1000 Ballpark Way
Arlington, TX 76011
August 18, 2017
Before we get to Arlington, you should know that a lot of shit went wrong on this trip. A lot. We're not even going to discuss the idiocy of our hotel (The Magnolia - don't ever stay there. WORST customer service and possibly the stupidest people you'll ever meet). Let's just discuss our rental car situation. This is the car we ended up driving all over the state of Texas:
No, we did not select this vehicle. This is the vehicle that was handed to us. It was also over 100 degrees outside and humid AF. There is no way in hell that we'd opt to put the top down. Lastly, the size of the bugs that ended up as corpses all over this car were prehistorically large. Like the kind of size that would make T-Rex nervous. If one of us got hit with one of them while on the road, we would've crashed the car into a field of longhorns. Game over.
This rental car also came from the SECOND rental car place visited in one day. Why, do you ask? Oh, funny story really. Lisa booked a rental car MONTHS in advance. The rental car was a mere 2 miles from our shitty, but expensive hotel. With the stupid staff people. Upon arrival at our first rental car place, we were informed that we could not use our debit cards to secure our rental. This was listed nowhere on the website when Lisa booked the car or on her confirmation email. Unfortunately, we've been on this "debt free" kick, so we chose NOT to travel with our credit cards for the first time ever. We were slightly panicked as the whole point of the rental car was to get our asses to Arlington to see the Rangers play. And then see The Alamo later that week. The manager suggested that we could possibly use our debit card if we went all the way back to the airport and rented a totally different car there. Um, no.
Lisa checked her phone to see if there were any other rental car companies in the neighborhood. There was. She called and thankfully, they accepted our debit card over the phone. Bonus point: they gave us a discount because of Lisa's company. We rushed over there only to meet this miserable woman who told us that she had no cars left. We almost dropped dead.
Then, after typing into the computer, she goes, "All I've got left is a bug." Initially, we thought she meant a literal bug, but then realized that she was handing us VW keys. By this point, we were so delayed in schedule that we were very close to not making it to our guided tour. Therefore, we both agreed that we could not make any pit stops. This means no snacks. No coffee refills. No potty breaks. No water. As if we weren't dehydrated enough.
Now for the actual roadtrip. As usual, our playlist and sing alongs were amazing.
Sam Houston on the highway that was so big, that we could see his name printed clearly on the pedestal from the other side of the highway. Do you have any idea how terrifying it is to see something like this looming on the horizon in the middle of the night? Third, there are a ton of brightly colored, fancy churches. Lastly, they do not like democrats. We thought political campaigns were fierce here in New York, but no. New Yorkers are pansies when it comes to political throw downs in comparison. The billboards we saw along the highway were brutal. No idea as to whether or not they were Republican Party sponsored or if they were a result of concerned citizens using their money to promote their political views.
ANYWAY, we made it to Globe Life Park just in time to get in with our tour group. The tour guide was nice enough to allow us the use of the bathroom before we got started because we were pretty much ready to explode.
After the tour, we had about two hours to kill, so we wanted around the outside of the ballpark taking photos. Including this one:
It was on this journey that we discovered something terrible. No, not the Dallas Cowboys stadium (though that was truly a nightmare). It was the location for the new stadium being built for the Rangers. Allow us to repeat this. A new stadium for the Rangers. Which means we'd have to come back to this humid, hot AF state to see their new ballpark. That means more bad hair days, breast sweat, and swamp ass. Why are the baseball gods punishing us? Why? We don't want to return to Atlanta. Or Dallas/Arlington. Or Oakland. One time is enough.
We entered the stadium an hour and a half before game time. Our first stop was to check out the team's Hall of Fame.
The Rangers have cheerleaders by the way. We've talked about how stupid cheerleaders are for baseball teams in the past (ex: Brewers), but we are going reiterate that ideology again. There is no place in baseball for f*cking cheerleaders. In the case of the Rangers, you need to walk across the street to AT&T Stadium where you belong.
It was around this time that we returned to the Kids' Zone to meet The Captain (and also to get food).There was quite a long line to wait to meet him and there was a chance that we wouldn't get to meet him (as per his handlers). Therefore, we tried to get a few ghetto photos with him. Just in case.
In the end, we ended up getting our photo taken with him, so it worked out. Unfortunately, we look very fat in these photos. Please don't judge us.
Here are some nighttime photos we took towards the end of the game and post-game: