Monday, August 1, 2016

Yankees vs. Royals 5-10-16

You got the date right. As you can see, we are nearly three months behind schedule. We figured that we better get a handle on posting this before Star Wars Night on Friday. Or our Marlins trip. Truth be told, this is going to be a rough post. We barely remember the game. In fact, we barely remember this weekend.What we remember clearly is the food that we ate:
These are the best burgers we've ever had ANYWHERE. We got these at the Triple Play stand on the main level in section 115. Lisa ordered The G.O.A.T. (The Greatest of All Time). On this magnificent burger is beef topped with American cheese, bacon, pastrami, and G.O.A.T. sauce. Serena ordered The Barnyard Wedding, which included beef topped with a fried chicken cutlet, hash browns, BBQ sauce, and cheddar cheese. Oh, and we both got a side of fries with that. Because we've got fat children living inside us. Each burger was about $16. We just Googled the caloric intake for one of these burgers and apparently it's more than either of us should have in an entire day.

The burgers were the highlight of our entire week, if not month. We talk about these burgers to anyone who'll listen to us. Therefore, it's the highlight of this blog. From here, we'll try our best to piece together the rest of our adventure.

For starters, we arrived:
Then we made it a point to check out Monument Park so that Serena could visit her man.

While we were there, we visited other people too.
 For Mamadukes:

After Monument Park, we stuffed our faces on the best burgers on the planet. Because we had to mention them again. It is worth noting that we enjoyed our burgers so much that we barely talked. We simply grunted at each other as we switched burgers after a few bites and then switched again. Some nodding of appreciation over our glorious meals. No words. In this case, words are meaningless.

After the meal, it really didn't matter what happened next because life no longer had meaning. We headed to our seats regardless. This is the view from our $5 Mastercard Monday deal:

Not too shabby, eh?

It doesn't matter so much what happened on the field at this game. What does matter is what took place in the stands surrounding us. For starters, let's discuss the Royals' fans that have risen from muck and mire to stand high and mighty on top of piles of sh*t at other people's stadiums. Are these the true blue Royals' fans that supported their team through thick and thin and who were born and raised in the Kansas City area? No. These are local idiots that just want to be a part of a World Series winning team. This postseason, when Kansas City doesn't win (and they won't), these buffoons will be on to the next team, the next World Championship t-shirt/hat/hoodie, and they'll be coming to a stadium near you. These are not just New Yorkers. These are local bandwagon ass clowns that can be found nationwide. They are most likely your neighbors. These same sh*t sippers invaded Yankee Stadium like a case of herpes. Not only did they sit and fester, but they made a whole lot of noise. Too much noise for a group of people not cheering for the home team. Listen, we don't visit you in your home and act like an asshole. Our mothers raised us better than that. We act like assholes in our own homes as is our god given right. Lisa lost her patience, which is truly saying something because between the two of us, Lisa is infinitely more kind. Therefore, if Lisa lost her patience, how do well do you think Serena was handling it? This is us not happy with our neighboring KC fans:
Lisa spent a good chunk of the evening shouting, "Go home, Kansas City! You're drunk!"

Aside from the KC fans, we happened to be across the aisle from a sh*t show. As in, if you Google, "sh*t show," this scenario will pop up. Picture this, if you will: a group of men drinking heavily. Now imagine them as fathers in charge of their offspring. Their horribly behaved offspring. What do you do when your wretched offspring behaves horribly in public? It seems that you just drink more and buy them a sh*t ton of expensive souvenirs and more soda pop. As if these rug rats needed more sugar in their system. At one point, Serena turned to Lisa and asked, "Are you sure you want one of these? If your child acts like that, I'm not hanging out with it. Or you."

Just a few of the more memorable snapshots of these kids:
  • One child swung from the railing separating our seats from falling to our deaths. Did a single parent address the situation? No. However, in his defense, it's possible that he was hoping for a convenient way to dispose of the child. 
  • Children running amuck. Up and down the aisles and stairs. Screaming. Causing traffic jams and headaches. Spilling aforementioned soda pop.
  • A child demanded more soda pop from either his father or his friend's father and it was fetched for him. If either of us "demanded" anything from either of our parents, we assure you that a good beating is what we would've received. Not soda pop. 
In conclusion, those were some tasty burgers. 

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