Friday, May 29, 2009

The Traveling Baseball Babes' All Star Teams

We realize that it's quite early in the season to be judging players. However, it's the MLB's fault to begin with for sending out the All Star ballots in APRIL!!! We'd like to point out that Alex Rodriguez appeared on the ballot from the get go despite not having a single start until the first week of May. Keeping this in mind, we have picked who we'd like on our all star teams. They may not be the most popular players, but at least they deserve to be considered for a spot on the team.

Lisa has chosen who'd she'd like to represent the National League. For first base, she'll take Adam LaRoche or Adrian Gonzalez. She'd prefer Carlos Delgado, but he's landed himself on the DL. At second, she's enlisting the services of Dan Uggla (despite her lack of enthusiasm for his personality). Hanley Ramirez will be playing short stop and at third base, Lisa will settle for Ryan Zimmerman or David Wright (even though we continue to be black listed by him). Behind the plate will be Brian McCann. Patrolling the outfield will be Ryan Church, Mike Cameron, and Chris Duncan. If we were allowed to pick our own pitchers, Lisa would choose Johan Santana to play every single inning of every single game. Barry Zito would not even be in the bull pen. Since he's a nice guy though, she'll give him a job being the team cheerleader.

For the American League roster, Serena will take Justin Morneau (naturally) or Tex Mex (aka: Mark Teixeira) at first. At second, she'd love for Robinson Cano to start and to have Brian Roberts as her back up. Roberts is an excellent lead off man and infielder, but her loyalty lays with Cano. While she'd like to have Marco Scutaro at her short stop position, he hasn't been standing apart from the crowd lately, therefore she's going with Derek Jeter (oh, god! She's done it! She's picked the golden boy for short stop!). Currently, her options for third base are Alex Rodriguez (who has surprisingly made major contributions to the Yankees thus far) and Mike Lowell (who's been somewhat cold at the plate, but nevertheless, a kick ass third basemen). She'd enlist the services of Eric Chavez being that he is probably the best third basemen in the game, but he seems to have landed on the DL...AGAIN!!!! He's like the Carl Pavano of infielders. Evan Longoria is also a good choice but again, he hasn't been hot lately. Behind the plate will most definitely be Joe Mauer hands down. There are tough choices for the outfield, but Serena is going with Carl Crawford (4 stolen bases in one game? Hell yeah, he's on the team), Jacoby Ellsbury (gasp! She's picked a Yankees killer), and Ken Griffey Jr. (who needs no introductions). Magglio Ordonez and Torii Hunter get honorable mentions, but don't make the varsity squad. Xavier Nady would also be under consideration had his elbow not crapped out on him. If she had her druthers, her pitching staff would consist of Roy Halladay, Johan Santana, Tim Lincecum, and Mariano Rivera. Barry Zito would not be an option for Serena either, though he is quite good looking. Therefore, he can go fetch Serena water with his shirt off.

Now to discuss our poll. We've broken a record by scoring 6 votes! Yay for us! Unfortunately, there is one person who was stupid enough to vote "Go Philles/Red Sox!" Surely, whoever you are, you are a jerk. We can't even fathom why you would've voted for that option. Others did appear to agree with us and chose "New York in the house" but the majority of the votes went to "It depends. Who is Laurie rooting for?" We're going to stop giving you people Laurie options. Why is she winning all of our polls? Do you people even know who she is?

At present blogging time, the Division leaders stand as follows:
Boston leads the AL East by 1/5 game over the Yankees while the Mets hold a 1/5 game lead in the NL East over the Phillies. Since both the Mets and Yankees were off last night, we feel that technically, both division leads are shared by the Red Sox/Yankees and Phillies/Mets. So take that you non-believers!!! Okay...we're the non-believers, but for once we're happy! In the AL Central, Detroit holds a 3.5 game lead over Minnesota and St. Louis maintains a mere 1 game lead over Milwaukee in the NL Central. Texas has a 3 game lead over Anaheim in the AL West while the stupid Milano Dodgers have a commanding 9 game lead over San Diego in the NL West.

Today's baseball notes: On Wednesday night, Lisa attended the Mets/Nationals game with Laurie and the Mets won. Apparently, we need a new scapegoat now that the Laurie Curse has been lifted. On this same night, Carlos Zambrano was handed a $3,000 fine and 6 game suspension due to "his flamboyant tirade," which included hitting a Gatorade cooler with a baseball hat. Jorge Posada is supposedly set to be activated today for the Yankees' game against Cleveland. Finally...last but not least, Barry Zito lost again. We promised that we wouldn't make fun of him if this happened so all we shall say is that his record currently stands at 1-5. His next start is tomorrow against the Cardinals...which probably means he'll lose.

We close this session with the poetic words of wisdom written by Tina Turner: "Barry Zito, what's love got to do with it? You suck and we cannot possibly have you start for us. Who needs a pitcher when your pitches are broken? Though Serena remains your private dancer. A dancer for your money, she'll show you how you're supposed to pitch."


  1. Serena, you picked two Red Sox for your All Star team. What is this world coming to?????

  2. I'm sorry, She-Fan! But I've got to acknowledge a player who does right by his team! I can't very well have an outfielder running around like a chicken with his head cut off and no throwing arm to speak of (i.e. Damon)!

  3. new poll: whose tongue is bigger!