Greetings fellow mobile bloggers. Thanks to Ben Affleck’s miserly ways and the intense humidity, we’re sitting in Starbucks. Funny thing is that Lisa just spent the equivalent of 2 gallons of gas on an iced coffee so that we can sit in the air conditioning only to discover that blogger is down for the count. Does it get any better than this? Seriously. You’d think that by now we’d be used to our bad luck bears ways, but no. It still manages to shock us. So now we're blog in Microsoft Word to the likes of Frank Sinatra. We’ll have to copy and paste it into blogger later when the site is behaving.
On to our last week’s poll results. We managed to get a total of 9 votes. Apparently, in a landslide, Milton Bradley was voted on as the player most missing from the All Star Game. Was this supposed to be funny? We hope so. We sincerely hope that you thought that based on his performance at the Wrigley game we went to, it would be hilarious to send him to the All Star Game. In fact, we’re going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you’re all a bunch of comedians.
The Home Run Derby on Monday night was pretty lame and boring. Prince Fielder won the tournament by edging out Nelson Cruz with a whopping 6 home runs. 6?! Really? 6?! Last year Josh Hamilton hit almost 5 times that many in his first round alone. If you put Fielder’s and Cruz’s total final round homers together, they still don’t come close to Hamilton’s first round total. Also, why was Joe Mauer asked to participate? Everyone knows he’s not a home run hitter. RBI’s? Yes, he’s your man. Kick butt catcher? Yup, that’s him. Hell, he’s Baby Jesus! But home run hitter? Uh, since when? Was it absolutely necessary to have a Twin participate just because Justin Morneau declined? Did they have no other options? What exactly were they thinking? Perhaps they need to revise the rule that all participants must be a part of the All Star Game. Then they'd have a bevvy of options.
Not only was the game duller than a piece of driftwood, but the announcing was even worse! Back, Back, Back, Back….SHUT UP! You sound like a rooster cackling! It’s annoying and doesn’t make the ball go any further. If you left it up to these men, Albert Pujols would be voted President of the United States. Apparently, this man can do no wrong. He’s like the Derek Jeter of the entire MLB. He’s more than Baby Jesus. He is Baby Jesus’ Granddaddy. When he retires, they’re going to build pyramids for him in memory of all that he’s accomplished. To hear them talk about him, you’d think that Joe Morgan was having a secret love affair with Pujols. We’re shocked that they didn’t start talking about his deep, inviting brown eyes or how similar to cinnamon his tanned skin is. Barf. Yet, Pujols barely managed to get into the second round of the Derby. He probably got distracted by the announcer crew sending him love notes with their adoring eyes.
The All Star game also failed to live up to last year’s excitement. The AL defeated the NL 4-3. The last time the NL won an All Star game was in 1996. Lisa was heart broken because she really wanted the Mets to have home field advantage in the World Series this year. Insert obscene gesture and sarcastic face here. The NL was so pathetic that AL pitching retired 18 batters in a row. Joe Nathan of the Twins finally broke the streak in the 8th when he walked Adrian Gonzalez. Wait a minute…these are All Stars. Supposedly, the best of the best of the best in baseball. How do 18 players in a row not make it on base? Did the AL team have Superman pitching for them? Perhaps the Flash or Batman? Wonder Woman?
Today’s baseball notes: On Wednesday, the Phillies announced that they’ve signed Pedro Martinez to a 1 year/1 million dollar contract. We really wish that our company would sign us to a 1 year/1 million dollar contract that would consist of us working every five days and starting after the All Star Break. We’d also like to make sure that we got paid even if we spend the entire time on the DL hanging out with our midget and/or not performing well. We’re sure his charming personality will fit right in with the likes of Jimmy Rollins. Carl Crawford earned the MVP award for the All Star Game for his outstanding home run robbing catch in the 7th. Also on Wednesday, Jim Riggleman took over for the fired Manny Acta as Nationals skipper. It seems a lot of crap went down on Wednesday. According to the espn.com rumor mill, the Giants may be looking to unload Zito. Now who the hell is going to take that contract off of their hands? Oh, wait…the Mets are infamous for that.
Now that our lunch break is essentially over, we must leave and head back to our job that does not pay us $1 million/year. Next Friday, we’ll post our blog about our first trip together to the New Yankees Stadium and hopefully, our reunion with Brad Zeigler…provided we don’t get rained out again. Wish the TBB luck!
Frankie said it best when he said, “we did our blog our way (despite Ben Affleck and blogger).”