mood it’s because the Mets managed to lose last night’s game in extra innings when for most of the game they had a  6-0 lead. This is a classic Met loss. He is not as mad as the Luis Castillio dropped ball but he’s still pretty perturbed.  They need to win today to avoid a 4 game sweep against the Colorado Rockies today. The pitching match up is Dillon Gee vs Jhoulys Chacin.

Ranting about last nights game has begun my father outbursts “I blame the *bleeping* manager he left him in too long.” Today’s game is now in progress. Juan Lagares is up he gets a hit, but my father rises from the couch complaining how stupid it is to tell people what you have trouble hitting. Apparently the announcers were talking about how Lagares said that he can’t hit the slider. Murphy also gets a hit and there are runners on first and second but Papa L missed it he is making his 5^TH pot of coffee. My family drinks coffee like its water. Back from coffee brewing he shouts “Something is not right with your boy Lisa he’s not hitting.” And as he says that TOWSNBN gets the first out of the inning. The top of the first ends and Papa L is yelling to bench Murphy because he is called out at third after tagging up when a low fly ball was hit. Even Keith Hernandez is speechless at this Murphy Moment. So for now the Mets have the lead 1-0. “I would yell at him Lisa, one stupid run is all they can get”.

*Papa L went to help Mama L with the groceries. He is not missing much and I am now going to get a cup of coffee.

It’s now the bottom of the second my father has not return. I find him peeling potatoes. This is not what I had in mind when I envisioned me writing a blog post about the shit that flies out of his mouth while we watch the game. I apologize if this is all you get out of him. Top of third and the Mets are winning 3-0. I yell the score to my dad like the loud Italian I am. I also tell him that maybe he should stay in the kitchen since they are doing so well without his negativity. Never the less he comes over to see what’s going on. At the sight of Lucas Duda dad says “What did you do your first time up you big dope?” They walk Duda to get to Travis d’Arnaud. “Whatever you do don’t hit into a double play. Oh, that was your pitch. He’s going to hit into a double play.” Sure enough he did hit into a double play. Dad again voicing his opinion “Why do they continue to play him, put the other catcher in. The Managers got to go!” And just like that Fred dismisses himself to go back to the kitchen to fry chicken cutlets. He should have just stayed in the kitchen.  This is what goes on for most of the games he watches he goes in and out of his man cave. I will describe it to you. He has an old couch, a flat screen TV with a giant bubble back. The screen cuts off the scoreboard in the right hand corner which he constantly bitches about but he is too cheap to get a new one. He also has pictures of my Grandpa in the service and some pictures of the biggest fluke he ever caught. If you ever cross paths with my father he will bore you with this story. The game is now on in the kitchen so my father can watch and continue to fry chicken cutlets. I hear him yell “Alright!” as Murphy drives in a run. Score is 4-0 in the top of the fourth.

I hear a mutter in the kitchen. “We would have had more runs if it wasn’t for that catcher.”

Papa L is back watching the game “He stinks I don’t know what the manager sees in him. Maybe his father paid the manager.” This more sarcasm from Pops about Duda. Now you guys can see where I get it from. Bottom of the fifth Mets still have the lead 4-0 but the Rockies are threatening with runners on first and second. With one out my dad pleas “C’mon Gee don’t fall apart now”.

Dinner is ready and clearly I am staying for a home cooked free meal. At dinner break it’s the bottom of the 6^TH believe it or not the Mets still have the lead. A part of me wishes I would have decided to commentate on last night’s game it sure would have been a more colorful blog post with a lot of bleeps. I’m sure the bottom of the 9^TH will bring out the best in my father it usually does.

Clapping has commenced in the house that Papa L built. It’s 5-0 in the top of the 7^TH compliments of Eric Young on a single by a dud (Lucas Duda for those that are just tuning in). Papa L is leaving to go put his lotto numbers in. It’s the bottom of the 7^th runners on 1^st and 2^ND for the Rockies and no one out. “They always fall apart now always; let me go maybe when I come back there will be good news.” Dad shakes his head and exits. I am starting to realize why my father actually hates going to a live game it’s because he can’t leave or change the channel in times of distress. Well so much for watching the whole game with Dad. I have to admit Dad was not on his A game with quick comebacks which I had thought was going to make this an amusing blog but it turned out to be a Lucas Duda blog post. Sorry guys. I think the next time I’ll record him. Hopefully the Mets win! Happy Sunday all!

-Lisa

Meet the Johnsons

We are coming to you live from the comforter of Serena . Today is the draft for Serena's second fantasy baseball team "Goonies Never Say Die." I am on the side lines here, reporting in real time how the live draft will go down. We currently have two laptops working. One on my lap for the commentary of the draft for the blog and one on Serena's lap so she can choose her team wisely and win the "Shiva"

A little tid bit about this league: she's the only chick and she got stuck last year with a sh*tty ass team and took them to third! Booyah! This year, Goonies Never Say Die will rise from the shadows like the great pumpkin on Halloween night and be victorious. 

We have t minus 31 minutes left. Serena is currently putting players in her "shopping cart" if you will.

Now it's down to 18 minutes. Isn't the suspense killing you?

While we wait we will have a short recap of St. Patrick's day . We started off the night with a shot of Jameson while listening to Denis Leary's Irish song and filmed a epic video (that can only be seen on Instagram so you need to start following us cause you're missing out on major shenanigans.) Then of course we needed to eat so we stuffed our fat pie holes with loaded fries and spinach dip and some beer. We then winded up at a white trash bar that played lots of country music and a fantastic song about red solo cups. Twas a early night for us . The next day we had off and decided to be bad ass and, well, we are not saying what we did, but if curiosity is really killing you, then we suggest stalking us on Instagram and you will see what kind of trouble we got into.

7 minutes and counting people!!!

3 minutes.

Only seconds away -
10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1- it's starting!!!!!

We are now entering the live draft. Serena is waiting. She is in the 10th spot. Serena's first move is Curtis Granderson. Wise choice. Hopefully he will do her a solid and not suck since we all know that once you put on the orange and blue, your career takes a turn for the worse.

Serena has made a mad dash to the bathroom. It's a good thing she has some Flash Gordon-like skills because she came back just in time to pick Jon Lester. A lot of the guys in her shopping cart are being taken right before our eyes. A large gasp and a "You F*ck," shortly follows.

Next up a starting pitcher, Cole Hamels is the chosen one followed up by selecting Jim Johnson on her next go about.

Congratulations, Brandon Phillips you are now apart of something so much bigger.

"Short stop or pitcher?" Serena asks. I say, "pitcher you can never have enough pitchers."  CJ Wilson come on down.

Serena already knows who she is picking on her next turn, but she makes them wait like a cougar stalking its prey. Let them stew and wonder when she will attack. It's called psychological warfare. A good minute goes by and then she clicks on the draft button. She has chosen Chris Tillman.

Everth Cabrea follows up.

Wouldn't be a draft unless Serena spews out "I hope you get Herpes and die" as someone chooses a player she was eyeing. Oppa, Nick Markakis!

Houston, she has a Huston Street now. I feel that I maybe found my calling in life. It's very easy to come up with cheesy catch phrases. Maybe I should look into being a sports announcer. Something to ponder.

Another potty break and Serena hands the computer over so I can make the next selection if necessary. It's intense.

Okay. She's back just in time to select Jarrod Saltalamacchia.

Yessssssssssssssssssssssss! She scored Torii Hunter.

Hunger has now set in, but we can't move. Not with what's at stake.The sounds of our stomach echo in the background.  Would anyone like to deliver us food?

Chris Johnson is selected. One always needs a man that plays the field in many different ways and you may take that dirty as well.

Add another Johnson on the team, this time, Kelly.

Kyle Lohse wins a spot as well as Eric Aybar. Ichiro Suzuki is just a short click away and the team is complete.

And here you have it folks. Let's give a big welcome you your 2014 Goonies Never say Die:

Miguel Cabrera
Prince Fielder
Lisa's Husband (aka David Wright)
Yadier Molina
Stephen Strasberg
James Shields
Curtis Granderson
Jon Lester
Cole Hamels
Jim Johnson
Brandon Phillips
CJ Wilson
Chris Tillman
Everth Cabrera
Nick Markakis
Huston Street
Jarrod Saltalamacchia
Torii Hunter
Chris Johnson
Kelly Johnson
Kyle Lohse
Erick Aybar
Ichiro Suzuki

Well, that sums up another great draft. It's been a pleasure. I bid you a good night, America .

- Lisa

Derek Jeter is a friend in my head

So as you all know by now the beloved captain of the Yankees and my bestie Derek Jeter has announced his retirement. In honor of this dismal event the TBB have decided to each write a Derek Jeter blog post. I can assure you right now that mine will not be as amazing as the post you read about last week. So if you would like to stop reading now I understand and I also encourage it. My tale is simply how I became to having a whole new understanding of Derek Jeter and now Serena makes fun of me every chance she gets. You are probably wondering “how is she going to write an entire post about Derek Jeter when she is a Met’s fan”, but that’s the beauty of how awesome the TBB are we can appreciate other players that don’t come from our favored team.

In the past I never disliked Derek Jeter nor did I love him he was just there a good player face of the franchise type of guy. It was one day that I became deathly ill (in my mind it was one of three things Spinal Meningitis, The Bird flu or Bells Palsy) in actuality is was a sinus infection. I tend to be a hypochondriac which is just another great quality about me. While lying on my couch thinking about my funeral arrangements and what I was going to leave to Serena and my family I came across the documentary about Derek Jeter’s quest for his 3K. I thought to myself well if I’m on my death bed at least I am watching something baseballs related. Little did I know I would come to realize that I would find out that in real life Derek Jeter and I would make great compadres. 

We had so much in common and he seemed so down to earth and he really was a “good guy”. I so saw myself texting him if he was my friend all my guy problems and he would probably fix them by telling me what an epic catch I was and cheer me up by buying me a Rolex. We then could plan prodigious (bet you didn’t know I could us big words. I used the thesaurus for that one) dinner parties with all our friends. I love to throw dinner parties I just don’t because I am broke and I live in a small apartment. I instantly tell Serena how I watched this documentary on Derek Jeter and how amazed I was that I enjoyed it so much. I also told her that I didn’t think I was going to the light anymore. She texted me back “Oh god your in love with Derek Jeter “and behold the on going joke of Lisa is in love with Derek Jeter was born. Just to clarify I am not in love with Derek Jeter I am not attracted to him and his bald head and only see him as a friend in my head. 

In his retirement statement on Facebook he said:“Now it is time for the next chapter. I have new dreams and aspirations, and I want new challenges. There are many things I want to do in business and in philanthropic work, in addition to focusing more on my personal life and starting a family of my own. And I want the ability to move at my own pace, see the world and finally have a summer vacation.”

Being his number one amigo I could potentially help him out with some of his retirement resolutions he stated above. I have a lot of time saved up at my job so much that they force me to take time off. I am throwing it out there friend in my head that if you need a travel buddy I am your girl.  I already have a passport which currently only has four stamps two of them are from a layover to get to a final traveling destination point. You can help me fill up that passport book think off it as “philanthropic work” as said in your statement. It should be noted that Serena has to come with us on vacation. Derek will have to put up with her constantly making fun of him but I assure she is an all around good time and I need her she’s very organized and makes itineraries of our activities it’s extremely helpful. When I go on vacation without her I wind up losing my luggage and getting lost. Take this offer and that would be already one goal down on your retirement bucket list. Secondly you stated more things you want to do in business. The TBB are great entrepreneurs. I am currently baking sweets and Serena does the Yoga. Why not invest in a Yoga studakery? (That’s a studio and bakery combined I made it up just now and it’s on this blog as proof) I guarantee you there is no such thing. If you haven’t noticed I am making sure Derek and Serena are friends it may be against her will but I think we can be the three best friends that anybody could have. BOOM! Another goal bites the dust on your retirement list. Lastly you said you wanted to start a family. Lucky for you I currently have an empty uterus at the moment and for a small fee and because I am such a great friend I could house your child(ren) for 9 months. That’s a win, win situation right there. Think about it.

Now in honor of Derek Jeter’s final season I will wear a Jeter shirt that was so kindly given to me by Serena to every Yankee game I attend. I can’t wear it to every baseball game I attend that would be just weird and make no sense kind of like this blog post.

-Lisa

Random Sunday Story

Good Evening all! I apologize for the late blog post and I also apologize for it being a solo post this evening. However there is an excellent reason to why Lisa is writing by herself tonight.  Our little Serena that we all know and love is graduating tonight from YTT (Yoga teacher training). It has been three long months for her but tonight all her hard work and sleepless nights have paid off and she will be a certified yoga instructor. Can I get a HOORAH a HIP HIP HOORAY! I know she will be an awesome Jedi yoga instructor because she got me to into Crow pose and that my friend is not an easy task. Google it and you will see for yourself what it looks like. Congratulations to Serena and her fellow YTT colleagues.

Now onto somewhat baseball related stuff and I use stuff vaguely. I am going to use this  post to tell you a funny story about Papa L and his trip to Macy’s during the holiday season. I swear this story has a baseball theme to it so just be patient with it. My poor father got dragged to Macy’s on Saturday during the best time of the year and I mean that in the most sarcastic way possible. He is stuck waiting for my mother who is shopping and trying on clothes at a glacier rate. While he is waiting he strikes up a conversation with another lucky man who is waiting for his wife. Papa L tells the man how much he hates shopping with his wife and that this should be a form of torture that they use to get spies to talk. If anyone knows my father he will talk to a Johnny pump if it would listen. My father then sighs and proceeds to start a rant to a complete stranger “I hate the winter. I can’t wait for baseball to start. I’m a Met fan. They make horrible business moves. What’s with this pitcher they signed? He is SO old AND overweight. For god sake I should just try out.” I truly feel for this man that is listening to my father and I give this man a shit tone of credit for not getting up and walking away. I mean I have no choice but to listen to him he’s my father but you sir could of just smiled and walked away. Kudos to you.  That was your good deed for the year put it in the karma books. Back to this baseball related story. The man turns to my father and tells him “My son is in the Mets farm system he is a catcher.” Probably one of the worst things this man could have said because I am sure my father went on and on and on. Needless to say when it was time for the two of them to part ways the wife of the man pulled out a Topps baseball card wrapped in plastic of their son and gave it to my dad. Papa L could not wait to tell me his story that I share with you and the entire world. Let it be known if Mr. Camden Maron becomes a Mets sensation or a golden boy for another team in the MLB you heard it first on this blog that Papa L met this boy’s parents at Macy’s. Furthermore if Camden happens to come across this blog post I encourage him to send tickets my way. I mean after all our father’s are now besties. Only Papa L this would happen too. Now only if he had bumped into TWOSNBN parents. *Sigh*

Hope you enjoyed the little tale I tell. Don’t forget to check back next week when we do our annual rendition of a holiday song. Maybe if you guys are good we will sing it in our Celine Dion like voices and post a video of it. I can’t make promises so don’t hold me to it. 

-Lisa 

Dazed and Uninspired

Well friends we knew this day would come it was just a matter of time. It seems that the TBB have hit a block in the road and what we mean is we don’t know what to blog about. It’s just that we are so uninspired lately with what’s going on in the baseball world. This years World Series match up really took a toll on us. Don’t get us wrong we could sit here and type up amazing stories about how hilarious we are and the epic things we have done, but they would all be unrelated to baseball and would that be fair to you our fans who look to us for our wise intel on baseball. No it wouldn't it probably would just make you mad and jealous that you can’t hang out with us.  

We will give you an example of just how unmotivated we are. Last night with full intentions to blog we did the following:

• Got beer
• Hit up the dollar menu at McDonalds
• Laughed at some people on Facebook.
• Drank the beer while watching Iron Man 3
• It is after Iron Man 3 that Serena closed her laptop down realizing we were not going to blog.
• Watched the cat be an a-hole
• Thought we heard an intruder washing the dishes.
• Watched this week’s episode of The League while drinking more beer.
• Lisa went home.

 Now we know everyone can relate to holding things off for Robert Downey Jr and his oozing hotness in Iron Man 3. That is a legit distraction but the rest is just unacceptable and we apologize. This brings us to today. Serena is busy training to be Master Yogi Jedi and Lisa is busy baking treats in her kitchen to pay the rent but has time to give you this quick solo blog. With this is all happening we are still unable to come up with a baseball related topic that would consist of more then one sentence and seem interesting enough to hold not only your attention but ours enough to write it. Perhaps you guys could help us. Is there a topic that we have yet to cover that you’d like to know our asinine opinion on? Maybe you want us to write a letter to your favorite baseball player concerning an issue that’s bothering you? A Best and Worst list of (insert topic)? We will take any suggestion to get our writers block going. So feel free to comment on what topic you would like us to cover and if we like it enough it will be next week’s blog post .Then you can brag to all your friends that your idea was a topic on this amazing blog. Just think of how many facebook likes you will get on that status.

We do have some baseball related news so all is not lost. The New York Mets on Friday have officially declined Johan Santana’s option on his contract. This made Lisa very sad but Serena tried to make Lisa feel better and clarified that it was a good business decision on the Mets part. It still hurts. Lisa’s Santana jersey will hang lonely in her closet until she can find an acceptable Met that deems worthy of being displayed on her back. Also being declined like a friend request from a Facebook stalker is Barry Zito. The Giants have declined the 2014 contract options on him this week. Both pitchers had their ups and downs with their teams but they always remained ever classy and we wish them the best of luck on all future endeavors.

The Yankees have re-signed the Captain golden boy Derek Jeter for one year at $12 million. Like no one saw that coming. As you all know Derek is Lisa’s friend in her head so she was happy for him. Serena rolled her eyes.

Yours truly,
Lisa 

Tune in next week for a legit blog post

I regret to inform you that you will not be getting a blog post today. We are postponing the Kansas City Stadium blog till next week. I know this is devastating news to you all. I assure you with some self help books and a positive quote of the day app offered on some smart phones you will avoid jumping off that bridge. Now why you ask you are not getting your regularly scheduled blog post? Well there are three very good reasons.

1.The lovely Erin is in town the weekend to visit Serena.

2. Lisa has been watching her niece since yesterday and until her sister decides she wants her child back. Lisa’s weekend  consisted of and is continuing to consist of building blocks, A lot of Disney movies (which I don’t mind ) tons of “but why?” after every sentence, lot’s of singing, chocolate ice cream every where. The lack of sleep since the three year old did not go to bed until  2 am is not helping as well. Even as I try to type this bullsh*t post I am being distracted by the adorable child singing “Part of your world” from the Little Mermaid. So naturally a substantial post about baseball would be impossible.
3. At last and the most important reason of all is it’s the first Football Sunday of the season! Naturally all of our attention is required to sit in front of a television watching football, eating a lot of crap and drinking beer in my case all of the above while entertaining my niece.
 
Happy Football Sunday to all and to all may the New York Giants win!

In Baseball news incase you didn’t notice the New York teams suck and we wish diarrhea upon them. This baseball season couldn’t be over fast enough for the TBB!

-Lisa :)

                 

 

This is all you will get and you will like it!

The TBB are apart this week. Serena is with Erin in Beantown and I am here in New York. Both of us seem to be enjoying this sh*tastic weather that Mother Nature has given us. It is clear that Mother Nature has had a nervous breakdown on the job because there is no way by the end of May that I should have to wear a sweater and jeans as well as contemplate breaking out my boots. Mother Nature get your sh*t together! The good news is that the sun seems to be coming out so not all of the weekend will be a black cloud of sorrow.  The bad news is that I was the one deciding if you guys were going to get a solo blog. No one tried to butter me up or buy me nice thing so nothing for you. You will get some baseball notes that I deem worthy and a slight rant and that’s it!!

Here lies my slight rant:

Ok so I am well aware that the Mets are going no where this year. I knew that from before the season started. I mentally prepared myself for failure so that it would not be such a great let down. I don’t want to hear excuses for fans like “Well they have no one on the team”. That’s horsesh*t! The Yankees seem to be doing fine with their gang of misfit toys . The Mets have TOWSNBN and Matt Harvey with a giggle gang backing them up. Even The Bad News Bears eventually turned things around and made it to the championship game as well as go to Japan in the sequel. I don’t like to blame the manager for these things unless of course the manger is a real a**hole and I have no problems with Terry Collins but maybe the Mets need a alcoholic Walter Matthau to lead them into battle.  I do have a simple solution. Since this year is a toilet bowl flush why they don’t just send some players down and bring up some fresh meat is beyond me.  Let’s see what we got growing on the farm. I have two players in mind Ike Davis and Lucas Duda. It pains me to watch these two clowns.  How much harm can it do if we give some other players a chance? They can’t be any worse then what we are seeing. Are you going to give me the argument that no one is going to pay money to go to the game if a bunch of no names are on the field? Guess what people no one is going to the games now. Something needs to be done and fast. Papa L is extremely angry and I have a feeling the Mets performance might be affecting his health.  I haven’t seen him this irate since the Luis Castillo dropped ball and that took him a very long time to get over. I am like a woman scorned one too many times that she starts to become numb to the sense of feeling and that is how I am getting thru this season. I will tell you one thing I learned by watching the Mets is that the Mets are like snowflakes no Met loss is ever alike.

Baseball notes:

Good news for Serena’s Big Texan! He will be eligible to come off the disabled list on June 1^st. He was initially put on the DL for a strained left trapezius muscle. Pettitte will pitch a simulated game on Tuesday and then head back into the Yankees rotation. Yippee Yay for Serena! In other Yankee news Curtis Granderson a broken fifth metacarpal on his left hand after being hit by a pitch in the fifth inning Friday night against the Tampa Bay Rays. He was put on the 15 day disabled list Saturday and most likely will miss a month.

In Mets news they lost again.

To all the men and women who served  our country and to the ones who continue to serve us we thank you and wish you a Happy Memorial day !!!

Mets Opening Day

April 1st, 2013

After a long off season that dealt us with hurricanes and snowstorms of epic proportions. Spring has finally sprung and Baseball is back. Every year I look forward to attending Mets Opening day mainly because we leave the past behind us and any anger we have we try not to bring going into the new season. This feeling of forgiveness and acceptance usually only lasts about the first inning but we get an E for effort that day for trying. I usually go with super Mets jinx Laurie but she was a sell out this year and decided to spend the week lounging in the sun in another country. Fellow TBB Serena was not an option since the Mets and Yankees decided to be life ruiners and set the games for the same exact time making it impossible for us to attend both Opening Day festivities. Someone really needs to work on this teleportation sh*t. I decide to bring with me my dear old man. Pops joins us for Opening day and so my story begins.

We leave for Citi Field at 11:00 am for the 1:10 game against the San Diego Padres. I usually get to Citi Field around 10 am on Opening day and spend hours chugging beer and grilling in the parking lot but I knew tailgating with Pops was not an option. On the way to Citi Field disgruntle Mets fan that my father is starts with his disapproval of the Dickey trade. I try to change the subject and say “How many homeruns do you think we will see today Dad?” Dad says:” A lot from San Diego” Way to be optimistic I see where I get my sarcastic attitude from.

When I get off the exit to the stadium there are many officers of the law directing traffic. Pops decides to flag one over from doing his job to flash the officer a distant family members PBA card thinking that this will allow him to park in “Special Parking” FAIL! This is embarrassing moment number one folks. Embarrassing moment number two is not far behind. At the entrance into the ballpark while getting padded down by security Pops makes an inappropriate joke that I can not share but it did make the security guard laugh so no harm done. Our free giveaway is a magnetic schedule that I was not impressed with. In fact last year when the Mets emailed me a survey about the free giveaways I rated this giveaway a one. On a scale of one being the worst. Clearly my opinion means nothing. We stop on the main level to take this sweet father/daughter photo under the scoreboard and made sure to get the All Star Game sign it , cause that’s not advertised in every nook and granny of the stadium.( Insert your  awwwwwwwww! for the photo)

This is our view from our overpriced seats. They were not a bad view at all I just know that during the season these seats are $12 as opposed to the $64 you were charging them for Opening Day.

On the field before the game started they honored 500 first responders that tended to Hurricane Sandy victims. They included members of the Military, Police and Fired department.  In center field volunteers from Habitat for Humanity formed a house shape arrangement. There was also a moment of silence for both Hurricane Sandy and Newton Town victims .

They proceed to announce TOWSNBN and the 2013 Mets.

 Actress Emma Rossum from the television show Shameless sang the National Anthem. She did an amazing job. I was unaware she had such a beautiful voice. Some people have all the luck she gets to be hot AND talented oh and let’s face it she is on a hit show so she has money too! I’m so jelly as those annoying teenagers would say.

 

It is at this time that I should tell you that I bought myself a cool new camera with outstanding zoom. I like to think TOWSNBN just realized this. Look at his reaction of frustration to the news.

It’s about that time where my stomach decides that it needs food now otherwise there is no telling what will happen. I tell Dad that I’ll be right back that I am getting foods. Dad pulls $20 out of his wallet and says “Get me a hamburger and whatever else you want” My heart melts he has no clue what a wildebeest his daughter is furthermore he clearly does not realize just how much food is at the stadium. While I am away I am told that Rusty Staub threw the first pitch.

I get back to the seats to find my father not in our original seats and chewing some lady’s ear off about the Dickey trade yet again. She seems to agree with him. My father informs me that he moved so a family could all sit together. I got my dad his hamburger and I got a cheeseburger and a beer in an All Star Game collector’s cup (I should tell you that at the beer stand I see ASG Budweiser coming soon. I think to myself “Oooh a new beer!!” It takes me until Friday nights game that I realize ASG stands for All Star Game.) Dad asks for change. I don’t have the heart to tell him that I actually had to put $6 in. After I confess Dad reminisces about when he would go to Shea Stadium and how hot dogs outside the stadium were 10 cents and hot dogs in the stadium were 50 cents. Well at least there is consistency in the rapping of wallets over the decades. Pops and I are not impressed with the burgers at all! They were burnt and small. I got the burgers at one of the concession stands by our section that’s what I get for being lazy and not making the trip down to the Shake Shack.

It’s finally game time and the pitching match up was Johnathon Niese for the Mets and Edinson Volquez for the Padres. At Daniel Murphy’s first at bat “Happy Birthday “was song to him. It was orchestrated by The 7 Line and his army. Well played!! I tried to video tape it unfortunately the two drunk boys in the back round over power my efforts but I definitely heard it faintly from my seats.

The Mets scored the first run on Ruben Tejada’s RBI double in the 2^nd and John Buck scores making it 1-0. Niese singles bringing Tejada home and the score is now 2-0. My father and I look at each other in amazement.

In the top of the 3^RD San Diego gets on the board when Carlos Quentin singles on a ground ball sending Chris Denorfia home. It’s now 2-1.

In the bottom of the 3^RD Myrlon Byrd Singles and TOWSNBN scores it is now 3-1

Lot’s of hitting is going on I am getting so confused I look around to make sure I was at Citi Field watching the Mets. John Buck then singles and Byrd scored making the score 4-1. We continue to scratch our heads and rub our eyes all while enjoying this strange feeling of winning. I decide I am still hungry and send dad on a run to get me more beer and a hot dog. He looks at me and shakes his head as he says to me “This is why your not married you’ll eat the poor guy out of house and hold”

In the bottom of the 4^th more hitting is had for the Mets. Murphy singles on a line drive Collin Cowgill goes to 3rd and Niese scores it is now 5-1. TOWSNBN grounds out and Cowgill comes home 6-1. Byrd singles to left field and now the birthday boy scores. Score stands at 7-1. I am speechless at this point. I have no words. The lady my dad was chatting it up with insists my father is good luck. I contemplate leaving him in section 531 and forwarding his mail to flushing.

It is now the top of the 5^th inning and my father would like to leave the game. He is cold and complaining about the wind. In his defense he was just getting over bronchitis and he has this thing with traffic he kind of hates it.  I buy my time by making ridiculous bets with him. I tell him if Lucas Duda hits a homerun we can leave. I know this is not happening so I am safe for now. Look at what “A DUD “did in the game at this point. (For those who don’t know my pops says Lucas Duda is A DUD and that’s what his name is spelled backwards) Ike Davis is not getting off the hook so easy. Look at what both clowns contributed so far.

In the top of the 6^th Yonder Alonso of the Padres tacks on another run by hitting a homerun it is now 7-2 and I decide to cave in to my father’s demand after the 6^th inning is over. We walk back to the car blast the heat because being so close to god in those seats we need to defrost. As we defrost and pull out of the stadium we hear uproar. My dad assumes the Mets bullpen has f’ed it up and it is now a tie game which would make sense. I turn the radio to the game and find that Collin Cowgill had just hit a grand slam. I turn to Dad and snarl at him. He says “Just think it’s going to look so much better when you see it tonight on the replay “

THE END!

Take a Chance on Me

It’s been a while fellow earthlings. Oh the things we have seen here well at least here in the east coast. We survived the horrible Hurricane Sandy which affected so many of us in different ways. Some worse then others but the nice thing about us New Yorkers that in a time of need we will all come together to help one another out and then we will curse you out at a later date and time. Among the sh*t the TBB endured was no power, outrageous gas lines, damage to our homes, being subjected to eat Ramen noodles every night and to top it all off a freak a** snow storm. We hope that in the following weeks that Serena and the many others without power get there electricity back and to the people that lost so much more we hope that things start to get better for you and life can return to whatever normal is considered.

 Let’s go ahead and discuss the poll results way back from Halloween we asked you “Were the TBB robbed during the Halloween Contest? Five of you voted. Only 5! We could go on to say that it was maybe because of the power outage and a lot of people had no internet access but we realized that no one around here likes us. *Sigh* Well if you did vote you should of noticed that any choice you picked would have been acceptable to us because every choice had a Yes in it. It was just a matter of how you wished to say it. We tricked you!! Not just hat racks we are. Well played TBB, well played. 

Today I will be rambling genius nonsense all alone. Serena is in DR on a well deserved vacation. I hope while she is down there she finds my luggage that the airport neglected to find when I went down to DR in April of this year. Have no fear just like the referees in football had replacements I have acquired a replacement Serena to sit and blog with me and more importantly wear Serena’s clean Giants jersey (we had to wash our jerseys because the Giants played like a pack of assclowns with no arms last week and lost) so our juju does not get discombobulated and they can win. Her replacement does not say much and she can’t figure out how to hold a beer yet. Another thing is she is always smiling which is kind of creeping  me out.

Trying to dig up some news worthy baseball notes in the offseason is difficult, but I did manage to find some. I imagine that all of you think that this blog is going to be about the departure of Jason Bay from the Mets. Word came out that both sides decided to go there separate ways. Cue in some Celine Dion music. The two sides negotiated an early expiration to his contract which had a minimum of one year and $21 million remaining. The Mets can pay him that over time and with that gaining them a measure of pay roll flexibility. Ahem sign WRIGHT AND DICKEY NOW PLEASE THANK YOU. (That message was approved and paid for by one half of the TBB). Back to Bay, as a Mets fan I never disliked him as a person and I really did feel bad for his lack of production and concussion prone ways. I wanted to bid farewell to him on a high note and maybe reminisce and make a list of his top plays as a Met but when I sat and really thought about it the only thing I could think of was that he wore number 44 well. Bye Jason it’s been real!  

Remember David Ross from the Atlanta Braves that we met on my Birthday when we went to the Mets vs. Braves game. Click here to jog your memory. Well he signed a two year, 6.2 million dollar deal with The Red Sox. The deal is still pending upon a physical. Maybe now since he is closer we can take him up on that cookout he suggested.

There were a total of eight free agents who declined deals before last Friday’s deadline. Among the eight are Adam Laroche, Hiroki Kuroda, Nick Swisher, Josh Hamilton, Michael Bourne, BJ Upton, Kyle Lohse and Rafael Soriano. They all received qualifying offers from there most recent team. Any team that now signs them will have to forfeit a draft pick as compensation. This is something to think about for the teams that are in the market to acquire players this offseason.

So remember before how I said I wanted to make a list but I didn’t because nothing came to mind. Well I am going to make a list for you today! It kind of has to do with baseball but not so much. Are you as curious as the TBB are as to why TOWSNBN continues to give Lisa the silent treatment and shun her like a leper? Today I am making a list of legit reasons why TOWSNBN should finally take a chance on me. (A picture with him is what I strive to get but I think once he reads these amazing facts something more will grow out of that relationship and I’m ok with that.) If there are any new readers please check out the TBB lingo &Cronies section to find out who we are talking about.

1- Lisa has boobs.They are a nice handful so she is told and are real no need to worry about exploding silicon if things get rough.

2- Lisa is Italian so she knows how to stuff a sausage.
3- Back to ethnicity although she is a 100% Italian she is mistaken for every form of Latin nationality there is. Just think of how cool you will look it the locker room bragging to Daniel Murphy and Ruben Tejada that you have a Latin Lover. No one needs to know the truth.
4-Lisa changes her hair color almost every three months as of last Thursday she was a blonde now she is a brunette who knows what the next three months will bring. It’s like dating a different chick every three months. You will never get bored. Play on player.
5- Lisa is very charitable. She is Vice President of Fred K’s Cancer and does 5k’s for all sorts of charities so your image won’t tarnish.
6- Furthermore hanging out with Lisa is enough charity in itself you would never have to do another charity event again and I am sure you could write off in taxes everything she eats and that’s a lot.
7- You tend to look as inconsistent with a workout regimen as Lisa is so it won’t matter if you if she pumps iron or decides to go to Taco Bell and treat Serena on your dime. You might want to consider buying stock in Taco Bell.
8-When Lisa does exercise she is a professional in Cardio Kickboxing so it’s like your own personal body guard she will jab, cross, upper anyone who seems to be a threat to you. She also does Zumba. Those moves can come in handy if you get my drift. The hips don’t lie
9- Lisa comes from a long line of child bearing women so have no fear the Wright name will go on.
10- Lisa is a Traveling Baseball Babe that’s a quasi celebrity.
11-Lisa is not super hot so you will never have to worry about her leaving you for another baseball player and look at what props you will get for hanging with a not so attractive girl. It will do well for your golden boy imagine.
12- Lisa is poor she always has been poor so if this shit does not work out she has no problem going back to being poor she also does not read things when she signs them so there’s a pretty good chance you will not only be keeping your fortune but her house , clothes and parents as well.
13- Lisa was roofied so she knows what that feels like and will constantly be watching your drinks for any slips.
14- Lisa only hangs out with hilarious people (Serena) The two of them are EPIC and will have you laughing your chubby thighs off all the time.

I think he will finally cave in this year after reading this. Don’t worry I will blog all about the magical night. Well I need to go. I have to finish watching this horrible Giants game and I am pretty confident Serena’s replacement is trying to kill me. Two more things one is the Asshole of the week without saying if you live where the hurricane hit hard is LIPA and the Super hero of the week is all the Veterans who served our country. We thank you and continue to thank the ones that are currently serving as well. Hope you enjoyed our alone time together next week the dynamic duo will be reunited.

Playoff Pandemonium

Shall we start the blog off with poll results? We asked you a simple question Love or Hate the new playoff structure? Looks like all of you TBB followers came out to vote (10) and these were the results. Eight of you sons of b*tches like this new format which saddens us cause we told you already we hated it and now you are going against us. You should agree with us at all times because we are awesome and hilarious and all around good time. Shame on you! We guess even followers are entitled to their own opinion even if it’s wrong. Two people voted for hate it. We like them. If we knew who you were we would let you buy us beer and wings and experience the most comical day of your life.

Before we go on to baseball related stuff that we think is important enough to grace the pages of this glorious blog we need to mention a few things. Yesterday our friends Maureen and Jerry tied the knot. Congratulations! We had a great time. Serena performed her bridesmaid duties which included acting like a lady and not cursing while Lisa enjoyed the open bar and showing off her Zumba moves on the dance floor. Lisa is tired lazy and will apologize in advance for this blog for its just Daphne today Velma is off working her real job. No word on her stalking storm troopers so she must be behaving herself at The Autism Walk. I wish Serena and the gang all the luck today in raising money and awareness for Autism.

Now onto the baseball sh*t! So let’s have a short and sweet recap. I will try to make this as painless as possible. We found out on Wednesday that the Yankees and Oakland Athletics clinched their division titles.  The Yankees would give Boston a certifiable ass whipping and the Baltimore Orioles would take the first AL wild card spot. Oakland won over Texas causing Texas to claim the second spot. Fun times had by all I am sure.

Speaking of this Wild Card crap lets briefly cover what went down on these one game sudden death elimination (Ok I am being a bit dramatic). On Friday the Braves played the St. Louis Cardinals for the National League Wild Card bullsh*t. It did not end as Lisa would have hoped it to. Lisa was wishing that Carlos Beltran would pull the crap he did in the 2006 National league Championship game when he played for the Mets. In case you forgot he struck out while looking with the winning run on board. Never Forget! She is still looking for closure! Unfortunately that did not happen the Braves had three errors and a bad call by one of the umpires in the eight when Andrelton Simmons hit a fly ball that looked like a given out for the Cardinals. Pete Kozma initially called for the ball but then allowed it to drop between him and Holliday. The fans thought the Braves had loaded the bases while trailing by three runs and one out. Fans would realize that the left field umpire had made a late infield fly ruling calling Simmons out and leaving runners on second and third. It then got pretty ugly. Fans started throwing bottles, cups, and other items on the field causing a 19 minute delay. I love passionate fans. I am making them the TBB Super hero of the week. They are far classier then what Serena and I would have probably done had this happen to one of our teams. Braves would go on to lose 6-3 to the Cardinals. The Cardinals are to play the Washington Nationals today. Lisa is becoming a Nationals fan and will use her hat and free t-shirt as well as her mascot puppet while she roots on the Nats. Lisa refuses to live in a world where Carlos Beltran could possible go to the World Series. In the AL Wild Card game the Baltimore Orioles beat the Texas Rangers with a score of 5-1 and so the Orioles will be playing the Yankees today for the first game of their series. The TBB are hoping for a 4^th game so that we can attend the playoff tickets we purchased. That being said we are allowing the Orioles to win one game. That’s it! I know what you’re saying to yourself.” Those ladies are so sweet to grant that”. Statues should be made of us for our random acts of kindness.

So as stands taking game 1 of their division series are the Cincinnati Reds who beat the San Francisco Giants yesterday with a score of 5-2 and the Detroit Tigers took game 1 over the Oakland Athletics with a score of 3-1. Lot’s of baseball to be had today everyone is playing oh and football too. I suppose I should get this show on the road and mention a few more things so we all can get to drinking beer and watching sports!

Miguel Cabrera won baseball’s first Triple Crown in 45 years on Wednesday night. Cabrera led the American League with a .330 batting average, 44 home runs and 139 RBIs, making him the 15^th Triple Crown winner and the first since Boston’s Carl Yastrzemski in 1967. He did very well on Lisa’s fantasy baseball team but he alone could not carry The Asstastic Bunch to first place we finished in 5^th.

On Thursday I received notification on my portable internet machine from one of the baseball apps that stated late breaking news “Bobby Valentine is fired. “ Let’s be real late breaking news would have been if Bobby Valentine kept his job. Valentine went 69-93 in his only year as the Boston Red Sox manager. It should also be noted that this was the worst record in almost 50 years for Boston. The only person sad about this is Lisa’s mother and it’s not because she is a Boston Fan it’s because she has a crush on him. Speaking of Jobs as one door closes another one opens well not for Bobby V but for former Boston Red Sox manger Terry Francona. Terry has been hired this week to be manager of the Cleveland Indians, a team that collapsed in the second half of the season after a promising four months in the beginning.

Cue in curtains, The End! Go on and enjoy lots of booze, baseball and football you have been dismissed students!

A little bit of this a little bit of that …

Welcome back followers. The TBB was out of commission last week due to some bridesmaid duties that needed to be taken care of.  I have good news and bad news this week. The good news is that there will be a post today the bad news is that it’s just me Lisa blogging. We apologize we know how much you guys hate change and when we are apart.  Let’s just move forward shall we? Last week we discussed in depth detail about the lack of epic performance with our honorary TBB Timmy so we asked “What’s up with Timmy?” Ten of you came out of your slumber to let your voice be heard and the results are as follows. Only one thinks that poor Timmy might actually be hurt. We hope not big things are in store for him for on this years Tim Lincecum appreciation day. Two of you think he should go back to the habit and smoke weed while three of you think he should drink heavily before his start. Obviously the TBB agree did you guys not see the strict schedule we gave him. Last but not least and the winner of the poll was that he is just way too excited for the 3^RD annual Tim Lincecum appreciation day. I guess everything should go back to normal then by mid August.
 

Since we are on the subject of Timmy, did anyone catch his last game July 14^th? Well we are happy to announce that little Timmy had eight shut out innings when the Giants played the Astros last Saturday as well as 11 strikeouts. Timmy also scored the games first run in the fifth when he scored from third base on Melky Cabrera’s single to right field. It looks like Timmy followed the strict regiment we gave him. If you are reading this and have no clue what we are talking about then please click here before you read on. The only reason why Timmy did not pitch the perfect game as stated was because we think he might of missed one or two prank calls to Barry Zito which probably threw the regiment off a bit and his fake mustache probably fell off. These were key steps that were needed to be followed to ensure the perfect game. Serena and I are totally taking credit for this improvement and the SF Giants and fans can thank us at a later time. Have no fear we will come up with something outrageous to demand like a lifetime supply of taco bell and a pet shark for Serena. We are helping MLB players everywhere one asinine letter at a time (insert we are the world theme song).

Next week we are off to Canada. Serena has informed me her ever so nice Canadian friend got us tickets to a second Toronto game! As if that’s not exciting enough these seats are infinitely better then ours rumor has it that they are field level. Score! This gives Serena not one but two chances to try and meet her taco bell soul mate Justin Verlander. Said friend is also taking us to Real Sports aka the bar with the huge TV. Our imaginary balls are tingling with excitement. I think this might be heaven. With all our sins we are allowed into the pearly gates as shown here.

Also on our agenda we plan on having a classy ass dinner where the TBB will get all dolled up to eat at the top of the CN tower. Afterwards we plan on going drinking and possible dancing. What is not on the schedule is to be roofied. I will try very hard not to get roofied and I will try not to roofie my friend as I’m in the process of getting roofied. If anybody knows of some sites that are a must to see while we are visiting please email us “ey”.

Baseball notes
Things are not going well for my Mets. They have lost the last 8 out of 9 games and now Johan Santana has been put on the DL for a right ankle sprain. It is said that he will take more then the minimum 15 days to recover and we are looking at him starting again for the Aug 7^TH-12^th homestand. I can’t say I didn’t see it coming. Thanks for making the beginning of the season entertaining boys. I already know how the season is going to end.

Serena’s future husband Justin Morneau is on paternity leave. Yup that’s right paternity leave. He is attending the birth of his second child. I don’t think Serena and I even knew he had a fist child. God this is so awkward now. Morneau has a maximum of three days to be away from the team.

The Atlanta Braves staged a stunning comeback on Friday. They entered the 6^th inning down 9-0 and by the end of the eighth they cut their loss to only being down by one run. The Braves went on to lead it in the 9^th but a rare blown save by Craig Kimbrel postponed the win to the 11^th inning when they won 11-10. Cue in LL Cool J “Don’t call it a comeback” That being said I am making the Braves the TBB super hero of the week for such a great comeback.

American Airlines is the A-hole of the week. Why you ask? Because the morons lost my luggage on April 25^th on my way to Punta Cana. It is now July 22nd and they have yet to compensate me for a dime. Good luck trying to complain because you can’t talk to supervisor ever and talking to customer service is like dealing with a politician answering a question.

Well it’s been real kids. Remember next week we will be out of the country so in the words of the soup nazi on Seinfeld- “NO BLOG FOR YOU! “