Friday, May 22, 2009

Waldorf & Statler Have Spoken!

Inter league play is upon us. This can either bring great joy or great sorrow to Mudville depending on what side your team ends up on. For example, should the Mets and Yankees get spanked, the only fans that will benefit are the awesome Red Sox and Phillies fans. We sincerely hope you can read the thick sarcasm layered on that "awesome." Here's why: Mets fans are not going to be happy if the Mets lose, OBVIOUSLY. Same goes for Yankees fans if the Yankees lose. Now...why should the Mets fans be sad if the Phillies sweep this weekend? HELLO, people!!!! The Phillies would have gained 3 games on your Mets! Same for Yankees fans. If the Red Sox sweep the Mets and the Yankees lose, guess what? Yankees are down 3 games as well. We hope this weekend brings peace, joy, and unity among "subway brothers" with victories for New York. Imagine it: Yankees and Mets fans flocking together and holding hands. Singing songs like, "We Are the Champions," "Why Can't We Be Friends," "What a Wonderful World," and of course, the Friends theme song.

Last week's poll went surprisingly well in that most people (out of 5 again, we seem to be topping out at 5 votes) agree with us that players should be punished for not performing the simplest baseball tasks, such as not running out a ground ball, because "they are overpaid weenies." We're glad to see that our tiny, pathetic following is at least comprised of intelligent people. That's always a plus, though personally, we would've liked to see most of the votes swing toward the "killed by a mascot" choice, but we'll let that one go for now. Of course, this could just be because we're bitter and unhappy people...kind of like Statler and Waldorf (and no. We don't know which one of us is Statler or Waldorf in the picture. You'll have to ask our tech support, Sean to find out. He's the one who created this glorious portrait of us).

On to today's baseball notes: Joba scored a boo boo on the knee in last night's Yankees game against the Orioles. X-rays appear "negative." Whatever the hell that means. At least the Yankees have stretched their winning streak to: 9. To quote Major League II, one of the best baseball movies of all time (that's right, Alyssa Milano, we were actually able to PICK our favorite baseball flick), "...if we win tomorrow, that's 2 IN A ROW. If we win three in a row, it's called a winning streak! It has happened before." We probably just jinxed the Yankees. Crap. In San Francisco, Barry Zito lost again Tuesday night against the Padres. His record now stands at 1-4. This may seem like we're kicking him while he's down, but seriously. We can't NOT comment on the situation. That's like avoiding the 800 pound gorilla in the room. He lasted 8 innings and actually did give the Giants a quality start. His only mistakes were two solo home runs. Now...if his team could actually score more than 1 run a game, he'd be all set. If he loses his next start, which is Tuesday, May 24th against the Mariners, we promise not to make fun of him for it. Maybe that will make him feel better. Now for Jerry Manuel. Oh, Jerry. It is clear that unlike the Lemur King, Jerry does NOT have "excellent plans." Telling Ryan Church that he "could've strangled him" for missing third may not have been the nicest thing to say in the world, but it could've been much worse. He could've gone after Ryan's mother, which would've been just plain rude. More importantly, why Ryan Church? Why did Jerry pick him, above all of his players, to lash out against? The one dependable player who plays with heart every single game that he gets to start in? Was that the best move? Why not someone like Jose Reyes, who instead of running hard out of the box every time he hits a ball, moves into a home run trot because he assumes that he has, in fact, hit a home run? Do you know what assume does to you? It makes an A$$ (no cursing now, children read our blog) out of you and me. So...thank you, Jose, for doing that to us. The Mets have now lost four in a row. We suppose we could twist the Major League quote to reflect a losing streak, but we're pretty sure that this is not necessary. Lemur King Manuel: it's time to re-think your "excellent plans." Perhaps Maurice can help.

Our friend, Linda took her son, James to the Yankees game on Wednesday night. She (we are jealous to inform you) met not only Alex Rodriguez. Not only Alex Rodriguez and Joba Chamberlain. But Alex Rodriguez, Joba Chamberlain, AND Nick Swisher. What the hell are we doing wrong????? She goes to one game and meets all three of these men. We've attended hundreds of baseball games and have walked away with one failed attempt to flirt with a bullpen catcher and two photos with Brad Ziegler. Technically, Brad was only nice to us because he almost killed us. It is possible that our record to date would have just been a failed attempt to flirt with a bullpen catcher had he not almost hit us in the head. Apparently, all three were gentleman and Nick Swisher shook her hand and called her, "baby." Did we mention that in order to get a picture with Brad Ziegler, he had to almost kill us? He didn't call us baby either.

Last but not least, what would a TBB blog be without a rant on Alyssa Milano? Definitely not a complete one. The YES Network's Zack Ziegler did an interview with Alyssa because she is a super duper celebrity baseball fan. She does, as per her blog, "bleed blue" or didn't you know that? This interview confirmed that she doesn't really know what she is talking about. For one thing, she "lately" has been a #1 fan of Roberto Clemente. How can you be a #1 fan of anything "lately?" What does that mean? It's okay to say, "lately, I've been craving feta cheese." It is not, however, okay to say, "lately, I've been a #1 fan of a retired baseball player." Second of all, she admits that she used to be a Yankees fan, but then she moved to LA and become a Dodgers fan. Um, does anyone else smell a band wagon fan? She also announced that she will be opening a boutique in a stadium in the NFL, NHL, and NBA, so congratulations, fans. Her awesome team kimonos will now be available in any team of your choosing. What mind boggles us is that she chose Citi Field to open her MLB boutique. But we thought she was a Dodgers fan? Who bled blue? Did we get that wrong? Exactly what color blue does she bleed? Is it navy? Pastel? Turquoise? Royal? Sea foam? Any blue? Nevermind the fact that we cannot figure out why the Mets agreed to this nonsense. That's not important. What's important here is that now she'll probably be infiltrating the homes of the Giants (blue and red), the Magic (blue and black), and the Lightning (also blue and black) with kimonos galore. We could go on for days on this pointless and ridiculous interview, but we're on our lunch break and do not have time. No...we're not jealous. We don't wear kimonos to baseball games.

In unrelated news, HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY!

In a variation of the Beach Boys' famous hit, "wouldn't it be nice if we could win this weekend and screw the Sox and Phillies, then we wouldn't be so bitter Monday and we can all enjoy some food!"

1 comment:

  1. How did your friend Linda get to meet A-Rod, Joba and Swish????? I'm so jealous. Happy Memorial Day to you guys.