Yankees Opening Day 2014

April 7, 2014

As promised, Old Man Ed procured tickets to Yankees' Opening Day. Unfortunately, he was too busy watching Moses part the Red Seas to attend, so we invited our friend, Bobby and his friend, Christopher, to the game. This is what Bobby wore to a Yankees/Orioles game:

He told us that he liked the color red. Lisa offered to buy him a red Yankees hat, but that didn't fly. 

We arrived at the stadium in time to buy our sausage sandwiches and french fries before heading to our seats. Two sausages and a side of fries. You're looking at $25 worth of Yankee Stadium food right now. We ate every last bite and we were still hungry. 

Opening ceremony:

Mariano Rivera and Serena's Big Texan threw out the first pitch to Derek Jeter and Jorge Posada. Serena swooned. Not because of this touching moment, but because Andy Pettitte was back in the building. If Jeter and Pettitte could switch places...and then maybe, Pettitte came back to live with Serena, that would be awesome. He can sleep in Lisa's spot in Serena's bed.

Hugs.

 

Back to us. It turns out that Bobby is obsessed with taking selfies. We aimed to photo bomb as many as possible throughout the day.

Christopher was NOT into selfies, but we must admit that thanks to Bobby's selfie skills, he managed to get a pretty good group shot of us:

And also, we should also note that if it wasn't for him, we'd have no photos of the day at all. This is us coming back from a hot chocolate run:

Something new for this year is the fact that you can now purchase your coffee or hot chocolate in a snazzy, functional souvenir thermal cup for $10. Is $10 ridiculous? Yes. But will your hot chocolate still be hot after you're done climbing all of those steps to get back to your seats? Abso-f*cking-lutely. We call that a win. We're obligated to give a shout out to James (Serena's commish in her other fantasy league) for being nice enough to buy us our hot chocolates while another member of this league negotiated a Stephen Strasburg trade with Serena. 

We had another visitor to our section in the form of Instagram user @cusma08. Obviously, we're ridiculously popular. And sexy. Our friend, Charlie was also in the house, but he was super far away and we're lazy, so a simple text message exchange sufficed for a hello. 

Bobby proved to us that we're not as mean as you think. He's meaner. He photographed all of the individuals in our section that he deemed unworthy of his presence. There was a FUPA (Serena only recently found out what a FUPA was, by the way), a man keeping score that removed his dentures, a girl with ugly sneakers, and many others. By the end of the game, he had more photos of strangers than he did of us...and of himself. 

Carlos Beltran is now bald. He's still lazy and he still runs after a ground ball in the outfield with zero sense of urgency. Each time he came to the plate or a ball was hit in his general direction, Lisa could be heard mumbling under her breath. "So...in conclusion, he sucks no matter what New York team he plays for...And he still comes out to zumba music." - live testimony from TBB, Lisa. 

The Yankees defeated the Orioles 4-2, which is rare. Serena couldn't remember the last time she was in attendance for a Yankees victory on Opening Day. The Mets and Yankees apparently decided to switch roles for the occasion.

We shall conclude today's blog with our token selfie for the game: 

Lisa was really cold, which is why she is dressed like a smurf. 

You're welcome for an Opening Day blog post that contains zero game recap.